Someone please please help me :(

Mebby01 · Dec 3, 2018

Hi everyone my husband and I have been together for 9 years and 7 years married to him. I love him so much in the past I made some mistakes. I never cheated on him once first thing that happen I hung with his friend 2-3 times without him knowing. I didn’t tell him right away since he lived close by him. I didn’t want to hurt him my coworker jokely pretended to kiss me. I didn’t tell him for one day cause I wasn’t sure what to say. I told my friend on Facebook I was panicking saying I didn’t know what to do or should I tell him. I was going to tell him the next day I was just nervous. Last January everything has been horrible I talked to my ex boyfriend on Facebook once I told my husband he nudged me I didn’t tell my husband right away we talked since his birthday was close by I didn’t want to ruin for him. He kept asking me over and over so I finally told him. He got so upset with me yelling at me ever since then our marriage has been suffering. Tonight for example he looked through my phone. He kept questioning me why I had 9 numbers blocked on my phone. I got this phone 2 weeks ago I told him it must have carried to my new phone. Only numbers I have blocked are telemarketers scammers and some insurance man and the dentist. I have a huge phobia over I want to find a new dentist in the new year. The dentist I went to made me nervous.
My husband said we need marriage counseling the only problem is last time we went I didn’t feel happy leaving I felt way worse. We went a couple times before too I don’t know how to communicate with strangers or do I feel comfortable talking to somebody about my life. I’m a very private person or if something doesn’t seem right he will question me i’m Sorry everyone if it’s long I just need to talk to someone. :help:

Tolworth John · Dec 3, 2018

Mebby01 said:
in the past I made some mistakes

You hung out, that is talked with some of 'his' friends, a co-worker pretended to kiss you, you talked to an x boyfriend on face book and you have numbers blocked on your phone and you didn't tell your husband.

Er please could you tell me what you did that is a threat to your marriage?
If your husband is shouting at you because you talked to other men, the person with a problem is him.
May I suggest that you arrange to talk with your minister. He is not a stranger, write out the long list of your marital 'sins' plus how your husband reacted to them and both of you go and talk to your minister.
Frankly your husband is being abusive.
He needs help to see that he should not be doing what he is doing.

A_Thinker · Dec 3, 2018

Mebby01 said:
Hi everyone my husband and I have been together for 9 years and 7 years married to him. I love him so much in the past I made some mistakes. I never cheated on him once first thing that happen I hung with his friend 2-3 times without him knowing. I didn’t tell him right away since he lived close by him. I didn’t want to hurt him my coworker jokely pretended to kiss me. I didn’t tell him for one day cause I wasn’t sure what to say. I told my friend on Facebook I was panicking saying I didn’t know what to do or should I tell him. I was going to tell him the next day I was just nervous. Last January everything has been horrible I talked to my ex boyfriend on Facebook once I told my husband he nudged me I didn’t tell my husband right away we talked since his birthday was close by I didn’t want to ruin for him. He kept asking me over and over so I finally told him. He got so upset with me yelling at me ever since then our marriage has been suffering. Tonight for example he looked through my phone. He kept questioning me why I had 9 numbers blocked on my phone. I got this phone 2 weeks ago I told him it must have carried to my new phone. Only numbers I have blocked are telemarketers scammers and some insurance man and the dentist. I have a huge phobia over I want to find a new dentist in the new year. The dentist I went to made me nervous.
My husband said we need marriage counseling the only problem is last time we went I didn’t feel happy leaving I felt way worse. We went a couple times before too I don’t know how to communicate with strangers or do I feel comfortable talking to somebody about my life. I’m a very private person or if something doesn’t seem right he will question me i’m Sorry everyone if it’s long I just need to talk to someone.

I agree with your husband. The two of you could benefit from counseling.

To some extent ... what has been happening ... is that you are not being protective enough of your marriage. It is a common thing in today's culture that couples will subject their relationships and marriages to exposures of our culture which are RISKS to our marriages and relationships. It seems that your husband is aware of these risks ... and is trying to help you and he to AVOID them.

You are interacting with people whom your husband has a right to suspect mean no good to your marriage. You are keeping secrets from your husband. These actions must be corrected if your marriage is to survive.

Your husband obviously loves you ... and wants to preserve your relationship with him (else he would be gone). You need to work WITH HIM to do this.

Anhelyna · Dec 3, 2018

Mebby

You have been posting on CF for a few years now.

I think this present problem would be better posted in somewhere like Christian Advice Christian Advice

This particular area [ Introductions ] is intended to let newcomers make a post and tell us a little about themselves , it seems to me you are needing more specific advice , suited for YOUR problem.

I'm going to ask Staff to move this thread for you

Mountainmanbob · Dec 3, 2018

My wife and I never look into each other's phones wallets or purses.

That would be a sign of jealousy that needs to be worked on because jealousy is kind of like a form of spiritual cancer.

Although the things that you have mentioned regarding other men I don't think would bother me at all in regards to my wife it seems you guys have some trust issues and it will require work.

Most good solid pastors and most any Christian Church will offer free Christian Counseling. Many years ago when I was running wild with the booze my wife set us up for counseling at a local church. It was good for our marriage and I ended up sober. 12 years sober.

M-Bob

mnorian · Dec 9, 2018

Mod hat on

this thread has been moved from
Introduce Yourself
to
Christian Advice
for a better fit and responses.
Carry on.

LoricaLady · Dec 9, 2018

The fact that your husband was talking about counseling even before the events you describe, indicates there are some issues to be dealt with. If that marriage counselor made you feel bad, shop around. Okay you are a private person, but for your husband and your marriage, come on out of your shell and learn how to communicate more effectively. Toughen up buttercup.

It is fantastic that your husband wants to go to counseling. So often I see wives wanting to go, but their husbands balk. I say go, but again, shop around. It may be uncomfortable, not just because you are a "private" person, but because you have to hopefully get real honest with yourself, and do some serious and maybe hard work to save your marriage.

Ojpalosa · Dec 10, 2018

I think you need to be more specific... You hung out with one of his friends without him knowing? Why and what did you do? Couseling is the right thing to do here, and stop having secrets from now on.

aiki · Dec 10, 2018

Mebby01 said:
Hi everyone my husband and I have been together for 9 years and 7 years married to him. I love him so much in the past I made some mistakes. I never cheated on him once first thing that happen I hung with his friend 2-3 times without him knowing.

Why did you "hang" with his friends without his knowledge? The only guy you should be "hanging" with is your husband. You're a married woman and that means you've forsaken all others to unite with him as "one flesh." The phrase "one flesh" isn't referring only to something sexual but to how intimately and fully a husband and wife give themselves to one another. The apostle Paul explains:

1 Corinthians 7:4
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

In marrying your husband, you gave him authority over you and vice versa. Where you go and with whom you "hang out" is no longer something you decide all by yourself. As a married woman who is "one flesh" with her husband, you ought to be deciding together who you "hang out" with and how you spend your time. Quite frankly, your days of socializing freely with guys are over. Make friends of other women, but guys are a no-go zone for you now. I can't count how many times I've heard of marriages being ruined by one spouse or the other developing friendships with people of the opposite sex. You can be polite and gracious to men, but making friends of them, socializing with them - particularly apart from your husband - is a very BIG mistake.

Mebby01 said:
my coworker jokely pretended to kiss me. I didn’t tell him for one day cause I wasn’t sure what to say.

You should have slapped the co-worker and been able to tell your husband so. No man but your husband has the right even in jest to kiss you. Make this crystal clear to your co-worker. If he tries something like that ever again, warn him he'll have a knee in his crotch, or a very sore cheek, or both.

Mebby01 said:
I talked to my ex boyfriend on Facebook

What are you doing talking to an ex-boyfriend on Facebook? Come on, now, surely you must know within yourself somewhere that doing so is very disrespectful to your husband? How would you like it if your husband was talking to ex-girlfriends on Facebook? Doing this sort of thing is a sure way to ruin your marriage. It certainly isn't the way to show your husband that you love him.

Mebby01 said:
He kept asking me over and over so I finally told him. He got so upset with me yelling at me ever since then our marriage has been suffering.

Have you apologized to your husband and asked him to forgive you for being so unloving and disrespectful toward him? Have you promised him you'll never do such a thing ever again? Maybe show him you're serious by withdrawing from Facebook for a year or two - or until he says its okay to go back on.

Mebby01 said:
Tonight for example he looked through my phone. He kept questioning me why I had 9 numbers blocked on my phone.

Well, he's showing you that you have badly damaged his trust of you. You'll have to rebuild it by showing him that he can trust you. Give him control of all of your devices. And stop socializing with guys who aren't your husband! It's very easy to damage trust but very hard to rebuild it. Guard your marriage! The devil will ruin it, if you give him half a chance to do so.

Andrew77 · Dec 11, 2018

Mebby01 said:
Hi everyone my husband and I have been together for 9 years and 7 years married to him. I love him so much in the past I made some mistakes. I never cheated on him once first thing that happen I hung with his friend 2-3 times without him knowing. I didn’t tell him right away since he lived close by him. I didn’t want to hurt him my coworker jokely pretended to kiss me. I didn’t tell him for one day cause I wasn’t sure what to say. I told my friend on Facebook I was panicking saying I didn’t know what to do or should I tell him. I was going to tell him the next day I was just nervous. Last January everything has been horrible I talked to my ex boyfriend on Facebook once I told my husband he nudged me I didn’t tell my husband right away we talked since his birthday was close by I didn’t want to ruin for him. He kept asking me over and over so I finally told him. He got so upset with me yelling at me ever since then our marriage has been suffering. Tonight for example he looked through my phone. He kept questioning me why I had 9 numbers blocked on my phone. I got this phone 2 weeks ago I told him it must have carried to my new phone. Only numbers I have blocked are telemarketers scammers and some insurance man and the dentist. I have a huge phobia over I want to find a new dentist in the new year. The dentist I went to made me nervous.
My husband said we need marriage counseling the only problem is last time we went I didn’t feel happy leaving I felt way worse. We went a couple times before too I don’t know how to communicate with strangers or do I feel comfortable talking to somebody about my life. I’m a very private person or if something doesn’t seem right he will question me i’m Sorry everyone if it’s long I just need to talk to someone.

It sounds..... granted I can only go by what you have on here..... it sounds like your husband is a tad bit abusive, and maybe you need to talk to his parents or someone to get him to give you a little room to breath.

The only thing on here that I would not have done, is I would not talk to an ex-boyfriend. Block that guy.

But, unless there is more to the story here, I don't see what you are nervous about. You should be open with your husband. A guy pretend to kiss you? Tell him no. Don't do that.

Are you being flirty with them? Is that what your husband is reacting to?

I think you need to go to counseling just by yourself, so you can ask someone "What am I doing, that is causing a problem".

Now maybe the answer is nothing, and your husband needs to just unwind. But this seems really odd behavior. Nothing of what you said, would make a strong woman get nervous. My relative, if his wife said some guy tried to kiss her, he would laugh and say too bad your mine. So I don't know what is going on that is making the difference.

anna ~ grace · Dec 11, 2018

aiki said:
Why did you "hang" with his friends without his knowledge? The only guy you should be "hanging" with is your husband. You're a married woman and that means you've forsaken all others to unite with him as "one flesh." The phrase "one flesh" isn't referring only to something sexual but to how intimately and fully a husband and wife give themselves to one another. The apostle Paul explains:

1 Corinthians 7:4
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

In marrying your husband, you gave him authority over you and vice versa. Where you go and with whom you "hang out" is no longer something you decide all by yourself. As a married woman who is "one flesh" with her husband, you ought to be deciding together who you "hang out" with and how you spend your time. Quite frankly, your days of socializing freely with guys are over. Make friends of other women, but guys are a no-go zone for you now. I can't count how many times I've heard of marriages being ruined by one spouse or the other developing friendships with people of the opposite sex. You can be polite and gracious to men, but making friends of them, socializing with them - particularly apart from your husband - is a very BIG mistake.

You should have slapped the co-worker and been able to tell your husband so. No man but your husband has the right even in jest to kiss you. Make this crystal clear to your co-worker. If he tries something like that ever again, warn him he'll have a knee in his crotch, or a very sore cheek, or both.

What are you doing talking to an ex-boyfriend on Facebook? Come on, now, surely you must know within yourself somewhere that doing so is very disrespectful to your husband? How would you like it if your husband was talking to ex-girlfriends on Facebook? Doing this sort of thing is a sure way to ruin your marriage. It certainly isn't the way to show your husband that you love him.

Have you apologized to your husband and asked him to forgive you for being so unloving and disrespectful toward him? Have you promised him you'll never do such a thing ever again? Maybe show him you're serious by withdrawing from Facebook for a year or two - or until he says its okay to go back on.

Well, he's showing you that you have badly damaged his trust of you. You'll have to rebuild it by showing him that he can trust you. Give him control of all of your devices. And stop socializing with guys who aren't your husband! It's very easy to damage trust but very hard to rebuild it. Guard your marriage! The devil will ruin it, if you give him the chance to do so.

I agree with most of this. You have *got* to be more protective of your marriage. You have got to set boundaries for yourself, stop hanging out with his friends, be more honest with him, and give him the respect and attention that he deserves. Something that begins innocently (his friend is a nice guy) can lead to problems. Please, be more honest with him, and give Facebook a break. Let him know what has gone on.

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Someone please please help me :(

Mebby01

Christian Girl

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Tolworth John

Well-Known Member

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A_Thinker

Well-Known Member

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Anhelyna

Handmaid of God

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Mountainmanbob

Goat Whisperer

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mnorian

Oldbie--Eternal Optimist

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LoricaLady

YHWH's

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Ojpalosa

Active Member

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aiki

Regular Member

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Andrew77

The walking accident

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anna ~ grace

Newbie

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