Was this right? (Orthodox)

AMM · Dec 9, 2018

hi all,
I know not many people are probably on because it’s a Sunday morning. But I was going to go to church this morning, but then my girlfriend (who suffers from severe anxiety and depression) started to have a panic attack and a wave of depression hit her. So I was helping take care of her and the morning passed by. She said she was thinking about hurting herself but she might just fall back asleep (which she did - she’s asleep now as I’m writing this), and so she didn’t want me to skip church just for her. But I didn’t want to leave her, who might harm herself while I was gone, so I chose to stay and skip church. I suppose I could still make it if I left in the next 5-10 minutes but I don’t think that’s likely.

Anyway, was this the right thing to do? Or should I have left her and gone to church? I hate missing the Liturgy and the Eucharist. Should I just say my morning prayers instead? It’s not the same, by any means. I just don’t know how to prioritize taking care of her with going to church=taking care of myself.

Anhelyna · Dec 9, 2018

I'm no priest - and this is something you really need to discuss with your priest.

If your presence is keeping her from harming herself and thus allowing her to recover from this attack - then in my very personal opinion you were right to stay with her. Say your prayers , read the Epistle and Gospel for today and arrange to see your priest as soon as you can and talk over the problem with him. I'm willing to bet he's met folk with similar problems.

I couldn't get to Church today [ a 'fun run' made it impossible for me to get there unless I was dropped in by Helicopter ] , my priest knew and knew I would take Hours at home

SkyWriting · Dec 9, 2018

AMM said:
hi all,
I know not many people are probably on because it’s a Sunday morning. But I was going to go to church this morning, but then my girlfriend (who suffers from severe anxiety and depression) started to have a panic attack and a wave of depression hit her. So I was helping take care of her and the morning passed by. She said she was thinking about hurting herself but she might just fall back asleep (which she did - she’s asleep now as I’m writing this), and so she didn’t want me to skip church just for her. But I didn’t want to leave her, who might harm herself while I was gone, so I chose to stay and skip church. I suppose I could still make it if I left in the next 5-10 minutes but I don’t think that’s likely.

Anyway, was this the right thing to do? Or should I have left her and gone to church? I hate missing the Liturgy and the Eucharist. Should I just say my morning prayers instead? It’s not the same, by any means. I just don’t know how to prioritize taking care of her with going to church=taking care of myself.

If roles were reversed, would you want her to leave you alone?

archer75 · Dec 9, 2018

You did the right thing.

Think if you had gone and she'd hurt or killed herself. Then it would be pretty clear that that had been the wrong choice.

obvs, if possible, talk to priest. Or take her with you if possible. Get her help, etc. But don't just leave her to look or feel pious. What if a child was locked in a car on a hot day and DL was about to start? Easy one, right?

Platina · Dec 9, 2018

Seems to me you did the right thing. I didn't make it last weekend bc my pregnant wife and daughter were both sick.

ArmyMatt · Dec 9, 2018

God knows your heart. you might have been given an even greater blessing, because you wanted to go to Church, but chose instead to take care of someone else.

but talk to your priest

nutroll · Dec 9, 2018

In Saint Basil's liturgy, we specifically pray for those who are absent for a good cause. I think this kind of thing qualifies as a good cause. The problem would be if this keeps happening it could be the means by which the evil one prevents you from going to church. Would she be willing to go with you in such a case so that she is not alone but you make it to church? In any case, talk to your priest if you want advice for your particular circumstances.

prodromos · Dec 9, 2018

Doctors, police and firemen will miss liturgy for similar reasons. If it happens regularly though, it may be attacks of the evil one. Definitely talk to your priest about this.

AMM · Dec 9, 2018

I talked to my priest and he believes I did a good thing.

I would take her to church, and normally she comes with me, except in my specific case, my parish stresses her out more - Father's intensity and personality reminds her of her (abusive) biological father... I'm also going to talk to Father about that some time - I like the parish but I don't think it's helpful for her in her process of inquiry. But I also don't feel that it's right for me to abandon the parish completely - the parish has been a blessing to me and being a mission parish, it needs all the help it can get, even my pitiful and sinful assistance setting up. Especially since the dean of clergy in the area told me I should be helping out more so Father can just pray before the liturgy, rather than focus on setting things up.

DLovingBrother · Dec 10, 2018

Jesus went out of His way many times when someone was in need. He was always willing to allow His schedule be interrupted by someone who needed help. This is a matter of life and death and you made the right choice. God Bless.

Knee V · Dec 10, 2018

This is not to say if it is right or wrong, but if I were in your position I would have done the same thing.

gurneyhalleck1 · Dec 11, 2018

I’d it just me or does it seem like practically everybody has some kind of anxiety disorder these days?? I swear in a day’s time I lose count of people’s anxiety issues at work and outside of work. Is this culture nowadays just an smoldering anxiety crock pot or what?

~Anastasia~ · Dec 11, 2018

gurneyhalleck1 said:
I’d it just me or does it seem like practically everybody has some kind of anxiety disorder these days?? I swear in a day’s time I lose count of people’s anxiety issues at work and outside of work. Is this culture nowadays just an smoldering anxiety crock pot or what?

I don't know the prevalence but ... I know a dear friend's daughter is severely affected, and I have had a number of students go into full-blown attacks during class and I've had to deal with it. Twenty years ago I knew no one and never saw it (and had never seen it over more decades).

gurneyhalleck1 · Dec 11, 2018

Agreed. I never knew a soul who seemed to have anxiety. Nowadays it seems like half the kids supposedly have it or the parents or coworkers or the kids of my coworkers. So odd. You can't watch one television show without anxiety in the plot. Makes me wonder how an entire culture got anxiety to this level? GMO's?

~Anastasia~ said:
I don't know the prevalence but ... I know a dear friend's daughter is severely affected, and I have had a number of students go into full-blown attacks during class and I've had to deal with it. Twenty years ago I knew no one and never saw it (and had never seen it over more decades).

“Paisios” · Dec 11, 2018

gurneyhalleck1 said:
Agreed. I never knew a soul who seemed to have anxiety. Nowadays it seems like half the kids supposedly have it or the parents or coworkers or the kids of my coworkers. So odd. You can't watch one television show without anxiety in the plot. Makes me wonder how an entire culture got anxiety to this level? GMO's?

Too much information technology? Expected immediate rapid responses to every text, message, Facebook post, Snapchat, Instagram, etc.? Wider awareness of global problems due to the Internet and fear-mongering propaganda used by all sides to further their agendas? Rapid change in technological advances leading to a fear of missing out if one can’t keep up?

~Anastasia~ · Dec 11, 2018

gurneyhalleck1 said:
Agreed. I never knew a soul who seemed to have anxiety. Nowadays it seems like half the kids supposedly have it or the parents or coworkers or the kids of my coworkers. So odd. You can't watch one television show without anxiety in the plot. Makes me wonder how an entire culture got anxiety to this level? GMO's?

Shoetoyou said:
Too much information technology? Expected immediate rapid responses to every text, message, Facebook post, Snapchat, Instagram, etc.? Wider awareness of global problems due to the Internet and fear-mongering propaganda used by all sides to further their agendas? Rapid change in technological advances leading to a fear of missing out if one can’t keep up?

Makes me glad I don't watch current TV shows (except The Good Doctor and When Calls the Heart) and don't get too deeply into social media or the information we have at our fingertips.

I really get the sense that kids are growing up in a much different world.

Funny, I listened to several students yesterday go on about how their kids weren't going to have cell phones and all the trouble they caused - and these were the class troublemakers! Sometimes I have to shake my head. It's kind of interesting, but sometimes sad too, to see how kids are interacting with each other and the world.

gurneyhalleck1 · Dec 11, 2018

I think you're right. The world has become much bigger, faster, and is wide open. We hear every depressing, cynical, sad story over and over all day long. Social media and the internet in general have a ton of depressing aspects. Technology hasn't made us better.

Shoetoyou said:
Too much information technology? Expected immediate rapid responses to every text, message, Facebook post, Snapchat, Instagram, etc.? Wider awareness of global problems due to the Internet and fear-mongering propaganda used by all sides to further their agendas? Rapid change in technological advances leading to a fear of missing out if one can’t keep up?

nutroll · Dec 11, 2018

I think there are a number of factors going on. One of them is that people used to keep depression and anxiety to themselves more, so we didn't know that people were suffering. I think that the world is also becoming more depressing and anxiety producing because of media and social media. The most important thing, however, is that the more we live our lives without Christ and the Church the harder it is to bear these things. I have anxiety and depression issues, and while the Church doesn't eliminate them, it gives me the means to bear with it.

AMM · Dec 11, 2018

nutroll said:
I think there are a number of factors going on. One of them is that people used to keep depression and anxiety to themselves more, so we didn't know that people were suffering. I think that the world is also becoming more depressing and anxiety producing because of media and social media. The most important thing, however, is that the more we live our lives without Christ and the Church the harder it is to bear these things. I have anxiety and depression issues, and while the Church doesn't eliminate them, it gives me the means to bear with it.

Agree wholeheartedly. The stigma around mental health is slowly decreasing so people are more likely to talk about it and get help. And the internet I think can be problematic, as other people have indicated.

But society as a whole is not Christian (much though we americans pretend it is). We don't rely on Christ as much and don't go to our Mother for healing and protection. I've also found that my faith helps me through my depression (I don't have anxiety but have had struggles with depression for the past couple years), but like you said it doesn't make it go away.

gurneyhalleck1 · Dec 11, 2018

Was it a big stumbling block toward becoming a priest? I would think so...

nutroll said:
I think there are a number of factors going on. One of them is that people used to keep depression and anxiety to themselves more, so we didn't know that people were suffering. I think that the world is also becoming more depressing and anxiety producing because of media and social media. The most important thing, however, is that the more we live our lives without Christ and the Church the harder it is to bear these things. I have anxiety and depression issues, and while the Church doesn't eliminate them, it gives me the means to bear with it.

Was this right? (Orthodox)

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