Is cohabitation really a sin?

Far Side Of the Moon

" The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)
Mar 11, 2016
3,944
2,909
Georgia
✟30,290.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
Here's the reality of human relationships. You are either growing closer, or drifting apart. There really is no in between. There is no point where you reach a static state. This is true pre-marriage as well.

So when you date for years on end, without getting married, you are begging to end up sleeping around before being married. And sleeping with a guy before getting married, is a great way to end up wrecking your life.

Not only do you invite all kinds of problems, but you sabotage your chances of ever getting married to the guy. Sad fact of modern western culture..... If the guy can get you to meet his needs before marriage... why get married?

I have met guys that were hot to get married. But the women wanted to live together before marriage. So they did. A year later, that same guy that was actually pushing to get married, now was completely against. Why get married? What for? He's getting what he wants already. He doesn't need to get married.

That women, absolutely destroyed her own relationship. They eventually broke up, and he found someone else. Meanwhile, she's now a single mother.

Dating for a long period of time, is very bad. It's not only just bad because you end up in bad situations like you mentioned, it is bad because it sabotages your own relationships.
Wow this is all very true. Everything I bolded is what I don't want to happen. And it's so easy to do. Cohabitation benefits men more than it does women in the sense they can get everythinh out of the woman and they can keep pushing the proposal date back or worse break up,find someone else and move on...which is too heart breaking for words.

When you're cooking,cleaning and having sex to keep a man you're just performing for a ring that may never come.

In short, I agree with what you said.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Phil.Stein
Upvote 0

Andrew77

The walking accident
Supporter
Feb 11, 2018
1,912
1,242
Ohio
✟138,616.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Constitution
Wow this is all very true. Everything I bolded is what I don't want to happen. And it's so easy to do. Cohabitation benefits men more than it does women in the sense they can get everythinh out of the woman and they can keep pushing the proposal date back or worse break up,find someone else and move on...which is too heart breaking for words.

When you're cooking,cleaning and having sex to keep a man you're just performing for a ring that may never come.

In fact, a ring that likely won't come, specifically because you are performing for it.

I have a story that happened recently at work.

So there was a woman there who had been living with her boyfriend for 7 years, and got engaged.

There was a man there, that was met a girl last year, and they were engaged.

So the women was absolutely beside herself, and having panic attacks. She was indignant at the man at work, because he was getting engaged after only knowing this woman of his, for about a year, while she (in her own words) had done it the right way and live together for years.

At the same time, she was stressed out at her boyfriend, because he couldn't care less. He had no interest in getting married. No desire. Was not planning for the wedding. Was not saving money for the wedding. Wasn't even willing to take a day off work, for the wedding.

She was angry because she's looking at her boyfriend that she has been with 7 years, and he has zero interest in getting married, and then looking at this guy at work, who is saving money, planning, and taking vacation time to get off work for the wedding, all for a girl he's only known a year.

She could not figure this out.

To me it was obvious. This guy didn't have a girl yet. He lived alone. He was a virgin. He was marrying, and going to have a women in his life. So he's all into it.

Her boyfriend.... what exactly is he going to get out of being married? He's been screwing this girl for years. She's been cleaning his dirty underwear for years. Why would he want to waste time, money, and effort, into getting married? The whole thing is pointless to him.

This is the reality of modern western culture. Women just don't seem to understand that they destroy themselves, by giving themselves away for free, without marriage.
 
Upvote 0

Far Side Of the Moon

" The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)
Mar 11, 2016
3,944
2,909
Georgia
✟30,290.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
In fact, a ring that likely won't come, specifically because you are performing for it.

I have a story that happened recently at work.

So there was a woman there who had been living with her boyfriend for 7 years, and got engaged.

There was a man there, that was met a girl last year, and they were engaged.

So the women was absolutely beside herself, and having panic attacks. She was indignant at the man at work, because he was getting engaged after only knowing this woman of his, for about a year, while she (in her own words) had done it the right way and live together for years.

At the same time, she was stressed out at her boyfriend, because he couldn't care less. He had no interest in getting married. No desire. Was not planning for the wedding. Was not saving money for the wedding. Wasn't even willing to take a day off work, for the wedding.

She was angry because she's looking at her boyfriend that she has been with 7 years, and he has zero interest in getting married, and then looking at this guy at work, who is saving money, planning, and taking vacation time to get off work for the wedding, all for a girl he's only known a year.

She could not figure this out.

To me it was obvious. This guy didn't have a girl yet. He lived alone. He was a virgin. He was marrying, and going to have a women in his life. So he's all into it.

Her boyfriend.... what exactly is he going to get out of being married? He's been screwing this girl for years. She's been cleaning his dirty underwear for years. Why would he want to waste time, money, and effort, into getting married? The whole thing is pointless to him.

This is the reality of modern western culture. Women just don't seem to understand that they destroy themselves, by giving themselves away for free, without marriage.
That's horrible. I would be in tears as marriage is VERY important to me. That's not right to string someone along.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Phil.Stein
Upvote 0

Far Side Of the Moon

" The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)
Mar 11, 2016
3,944
2,909
Georgia
✟30,290.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
In fact, a ring that likely won't come, specifically because you are performing for it.

I have a story that happened recently at work.

So there was a woman there who had been living with her boyfriend for 7 years, and got engaged.

There was a man there, that was met a girl last year, and they were engaged.

So the women was absolutely beside herself, and having panic attacks. She was indignant at the man at work, because he was getting engaged after only knowing this woman of his, for about a year, while she (in her own words) had done it the right way and live together for years.

At the same time, she was stressed out at her boyfriend, because he couldn't care less. He had no interest in getting married. No desire. Was not planning for the wedding. Was not saving money for the wedding. Wasn't even willing to take a day off work, for the wedding.

She was angry because she's looking at her boyfriend that she has been with 7 years, and he has zero interest in getting married, and then looking at this guy at work, who is saving money, planning, and taking vacation time to get off work for the wedding, all for a girl he's only known a year.

She could not figure this out.

To me it was obvious. This guy didn't have a girl yet. He lived alone. He was a virgin. He was marrying, and going to have a women in his life. So he's all into it.

Her boyfriend.... what exactly is he going to get out of being married? He's been screwing this girl for years. She's been cleaning his dirty underwear for years. Why would he want to waste time, money, and effort, into getting married? The whole thing is pointless to him.

This is the reality of modern western culture. Women just don't seem to understand that they destroy themselves, by giving themselves away for free, without marriage.
So do you think ....the girl who's bf been with her for 7 yearS... Do you think he loves her at all?

I would think if you love them...you'd marry them right?

Do you think he loves her or just sees her as something convenient?
 
Upvote 0

Andrew77

The walking accident
Supporter
Feb 11, 2018
1,912
1,242
Ohio
✟138,616.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Constitution
That's horrible. I would be in tears as marriage is VERY important to me. That's not right to string someone along.

So just to be accurate, he did marry that girl. But she had to bribe him into it.

If she had demanded to be married 7 years ago, before they moved in together, I would bet you he would have been all for it.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Phil.Stein
Upvote 0

Far Side Of the Moon

" The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)
Mar 11, 2016
3,944
2,909
Georgia
✟30,290.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
So just to be accurate, he did marry that girl. But she had to bribe him into it.

If she had demanded to be married 7 years ago, before they moved in together, I would bet you he would have been all for it.
Oh. Atleast he married her but that's still a long time and like you said she had to force him.
 
Upvote 0

Andrew77

The walking accident
Supporter
Feb 11, 2018
1,912
1,242
Ohio
✟138,616.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Constitution
So do you think ....the girl who's bf been with her for 7 yearS... Do you think he loves her at all?

I would think if you love them...you'd marry them right?

Do you think he loves her or just sees her as something convenient?

That is really difficult to say.

When you say "if they love them, they will marry"... that implies that people connect love and marriage. That may have been true 50 years ago in this country. That may be true of Christians who have a Bible based world view.

That is not true of the world.

To a man in this culture, if he has his needs met, and he is not married, then he has no need to be married. It is that simple. Love isn't part of that.

In a modern man's world view, if he is living with you, that is love. So not needing marriage, does not mean he doesn't love.

Many people say "I don't need a piece of paper to say I love you".

So he may, or may not, really love this girl. Hard to say.
 
Upvote 0

Andrew77

The walking accident
Supporter
Feb 11, 2018
1,912
1,242
Ohio
✟138,616.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Constitution
Oh. Atleast he married her but that's still a long time and like you said she had to force him.

It was more of a bribe. Which I'm not sure if that's better or worse, that you have to like lay out cookie crumbs to the alter, in order to get someone to marry you. Seems tragic if you need to entice someone to marry you. Not real 'romantic' for sure.
 
Upvote 0

Dave-W

Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner!
Supporter
Jun 18, 2014
30,521
16,866
Maryland - just north of D.C.
Visit site
✟771,800.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Upvote 0

whereloveandmercymeet

There but for the grace of God...
Nov 12, 2018
386
596
32
Dorset
✟117,670.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
You should never date a non-christian.

Can I ask why? I can see how you might say that about marriage but surely dating someone is an opportunity to witness to them and show them the truth? You could start dating a non-Christian and end up married to a believer.

I’m just wondering if it’s a biblical thing or a in some people’s opinion non compatible thing?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Andrew77

The walking accident
Supporter
Feb 11, 2018
1,912
1,242
Ohio
✟138,616.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Constitution
Can I ask why? I can see how you might say that about marriage but surely dating someone is an opportunity to witness to them and show them the truth? You could start dating a non-Christian and end up married to a believer.

I’m just wondering if it’s a biblical thing or a in some people’s opinion non compatible thing?

Good question. So to be open, there are some Christians who have a different view, and would agree with what you have said.

I have the opposite position. I don't see this happening.

I can think of several couples off hand, where the results were disastrous.

One lady, got with this guy, and he pretended that he was Mr. Christian. He got 'saved' and they got married, and then for the next 30 years, she came to Church alone, and he completely rejected everything about Christianity.

You need to know that this guy is a Christian with or without you. You need to see this guy believes in Jesus, without you being his motivation.

Another lady, did the same thing, and we had to send people over to collect her and her daughter, because he started beating the snot out of her. Again... Until this guy is going to church, without you being a goal, he could be faking the entire thing.

Had a young woman, play this game of inviting a guy to church, in exchange for a date. So he came, they went on a date. After this, she declined to go out with him again. Naturally he realized she never went on a date for him, she went on a date only for her religion, to drag him into church. He now hates Christians more than before he went on a date. He felt cheated. He knows she was never interested in him.

Lastly, I know a girl who did this, and ended up getting an abortion, and now neither the boy, nor the girl, go to any church. Nor are they together. That's likely the worst case I've seen where a Christian girl, dated a non-christian boy, and ended up in disaster.

My basic view is that it is difficult if not impossible, to get involved in dating, and not eventually have some relational connection established.

Therefore, it is far more likely that a women will end up like a pagan man, than a pagan man is likely to become a Christian.

Are there counter examples where it worked? Yes, of course. But my experience is that these are the exception, not the rule. Generally speaking, dating a pagan, is like tying yourself to the titanic, and thinking you'll stop it from sinking. You won't. You'll just go down with it.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

whereloveandmercymeet

There but for the grace of God...
Nov 12, 2018
386
596
32
Dorset
✟117,670.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Good question. So to be open, there are some Christians who have a different view, and would agree with what you have said.

I have the opposite position. I don't see this happening.

I can think of several couples off hand, where the results were disastrous.

One lady, got with this guy, and he pretended that he was Mr. Christian. He got 'saved' and they got married, and then for the next 30 years, she came to Church alone, and he completely rejected everything about Christianity.

You need to know that this guy is a Christian with or without you. You need to see this guy believes in Jesus, without you being his motivation.

Another lady, did the same thing, and we had to send people over to collect her and her daughter, because he started beating the snot out of her. Again... Until this guy is going to church, without you being a goal, he could be faking the entire thing.

Had a young woman, play this game of inviting a guy to church, in exchange for a date. So he came, they went on a date. After this, she declined to go out with him again. Naturally he realized she never went on a date for him, she went on a date only for her religion, to drag him into church. He now hates Christians more than before he went on a date. He felt cheated. He knows she was never interested in him.

Lastly, I know a girl who did this, and ended up getting an abortion, and now neither the boy, nor the girl, go to any church. Nor are they together. That's likely the worst case I've seen where a Christian girl, dated a non-christian boy, and ended up in disaster.

My basic view is that it is difficult if not impossible, to get involved in dating, and not eventually have some relational connection established.

Therefore, it is far more likely that a women will end up like a pagan man, than a pagan man is likely to become a Christian.

Are there counter examples where it worked? Yes, of course. But my experience is that these are the exception, not the rule. Generally speaking, dating a pagan, is like tying yourself to the titanic, and thinking you'll stop it from sinking. You won't. You'll just go down with it.

Thank you for your honest answer :) I certainly agree that it’s an easier road if you’re both on the same page about most things, not just religion. I was just curious to know if it was an opinion thing or a teaching.
 
Upvote 0

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound
Feb 24, 2009
747
569
30
✟85,038.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Celibate
The temptation of living with someone you're attracted to but not married to would be too unbearable for me. I don't know how Christian couples can pull it off. I knew a couple who went to my church who were engaged for 4 years and I honestly have no clue how they were able to withstand the tempation before they tied the knot. Crazy if you ask me. I don't believe living with someone you're attracted to, engaged or not, is the right thing to do.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: vinsight4u
Upvote 0

Dave-W

Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner!
Supporter
Jun 18, 2014
30,521
16,866
Maryland - just north of D.C.
Visit site
✟771,800.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
The temptation of living with someone you're attracted to but not married to would be too unbearable for me.
I think it would be similar for most people, Jess.
Especially if you believe masturbating** is not an option.

But even if they do touch** regularly, the pheremones from each other would eventually render that unsatisfying.
I don't know how Christian couples can pull it off. I knew a couple who went to my church who were engaged for 4 years and I honestly have no clue how they were able to withstand the tempation before they tied the knot.
If I were a betting man, I would bet they did NOT withstand, and started having sex at some point.

But if they actually WERE able to withstand, I would especially be concerned how they got together AFTER they got married. If you can set up ways of not having sex while living together, those ways usually become automatic and will kick up after you said your "I DOs." Both would be living with someone who can automatically turn off sexual desire when around each other.

That is NOT GOOD.

**I know that is kind of a forbidden topic here, but if we are dealing with real life, it should be addressed.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

NeedyFollower

Well-Known Member
Feb 29, 2016
1,024
437
63
N Carolina
✟71,145.00
Faith
Anabaptist
Marital Status
Celibate
Would God disapprove? What makes it wrong... I've had some people tell me it was but why exactly. Thanks.
You have been given many answers regarding marriage from biblical text ( which no question should inform us . ) But you must put Paul's writing in context ..you must understand Paul . Paul was about Christ ..for him to live was Christ and to die was gain ..For Paul , marriage was about Christ ..to show the eternity and oneness of Godly love ..in the early church remarriage was not allowed ..it was a permanent covenant ...Modern Christianity has become humanistic verses being about the glory of God ...Christ lived for the glory of God ..today's christian seeks their own happiness ..in the regeneration there will not be any such things as husband and wife ..no sex ..we will be as innocent children ..so living together as brothers and sisters in Christ is one thing but lust is not love . Do not confuse the two ..As Paul said , The marriage bed is undefiled in all but adulterers and harlot-mongers God will judge.
 
  • Like
Reactions: pinkjess
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums