- Nov 12, 2018
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My perfect son is nearly 4, and has autism. My cousins had children in the six months before I had my son and recently it seems one of them is deliberately trying to upset me. (She feeds on drama). It’s coming up to Christmas so of course all the Christmas things start happening: fairs, grottos, crafts at nursery and school.
My son doesn’t really get into any of it. He likes not busy fairs because he can walk around and look at lots. He hates, hates, Santa and has massive meltdowns if you attempt any kind of santa grotto. And he’s not into much in the way of craft or any of that.
We take him to all the things he loves, the gigantic fireworks displays, the quieter fairs, even Winter Wonderland in London. We’ve always done things like this with him because we live to see him enjoy himself. All year round. We take pictures for our benefit.
Here’s the rub. It seems my cousin constantly has to attempt to outdo every one else with how perfect a parent she is because she’s done the biggest checklist with her child. And has to put me down because I don’t. I don’t do elf on the shelf with my son. He just doesn’t care for it so I don’t do it for he sake of it. Same as Santa letters. She doesn’t contact me pleased because her kid signed their own name on their Santa letter for the first time and like a lot of parents whenever your kid does something new or special you do tell just about anything that breathes. She does it and then always feels the need to say things like ‘haven’t you done yours yet’? Well no. You know I haven’t. And you know why.
I’m really happy that she gets to do these things with her kid. But I’m not unhappy that I don’t do them with my son. I do the things he loves and we enjoy doing them together. So I don’t mind that they are different or that we don’t do some things other people do. But it still hurts when she keeps trying to show I’m not a good enough mum because I don’t follow the Christmas prescription.
She’s not the only one that does it to me but she is someone who should know better as she knows about his autism very well. At least those who don’t really know about his autism don’t know why he doesn’t do those things.
It’s not like I’m doing it to be cheap either. Though she points out how much money I save not ‘bothering’. Taking him to the local Santa’s grottos is between £4-£12 depending on which one you go to and what you get (value of gift, framed pictures etc). One trip up to winter wonderland for the day costs just shy of £100 (petrol, parking, tube, entrance, food). That’s before you buy anything, and last year we went twice amongst all the other things we did. And I consider it all money well spent.
I just feel like such an inadequate parent. It’s not even December and it’s being shoved down my throat that I don’t Christmas enough. I don’t my like my son misses out on anything he wants to do, and I always offer the activities he didn’t want last year in case he does this time. I don’t know what more to do. I’m not going to force him to do things he doesn’t like that aren’t necessary (he hates showers but that is a need so he still is made to do it) and certainly not things that distress him. But what more can I do? I just feel like a failure. Objectively I think I’m doing right by my son and I know he is happy. Emotionally I feel like I’ve failed the checklist I’m an awful mum.
Does anyone have any good advice about dealing with people who basically just like making you sad?
My son doesn’t really get into any of it. He likes not busy fairs because he can walk around and look at lots. He hates, hates, Santa and has massive meltdowns if you attempt any kind of santa grotto. And he’s not into much in the way of craft or any of that.
We take him to all the things he loves, the gigantic fireworks displays, the quieter fairs, even Winter Wonderland in London. We’ve always done things like this with him because we live to see him enjoy himself. All year round. We take pictures for our benefit.
Here’s the rub. It seems my cousin constantly has to attempt to outdo every one else with how perfect a parent she is because she’s done the biggest checklist with her child. And has to put me down because I don’t. I don’t do elf on the shelf with my son. He just doesn’t care for it so I don’t do it for he sake of it. Same as Santa letters. She doesn’t contact me pleased because her kid signed their own name on their Santa letter for the first time and like a lot of parents whenever your kid does something new or special you do tell just about anything that breathes. She does it and then always feels the need to say things like ‘haven’t you done yours yet’? Well no. You know I haven’t. And you know why.
I’m really happy that she gets to do these things with her kid. But I’m not unhappy that I don’t do them with my son. I do the things he loves and we enjoy doing them together. So I don’t mind that they are different or that we don’t do some things other people do. But it still hurts when she keeps trying to show I’m not a good enough mum because I don’t follow the Christmas prescription.
She’s not the only one that does it to me but she is someone who should know better as she knows about his autism very well. At least those who don’t really know about his autism don’t know why he doesn’t do those things.
It’s not like I’m doing it to be cheap either. Though she points out how much money I save not ‘bothering’. Taking him to the local Santa’s grottos is between £4-£12 depending on which one you go to and what you get (value of gift, framed pictures etc). One trip up to winter wonderland for the day costs just shy of £100 (petrol, parking, tube, entrance, food). That’s before you buy anything, and last year we went twice amongst all the other things we did. And I consider it all money well spent.
I just feel like such an inadequate parent. It’s not even December and it’s being shoved down my throat that I don’t Christmas enough. I don’t my like my son misses out on anything he wants to do, and I always offer the activities he didn’t want last year in case he does this time. I don’t know what more to do. I’m not going to force him to do things he doesn’t like that aren’t necessary (he hates showers but that is a need so he still is made to do it) and certainly not things that distress him. But what more can I do? I just feel like a failure. Objectively I think I’m doing right by my son and I know he is happy. Emotionally I feel like I’ve failed the checklist I’m an awful mum.
Does anyone have any good advice about dealing with people who basically just like making you sad?
