I’ve lied all my life. Since I was a child. But the lies have gotten bigger and bigger and now I’m so deep in these awful, terrible, manipulative lies and they’re starting to unravel. I don’t even know if I believe in God or if that’s another lie. I don’t know anymore. I am the worst type of person. I don’t think even God could forgive me for lying like this. For saying I believe when I don’t know.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m so lost. I haven’t eaten or slept and I don’t know how to keep going. I’ve lost my job from lies, my family really don’t like me because of the lying, my friends have found out and disowned me, including my very best friends. I know I deserve all of this. I lied about everything. From relationships to being really sick. From achievements to vacations. I don’t know why I do it, it’s doesnt give me anything good but I can’t help it. I’ve lost all control and it’s left me completely alone in this world.
Hi Dearest Sister,
I too, was a compulsive liar, brought on by fear of punishment while a child. I learned quickly that if I lied, I would not get into trouble. But, I also learned that the relief of admitting my deed and accepting the punishment felt a whole lot better than carrying the burden of the lie. I continued to lie throughout my life, very similar to your story. I also lied rather than admit my mistakes. I ended up in James 5:16, where it says "Confess your faults one to another that you might be healed," so I confessed this to a Christian friend. The enemy wants us to be isolated in the darkness of sin. When we bring it to the light, Jesus can work. I still struggle with telling the truth, and when I fall, I confess and ask forgiveness, and I say this verse, Psalm 51:6 "God desires truth in the innermost being," and I determine that the next time, I will tell the truth. The root of mine is fear, so I constantly have to remind myself that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me, and What is the worst that can happen if I admit that I did something or other? A favorite quote that has really helped me is this from Spencer Johnson's little book, "Who Moved My Cheese?" and it is this- "what would you do if you weren't afraid?" The answer will tell you the root of your lie, your actions, and reactions.
Grantley Morris has a website called
Bible Christian help. Jesus Christianity. Support & encouragement, about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I discovered, through a different type of struggle that I have this battle. I think you might, too, and can get help through it.
The Bible says though the righteous fall seven times, still the Lord will raise him up. Prov 24:16, and Jesus said in Luke 17 if a man sins against you seven times, forgive him. Not literally seven but Jesus died and shed His blood for you, that you might be forgiven.
It might help you to ask the Lord to reveal the root of your habit. Find that, Luke 17:6 says, "He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you." Only Jesus is stronger than this habit. Find verses and write them out on index cards at eye level where you can see them easily Read them, memorize them, quote them 50 times a day if you have to. Read through Grantley's many page website, and fill your spirit with the incalculable love of God through Christ for you.
