Coming for Advice

rjozen said:

Hello, my name is Rachel. I recently celebrated my one year anniversary with my husband. He is a new Christian (baptized a few months ago), and even though I have been a Christian my whole life I sometimes struggle. I searched for a Christian forum like this online because he has a son with an ex-girlfriend, and she is an awful person. There is no custody arrangement, visitation is when she says so. My husband and I do not have enough money to take her to court. She hates me, and I am struggling not to feel the same way. I tried to pray for her today and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know God knows all the nasty things I've said/thought about her, and so I feel fake when I try to pray for her. I'm here looking for advice.

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Take a low profile in regard to the child. Don't go with your husband when he picks up or brings back the child. Don't say anything bad about the mother when the child is around.

You are, obviously, going to be involved in this situation for a long time. But let your husband be the one who deals with the mother.

Ask your husband to deal with his family. Be careful around her. Pray for both of them. That is all you can do. Avoid unnecessary family drama.
Do you have a lawyer or not? They can help you figure out what to do with the child.

Welcome to the forums Rachel!

rjozen said:

I tried to pray for her today and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

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The advice above to simply stay away from her as much as possible is a good approach. When you pray for her, try to understand she is the way she is because of this fallen world and somewhere behind all the barriers she has built to deal with this world is God's creation. Pray that her walls come down and she is able to see Jesus.

Hi

Nice to meet you.

Sorry you’re in such a rough situation. It’s good you’re trying to pray for her though. Maybe try also praying for yourself, that God could help you with your feelings toward her?

Hello and welcome

Hello and welcome to CF.

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties, but it's good that you are trying to pray for a person who makes your life difficult.

One thing I would say - as you mention, God knows how we feel. God is never about us trying to drum up artificial feelings. How we feel is where we start and that's ok. What is important is the conscious decision we make. It's perfectly ok to pray an honest prayer - like "God, you know I have bad feeling begs toward this person, and I don't feel like praying for them. But You told us to pray for people when we feel like this, so that's what I'm doing - please do whatever in your mercy you know is best for her, and forgive me my struggles in trying to pray and help me to do better." That's an excellent attitude to take.

And God WILL work through those prayers. It may or may not mean the other person changes, but it will help the one who prays in this way.

It's also worth knowing that God's grace is abundantly helpful just where we struggle the most. There's no virtue in doing well when it comes naturally easy (like someone who hates alcohol avoiding getting drunk - that earns no reward). But those things we struggle with are exactly what helps us most to grow in Christ. So you can even be thankful for challenges because they can produce much more fruit in us than easy living would do.

God be with you.

Hi Rachel, I know your struggle! Many years ago, my husband and I divorced. He then married his brother’s wife, who not only had been my sister-in-law, but she was my friend. He left me and our sons—and raised his brother’s daughters. It was so difficult to deal with at first. I am a strong Christain and I had to search my soul to forgive her and my ex-husband for what they had done. The Lord knows your heart. May I suggest this for you, “Ask Jesus to give you a heart for her, and confess that you currently don’t feel that way, ask Him to show you how He sees her.” One of the things that I did for my ex-husband was to send him and his new wife a letter asking them to forgive me for whatever part I had in what happened in our lives, and I told them that I forgave them. I didn’t want any of us to have to carry that burden of unforgiveness for the rest of our lives. I know it is not easy, but I believe Jesus will get you through this. Half the battle is in letting go of anything that you are wanting to hold onto that is not in alignment with God’s word. My thoughts and prayers are for you all to be able to have peace with one another.