Female Accountability Thread

salt-n-light said:

Praying for you, I have the same struggles as well as it comes up more rarely now these days. If you need someone to DM, reach out to me and we can check each other.

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Just now seeing this as I haven't been on in quite a while. Thank you for this. Unfortunately, I can't DM yet (maybe not enough posts? I dunno...) but I would love to connect at some point. Thanks for the prayers. I need them

Soccerbeth said:

Just now seeing this as I haven't been on in quite a while. Thank you for this. Unfortunately, I can't DM yet (maybe not enough posts? I dunno...) but I would love to connect at some point. Thanks for the prayers. I need them

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sounds great, just reach out whenever you have a chance

Hi everybody,

I really need some prayer, encouragement, and/or help right now. As I have mentioned before, I was sexually and physically abused as a little girl by a female figure close to me. As I have worked thru this in therapy, I have found that I equate physical closeness with a female with the love that I needed and never got. inappropriate contentography was also a big part of my abuse.

Which leads to today. I struggle greatly with attraction and lust toward other women. I give in greatly to inappropriate content (not nasty hardcore stuff, but more like women in their underwear). I was strongly triggered over the weekend by a lady at the coffee shop whose low rise jeans revealed much of her black lacy thong. I was triggered afew weeks ago by someone else who's panties were peeking.

These things usually do, and did lead to inappropriate content and masturbation. In the end, I just feel so empty and alone. Even the high of the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] doesn't really satisfy. Am I alone in this? Does anybody have anything more than just "pray" and "avoid temptation"??

Fasting and praying both, these can help.

Kristen.NewCreation said:

Triggers are tough to deal with in general. It throws us out of our preparedness I think and it's harder to deal with when we experience something that triggers us. I think that knowing something is a trigger can help us to work on coping with it to be able to better deal with it. In therapy, did you ever work on dealing with the triggers of these situations of women showing skin or underwear?

You're definitely not alone. The statistics on women and inappropriate contentography is great, even those without a history of trauma and abuse. I'm thinking that part of the empty is feeling bad about this - feeling ashamed of how you are handling the triggers. Is that true for you? I know it has been true for me in the past.

I think it's possible to work through the triggers so that when they happen, you can counteract them with your thoughts. It's tough, but it's doable. It takes active thoughts to manage the impulsive thoughts, and then following up with behavioral choices to stop the actions that we've previously chosen. For example, if I am triggered as soon as I realize it and can think at all that it's a trigger, I can choose to challenge my thoughts - this is not now, this was then (about the abuse). This is about someone else, not about me. I choose to acknowledge that I'm triggered and I'm having thoughts of acting with behaviors I do not like but have urges to do. I choose not to (then I need to identify what specifically I will do to prevent these/this behavior(s).

In my experience, changing my location, not being alone, and self-talk as well as journaling on what is really going on inside of me has helped.

I will pray for you, but I do hope you will keep sharing and talking about how you're doing. Looking at how to manage things for you. You can do it.. it's tough, but doable.

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Hi Kristen,

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. This has been one of the kindest and gentlest replies I have encountered. You have good points. I agree that changing location can help, not being alone, self-talk, and journaling. I find I have the greatest difficulties where I can't really change location (locker rooms are sometimes a necessity, and dressing rooms are too -- yet these are places that can bring up struggle or can easily get me in situations where I see something).

You asked about therapy. Yes, we did do some work with these triggers, but more of the work was done around understanding why these things were triggering rather than dealing with the triggers. I think my therapist believed that if I understood the triggers better, then it would be less triggering. I think that I found the opposite to be true. These things were not as much of an issue when I was in high school, but now that I'm an adult and I have processed through some of my trauma more, I find myself much more sensitive to these triggers. At least I now understand more though. These things are triggering b/c so many of the things that were done to me involved me in my underwear or seeing someone in her underwear and usually there was arousal when those things were being done. So my brain has associated the mental/visual with the physical arousal and so now when I see those things...well i think you can fill in the blanks.

As far as the empty feeling, yes part of it is shame about how I'm handling the triggers. I know its a sinful response. But even when I give myself grace (hey, this is how my brain was re-wired to respond) there is still a lot of shame. And I think the other part of it is that when I succumb to these triggers I respond with inappropriate content or masturbation, and no matter how good it feels, it never truly satisfies. I always want more. or better. One more time of doing it. And so it just feels empty and unfulfilling. and yet i keep on doing it.

Anyway, that is what I know. Please don't judge me. I really am not trying to justify sin here, just trying to work on my damage.

So my personal struggles have also been with same sex attraction.

I was sexually abused by my father (which I don't remember, praise God for that being a mental block) but then as I grew up in foster homes where I was also abused at the home I ended up living at permanently. Needless to say the damage has been done even though I don't remember a lot from my father the emotional scars and reactions are there and I have become more aware of them as an adult.

I spent my youth in counseling although I never admitted to anyone what was going on for fears of losing my family. It all finally came out as we became adults, but the damage is done in all our lives.

After years of drug use and struggles I have now been serving the Lord faithfully for 7 years. It has been a struggle and only one of my closer friend knows all of what I struggle with.

But it is hard to confide in her all the details. As of lately it is been really difficult. I deal with bad self image issues and just honestly feel ugly a lot of the time. I feel like I will never get married because of this and I am just not good with people. On top of the that I really am only attracted to women which no one knows but this one friend.

I need prayer for these self image issues, and the temptation of fantasizing about women and occasionally watching inappropriate content. I just don't know what God has in store for me but I know I don't want to fall into sin.

Prayers appreciated.

Kristen.NewCreation said:

Praying Cm.

Your sharing of your situation and story is not uncommon. Abusive trauma can definitely be an issue for a great many and impacts sexuality and sexual issues in great manners. For some it may be same-sex attraction for others hypersexual or hyposexual thoughts, feelings and/or behaviors. You're definitely not alone.

Do you have any support such as Celebrate Recovery?

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Hi Kristen,

Thank you. At the moment no I do not have any support as that. I do stay actively involved at church but I do not discuss issues with people. My problems with the past don't bother me so much any more except for the sexual desires. Which is not something I think people would understand or relate to.

Kristen.NewCreation said:

There's no judgment here. It's not about justifying sin, it's about learning about yourself and conquering behaviors that impact you in a way that you don't want. The good news is you are moving forward. It doesn't matter the speed, it only matters the step. Besides that, a step back doesn't mean starting over from scratch, only starting over from that step. We retain the growth we made up unil that last step. Sometimes yet, retaking a step brings more healing than not taking a step back when that step back can require a second look.

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Thank you. I guess I struggle a lot with guilt and shame over past/present coping behaviors and decisions, most of which it probably wouldn't be appropriate or wise to talk about here. I judge myself a lot and I guess I just expect to be judged pretty harshly by most others. I appreciate what you said, I guess in your terms, it's just hard to see a lot of "moving forward" and i'm retaking so many steps.

Cm1989 said:

So my personal struggles have also been with same sex attraction.

I was sexually abused by my father (which I don't remember, praise God for that being a mental block) but then as I grew up in foster homes where I was also abused at the home I ended up living at permanently. Needless to say the damage has been done even though I don't remember a lot from my father the emotional scars and reactions are there and I have become more aware of them as an adult.

I spent my youth in counseling although I never admitted to anyone what was going on for fears of losing my family. It all finally came out as we became adults, but the damage is done in all our lives.

After years of drug use and struggles I have now been serving the Lord faithfully for 7 years. It has been a struggle and only one of my closer friend knows all of what I struggle with.

But it is hard to confide in her all the details. As of lately it is been really difficult. I deal with bad self image issues and just honestly feel ugly a lot of the time. I feel like I will never get married because of this and I am just not good with people. On top of the that I really am only attracted to women which no one knows but this one friend.

I need prayer for these self image issues, and the temptation of fantasizing about women and occasionally watching inappropriate content. I just don't know what God has in store for me but I know I don't want to fall into sin.

Prayers appreciated.

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I'm so sorry for the sinful things that were done against you and for the present struggles you have as a result. I very much understand the temptation to fantasize about women and watching inappropriate content. You are not alone.

Hi Kristen,

If I posted in the recovery forum, are the team members female? I have visibility to the womens forum, but I don't want to post some things publicly or to men. Thanks.

Hi! I'm struggling with lust. I'm discouraged right now that I can't seem to overcome this. Mostly it's masturbation now - in the past I've viewed inappropriate content and read erotica. Even when I'm trying to do the right thing I still fail. I'm trying to focus on spending more time with God and less time on the internet and working out more often. It's the lazy days on the weekend that usually get me. Anyway, I am hoping I can find a place/person where I can be honest about it and get encouragement and prayer. Thanks!

unspoken grace said:

Hi! I'm struggling with lust. I'm discouraged right now that I can't seem to overcome this. Mostly it's masturbation now - in the past I've viewed inappropriate content and read erotica. Even when I'm trying to do the right thing I still fail. I'm trying to focus on spending more time with God and less time on the internet and working out more often. It's the lazy days on the weekend that usually get me. Anyway, I am hoping I can find a place/person where I can be honest about it and get encouragement and prayer. Thanks!

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Praying for you during this struggle. It is always idle time that is the hardest. I have found that when I think about the fact that God is always with me and seeing what I am doing it becomes uncomfortable to do such things. This does not always work but it helps. I also think about how often I am having confess of the same sin, and it just really convicts me to not do it again because it's so disappointing not see change when I know it's wrong.

Being aware of the issues is a good thing though. Praying for you to find some tactics to help redirect your thinking in those difficult moments.