i want Jesus so much my heart hurts

Maybe you should seek out a good Spiritual Director. Someone who can help you on your journey. We have these in the Catholic Church.

_Lily_76 said:

i want JESUS SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS ALL I WANT TO DO IS PRAY AND READ THE BIBLE but my husband is stopping me from doing this as in the past reading the bible has upset me
i want Jesus

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God is love and Jesus is God. So you have more of Jesus when you love others, even enemies more so. All who believe in Jesus have eternal life. But sometimes we run a little lean on love and miss the joy and happiness we have when love for others floods our hearts.

FORTHEGRACEOFGOD3 said:

i want JESUS SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS ALL I WANT TO DO IS PRAY AND READ THE BIBLE but my husband is stopping me from doing this as in the past reading the bible has upset me
i want Jesus

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So you are unequally yoked. God might change your situation then.

One cannot read the Bible too much! The enemy of our soul (Satan) seeks to have us believe that lie.
Begin at John 1; John 3; John 14, and see what God is saying to you through His "...beloved Son". When one receives Lord Jesus into their heart as lord of their life, they will find peace by the indwelling Holy Spirit of God. Life thereafter will be peace and joy forever!

GRACEOFGOD3 said:

i want JESUS SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS ALL I WANT TO DO IS PRAY AND READ THE BIBLE but my husband is stopping me from doing this as in the past reading the bible has upset me
i want Jesus

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Unequal of the yoke I feel your pain I understand exactly how it feels. Conflict between flesh and the spirit. My question is you want Jesus so BAD what is stopping you from going to the cross rather than fixating on the now? I will leave you with this and I ask that you seek a good church and fellowship among the body friend. God bless you.

Luke 12:49-56 New Living Translation (NLT)
Jesus Causes Division

49 “I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! 50 I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. 51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.

53 ‘Father will be divided against son
and son against father;
mother against daughter
and daughter against mother;
and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law
and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’a]'>[a]”


Philippians 3:4-11

4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:
5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee;
6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.
7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.
8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ
9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith ina Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.
10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,
11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Make the Lord Jesus your best Friend, beside your Savior, and trust Him always and things will go well (which I have learned over 60+ years of walking with my Lord). God-the Father has vested all things for mankind in His "...beloved Son", and says: "He that hath the Son has life (eternal)" --note 1 Jn. 5:10-12.
Read your Bible daily, and I recommend one appreciate four main things in understanding the Bible:
1. General Overview: The Old Testament shows Deity, Creation, History, God's dealing with mankind and His covenant people of Israel and their future blessings; the promised Messiah for Israel ---Jesus, the Christ of God (whom many of them reject today and continue their religious types of old which were fulfilled in Jesus Christ); the course of man, judgments, cleansing of the earth from the dominance of sin, defeat of Satan's reign, and the reign of Christ to come over all; Revelation and judgments, and the eternal state of the saints in Heaven; and the nation of Israel restored on earth after the Millennium time, etc..

2. Redemption Way in the Gospels of Jesus, the Christ of God, and His "...so great salvation" and blessings for all who will receive Him as His Father ordained; Heaven as the hope and destiny for true "born again" believers (John 1; John 3; John 14, etc.;

3. Church Truth as the collective testimony of the Church (redeemed saints of God) as shown in the Epistles of God; worship as remembrance of the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus; a Godly influence in the world, obedience to God, and cleaving to the immutable Word of God as our only authority for the faith, etc. ;

4. Spiritual Life for our walk in honor to God, showing forth a Godly testimony, much prayer and faithful obedience to God, and waiting for the mind of God by the Holy Spirit indwelling in the real saints of God in all our walk, etc.

You might like to learn more about Bible truth at the site: Biblecounsel.net which explains such things in more detail. You might like to share this with your husband. Write me anytime. Look up always, for God cares always! - 1watchman

GRACEOFGOD3 said:

i want JESUS SO MUCH MY HEART HURTS ALL I WANT TO DO IS PRAY AND READ THE BIBLE but my husband is stopping me from doing this as in the past reading the bible has upset me
i want Jesus

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Why did the Bible upset you, exactly? There are upsetting things in it, to be sure, but there is much in Scripture to offset these upsetting things: God's love, grace, mercy, wisdom, holiness, justice, etc.

Hey! I'm in the UK too!

I understand your feelings! I think it is normal to crave the Word of God! It is balm to the soul. My faith has been pathologised too. It's terrible but non-believers and lukewarm believers can tell a person who is red hot for God that they have mental issues.
I'm sorry to say this but it might, repeat *might* be because you make the lukewarm feel guilty and then they project this back on you as judgement.

I take the bible very literally too. For example I don't believe in evolution anymore as there is literally no proof of it. We've been lied about many, many things in this world and that is what brought me to Christianity, seeking truth.

Other than reading the bible, have you ever sat quietly in the presence of God? I find that this is possible and happens more and more often when you develop your prayer life. You don't have to go to church or a special building to have a great prayer life, you can have it at home.
What works for me is to talk to God as though I were talking to a perfect father as that is exactly what God is, He is everyone's Father, the perfect Father. I talk to him in human terms not strictly biblical ones. I don't talk in a flowery way as though I came from the 2nd century. I talk very plainly and use ordinary words from the twenty first century.
I have learned that your vocabulary does not matter to God, what matter is your heart when you speak to Him. If you come to Him with a contrite heart, a heart full of love and a desire to know him, that is all that matters.
Why else did Jesus say to come to him with the faith of a child?
What is the faith of a child?
It is simple. It is honest. It is direct. It is without pretension. It is strong and unquestioning.

It sounds to me as though you have the faith of a child! It sounds to me that you have exactly what Jesus was looking for!

It's all about balance you see! Reading the bible is very important but what is more important is your love of God and your love of other people. The bible is a tool to help you to know God and when you know God more and more, you can love him more and more! Remember that we can show our love for God more by loving other people. Because God loved us first remember. He loved us enough to sacrifice his only son!

It's true that we are not of the world but in it, but that does not mean we cannot enjoy life and praise God for the wondrous gift God has given to us by giving us life!

God has given you a husband. You have a duty to God but also to your husband. If your husband worries about you, your husband loves you. What better way of showing your love of God than in your marriage? When a married couple delights in one another, that is another way of giving God glory as a marriage is a covenant in the sight of God and is blessed by Him.

As Christians we are called to live in the spirit with Jesus as our example but remember that the word is live! We must live! Not lock ourselves away with the bible all day and night but to go out in the world and live our lives outwardly and inwardly as Christians.

Don't hide your light and your love of God under the bushel but set it up on a stand for all to see!

Your passion for God is a gift not a curse! I feel the same as you and a more seasoned believer said to me, after I told her about my hunger for the Word "Don't ever lose that!"

If you live in balance with the Word and by living as a Christian and develop your prayer life, you will feel that you don't always need to have your eyes fixed to the page. The Word soon becomes etched onto your heart and you see living examples of God's love everywhere you go.

Hi,
Don't mean to be blunt, but do you have any mental problems that you have been diagnosed with in the past? Or is your husband just reacting to you reading the Bible too much? Having these two things clear, would be helpful in understanding your situation better.
In peace