Husbands feel "entitled" to wife's body

Minoa

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My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping my behind (SE), but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.
 
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Rescued One

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Are you, by chance, married to my ex-brother-in-law? :sick:


This is NOT an attempt at humor. My ex-brother-in-law was an unregenerate despicable person. i had to lock my doors even in the daytime because he did the exact same thing to me. Later I learned that he molested my two younger sisters. I wish my older sister had divorced him.
 
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Sabertooth

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"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Corinthians 7:4 NKJV
 
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"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Corinthians 7:4 NKJV

Agree, but he should treat her with the proper respect and consideration like the bible says.
 
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Minoa

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"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Corinthians 7:4 NKJV

Yea, he only sees the first part---I don't even know what the second part even means because nobody at church EVER talks about---EVER. Does this mean that we get a say in what his body cannot do to us, or towards other woman? or to getting tattooes, etc?
Otherwise, there is no reason for woman to get married at all---we should stay single and live out our careers and focus only on God's missionaries, and men can just seek sex elsewhere and live in their own sins if that is how they want to live. One needs to learn to control their lusts both single and married---he is lustful and has a sinful mind when talks about woman and their bodies openly as if those woman needed his approval.

I feel the churches absolutely do not empower woman whatsoever to know their grounds for boundaries and being treated with respect. I seriously don't hear it preached anywhere I go. They just say woman should "submit" to their husbands. And husband to "love" their wives----except if a man says "I do love her, I pay her groceries and bills"---his subjective idea of love, and "real love" is not often a topic in men talk---just careers and handyworks
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Does he do this in front of the kids?!?

That said while your bodies "belong" to each other, it doesn't say anything about controlling the other person/persons body. He's in the wrong and needs to get help understanding what the bible is talking about.

Going by your other posts where he calls you useless because you don't pack his lunch it sounds like its a cultural thing for sure. Not trying to stereotype but is he asian?

My american friend married a Japanese man and had the same exact issues. Woman were just a work tool to take care of home, kids and give sex. She divorced him recently due to it escalating to abuse.

In their culture this is the norm sadly to treat women like property. Its hard to because despite what the bible says they are still used to their way being the normal way and its hard to change their view on it.

I'd also find a new church if they aren't teaching things correctly.
 
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Good Day,

I know it is somewhat difficult for some women to understand. I would recommend reading "love and respect" it may help both of you to understand each other a bit better. Me and my wife have been over this quite a few times, and understanding is very important. He has a very strong need that you may not have it is his not good not bad just different. I will say the calling him names or saying he is "filthy" will not help you in understanding these types of comments (name calling) become meaning less rather quick and brushed aside men are good at that.

Hope you find the understanding you are seeking.

Bill
 
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NBB

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Yea, he only sees the first part---I don't even know what the second part even means because nobody at church EVER talks about---EVER. Does this mean that we get a say in what his body cannot do to us, or towards other woman? or to getting tattooes, etc?

I feel the churches absolutely do not empower woman whatsoever to know their grounds for boundaries and being treated with respect. I seriously don't hear it preached anywhere I go. They just say woman should "submit" to their husbands. And husband to "love" their wives----except if a man says "I do love her, I pay her groceries and bills"---his subjective idea of love, and "real love" is not often a topic in men talk---just careers and handyworks

Yes supposedly wifes should submit to husbands, but if the husband do not treat the wife with the proper care then that is a shame. And causes trouble of course.
He is not christian right? i can't give much advice but maybe someone else can.
 
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Sabertooth

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Does this mean that we get a say in what his body cannot do to us, or towards other woman? or to getting tattooes, etc?
Saying what his body "cannot do to you" only serves to deny that your body belongs to him, but you still get to grope him to your heart's content, too. (You could have a case if he was hurting you or embarrassing you in public. But that doesn't even apply to the intent of that verse.)

Toward illicit relationships? Certainly, but not to innocent family relationships.
Toward tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery...? Yes.
 
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NBB

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Saying what his body cannot do to you can be a means of denying God-given access, but you still get to grope him to your heart's content.

Toward illicit relationships? Certainly, but not to innocent family relationships.
Toward tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery...? Yes.

Thing is women can get emotionally 'hurt' and don't want 'groping' if the husband is not treating her as he should.
 
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joshua 1 9

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My husband gropes me a lot, especially no matter what I say about it. I revolt and I tell him "enough" groping behind (SE) but he does not stop. He says he has his "husband's privledge" to touch his wife---as if I am a thing he earned from his own "hard work" (He is always going on, on and oooon about how "hard" he works and that he wants be pampered and praised just for going to work everyday like a normal adult does).

It seems nobody encourages divorce and it is grey what is considered "abuse" as this is "normal" behaviour last few centuries ago---which is the mind he lives in. He thinks woman who do all the cooking, thus,he does ZERO cooking, PERIOD.

He does not grasp what mutual consent means-and does not seem interested in understanding it. I am afraid what messages he will teach the daughter as she grows up----he already says he wants to teach her how to get a good man by acting and dressing a certain "feminine" way as if God ISNT ENOUGH. SICK. I cannot allow this!

He uses money and the bills he pays as a weapon in return if I feel angry from his advances. Acts like my body is an exchange for his money, and that his money is HIS money. I am at home taking care of the baby, so it is certainly NOT "his"----he "wanted a family" but he acts like a selfish brat-----he doesn't even give me cash to buy groceries or a lunch and sometimes threatens to stop paying for food. Somehow my sense of dignity and my own body is equal to material things-----I honestly feel like leaving. The only time he quotes the bible is when it's related to woman submitting to men and about constantly forgiving---as a way for him to continue sinning. Apparently, everything else is too much for him---he does not "believe" in "real fellowship" nor does he seem to believe in putting God first---he puts money first----even though the family he doesn't trust does the exact thing, but he refuses to change himself to be a kinder person---he makes excuses for being a jerk. He feels the only reason to talk to his family is to get them to support us financially.

He sneak-gropes my chest almost every time he hands me the baby or I hand him the baby, and pretends he did not do it---and it was an "Accident". He outright lies to me as if I'm a stranger woman on the street----and I am scared to react because I might drop the baby, so he is basically abusing me and taking advantage of the baby.

Also, he has a very lustful mindset. he claims it is "normal" but it is more like, sin is normal, so he is just excusing his sinful nature. His jokes are so filthy, and he makes constant, daily dirty jokes which is him basically constantly telling me that he wants sex. Even if I am talking about the baby, he somehow translates into making a sex joke out of the words I used. I cannot say ANYTHING without it being made filthy.
You need for God to put HIS Love in you for your husband. So God can love him through you. WE are to be a vessel used by God. Matthew 24:12 "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."
 
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Minoa

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Good Day,

I know it is somewhat difficult for some women to understand. I would recommend reading "love and respect" it may help both of you to understand each other a bit better. Me and my wife have been over this quite a few times, and understanding is very important. He has a very strong need that you may not have it is his not good not bad just different. I will say the calling him names or saying he is "filthy" will not help you in understanding these types of comments (name calling) become meaning less rather quick and brushed aside men are good at that.

Hope you find the understanding you are seeking.

Bill
someone gave us a copy, but he has not bothered to read it at all. All he does is quote "respect!" as a command and tells me I should go read it. I've read most of it so far, but it is very hard to "respect" him indeed. I do what I call "basic respect", where even if I am angry, I don't destroy his property, if he is tired I leave him alone to nap, I don't steal his creditcard, if he shuts the bathroom door to shower, I don't unlock it and bother him (he does this to me, I don't get a single hour to myself anymore between baby and husband---I am one of the tpyes of woman briefly mentioned that need respect just as much as a man does almost probably----especially since I've never had it growing up--and now as I am trying to grow, he reminds me he does like "tough" girls.
In fact, I find people stop talking to me after we got married.

Sadly this book is a great weapon for manipulative men to use on woman
 
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SeventyOne

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Yea, he only sees the first part---I don't even know what the second part even means because nobody at church EVER talks about---EVER. Does this mean that we get a say in what his body cannot do to us, or towards other woman? or to getting tattooes, etc?
Otherwise, there is no reason for woman to get married at all---we should stay single and live out our careers and focus only on God's missionaries, and men can just seek sex elsewhere and live in their own sins if that is how they want to live. One needs to learn to control their lusts both single and married---he is lustful and has a sinful mind when talks about woman and their bodies openly as if those woman needed his approval.

I feel the churches absolutely do not empower woman whatsoever to know their grounds for boundaries and being treated with respect. I seriously don't hear it preached anywhere I go. They just say woman should "submit" to their husbands. And husband to "love" their wives----except if a man says "I do love her, I pay her groceries and bills"---his subjective idea of love, and "real love" is not often a topic in men talk---just careers and handyworks

Does he see the part about the husband should treat the wife as Christ treats the Church? To us, marriage is a typology to provide an earthly example of our relationship to Him. If he's not striving to behave and care for you as Jesus cares and loves His Church, he's most definitely in the wrong.
 
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Minoa

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Do you recognise that it isn't The Holy Spirit in him that is doing these things?
I honestly feel in him there is a sort of lust that is offputting, it feels gross and perverted and thus why he probably could not get a girlfriend before---some girls must have seen he was a bit off?. It does not feel like real love, and many times he will find ways to punish me though he denies all of this as if I am crazy. He will go so far as to shut things off like internet access, etc if he feels "disrespected". Where as I feel I am not able to give consequences to any of his behaviours, as he instantly decides to make it a battle of punishing one another-----starting from not allowing me to use any of "his" things, etc. He is very entitled----and admits he feels entitled to his mother owing him for giving him a crappy childhood
 
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