Fallen away from Church, and Christian faith.

anx66

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Hi there,
A brief bio. first. I became a Christian in 1986, but in 1987-1989, I developed a mental illness, which had a devastating effect on my life. Since then I have found it difficult to relate to people. I flip-flop between Christianity and agnosticism. Going to church a few weeks, usually finding within those weeks that people at church and myself just don't get on. In fact I get on better with people with whom I work. Then I fall away again. What do you think I should do? All I want is to be accepted as a member of the Christian family, and get on with people, but this has not been my experience. I want to be a Christian, but the church side of things is putting me off.

Love in christ

Steve C.
 

Albion

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This may sound like a flip reply, but there are a great number of good churches and each one of them has its own personality, like it or not. We probably think that they ought not vary so, but people will be people, you know. My suggestion would be not to give up even if you have had bad experiences, which I do not doubt, but keep looking.

There is almost certainly a church for you, but you may have to take a little while to search it out. I know this sounds like a tall order, but we know that you think of this as important to you, so I hope you will give it your best effort. If narrowing the list of 'possibles' is a problem, we here will be happy to try to help you sort out some of that.
 
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anx66

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It's a valid point. I know I need to find somewhere where I feel at home, so perhaps you are right and I just need to keep looking. If you could pray that God would turn my life around again, so that I would put my full trust in him. I'll keep looking and I'll keep you updated, on this thread.

many thanks
Steve C.
 
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maintenance man

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Going to church a few weeks, usually finding within those weeks that people at church and myself just don't get on. In fact I get on better with people with whom I work. Then I fall away again. What do you think I should do?

You typically have 8 hours a day to build relationships with people at work, and only a few minutes a week to build relationships with people at church. If you can find a church with a small group program, where you spend a hour or more in Bible study with a group of 10 or so, that can be helpful in building relationships. I think the best way to build relationships is in some sort of service project - then you are working together and developing relationships just like you do at work. Look for a church that also runs a food bank where you can volunteer on a regular basis, or a homeless outreach program, or any other kind of regular service project where you are working together with the same people on a regular basis.

Connecting with a particular church is really a matter of connecting with the people at that church that are like minded. You'll need to get more involved to make that happen.
 
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paul1149

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I don't have a direct answer to the problem of not getting along with various churches, except to keep trying other churches. Many of us do have problems finding the right place to worship.

But I would say that even more important would be to work on the Christian-agnostic flip/flop pattern when things go wrong in a church. I was served a heaping helping of that when I was very young in the Lord, when my first church imploded in a very ugly way. I walked away, but later realized that the Lord had stuck with me anyway, though He certainly was under no obligation to do so. My resistance melted and I came back, and that experience has been a milestone for me, to keep me from going there again whenever the going gets tough.

If you can settle on your identity being in Christ, no matter what you're going through, particularly whether you are being accepted in a church body, you will be way ahead of the game. God will be your source of comfort and strength to face your personal trials, and to overcome them. Then perhaps the right church situation will present itself.
 
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devin553344

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This may sound like a flip reply, but there are a great number of good churches and each one of them has its own personality, like it or not. We probably think that they ought not vary so, but people will be people, you know. My suggestion would be not to give up even if you have had bad experiences, which I do not doubt, but keep looking.

There is almost certainly a church for you, but you may have to take a little while to search it out. I know this sounds like a tall order, but we know that you think of this as important to you, so I hope you will give it your best effort. If narrowing the list of 'possibles' is a problem, we here will be happy to try to help you sort out some of that.

Well don't base your beliefs because someone told you to. You should base your beliefs because we have a bible which is a historical record of Jesus the Christ raising people from the dead and healing people, etc and proclaiming the resurrection of the dead. You should read the bible then. And believe the people in the bible. And then if the bible is telling you the same thing Christians are telling you then believe.
 
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anx66

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Look for a church that also runs a food bank where you can volunteer on a regular basis, or a homeless outreach program, or any other kind of regular service project where you are working together with the same people on a regular basis.

Connecting with a particular church is really a matter of connecting with the people at that church that are like minded. You'll need to get more involved to make that happen.

I worked for the food bank for a number of months, but a couple of people got angry with me, so I left, one was a manager and one was a adviser on debt. They helped people with mental health problems every day, but when someone with mental health problems was among them, they didn't know what to do. How do you connect with people when you are paranoid and think people can hear what you're thinking all the time? I've done my share of projects, setting up, steering committees etc. although, I guess if another church had the same sort of thing I could try there.
 
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You typically have 8 hours a day to build relationships with people at work, and only a few minutes a week to build relationships with people at church. If you can find a church with a small group program, where you spend a hour or more in Bible study with a group of 10 or so, that can be helpful in building relationships. I think the best way to build relationships is in some sort of service project - then you are working together and developing relationships just like you do at work. Look for a church that also runs a food bank where you can volunteer on a regular basis, or a homeless outreach program, or any other kind of regular service project where you are working together with the same people on a regular basis.

Connecting with a particular church is really a matter of connecting with the people at that church that are like minded. You'll need to get more involved to make that happen.
Yes, something like a house church which is smaller and more relationship oriented also fits well.
 
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aiki

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Hi there,
A brief bio. first. I became a Christian in 1986, but in 1987-1989, I developed a mental illness, which had a devastating effect on my life. Since then I have found it difficult to relate to people. I flip-flop between Christianity and agnosticism. Going to church a few weeks, usually finding within those weeks that people at church and myself just don't get on. In fact I get on better with people with whom I work. Then I fall away again. What do you think I should do? All I want is to be accepted as a member of the Christian family, and get on with people, but this has not been my experience. I want to be a Christian, but the church side of things is putting me off.

Love in christ

Steve C.

Christianity, at its heart, is about God, not going to church or getting on with Christians. God invites us to know Him, and in knowing Him, to come to love Him, and in loving Him, to live in a way that glorifies and honors Him. This is the sum total of why you exist. God made you for Him, not for you. Until you humble yourself under this truth, accept it, and live in accord with it, life will never be for you what God intended that it should be. But this putting yourself under God, submitting to His will and way, centering your life on Him, is actually the best way to live! In such a life, there is joy, peace, fulfillment and stability that cannot be obtained by any other means. Jesus put it this way:

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.


The way up is down in Christianity. The lower we go before God, the higher He lifts us up. Life with God is found in death to ourselves.

James 4:10
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.


1 Peter 5:6
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,


I believe that when you enter into a real, submitted relationship with God through a saving faith in Christ, the vacillations you've been having will cease and being a part of the Church will be a whole lot less annoying than it has been so far.
 
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anx66

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Yes, something like a house church which is smaller and more relationship oriented also fits well.

I'm not sure if there are any house churches where I live, and I'm not sure how I would find out. Any ideas?
 
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anx66

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I believe that when you enter into a real, submitted relationship with God through a saving faith in Christ, the vacillations you've been having will cease and being a part of the Church will be a whole lot less annoying than it has been so far.

So, you don't think I have been a real Christian Aiki, is that what you're saying?
 
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Basil the Great

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Christianity, at its heart, is about God, not going to church or getting on with Christians. God invites us to know Him, and in knowing Him, to come to love Him, and in loving Him, to live in a way that glorifies and honors Him. This is the sum total of why you exist. God made you for Him, not for you. Until you humble yourself under this truth, accept it, and live in accord with it, life will never be for you what God intended that it should be. But this putting yourself under God, submitting to His will and way, centering your life on Him, is actually the best way to live! In such a life, there is joy, peace, fulfillment and stability that cannot be obtained by any other means. Jesus put it this way:

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.


The way up is down in Christianity. The lower we go before God, the higher He lifts us up. Life is found in death to ourselves.

James 4:10
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.


1 Peter 5:6
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,


I believe that when you enter into a real, submitted relationship with God through a saving faith in Christ, the vacillations you've been having will cease and being a part of the Church will be a whole lot less annoying than it has been so far.
Your first sentence is the best one that I have read on this website in many moons!
 
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aiki

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So, you don't think I have been a real Christian Aiki, is that what you're saying?

Well, what does Scripture say? It offers a number of criteria by which a person can assess for him/herself where they stand with God. Here are some of them:

1. A love for the brethren. (1 John 2:10; 1 John 3:14)
2. A love for God. (1 John 4:16-19)
3. A love of God's word (Jeremiah 15:16; Matthew 4:4)
4. Conviction concerning one's sin. (John 16:8)
5. Illumination of God's truth. (John 14:26)
6. The inner witness of God's Spirit. (Romans 8:16)
7. The development of the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 5:9)

And so on. Well, how do you stack up against this list? Is God in you? Are you born-again by His Spirit? If so, every one of these points should get a confident "Yes" from you.
 
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anx66

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I think showing the love of Christ is a good start.

Do you make conversation with people? Is there a fellowship hall for coffee after the service? Do you invite people out to lunch or over to your home? Being a friend takes effort.

There were a couple of people I used to go out for coffee with, but one has become very ill and can't see me at the moment. The other friendship dissolved, as we worked different shifts, and his life is much to busy to fit in any kind of activity. The problem though is large gatherings of people, they seem to throw me. Church environments cause me anxiety, due to the symptoms of my M.H. issue. I sort of zone out in big meetings. The more people, the more zoned out I get.
 
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anx66

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Your first sentence is the best one that I have read on this website in many moons!
It is about God, but it also about people. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and your neighbour as yourself. So, church is about both things. I don't think it's one or the other, but both things.
 
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anx66

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Well, what does Scripture say? It offers a number of criteria by which a person can assess for him/herself where they stand with God. Here are some of them:

1. A love for the brethren. (1 John 2:10; 1 John 3:14)
2. A love for God. (1 John 4:16-19)
3. A love of God's word (Jeremiah 15:16; Matthew 4:4)
4. Conviction concerning one's sin. (John 16:8)
5. Illumination of God's truth. (John 14:26)
6. The inner witness of God's Spirit. (Romans 8:16)
7. The development of the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 5:9)

And so on. Well, how do you stack up against this list? Is God in you? Are you born-again by His Spirit? If so, every one of these points should get a confident "Yes" from you.

Which are you telling me I lack or have lacked Aiki?

In my time I have loved my brethren, putting them first, that before myself.
I have loved God and his word.
I've had a conviction of my sin.
I've recognised God's truth, as God has pointed it out to me in the word.
I've recognised the inner witness of the spirit.
Only others can tell me whether I have produced any fruit.

So, which one are you saying I have never had?
 
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