A tough dating dilemna! (or perhaps not)

Aug 28, 2012
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Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice please about a dating situation.
Earlier this year I was in a relationship with a woman who I met on a christian dating website. We dated for about three months long distance before her job changed location and at the same I wasn't feeling that I wanted to marry her, so I decided the right thing was to end the relationship. It turned out she was good friends with someone who'd 'waved' at me previously on this same christian website, but I hadn't followed up on it. Through being a friend of my ex-girlfriend, I got to know her a little bit during the time, and thought she was pretty cool. I tried to kill those feelings though of course because I was dating somebody else! Now that I'm no longer in a relationship I'm wondering if I should pursue her (me and my ex-girlfriend broke up four months ago). Obviously I know this is far from ideal, and I don't want to hurt my ex-girlfriend, but at the same time we're both single, so maybe it's not ideal but still ok?

*P.s I'm not an awful person, but just trying to find the right way though it all.
 

Kenny'sID

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Obviously I know this is far from ideal, and I don't want to hurt my ex-girlfriend, but at the same time we're both single, so maybe it's not ideal but still ok?

Life ain't always ideal.

You decide, but i don't see much of a problem there.
 
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SummerMadness

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Go for it, you have been out of a relationship for quite awhile and happening to have social circles that cross should not prevent you from pursuing anything. You can either pursue a relationship, find out the woman is great and that you want to marry her; pursue a relationship, realize she is not for you and continue your search; or do nothing and always wonder what could have been? Given the four month gap since break up, I don't think this makes you look like an awful person.
 
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com7fy8

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If I am considering someone, I am not going to make a commitment to her. So, she can understand this, and expect me to check her out and pray about her . . . while she does the same.

And I might ask her how her testing of me is going, and give her feedback.

We could both be genuinely Christian but not God's choice for each other, but He could want us to share so we help each other. And we could be preparing one another for whoever we will be with, later.

I would consider that before you start dating with someone, talk about how you two intend to test. And see if you trust one another to do this. If you don't trust the person, I would not start.

At times, I have read on the Net how someone does not even trust one's fiancee enough to talk with that person about something which means a lot to the person. I would consider not even starting to date until I know I trust someone, and then I am letting the person know what is going on so the person does not make a foolish commitment.
 
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com7fy8

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you pursuing the woman who is your ex's friend could end their friendship.
If all of these people obey how Jesus has us love . . .

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

. . . I think they all would be praying for God's will, and enjoying loving one another.

And if anyone did break away from another . . . why? What would this mean about if the person knows how to love??
 
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SnowyMacie

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Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice please about a dating situation.
Earlier this year I was in a relationship with a woman who I met on a christian dating website. We dated for about three months long distance before her job changed location and at the same I wasn't feeling that I wanted to marry her, so I decided the right thing was to end the relationship. It turned out she was good friends with someone who'd 'waved' at me previously on this same christian website, but I hadn't followed up on it. Through being a friend of my ex-girlfriend, I got to know her a little bit during the time, and thought she was pretty cool. I tried to kill those feelings though of course because I was dating somebody else! Now that I'm no longer in a relationship I'm wondering if I should pursue her (me and my ex-girlfriend broke up four months ago). Obviously I know this is far from ideal, and I don't want to hurt my ex-girlfriend, but at the same time we're both single, so maybe it's not ideal but still ok?

*P.s I'm not an awful person, but just trying to find the right way though it all.

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it if you, your ex, and your friend are okay with it.
 
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blackribbon

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If all of these people obey how Jesus has us love . . .

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

. . . I think they all would be praying for God's will, and enjoying loving one another.

And if anyone did break away from another . . . why? What would this mean about if the person knows how to love??

Unfortunately, we currently live with human earthly feelings. If you really did love like Jesus did, your pursuit of happiness would not be your priority over your ex's feelings.

If you didn't agree with me on some level that feeling could be hurt, you wouldn't have posted this question in the first place. From your answer, I am assuming that your "ex" was very hurt when you broke up and my answer stands. Pursue someone who isn't her friend.
 
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com7fy8

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Unfortunately, we currently live with human earthly feelings. If you really did love like Jesus did, your pursuit of happiness would not be your priority over your ex's feelings.

From your answer, I am assuming that your "ex" was very hurt when you broke up
Thank you for telling me what you feel.

I agree that we need to feel for others.

But what we need to do can depend on if their feelings are leading or misleading. And I don't know, in this case. He did say >
Obviously I know this is far from ideal, and I don't want to hurt my ex-girlfriend, but at the same time we're both single, so maybe it's not ideal but still ok?
To me, it's not obvious this means she still could be triggered to be very hurt if he was with someone else.

I think if someone can totally fall for someone when nothing is really happening, the person's feelings are misleading. So, I need to pray and make sure with God and then take responsibility for if I get involved with someone. And pay attention to if someone is falling for me when I am not into it, and do something so she does not keep on misleading herself.

If he let her fall without him being committed, I would say indeed it would not be right of him to go after a friend when he needs to learn how to know what is going on and not help someone mislead herself.

Possibly, this is what you mean, or am I totally missing it?
 
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blackribbon

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All I was saying is that women usually don't deal well with their friends dating their ex's...especially, if they are still hurting about the breakup. She could hate his guts and she still have an issue with someone else dating him He never said that his ex is okay with it. The fact that he asked if it was long enough sounds to me like he hasn't asked and the breakup likely felt hurtful to her. This is about emotions so it is going to evoke emotions. If the new woman doesn't value the friendship with his ex, then it shouldn't be a big deal. If she does, she would be smart to not put a potential guy/girl relationship over their friendship because she won't ever really be trusted as a friend again.
 
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