I have had my step daughter since she was 8. I had a 1 yr old son. For the past 8 years everything has been as good as can be expected. Her mom has been a real piece of work, and made sure we did not get her very often. My husband and she were never married, there was never a custody agreement but she did have a child support order from my husband which he could contest/try to lower if he had her 1/2+ the time. We paid for all her sports, most of her clothes, despite the fact that her mom had custody. I argued with my husband all the time about going to court to try and get at least 1/2 custody. She and I had a great relationship. she had a great relationship with her little brother, my son. I always got the impression her mom never spent quality time with her and I was thrilled to have a daughter. Later on her mom really always just wanted her so she could babysit. I never ever asked her to babysit for this reason, even though it would have been very convenient for me to have her do so every once and a while. She and her mom fought constantly. When she was younger than 13 I was very involved in her sports, and went to school events I could. When she was 14 and in 8th grade she moved in with us full time because of her and her mom fighting so much. I was pregnant at the time. I drove her every day all the way to her middle school out by where her mom lived and picked her up, back and forth there for sports etc. We finally had real family time and everything was really good. There were some issues with her quinceñera (15th bday). Her mom's family is mexican, and my husband said he would only spend $2500 on his "half" of this party which I was very upset about because I thought it was a ridiculous amount considering we are not at all wealthy and have debt. We argued a lot, he ended up telling his daughter he would pay $2500 toward party OR use that $ to buy her a car. She chose the party. Long story short, the whole thing upset me greatly but my husband did not care & ended up spending $7k on this party. I was beyond upset but also was about to give birth to our son so tried to deal with it and not let my marriage end. It caused problems for my husband and I but things continued pretty much normally for our family and our son was born.
Fast forward and after my SD turned 16 she started to really change. She got a boyfriend (she has always been incredibly spoiled and allowed to do pretty much whatever she wanted, something that has always been a point of contention for my husband and I, but at the end of the day I am not her mom. I have never been ok with her having a boyfriend) and really started acting up. April of this year my daycare lady had an emergency on a day when there was no school. She needed to leave at 1, and I do not get home from work until 4. We asked my SD to please watch the boys (9&1) for the 3 hours until I got home and she very reluctantly agreed. Long story short she left my 9 yr old home alone and took my 1 yr old in a truck with her BF (whom I had never met) without a car seat and told my 9 yr old to lie if anyone asked. I found out and called her on it, she lied to me, then lied again, then hung up on me. I was livid. I called my husband and told him we needed to get on the same page before she got home. I told him I wanted her phone taken away but I knew he would not do that (her mom paid for it, he has always claimed he cant touch it) so she needed to be grounded and have her TV taken away. He told me I was over reacting and that brothers and sisters lie for each other all the time. I was very upset. He waited until she got home to come home, she was defiant and refused to acknowledge any wrong doing and said she did not care. He said she was grounded for one week. I said it should be longer and he said no. I said I would pick her up after school and bring her home the following week and she said she did not want to do that so he said ok and she went in her room. I asked him to take her TV and he screamed at me (so she could hear) that that was stupid and I was overreacting so I went and took the TV myself. She then went to her mom's for the weekend. And every day the following week she got home around 6-7 right before her dad. So in essence her only consequence was losing her tv which he gave back to her. She never even apologized for what she did. My husband and I fought a lot about this, and since then I have gotten him to admit that him not supporting me as a parent when this happens has played a huge factor in her not respecting me.
After that happened I still picked her up and took her to practices, etc, life was normal. In June we took her to her softball tournament out of state (30 hr drive round trip, hotel stay stays etc) and things were ok. When we got back she went to her mom's for the summer and when she came back in August for school year she was rude and disrespectful towards me. It has only gotten worse and worse. Finally she quit acknowledging my presence. The last few months have been so stressful for me. I lost a baby in August and I hemorrhaged and had to go the the ER. She was down the street with her BF and my husband asked her to come watch the boys until my in laws could get there, she said no. I thought I was going to die, we had to wait 40 min until they got there. 3 days later she asked me how I was doing after my husband said something to her. Then right back to either disrespect or ignoring my existence completely. To the point of my son's 2nd bday last month, she comes out of her room and says hello to EVERYONE but me, gets food, and goes back in her room. I have been begging my husband to make her sit down with us and talk, he always says she wont want to. Finally he did the day after thanksgiving. I told her how much I love her, and how much her behavior has hurt me. Her dad told her it was unacceptable. She basically said she did not care she doesn't like me and does not want to have anything to do with me. She said since she doesnt have a relationship with her mom she doesnt need one with me either. We told her thats crap because we always had a good relation ship in the past and she has never had a good one with her mom. She said well then she does not need a reason she just doesnt like me and doesnt want a relationship with me and does not want to be a part of our family or be in that house and will do anything to get kicked out because she wants to live with her BF. Her dad says she has to stay until her next bday (she turns 18 next Oct). Then he told her she needed to quit acting up. She said nothing. Then he wanted us to have a group hug, I declined and he got mad at me. Even more has happened and I dont even have the energy to type it all. Her BF and she did something with a bad check and now the joint acct with my husband is -$2200.00 which will go on his credit which affects both of us, he tried to hide it from me because he knew I would be mad, I am even more upset because he tried to hide it from me.
I am at my wits end. I dont want to lose my marriage, and I am now pregnant again. I do not need this stress. I cannot take this disrespectful person living in my house doing whatever they want whenever they want, constantly lying and manipulating. My husband says there is nothing he can do, that I need to deal with it until she is gone. He hides things from me and is dishonest with me when it comes to her (just like with the $ for the quinceñera & the bank account) so I keep telling him its not just my being upset about this situation, its my knowing even if she moves out she will still be affecting us because all she has to do is show up and cry and lie and he will do whatever she wants him to. Sometimes he admits shes a liar and tells me he understands why I am upset and sometimes he gets mad at me for being upset. We started counseling but I feel like 1 hr a week does us nothing, plus we aren't going for 3 weeks because of holidays. I am constantly crying over this. This is the first Christmas I do not have a daughter and I am just depressed I hate hearing her lie to people constantly (she screams and cries on her phone, I cant help but hear!). I feel like she is a cancer in my home and I have tried everything and she does not care. My husband keeps saying I want him to chose between his daughter and me and is mad at me. I am miserable. The only advice people give me is to leave him. I have tried to love her and that does not make me feel better I cannot take this anymore.
Fast forward and after my SD turned 16 she started to really change. She got a boyfriend (she has always been incredibly spoiled and allowed to do pretty much whatever she wanted, something that has always been a point of contention for my husband and I, but at the end of the day I am not her mom. I have never been ok with her having a boyfriend) and really started acting up. April of this year my daycare lady had an emergency on a day when there was no school. She needed to leave at 1, and I do not get home from work until 4. We asked my SD to please watch the boys (9&1) for the 3 hours until I got home and she very reluctantly agreed. Long story short she left my 9 yr old home alone and took my 1 yr old in a truck with her BF (whom I had never met) without a car seat and told my 9 yr old to lie if anyone asked. I found out and called her on it, she lied to me, then lied again, then hung up on me. I was livid. I called my husband and told him we needed to get on the same page before she got home. I told him I wanted her phone taken away but I knew he would not do that (her mom paid for it, he has always claimed he cant touch it) so she needed to be grounded and have her TV taken away. He told me I was over reacting and that brothers and sisters lie for each other all the time. I was very upset. He waited until she got home to come home, she was defiant and refused to acknowledge any wrong doing and said she did not care. He said she was grounded for one week. I said it should be longer and he said no. I said I would pick her up after school and bring her home the following week and she said she did not want to do that so he said ok and she went in her room. I asked him to take her TV and he screamed at me (so she could hear) that that was stupid and I was overreacting so I went and took the TV myself. She then went to her mom's for the weekend. And every day the following week she got home around 6-7 right before her dad. So in essence her only consequence was losing her tv which he gave back to her. She never even apologized for what she did. My husband and I fought a lot about this, and since then I have gotten him to admit that him not supporting me as a parent when this happens has played a huge factor in her not respecting me.
After that happened I still picked her up and took her to practices, etc, life was normal. In June we took her to her softball tournament out of state (30 hr drive round trip, hotel stay stays etc) and things were ok. When we got back she went to her mom's for the summer and when she came back in August for school year she was rude and disrespectful towards me. It has only gotten worse and worse. Finally she quit acknowledging my presence. The last few months have been so stressful for me. I lost a baby in August and I hemorrhaged and had to go the the ER. She was down the street with her BF and my husband asked her to come watch the boys until my in laws could get there, she said no. I thought I was going to die, we had to wait 40 min until they got there. 3 days later she asked me how I was doing after my husband said something to her. Then right back to either disrespect or ignoring my existence completely. To the point of my son's 2nd bday last month, she comes out of her room and says hello to EVERYONE but me, gets food, and goes back in her room. I have been begging my husband to make her sit down with us and talk, he always says she wont want to. Finally he did the day after thanksgiving. I told her how much I love her, and how much her behavior has hurt me. Her dad told her it was unacceptable. She basically said she did not care she doesn't like me and does not want to have anything to do with me. She said since she doesnt have a relationship with her mom she doesnt need one with me either. We told her thats crap because we always had a good relation ship in the past and she has never had a good one with her mom. She said well then she does not need a reason she just doesnt like me and doesnt want a relationship with me and does not want to be a part of our family or be in that house and will do anything to get kicked out because she wants to live with her BF. Her dad says she has to stay until her next bday (she turns 18 next Oct). Then he told her she needed to quit acting up. She said nothing. Then he wanted us to have a group hug, I declined and he got mad at me. Even more has happened and I dont even have the energy to type it all. Her BF and she did something with a bad check and now the joint acct with my husband is -$2200.00 which will go on his credit which affects both of us, he tried to hide it from me because he knew I would be mad, I am even more upset because he tried to hide it from me.
I am at my wits end. I dont want to lose my marriage, and I am now pregnant again. I do not need this stress. I cannot take this disrespectful person living in my house doing whatever they want whenever they want, constantly lying and manipulating. My husband says there is nothing he can do, that I need to deal with it until she is gone. He hides things from me and is dishonest with me when it comes to her (just like with the $ for the quinceñera & the bank account) so I keep telling him its not just my being upset about this situation, its my knowing even if she moves out she will still be affecting us because all she has to do is show up and cry and lie and he will do whatever she wants him to. Sometimes he admits shes a liar and tells me he understands why I am upset and sometimes he gets mad at me for being upset. We started counseling but I feel like 1 hr a week does us nothing, plus we aren't going for 3 weeks because of holidays. I am constantly crying over this. This is the first Christmas I do not have a daughter and I am just depressed I hate hearing her lie to people constantly (she screams and cries on her phone, I cant help but hear!). I feel like she is a cancer in my home and I have tried everything and she does not care. My husband keeps saying I want him to chose between his daughter and me and is mad at me. I am miserable. The only advice people give me is to leave him. I have tried to love her and that does not make me feel better I cannot take this anymore.
