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He acts like nothing happened (kinda long)

kbee125

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It's been 8 months since I told my mom that my stepfather had been touching me inappropriately. My mom believed me and had a talk with him. Unfortunately, I don't think she handled the situation correctly. Instead of addressing the issue (the inappropriate touching) she just told him that affection makes me uncomfortable because the men in my family are not affectionate and blahblahblah (a bunch of bs), so to please stop because she hates seeing me upset. My stepfather apologized and said he understood. What a liar.


Anyway, I tried to forgive him. And I almost did, but the fact that he still acts like nothing happened drives me insane. It's making me question if maybe he really was just being "affectionate". Here is what happened:

A few months after him and my mom got married we started getting really close. Since I was now his daughter, he started asking me for hugs and kisses. At first I was like, "Can we just do high-fives?", but he insisted that he deserved hugs and kisses so I went along with it.

Every night when my mom was not around he would ask me for his hug and kiss. He would always make me stand up because for some reason they weren't good enough sitting down. So I would stand up and we would hug and then he would kiss my cheek.

I started to notice that during the hugs he would put his hand under my shirt. At first he would just rub my back, but as the days passed he started putting his hand over my bra on my breast. Of course I thought that was really odd, but he acted like it was no big deal so I never said anything. Then one night he actually put his hand UNDER my bra and on my breast. I was so freaked out that I froze. Again my stepdad acted like it was no big deal. The next day I told my mom and she had that talk with him.

Since then he has asked me for more hugs, but I always say no. He also pinched my breast one day like it was an ok thing to do, but I gave him the stink eye and I think he got scared.

I just don't understand him. Sometimes he's really nice and fatherly. Then other times he does stuff like that. I guess I should mention that he thinks I'm really naive. Could he be using that to his advantage? Shame on him if he is. I wonder if he'll ever apologize. Maybe he thinks he did nothing wrong.

Can anyone recommended me any Bible verses to help me deal with this? I would greatly appreciate it.
 
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mmksparbud

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Don't expect an apology--they don't think they do anything wrong, they talk themselves into believing they are just showing love, no matter how far they go.
My father said he was doing what all fathers do--just teaching me how to be a woman--it started at 9 yrs old--only because I wasn't around until then. He never did apologize, but I learned to forgive him anyway. He took my childhood, he is not taking the rest of my life.
Your stepdad is very inappropriate and make no mistake about it. You mother is just not wanting to see reality. Forgive her,too and stay as far from him as you can and if he triesagain, tell him you will report him to the authorities. He's taking advantage of your innocence and is what they call--"grooming" you. Does he drink or take drugs?? If yes--more danger! If you can't keep him away than be prepared to speak up--back in my time, we didn't have that option. I wouldn't have even dared bring it up on a forum (of course, we didn't have computers and forums back then!) Forgive, but keep your boxing gloves on!!
 
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kbee125

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Thank you for the replies.


@mmksparbud

Wow! I'm sorry you went through that. 9 years old? That's sick. I can't believe he never apologized. But good for you for forgiving him!

I should have mentioned that I was 23 when that was happening. I think that's why my mom didn't take it more seriously. It's still not right because he's supposed to be a father figure. I forgive my mom for being blinded by love.

I've read up on "grooming" and I agree that that was what he was doing. No he doesn't drink or take drugs. Thank God. I'll definitely be keeping my boxing gloves on just in case!
 
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Dave-W

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Oy!!

At 23 I would suggest you file a police report on him.

Are you still living at home with your mom and him? If so then talk to your mother first and tell her what you are planning on doing. A restraining order may come from that which would mean he could not live there anymore.

From what I have seen, those things do not just go away. My mom had a step dad who was the same way. After she left home for college, he went after her kid sister, my aunt. Unless something drastic happens in his life, it will happen again with you or someone else.
 
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kbee125

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Oy!!

At 23 I would suggest you file a police report on him.

Are you still living at home with your mom and him? If so then talk to your mother first and tell her what you are planning on doing. A restraining order may come from that which would mean he could not live there anymore.

From what I have seen, those things do not just go away. My mom had a step dad who was the same way. After she left home for college, he went after her kid sister, my aunt. Unless something drastic happens in his life, it will happen again with you or someone else.

Hello :)

Everything is good now. My mom confronted him about it and he didn't deny it. He told me he was wrong and asked me for forgiveness.

I have forgiven him and I am at peace with it. Trust is another story. He has to earn that and that could take a lifetime.

I don't think we will ever do it again because now he knows that my mom will call him out.
 
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Dave-W

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That sounds good, but keep an eye on him because I can almost guarantee he will try it again with someone else.

The only way to prevent that from happening is for him to get some serious therapy.
 
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