Super Meanie Genie!

Granted. A palanquin carried by 6 men in loin cloths will be there to embarrassingly pick you up.

I wish my child would not talk constantly.

Granted. Your child will now SING constantly.

I wish spring would hurry up and get here.

Granted, the Earth's axial tilt has gone haywire to bring spring earlier, unleashing massive climate shifts, floods, hurricanes, etc. and disrupts the magnetic field resulting in the failure of all electronics.

I wish for better days.

Sure, you have halcyon days, but hellish nights being tormented by demons.

I wish I could speed read and recall everything I've read.

Granted. You are now tormented by recalling poorly written, overwrought verbiage and silly plots - every bad piece of writing you have ever encountered will continuously come to mind.

I wish for a full English breakfast every day.

Granted, but you gain one pound/half a kilo for each one eaten.

I wish I could live on San Miguel island, Azores.

Granted, but thanks to global changing climate warmth, your house is submerged.

I wish for the endless summer.

Granted, but you don't have any swim trunks.

I wish I could go on vacation next month.

Granted. Here is your plane ticket to Somalia.

I wish all the junk in the basement was out of my life.

Granted, your house is now sitting on a sinkhole.

I wish plumbers were on time

Granted. But in exchange the cable guy will be late each and every time.

I wish for a lot of snow!

granted
we've just exchanged living spaces; happy shoveling and pls pick up the frozen dog poos, lol




wish I could eat anything w/o gaining an ounce

Granted. Instead of gaining ounces you'll gain kilograms.

I wish for a new mattress.

You got it, but the mattress factory had a bed bug infestation.

I wish I were able to get tan.

Granted, go to Punta Cana, but take a good tanning lotion and don't spend too much time in the sun!

I would like to spend a holiday in Greenland

Granted - the far northern part, on a merciless glacier.

I wish I owned an orchard, free and clear.

Granted. Your orchard is free and clear of all plant life, i.e. a desert.

I wish for my home and neighbourhood to be the same, but with a different climate.

Granted. Your home and neighborhood are now completely enclosed in a climate-controlled biosphere. I've also installed video cameras everywhere you can possibly go to record every moment of your life for the televised entertainment of others. Ladies and gentlemen, The LaSorcia Show!

I want to be the winningest Jeopardy contestant ever.

Granted. You had the best victory of any contestant, but the company immediately went broke and you collected no winnings.

I wish my child were quiet for 5 minutes straight.

Granted, your child will be quiet for 5 minutes straight while child's best friend talks up a storm in those 5 minutes.

I wish for a bottle of shampoo. We ran out!