Husbands feel "entitled" to wife's body

Minoa

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Does he do this in front of the kids?!?

That said while your bodies "belong" to each other, it doesn't say anything about controlling the other person/persons body. He's in the wrong and needs to get help understanding what the bible is talking about.

Going by your other posts where he calls you useless because you don't pack his lunch it sounds like its a cultural thing for sure. Not trying to stereotype but is he asian?

My american friend married a Japanese man and had the same exact issues. Woman were just a work tool to take care of home, kids and give sex. She divorced him recently due to it escalating to abuse.

In their culture this is the norm sadly to treat women like property. Its hard to because despite what the bible says they are still used to their way being the normal way and its hard to change their view on it.

I'd also find a new church if they aren't teaching things correctly.

Yes, he is.
I didn't want to post that as it would seem like I was being "racist" but he does use his culture as an excuse, and so he makes his culture into a big problem in this relationship. Instead of being a fair host, he got annoyed at my friend who didn't want to eat with chopsticks---that was way far gone and it started a spat out, so now he banned her from ever coming over again. All over a stupid utensil and too much pride. His own mother has forks in her house, he is living in another universe and acting legalistic over a lot of things as if he still lives in Asia---except in an Asian restaurant, people are a lot hospitable than he is!
He is very rude to my family and friends and will easily ban them all from ever staying over and ruining my friendships
 
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essentialsaltes

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He will go so far as to shut things off like internet access

This and other aspects of his controlling behavior are very worrisome.

The way you write about him makes it hard for an outsider to understand how it ever must have been better in the past to get to the point of marriage and then how it got to where it is now. But now that it is where it is now, I think you should really consider getting outside help from counselling and/or up-and-leaving. This seems to be heading for a train-wreck, and it may be better to jump off.
 
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Sparagmos

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Saying what his body "cannot do to you" only serves to deny that your body belongs to him, but you still get to grope him to your heart's content, too. (You could have a case if he was hurting you or embarrassing you in public. But that doesn't even apply to the intent of that verse.)

Toward illicit relationships? Certainly, but not to innocent family relationships.
Toward tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery...? Yes.
So you believe husbands can rape their wives and it is OK?
 
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Nithavela

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Get out of there, if not for your own sake, then for your daughters. There are hotlines and organisations that can help you with getting to a safe place.

I would suggest counseling, but from your post that doesnt sound viable.
 
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Sabertooth

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Yes supposedly wifes should submit to husbands, but if the husband do not treat the wife with the proper care then that is a shame.
1 Corinthians 7:4 is a completely different context than the "submission" Scriptures. It is about exclusive intimate access between a couple. It does not apply to trying to get the other person to do something.

The OP brings up other issues, but a husband is free to "get fresh" with his wife, and a wife is free "get fresh" with her husband. And each has a say in what the other brings into their shared bed.
 
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SkyWriting

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My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.

You're in a tough spot. You are welcome to stay married, but you should move out. Perhaps he'll reconsider his tactics if he doesn't own the house.
 
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Sabertooth

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So you believe husbands can rape their wives and it is OK?
No, but you are reading way more into that verse, and my response. Are they lovers?

If yes, mutual access, getting fresh and seducing each other is to be expected.
If no, I am not sure what you expect a marriage to be.
 
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PreviouslySeeking...

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I'm sorry, I don't see a simple fix for you. Your husband doesn't appear to respect you as an independent person. You are a possession as far as he is concerned. He doesn't respect you as his partner in this life if he will block your access to things when he is miffed.

Your husband's control of the money in your home fuels the worst of his personality traits. I'd get a job and request he go to therapy/counseling if I were you.

This man just wants what he wants and seems to have a tantrum if he doesn't get it. I'm not judging his sex drive- I'm judging that he continues to treat you in a way you clearly dislike.

By the way, his treatment of you really isn't about him being Asian. Every culture on this planet is patriarchal and includes men who believe that justifies them to mistreat their spouses. It occurs in all ethnic groups. My ex was White and abusive. My husband is Asian, foreign born, and he doesn't behave like your husband. Nor do any of my in-laws.

I hope you have family/community support to make some needed changes in your life.
 
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Nithavela

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No, but you are reading more into that verse, and my response. Are they lovers?

If yes, mutual access, getting fresh and seducing each other is to be expected.
If no, I am not sure what you expect a marriage to be.
Marriages can change. Especially if people turn out different than they appeared at first.
 
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PreviouslySeeking...

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No, but you are reading more into that verse, and my response. Are they lovers?

If yes, mutual access, getting fresh and seducing each other is to be expected.
If no, I am not sure what you expect a marriage to be.

It isn't "getting fresh" or seduction if the behavior clearly irritates your partner. It is just being selfish or unfeeling.
 
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Serving Zion

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I honestly feel in him there is a sort of lust that is offputting, it feels gross and perverted and thus why he probably could not get a girlfriend before---some girls must have seen he was a bit off?. It does not feel like real love, and many times he will find ways to punish me though he denies all of this as if I am crazy. He will go so far as to shut things off like internet access, etc if he feels "disrespected". Where as I feel I am not able to give consequences to any of his behaviours, as he instantly decides to make it a battle of punishing one another-----starting from not allowing me to use any of "his" things, etc. He is very entitled----and admits he feels entitled to his mother owing him for giving him a crappy childhood
Yes, that resentment in Him is preventing The Holy Spirit's expression - for, "God is love (1 John 4:16).

For that reason I have led you to think about what spirit is in him when he does those things, because The Holy Spirit is graceful, kind, caring, gentle etc (look at 1 Corinthians 13).

If he has been deprived of that nature, how can you expect him to have that nature? (It isn't only a rhetorical question, because the bible teaches us that the love of God can abide in us - not because we have loved God, but because He has first loved us).

So I see your comment above, that the bible is useful for a man who wants to use it against his wife, and I would like you to understand that the bible is also useful for the wife to use against the sin in that case (for, 2 Timothy 3:16-17). The key for you to access that power, is faith in God over, above and through those scriptures.

It is hard to make a person change into who you want them to be, and you cannot do it by forcing scripture upon him, but your response to the way he uses scripture can have a powerful spiritual effect.

Your own resentment, your response to the injustice you suffer, is known as an exploitable weakness to the thing that is trying to destroy you through him .. and yet it is not your husbands intention to make you feel that way. Truthfully, within him, he has his own reasons for what he does .. that you know better than he does, is owed to an incomplete approach to intimacy.

Does it all make sense to you, what I have said here?
 
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com7fy8

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"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Corinthians 7:4 NKJV
Thank you :) I think this means constant mutual sensitivity. And if you love each other, you want to use your power to do good to your spouse, not merely so you have a ticket to get all the pleasure you want for yourself. Possibly, there is a bigger problem than how much one person wants power to use the other person for pleasure.

Ones can be so independent, that they don't want even their own spouses to help them. So, I see we could apply this to how we should let our spouses have power over us to help us, even when we might be able to handle things all by ourselves. But, deeply, we might not be strong and real enough to do things in close involvement without getting into scraps; and so we might be trying to keep others away so they do not expose our weaknesses and fake-nesses. So, we need to do things together so we can get exposed for our need for real correction, and more good at sharing in close involvement :)

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

Yea, he only sees the first part---

I don't even know what the second part even means because nobody at church EVER talks about---EVER. Does this mean that we get a say in what his body cannot do to us, or towards other woman? or to getting tattooes, etc?
I think Paul means in a love relationship. He does not mean only for you two to make rules about what he can do or not do. And God does not mean for us to use our spouses in a self-serving way.

But it is especially for a couple who can pray and be submissive to how God leads and guides them.

In any case, I am satisfied it does not mean for a men to use his wife any way he pleases. Because we need to seek to please God, first.

And here is what Paul says to do, "first of all" > 1 Timothy 2:1-4. I would say you have time to do this, when your husband is not around. And pray, then, for him, also. Have hope in prayer for him. Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). Jesus died with hope for any person, at all.

And consider how ladies "without a word" can help their men > 1 Peter 3:1-4. Don't depend on him supposedly changing, but depend on God how He is able to change him . . . and you.
 
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Sparagmos

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No, but you are reading way more into that verse, and my response. Are they lovers?

If yes, mutual access, getting fresh and seducing each other is to be expected.
If no, I am not sure what you expect a marriage to be.
So, along the lines of rape in marriage not being OK, unwanted groping is not OK either. He is not even attempting seduction and sounds uninterested in her desires or pleasure.
 
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Basil the Great

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Well.... I must say that this is one of the most interesting threads that I have seen in my years on Christian Forums. As far as dirty jokes, they have never been my cup of tea. Regarding the groping, I am not sure what to say. I guess that it is a matter of degree. One would hope that a husband and wife could come to a mutually agreeable position of things like this, but such is not always possible. Having never been married, it is hard for me to fully assess the situation. However, I spent most of my long career in government interviewing women who were divorced or separated or had children out of wedlock. Hence, I have heard many different things from women, though this particular complaint is one that I do not recall. I guess I am most concerned as to whether his constant groping is possibly an indication of worse things to come. Hopefully this will not be the case. I am referring here to the potential for verbal and even physical abuse.

Sadly, you are in a touchy situation. Many wives would probably gladly trade places with you, especially those where groping and sex is infrequent. Still, your comfort zone is not to be totally ignored by a loving husband. As is so often the case in life, there is no easy answer to the problem that you face. If you are unable to eventually resolve the situation to a level that you can live with, then maybe see if the two of you will go for marriage counseling, though I have never been a huge fan of such.

................ OK, I just read your post about him being rude to your family and friends. It sounds to me like he is at least showing the potential to being a controlling husband, if he is not there already.
 
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