Hi,
I'm new here but I did a web search on 'Lonely Christian' because I'm just at the end of my tether.
Please forgive me this 'pitty-party' and for taking advantage of any good will that is here, but I just want to say something to someone and hopefully someone can tell me just waht on earth I should do.
I'm a 29 year old single guy who is training to be a church elder. People think I'm so spiritual and 'together' because of my outgoing personality and (alleged) ability to preach but inside, I am torn to pieces with the strongest feelings of isolation and loneliness and inadequacy. This is compounded with guilt because I see that with what's going on in the world, with friends and family suffering, my self obsession is nothing short of wrong.
No matter what I do, I feel that people betray me, offer me empty words of consolation, look for ways to stab me in the back and make me look and sound stupid.
Because I don't know what a friend is any more, I don't know how to be a friend any more. I get 'spurts' of friendship as people feel I can offer them support, encouregement, fix their computer or give them a lift in my car and then they naff off once someone 'cooler' comes along.
I've even had someone today (the straw that's breaking this camel's back) e-mail me to tell me that she doesn't want to talk to me any more because someone asked her if we were dating. No matter what I do, I end up looking like the freak. In this case, I didn't go starting conversations, starting chats or asking her to tell me her problems, and we've only chatted three times anyway and yet I'm made out to look like a stalker!
So I said "Ok, I'll keep away. I can live with that" and then she has a go at me telling me that she does want to keep in touch. I don't fancy her, don't want people to think that I do because then I get sympathy from some who feel sorry for me in fancying someone who doesn't fancy me, laughing from others who think it's funny that I should try and fancy someone and then some say "Whoa! Go for it me ol' son!".
Why do I get the feeling that I'm so much at other people's beck and call that they can dump me when I'm not even dating them, and I don't want to date them!!!!!???????
And when this kind of thing happens, I back off and they tell me that I don't care for them any more.
With nobody my own age to talk to, a pastor that thinks that when I say I'm lonely what I actually mean is "I want sex", a family who assumes that any girl I talk to is a girl I want to marry, friends who vanish at the first sight of a better time, an inability to be honest and actually tell people what I think, I'm wondering what's wrong with me?
I feel that the only way to deal with it is to cut myself off from everyone, then some people come and say "join us!" and, because I don't want to offend them, I join them only to have them run away.
I just want to cry, but men don't cry so I can't.
I don't want to be self obsessed, I want to reach out to people. When people say that I've helped them and ministered to them, it makes me feel that I actually have a purpose, so why am I so lonely all the time?
I'm not insecure about what I know to be truth. What I know, I know. But my feelings get the better of me so often and I just want to scream at someone and tell them that they don't understand, that yes I am a freak and no, I don't know what it has to do with them.
As far as relationships are concerned, I try and be the perfect gentleman and yet the girls nick off with someone who treats them like an accessory. And where is the church when I need it, particularly since in this particlular area, my closest friend and confidente is a Muslim?
I know I'm being stupid, I know I'm being selfish, I know I'm dull, but I don't know what to do!!!!!!!
If I knew what to do, I'd do it. But everything seems to look like a formula or a magic spell to get God to fulfil a certain function - and I know that's wrong!
I get hurt, end up hurting others, make a mess and then try to start all over again.
Please, can someone offer help for this fool? Is there such a thing as a trustworthy friend?
Am I doomed to be alone forever without friend or partner?
I wouldn't feel so lonely if there was nobody about. I wouldn't feel so stupid if I didn't expose myself and wear my heart on my sleeve.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm new here but I did a web search on 'Lonely Christian' because I'm just at the end of my tether.
Please forgive me this 'pitty-party' and for taking advantage of any good will that is here, but I just want to say something to someone and hopefully someone can tell me just waht on earth I should do.
I'm a 29 year old single guy who is training to be a church elder. People think I'm so spiritual and 'together' because of my outgoing personality and (alleged) ability to preach but inside, I am torn to pieces with the strongest feelings of isolation and loneliness and inadequacy. This is compounded with guilt because I see that with what's going on in the world, with friends and family suffering, my self obsession is nothing short of wrong.
No matter what I do, I feel that people betray me, offer me empty words of consolation, look for ways to stab me in the back and make me look and sound stupid.
Because I don't know what a friend is any more, I don't know how to be a friend any more. I get 'spurts' of friendship as people feel I can offer them support, encouregement, fix their computer or give them a lift in my car and then they naff off once someone 'cooler' comes along.
I've even had someone today (the straw that's breaking this camel's back) e-mail me to tell me that she doesn't want to talk to me any more because someone asked her if we were dating. No matter what I do, I end up looking like the freak. In this case, I didn't go starting conversations, starting chats or asking her to tell me her problems, and we've only chatted three times anyway and yet I'm made out to look like a stalker!
So I said "Ok, I'll keep away. I can live with that" and then she has a go at me telling me that she does want to keep in touch. I don't fancy her, don't want people to think that I do because then I get sympathy from some who feel sorry for me in fancying someone who doesn't fancy me, laughing from others who think it's funny that I should try and fancy someone and then some say "Whoa! Go for it me ol' son!".
Why do I get the feeling that I'm so much at other people's beck and call that they can dump me when I'm not even dating them, and I don't want to date them!!!!!???????
And when this kind of thing happens, I back off and they tell me that I don't care for them any more.
With nobody my own age to talk to, a pastor that thinks that when I say I'm lonely what I actually mean is "I want sex", a family who assumes that any girl I talk to is a girl I want to marry, friends who vanish at the first sight of a better time, an inability to be honest and actually tell people what I think, I'm wondering what's wrong with me?
I feel that the only way to deal with it is to cut myself off from everyone, then some people come and say "join us!" and, because I don't want to offend them, I join them only to have them run away.
I just want to cry, but men don't cry so I can't.
I don't want to be self obsessed, I want to reach out to people. When people say that I've helped them and ministered to them, it makes me feel that I actually have a purpose, so why am I so lonely all the time?
I'm not insecure about what I know to be truth. What I know, I know. But my feelings get the better of me so often and I just want to scream at someone and tell them that they don't understand, that yes I am a freak and no, I don't know what it has to do with them.
As far as relationships are concerned, I try and be the perfect gentleman and yet the girls nick off with someone who treats them like an accessory. And where is the church when I need it, particularly since in this particlular area, my closest friend and confidente is a Muslim?
I know I'm being stupid, I know I'm being selfish, I know I'm dull, but I don't know what to do!!!!!!!
If I knew what to do, I'd do it. But everything seems to look like a formula or a magic spell to get God to fulfil a certain function - and I know that's wrong!
I get hurt, end up hurting others, make a mess and then try to start all over again.
Please, can someone offer help for this fool? Is there such a thing as a trustworthy friend?
Am I doomed to be alone forever without friend or partner?
I wouldn't feel so lonely if there was nobody about. I wouldn't feel so stupid if I didn't expose myself and wear my heart on my sleeve.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!