I realize that the church is more than a building, I know it's the body of Christ; as a result it doesn't where the body of Christ meets.
However I basically feel forgotten. I have a cell phone, but I honestly don't know why I have it: the only phone calls I get are spam calls (about paying off student loans) and my cell phone provider reminding me that my bill is due. Other than those calls, nobody ever calls me.
I am tired of receiving the typical suggestions. These typical suggestions are:
*Go to a small group/lifegroup (a.k.a. a Bible study)
*Try doing volunteer work
*Get involved with a local church
I AM going to a local church AND I AM going to weekly Bible study. Unfortunately, fellowship at my church is centered around church stuff (the aforementioned Bible study and church on Sundays) but the fellowship doesn't carry over into real life. If I didn't go to church on Sundays and didn't go to Bible study during the week, I wouldn't see anybody from my church in real life, because as I said, fellowship at my church is relegated to the aforementioned church stuff.
I have chronic depression and have suffered with it since I was 17 (34 now). It's true that volunteering would somewhat alleviate my depression and I do volunteer weekly at the humane society (I pet and cuddle cats; the socializing helps get them used to humans for when they're adopted). However the reality is that most people my age are married, living on their own and providing for their families via working at a job. I'm an older single and spend most of my time alone. Any volunteer work I do, I'd be doing by myself. I don't mind doing volunteer work alone in and of itself. However when you do everything by yourself it becomes very lonely and very depressing, and I pretty much do everything by myself.
I am also struggling in regards to making friends with Christians. Pretty much every Christian friend I've ever befriended, I do all the work from a communication standpoint; if I don't initiate I don't hear from them. I don't have an issue initiating in and of itself; the problem I have is when I am doing all the work with communicating, and they never take the initiative to reciprocate with communicating.
I also don't expect the friendship to monopolize all their time nor do I expect it to monopolize their lives as I understand they have their own lives. I'd be content if they would just initiate once a week with a call, text, or sending me a message via facebook, but I don't even get THAT much.
To me with a friendship, it's a two-way street with communication; both people in the friendship should be initiating with communication and it's not fair to stick one person with the work with communicating in a friendship. I expect a friend to initiate with communication cause that's what I think should happen in a real friendship, and I get accused of 'you're having an entitlement mentality'.
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I am tired of reaching out and trying to make friendships/social connections when when I do I get stuck doing all the work in regards to communicating. I am tired of doing everything by myself and I am very frustrated with fellowship at my church being relegated to the aforementioned church stuff. Unfortunately the problem with fellowship being centered around church stuff (Bible study, church on Sundays) and not carrying over into real life isn't just exclusive to my church, it's a problem in mainstream Christian culture as a whole, at least in the United States.
I don't trust that when I make new friends that anything is going to change. Why should I believe and trust that a new friend I make is going to actually initiate with contact, when literally every friend I've ever made I do all the work with communicating. Different people feel loved in different ways and for me it's quality time; if you cannot take 5 minutes to initiate with communicating with the friendship you have with me, then no I don't think you care about me as a person, nor do I think you care about my life.
People ask 'what am I going to do about it'? The reality is that I don't know what the solution is. However I know two things to be true:
1.I cannot even begin to make improvements with this fellowship issue without God's help.
2.Sadly most Christians in America don't see fellowship only being centered around church stuff and not carrying over into real life as an issue; they're content with the fellowship setup the way it currently is. The truth is that since they don't see it as a problem to begin with they're not going to try and make changes towards a solution. However I look at the new church and how fellowship was intertwined into daily life, and I look at fellowship in mainstream Christianity here in the United States, and realize there IS an issue with the way fellowship is in the United States.
3. This is such a major issue that it's going to take more than one person to make changes with this. I am only one person, and yes I can 'be the change I wish to see in the world' however the reality is I AM ONLY ONE PERSON, and sometimes an issue is so big that it takes more than one person to fix it and such is the case with this problem.
I have become really 'hung up' with this because I could deal with it from people from the secular world, it's the type of treatment I'd expect to receive. However I thought when I became saved I would find my niche in church, and find a place where I feel I truly belong. However I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in for as long as I can remember, and I don't even feel like there's a place for me even in the body of Christ. The reality is that most of my congregation is made up of married people raising young families and the others are retirees. Most people my age are raising families and working jobs to provide for those families. I am not, so while I feel accepted, I don't feel included. Most Christians at my church also don't struggle with depression, at least not chronically; depression varies in severity and somebody who has never had depression or who has only had a mild form of it IS NOT going to be able to relate to somebody who struggles with it chronically because chronic depression is completely different than mild depression and effects you more badly than mild depression does.
