"The One"?

step_by_step · Dec 6, 2018

Growing up, I've heard from Christians that God has "someone special" picked out and reserved for us all. My grandma frequently talks about finding "the one", and how she just knew when she met my grandpa that they were going to get married. My youth pastor when I was twelve told us that God has someone already appointed for us that we're supposed to be with.

My mom disagrees with this. She goes by the thinking that there are many people we will meet in our lives that we could be compatible with. But when you find the person who you decide to marry, you commit to them. That's it, all other choices are off the table. They weren't "the one" per say but they are the one you have picked.

Personally, I have developed a belief that is a bit of both worlds. I think that God doesn't specifically pick a person for everyone. Yes, he knows if we will get married and if so, who we will marry. But he doesn't set aside someone just for us. In the Bible it talks about how it's better NOT to be married in some cases. So I don't believe that everyone has someone God chooses for them to be with. However, I believe it's possible that some people do have a handpicked mate. An example is a man and woman who used to attend our church. He said that his wife was completely not who he had in mind to marry. She wasn't even his type. But God put it on his heart to marry her and together they have adopted and raised three beautiful children. In that case, I believe God did pick her for him.

What do you think? Do you think everyone has a specific partner they're meant to be with or it's just up to us? Do you think you can know when you meet "The one?"

Unofficial Reverand Alex · Dec 6, 2018

Jason Evert & many others have many great topics on this subject, and I've included one here, if you have an hour to spare. I've also included a considerably shorter one from Fr. Mike Schmitz, if you have 7 minutes to spare.

I'll let them do most of the talking, but there's 1 point I'd like to bring up that I've heard from Catholic speakers, Protestant speakers, marriage counselors, and old married couples: It's not about who you find, it's about the amount of effort you're willing to put into it.

step_by_step · Dec 6, 2018

Unofficial Reverand Alex said:
Jason Evert & many others have many great topics on this subject, and I've included one here, if you have an hour to spare. I've also included a considerably shorter one from Fr. Mike Schmitz, if you have 7 minutes to spare.

I'll let them do most of the talking, but there's 1 point I'd like to bring up that I've heard from Catholic speakers, Protestant speakers, marriage counselors, and old married couples: It's not about who you find, it's about the amount of effort you're willing to put into it.

I will be sure to look into those when I have some time, thank you! But I do have to say I agree with the point you made. Effort and how much you're willing to give is probably one of the biggest determining factors in a relationship

timewerx · Dec 6, 2018

The type of woman I think would be the one or perfect for me 10 years ago, is not the same as the one I have in mind now.

We have to take account that our preferences can change over the years.

So it might be wise to choose someone who welcomes change as long as the change is for better, no matter how difficult or inconvenient it may be.

step_by_step · Dec 6, 2018

timewerx said:
The type of woman I think would be the one or perfect for me 10 years ago, is not the same as the one I have in mind now.

We have to take account that our preferences can change over the years.

So it might be wise to choose someone who welcomes change as long as the change is for better, no matter how difficult or inconvenient it may be.

Yes of course, I'm agreement with this. I was madly in love with a boy when I was fifteen but now in the present day I realize how laughable the situation really was. But if God handpicks someone for us, then wouldn't they be someone who grow with us?

I'm just trying to see where other people fall in terms of thinking God picks our mates or it's just up to us because it isn't something I've ever asked before

Unofficial Reverand Alex · Dec 6, 2018

step_by_step said:
Yes of course, I'm agreement with this. I was madly in love with a boy when I was fifteen but now in the present day I realize how laughable the situation really was. But if God handpicks someone for us, then wouldn't they be someone who grow with us?

I'm just trying to see where other people fall in terms of thinking God picks our mates or it's just up to us because it isn't something I've ever asked before

In a lot of ways, this brings up a very fundamental issue in our faith: How much does God do, and how much do we do? If we're really super duper good Christians, pray a lot, fast for a bonus, and read the whole Bible, will God appear to us saying "This is who you should marry"? Or do we find this person without God, thinking that He's left it up to us to decide?

As St. Thomas Aquinas said, "Pray as if everything depends on God--act as if everything depends on you."

God gave us intellect; He gave us situations & people we're surrounded by & the ability to ask deep questions to random strangers on the Internet. We should make use of what we have, praying constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and go for it! We're never on our own, and praying for guidance isn't an exclusion of God; He loves us enough to let us enjoy the pursuit of the one He wants us to marry. It wouldn't be as meaningful if there wasn't a search!

Sketcher · Dec 6, 2018

I agree with your mother. "Soulmates" isn't a Biblical concept.

timewerx · Dec 6, 2018

step_by_step said:
Yes of course, I'm agreement with this. I was madly in love with a boy when I was fifteen but now in the present day I realize how laughable the situation really was. But if God handpicks someone for us, then wouldn't they be someone who grow with us?

I'm just trying to see where other people fall in terms of thinking God picks our mates or it's just up to us because it isn't something I've ever asked before

If you notice the Bible, God stopped hand-picking the right person after Jesus was born

. Apparently, it was only the bloodline of Christ that mattered.

In the New Testament. Nothing was said about the matter any longer, except for "do not equally yoke yourself with unbelievers". It now falls to our disgression, including the consequences (for bad or good).

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · Dec 6, 2018

I think God works it like a dating service. He knows all about our personalities and who we would and wouldn't click with. But life happens and we don't always get to be with some of those matches. I know for me personally..I believe I've missed some good connections in life due to my own insanity. (I'm talking about those women that would have made wife material) But I believe God is also like a GPS that redirects our lives and steers us to greener pastures and people too. Yeah, the sovereignty of God is a huge thing. And I don't claim to understand it all. But one thing I am learning is that the Lord will allow us to decide a lot of things he orchestrates and allows by our own prayers. I see this sometimes when people we know and love pass on. Bottom line: He loves us and knows what's best not only for our lives but those around us.

SnowyMacie · Dec 8, 2018

No, I don't believe in "the one."

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

step_by_step said:
Growing up, I've heard from Christians that God has "someone special" picked out and reserved for us all. My grandma frequently talks about finding "the one", and how she just knew when she met my grandpa that they were going to get married. My youth pastor when I was twelve told us that God has someone already appointed for us that we're supposed to be with.

My mom disagrees with this. She goes by the thinking that there are many people we will meet in our lives that we could be compatible with. But when you find the person who you decide to marry, you commit to them. That's it, all other choices are off the table. They weren't "the one" per say but they are the one you have picked.

Personally, I have developed a belief that is a bit of both worlds. I think that God doesn't specifically pick a person for everyone. Yes, he knows if we will get married and if so, who we will marry. But he doesn't set aside someone just for us. In the Bible it talks about how it's better NOT to be married in some cases. So I don't believe that everyone has someone God chooses for them to be with. However, I believe it's possible that some people do have a handpicked mate. An example is a man and woman who used to attend our church. He said that his wife was completely not who he had in mind to marry. She wasn't even his type. But God put it on his heart to marry her and together they have adopted and raised three beautiful children. In that case, I believe God did pick her for him.

What do you think? Do you think everyone has a specific partner they're meant to be with or it's just up to us? Do you think you can know when you meet "The one?"

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

With the complexity of the human psyche, I have empirically come to the conclusion that one finding
"the one" is like a game of chance on the dice table. Some throw a 7 or an 11.(Winners) Others throw a 2 (snake eyes).Some throw a 3.And others throw a 12.(losers).

'

S.O.J.I.A. · Dec 9, 2018

No, I don't believe there is this one person that someone is to be with and no one else could possibly work.

Two people decide to be together and either it works out or it doesn't.

sunshine100 · Dec 9, 2018

I don't know about the one,but I believe that there is a really great person for you,and for everyone,just not the one.

ReesePiece23 · Dec 9, 2018

>>BE<< the kind of person that you would be afraid to lose - because that "one" is actually you, without all of the character flaws and inconsistencies.

Do that first. Then make an assessment.

Miles · Dec 9, 2018

When I find a woman that I click with well enough to marry, she'll become "the one" for me.

It's all about compatibility and timing, however. There are probably lots of women out there who have the potential to become Mrs. Miles, but the circumstances need to be right and I don't plan on marrying multiple times.

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

sunshine100 said:
I don't know about the one,but I believe that there is a really great person for you,and for everyone,just not the one.

Well, mathematically speaking, there cannot be someone for everyone. Because ,there are more women than there are men.

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

Sorry about that,My computer's acting up

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

sunshine100 said:
I don't know about the one,but I believe that there is a really great person for you,and for everyone,just not the one.

Well, mathematically speaking, there cannot be someone for everyone. Because ,there are more women than there are men.

exitstageright · Dec 9, 2018

sunshine100 said:
I don't know about the one,but I believe that there is a really great person for you,and for everyone,just not the one.

Well, mathematically speaking, there cannot be someone for everyone. Because ,there are more women than there are men.

"The One"?

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