• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

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derpytia

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It's been five years since I got tinnitus due to massive hearing loss and it just keeps getting worse. I have wanted to die for five years since and I'm done waiting on something to get better. I have no strength left. It's Christmas and I can't be joyful about what Jesus has done for me because it doesn't help me in the now. Jesus' life and death don't do anything to save me from my current situation and nothing will. God didn't protect me when I asked him too over these past five years. I have no joy in life. I can't function like a normal person. Disability benefits are denied to me. No counselor I've seen seems to understand. All the work I do for the nonprofit support forums for people with tinnitus just seems to be for nothing. I want to end my life so badly even if it will cause people I love pain.

Sometimes love just isn't enough. Love can't take the pain away and love doesn't make it bearable.

I wish I could just end it all. I want the pain to stop but it just increases. God just watches me and doesn't do anything. I don't think He actually cares that much about me.

I don't deserve this. I don't care how sinful I am. I don't deserve this kind of torture and pain. I don't deserve it at all! I have never done anything in my life to deserve this.
 

yeshuaslavejeff

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Sometimes the medicine given for the pain, after 3 months to 2 years taking it, causes the pain.
Find a good practitioner in the health field who can test and see what is wrong, maybe through a support group if there is one, of people who have been helped with this.
It's possible a site like cure zone dot com might have some ideas you haven't thought of - I don't know, but keep seeking until you find , and don't give up hope....
 
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UnprofitableServant

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It's been five years since I got tinnitus due to massive hearing loss and it just keeps getting worse. I have wanted to die for five years since and I'm done waiting on something to get better. I have no strength left. It's Christmas and I can't be joyful about what Jesus has done for me because it doesn't help me in the now. Jesus' life and death don't do anything to save me from my current situation and nothing will. God didn't protect me when I asked him too over these past five years. I have no joy in life. I can't function like a normal person. Disability benefits are denied to me. No counselor I've seen seems to understand. All the work I do for the nonprofit support forums for people with tinnitus just seems to be for nothing. I want to end my life so badly even if it will cause people I love pain.

Sometimes love just isn't enough. Love can't take the pain away and love doesn't make it bearable.

I wish I could just end it all. I want the pain to stop but it just increases. God just watches me and doesn't do anything. I don't think He actually cares that much about me.

I don't deserve this. I don't care how sinful I am. I don't deserve this kind of torture and pain. I don't deserve it at all! I have never done anything in my life to deserve this.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you are going through a confusing time and you are seeking for help. I don't have all the answers, and what I say may not be what you want to hear; but I think you need to hear it.

It sounds like you put yourself in a state of condemnation. This is where we put all the focus on ourselves and forget those around us so we tell ourselves that what we are going through is so bad no one else can understand. It may be true that people may not be able to understand the pain that you are going through, I am not going to write and pretend that I do either, but I think this state of mind you are putting yourself in is causing you to lose the bigger vision of why God put you hear on this planet.

We are called to endure trial and tribulation for the sake of the gospel. Every-bodies tribulation may be different from others, some more worse than others, but that is what we are called to do. Now, is this unfair for God to do this? Yes, if He didn't ALSO go through the same trial and tribulation Himself. Not only did He go through it, but He did it for people that doesn't deserve it. That includes me and... you. This idea that you don't deserve what you are dealing with is, to me, just a way to run away from what you are facing and not taking it on. It sounds like you have been trying for the past 5 years, but I question how much of that has been surrounded by your own self loathing? As I mentioned, this may not be what you want to hear, but I don't think talk that Jesus does love you and care for you is what your spirit NEEDS. What you need is to hear the truth. Nothing less and nothing more.

There are people that suffered a lot worse conditions than you are dealing with, yet in their case, they didn't have anything to do with it. Kids in Africa that grow up in conditions that can't support them, so they die of starvation or disease. Kids that grow up as a sex slave getting past around for years, then left for dead.

Do you really believe that you don't deserve what is happening to you at the moment? We all feel that way at one point or another. Even me, I was born with a tumor in my thigh, and I still live with it today. I am twenty and already showing signs of arthritis in my hands and feet. These are all things that I can make a case against God and tell Him just how unfair and unloving He is to me. But then again, is that true? Something to think about.

Now, why am I saying all this? What is the truth that I want you to see?

We all are dealing with issues in our lives that seem so big that God Himself can't help us with it. But, that is a lie. God is there and willing to help us, but the fact that He has allowed what is happening to you to get to this point is not because he doesn't care for you. Oh No! On the contrary; when He looks at you He sees someone strong enough to take and endure through what the devil is doing to try and make you lose your faith. God won't give you more than you can take, and He will also give you a way out. I believe your way out will be the testimony that you will be for those that get to the same mindset that you are currently in.

Imagine that for a second... 5 more years down the line and you are still struggling with tinnitus, but is is bareable and livable. Then, someone writes on this forum or in a forum about this saying the same things that you are saying now. Imagine being able to write and say to them," look... I know where you're coming from. I've been in the exact same position you are in right now; and I am here to tell you, that it DOES get easier. You can pull through. If I can do it, then you can do it." Imagine this person you tell this to then breaks down in tears and tells you," that is exactly what I needed to hear, and I am so thankful to God that HE sent YOU to tell me these things, so I can hold onto my faith to God, because my faith was wavering." Imagine how you will feel to know that your testimony helped keep one more from losing their faith in God...

Imagine that feeling for a second... and compare that to how you are feeling now. Both feelings are under your control and you can have one but not the other. Which one will you choose?

I pray you make the right choice.

In peace and love
 
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derpytia

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Sometimes the medicine given for the pain, after 3 months to 2 years taking it, causes the pain.
Find a good practitioner in the health field who can test and see what is wrong, maybe through a support group if there is one, of people who have been helped with this.
It's possible a site like cure zone dot com might have some ideas you haven't thought of - I don't know, but keep seeking until you find , and don't give up hope....

I know you mean well and I appreciate your intentions but you are giving advice on a condition you know nothing about nor understand. There is no cure. No treatment either. There is nothing for us unhappy tinnitus sufferers. If there were we wouldn't have people with tinnitus committing suicide every year.
 
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derpytia

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I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you are going through a confusing time and you are seeking for help. I don't have all the answers, and what I say may not be what you want to hear; but I think you need to hear it.

It sounds like you put yourself in a state of condemnation. This is where we put all the focus on ourselves and forget those around us so we tell ourselves that what we are going through is so bad no one else can understand. It may be true that people may not be able to understand the pain that you are going through, I am not going to write and pretend that I do either, but I think this state of mind you are putting yourself in is causing you to lose the bigger vision of why God put you hear on this planet.

We are called to endure trial and tribulation for the sake of the gospel. Every-bodies tribulation may be different from others, some more worse than others, but that is what we are called to do. Now, is this unfair for God to do this? Yes, if He didn't ALSO go through the same trial and tribulation Himself. Not only did He go through it, but He did it for people that doesn't deserve it. That includes me and... you. This idea that you don't deserve what you are dealing with is, to me, just a way to run away from what you are facing and not taking it on. It sounds like you have been trying for the past 5 years, but I question how much of that has been surrounded by your own self loathing? As I mentioned, this may not be what you want to hear, but I don't think talk that Jesus does love you and care for you is what your spirit NEEDS. What you need is to hear the truth. Nothing less and nothing more.

There are people that suffered a lot worse conditions than you are dealing with, yet in their case, they didn't have anything to do with it. Kids in Africa that grow up in conditions that can't support them, so they die of starvation or disease. Kids that grow up as a sex slave getting past around for years, then left for dead.

Do you really believe that you don't deserve what is happening to you at the moment? We all feel that way at one point or another. Even me, I was born with a tumor in my thigh, and I still live with it today. I am twenty and already showing signs of arthritis in my hands and feet. These are all things that I can make a case against God and tell Him just how unfair and unloving He is to me. But then again, is that true? Something to think about.

Now, why am I saying all this? What is the truth that I want you to see?

We all are dealing with issues in our lives that seem so big that God Himself can't help us with it. But, that is a lie. God is there and willing to help us, but the fact that He has allowed what is happening to you to get to this point is not because he doesn't care for you. Oh No! On the contrary; when He looks at you He sees someone strong enough to take and endure through what the devil is doing to try and make you lose your faith. God won't give you more than you can take, and He will also give you a way out. I believe your way out will be the testimony that you will be for those that get to the same mindset that you are currently in.

Imagine that for a second... 5 more years down the line and you are still struggling with tinnitus, but is is bareable and livable. Then, someone writes on this forum or in a forum about this saying the same things that you are saying now. Imagine being able to write and say to them," look... I know where you're coming from. I've been in the exact same position you are in right now; and I am here to tell you, that it DOES get easier. You can pull through. If I can do it, then you can do it." Imagine this person you tell this to then breaks down in tears and tells you," that is exactly what I needed to hear, and I am so thankful to God that HE sent YOU to tell me these things, so I can hold onto my faith to God, because my faith was wavering." Imagine how you will feel to know that your testimony helped keep one more from losing their faith in God...

Imagine that feeling for a second... and compare that to how you are feeling now. Both feelings are under your control and you can have one but not the other. Which one will you choose?

I pray you make the right choice.

In peace and love

Believe me, I've been up, down, forwards, backwards, side to side, and upside down with this condition. To say these words to me, though you mean well and do with with good intent, cheapens not only my suffering but the suffering of those who also suffer in the exact same way I do.

I did not deserve to get tinnitus. Not a single tinnitus sufferer who I have counseled, worked with, and talked to has ever done a single thing in their life to deserve tinnitus. We DO NOT deserve to suffer like this especially if we were already saved by Christ (and many of us are Christians). There is no sin that tinnitus is the punishment for. It is simply meaningless and endless torture.

We are told on almost a daily basis from society, family, friends, bosses, and even doctors that we're either making it up, that we aren't tough enough, or that we should shut up about our suffering. We have people who have ended their life just to escape the torture; people we cared about very much and tried to keep alive.

I know God loves me and cares that I am in so much pain and anguish. But, sometimes God's love for us isn't enough to keep us alive. God's love doesn't always put food on the table, doesn't cure illnesses, and doesn't save a life. Sometimes it just doesn't and I refuse to believe that that is because someone just didn't try hard enough or didn't have enough faith. Sometimes holding onto hope for so long and seeing no improvement despite all the best efforts produces nothing but misery. I have been pleading to and begging God for five years to at the the very least give me relief in my agony. None has come. Only worsening agony. I am a child of God but sometimes, that status is just not enough.

Just as a child does not deserve to be raped and killed, we do not deserve to have tinnitus so severe that it ruins our earthly lives to the point of death.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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Of the 2,000,000 severe sufferers , some have found some relief via b12 and ginko biloba, from their doctors adjusted doses for one to two months.

Others , a few, where helped by chiropractors or acupuncture.

Were you aware of this, and find a doctor willing to try to help these ways ?
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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I know you mean well and I appreciate your intentions but you are giving advice on a condition you know nothing about nor understand. There is no cure. No treatment either. There is nothing for us unhappy tinnitus sufferers. If there were we wouldn't have people with tinnitus committing suicide every year.
In over 30 years studying, I found that a lot has been accomplished that is not generally known or not shared, and not even by licensed doctors and specialists. A woman went all across the usa at her own expense to find help for lupus, and found no help; then went to europe, and within a year was cured. Simply, not by drugs, but nutrition method used in Europe by doctors. Others with ms are usually told nothing can be done... unless they find out on their own. and so on.....
 
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Lucian Hodoboc

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Have you considered working with a naturopathic doctor? Using herbs, teas and diet may alleviate the symptoms. Stay strong! The suffering will end. There's no need to think about taking your life. God gives all of us challenges and someday we will rejoice when He will tell us, "well done, faithful servant", in Paradise. God bless you!
 
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derpytia

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Of the 2,000,000 severe sufferers , some have found some relief via b12 and ginko biloba, from their doctors adjusted doses for one to two months.

Others , a few, where helped by chiropractors or acupuncture.

Were you aware of this, and find a doctor willing to try to help these ways ?

Again, I have had tinnitus for five years. Do you not think that I have tried everything? That's a silly question.
 
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derpytia

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Have you considered working with a naturopathic doctor? Using herbs, teas and diet may alleviate the symptoms. Stay strong! The suffering will end. There's no need to think about taking your life. God gives all of us challenges and someday we will rejoice when He will tell us, "well done, faithful servant", in Paradise. God bless you!

Again, I have had tinnitus for five years. There is pretty much nothing that I or someone else like me hasn't tried. I reiterate, there is NO CURE and NO TREATMENT available that has been proven effective for tinnitus due to hearing loss. Everything else is just placebo effect. The suffering does not end until death.
 
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Lucian Hodoboc

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Again, I have had tinnitus for five years. There is pretty much nothing that I or someone else like me hasn't tried. I reiterate, there is NO CURE and NO TREATMENT available that has been proven effective for tinnitus due to hearing loss. Everything else is just placebo effect. The suffering does not end until death.
Allow me to respectfully disagree, but I highly doubt that. I can tell you at least 5 things you have not tried and probably have not even heard about, that might offer you some alleviation for your symptoms. I never stated that it will completely cure it, but it will make it more tolerable.
 
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(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)

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It's been five years since I got tinnitus due to massive hearing loss and it just keeps getting worse. I have wanted to die for five years since and I'm done waiting on something to get better. I have no strength left. It's Christmas and I can't be joyful about what Jesus has done for me because it doesn't help me in the now. Jesus' life and death don't do anything to save me from my current situation and nothing will. God didn't protect me when I asked him too over these past five years. I have no joy in life. I can't function like a normal person. Disability benefits are denied to me. No counselor I've seen seems to understand. All the work I do for the nonprofit support forums for people with tinnitus just seems to be for nothing. I want to end my life so badly even if it will cause people I love pain.

Sometimes love just isn't enough. Love can't take the pain away and love doesn't make it bearable.

I wish I could just end it all. I want the pain to stop but it just increases. God just watches me and doesn't do anything. I don't think He actually cares that much about me.

I don't deserve this. I don't care how sinful I am. I don't deserve this kind of torture and pain. I don't deserve it at all! I have never done anything in my life to deserve this.

Listen, I don't know you and I cannot begin to imagine the pain and suffering you are currently going through. I am not even going to pretend that I know. What I do know is that there is a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live anymore. You don't want to die, but you cannot live with the pain and suffering anymore. You want help but you are beginning to give up hope that help exists.

So this is what I want you to do right now. If you are still reading this post, stop! Stop reading and call a crisis help line. Below is a link to a crisis help line. Call them now. We are all praying for you.

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BNR32FAN

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It's been five years since I got tinnitus due to massive hearing loss and it just keeps getting worse. I have wanted to die for five years since and I'm done waiting on something to get better. I have no strength left. It's Christmas and I can't be joyful about what Jesus has done for me because it doesn't help me in the now. Jesus' life and death don't do anything to save me from my current situation and nothing will. God didn't protect me when I asked him too over these past five years. I have no joy in life. I can't function like a normal person. Disability benefits are denied to me. No counselor I've seen seems to understand. All the work I do for the nonprofit support forums for people with tinnitus just seems to be for nothing. I want to end my life so badly even if it will cause people I love pain.

Sometimes love just isn't enough. Love can't take the pain away and love doesn't make it bearable.

I wish I could just end it all. I want the pain to stop but it just increases. God just watches me and doesn't do anything. I don't think He actually cares that much about me.

I don't deserve this. I don't care how sinful I am. I don't deserve this kind of torture and pain. I don't deserve it at all! I have never done anything in my life to deserve this.

Keep your eye on the prize my friend. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and I can’t imagine how hard it is for you. Keep in mind that death in unrepentance will only put you in a place of a never ending worse torment. I wish I could give you better words of comfort my friend but I know nothing I could say to you would ease your suffering. Just know that the pain will ONLY go away if you stay the course. Think about the all time you will have in heaven free from all pain for all eternity and try to think about how you would feel at that time looking back at this time. At that time this time here on earth will seem so insignificant compared to the overwhelming joy you will experience forever. My heart and my prayers are with you friend.
 
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BNR32FAN

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It's been five years since I got tinnitus due to massive hearing loss and it just keeps getting worse. I have wanted to die for five years since and I'm done waiting on something to get better. I have no strength left. It's Christmas and I can't be joyful about what Jesus has done for me because it doesn't help me in the now. Jesus' life and death don't do anything to save me from my current situation and nothing will. God didn't protect me when I asked him too over these past five years. I have no joy in life. I can't function like a normal person. Disability benefits are denied to me. No counselor I've seen seems to understand. All the work I do for the nonprofit support forums for people with tinnitus just seems to be for nothing. I want to end my life so badly even if it will cause people I love pain.

Sometimes love just isn't enough. Love can't take the pain away and love doesn't make it bearable.

I wish I could just end it all. I want the pain to stop but it just increases. God just watches me and doesn't do anything. I don't think He actually cares that much about me.

I don't deserve this. I don't care how sinful I am. I don't deserve this kind of torture and pain. I don't deserve it at all! I have never done anything in my life to deserve this.

Have you looked into trying CBD or cannibas? Some say it helps some say it makes it worse. The effects seem to differ from person to person. From what I’ve been reading there hasn’t been much study on it.
 
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Southernscotty

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I am so sorry, I do understand many things, the apostle Paul said he had a thorn in his side and ask for it to be removed [Perhaps his eyes?] But God reminded Paul that His grace was sufficient.
Maybe these things are a way of humbling us to be thankful for what Jesus has done for us? IDK but I am so sorry that you are suffering and will pray for you.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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Again, I have had tinnitus for five years. Do you not think that I have tried everything? That's a silly question.
Not at all silly. I doubt if you have heard of everything, let alone tried everything .....
It is not easy finding the truth today. The system , government and education and medical and financial and religious , is not set up for our benefit, and the truth is not valued by the systems - the truth is hated.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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The most difficult thing to find is an accurate assessment. Very rare indeed , and most valuable, is the doctor who knows what test (not ama) to do to verity what toxins are present, what deficiencies, what imbalances throughout the 'terrain'.....

Realize yes, that perhaps nothing besides effective prayer will help....
and the suffering we have to endure for years without knowing why....
(it took seven years of searching, and hundreds of doctors in several states, various hospitals, and clinics, for us to get a true diagnosis, and then HALLELUYAH! because just having a true diagnosis , just knowing what was going on, was a TREMENDOUS RELIEF! Before that, the pain was unending, and no one offered anything but very temporary help at best, and often made it worse ! Yes, we knew/know "the system" and how hard it is to deal with... )

We are not trying to be unsympathetic here , there is only so much that can be conveyed on this forum, and .... even in person, can be difficult
as you know very well, and very difficult, for years....

Right now "HOUSE" is on the tv - it just came on at 10, a few minutes ago. It's an episode where the pain Dr.House is experiencing is being "explored", as everyone around him, all his colleagues and boss and other specialists/authorities are
trying to be helpful
but no one really knows what to do - the pain goes on, and on, and on ...

(dead tissue or dead muscle in his thigh cannot be removed without big risk he doesn't want to take - the consequences are extremely severe)

and so (on the show) he lives with the pain and gets hooked on narcotics and eventually is punished legally, suffers through detox, and still does not have relief for the never-ending-pain in his leg.....

Helpful? Hopeful? ..... He keeps solving medical mysteries for his patients.
------------------------------------------------------------------

TWO MILLION people are reported in the USA to have the painful medical mystery of tinnitus.

I get that. And I know from experience how painful ongoing pain with no known relief is. My brother had unending neuritis and there was little he could do .... being poor, a lot of possible helps were not available....
the 'system' isn't set up to help with "comfort" - the system will do what it is set up for, even if it costs thousands and thousands of dollars,
but if ten dollars , if one hundred dollars , is all the relief would cost,
that is not available. Or should I say that was not available. My brother, younger than I by ten years, passed away a couple months ago.

========================================

By now I expect perhaps 3 other people , at least, who had tinnitus have learned or know about your tinnitus. Will they be able to help somehow ?
I don't know.
How many different methods will it take just searching for help ?
I don't know.
Is there enough money for all that is needed ?
I don't know.
Are we all guessing ?
I don't know.
Are we all praying ?
I hope so.

(I feel like we all as Christians in the USA need to experience and learn what true compassion is every day, and live compassionately.
I'm sorry that's so rare)
 
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I'm so sorry. I don't have Tinnitus (have had brief bouts), but I had inner ear drainage issues and I know the frustration of treatment for ear conditions. I was astonished after research and reading other's attempts with these conditions with the ear that there is very little medical treatment actually available that works for some of them. I read the journey of one family where the man had also become suicidal, but a coincidence when they had to travel to another state for a family meeting, his tinnitus cleared up with a different altitude. I'm not saying this works for all cases since there are different origins, but he ended up moving and selling their house and leaving everything behind for this cure. You never know if something may work, or sometimes it will clear up on its own (my ear had issues for six years and is mainly fine right now), but I sympathize and know that other people's responses are frustrating. My boss would irritate me all the time about it despite me trying to explain repeatably that it's not a simple fix and nothing had worked. I will say a prayer for you and feel free to continue ranting here when you need to.
 
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derpytia

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I'm so sorry. I don't have Tinnitus (have had brief bouts), but I had inner ear drainage issues and I know the frustration of treatment for ear conditions. I was astonished after research and reading other's attempts with these conditions with the ear that there is very little medical treatment actually available that works for some of them. I read the journey of one family where the man had also become suicidal, but a coincidence when they had to travel to another state for a family meeting, his tinnitus cleared up with a different altitude. I'm not saying this works for all cases since there are different origins, but he ended up moving and selling their house and leaving everything behind for this cure. You never know if something may work, or sometimes it will clear up on its own (my ear had issues for six years and is mainly fine right now), but I sympathize and know that other people's responses are frustrating. My boss would irritate me all the time about it despite me trying to explain repeatably that it's not a simple fix and nothing had worked. I will say a prayer for you and feel free to continue ranting here when you need to.

This is honestly the most genuine, empathetic, and kindest response to this thread (or any thread) that I've gotten on this site. Thank you so much. I wish I felt comfortable enough to rant and cry on here but it just seems like every time I do I'm met with people who think I'm just not having enough faith, that I'm sinning and need to repent better, or that I haven't tried everything yet. At the end of the day, posting about my troubles on here (even on my CF blog) just gets me a bunch of responses that are basically a slap in the face. I rarely ever get a response like yours. You're the first person who actually has said to me that it's okay to make those posts and the first person who has essentially told me it's okay to feel this way.

Thank you so much once again.
 
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JCFantasy23

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I'm glad I was able to make your day a little bit brighter with my response. I think an issue is that with so many medical advancements for the rest of the body, people assume so much is easily cleared up, but with the ear I swear that doesn't seem to be the case! Like I said, I was surprised by all the stories and medical articles when researching for my own annoying ear issues. This definitely doesn't have anything to do with your faith - some of the most faithful are born with horrible medical conditions.

You're the first person who actually has said to me that it's okay to make those posts and the first person who has essentially told me it's okay to feel this way.

I'm sorry if you've run into some posts on here that you didn't find edifying. To me one of the best things about having an online Christian forum is to have a place to come together to not only learn and fellowship, debate, but also just share life's miseries and struggles with other Christians for support. I hope you stick around :)
 
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