Where's the Holy Spirit?

God can get you out of very deep spiritual holes, just don't give up and seek him calmly, and the devil loves to throw to christians the unpardonable sin, and accuse you of things he has done, just resist, because from what you tell you did not such thing.
Maybe things are not in as bad shape as you think.

MARINAAMZ29 said:

I've been seeking for forgiveness every day and repentance but I read in Hebrews 6:4-8 it's IMPOSSIBLE for those who have fallen away to be brought back to repentance... :-( Lord have mercy

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God loves you very much and Jesus can save anybody who calls on Him. God bless you and Jesus is Lord, you can send me a pm if you ever want to talk.

MARINAAMZ29 said:

I've been seeking for forgiveness every day and repentance but I read in Hebrews 6:4-8 it's IMPOSSIBLE for those who have fallen away to be brought back to repentance... :-( Lord have mercy

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Jer. 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

Well, first of all the remorse you are showing is much different than an unsaved person would likely show. For the lost, there really isn't any true desire to stop living a sinful lifestyle until it causes problems. Up until then, they're perfectly content getting away with things.

However, I may be wrong, but it sounds like the sins you've done were mostly done in secret and you are feeling extremely guilty and distant from God as a result.

I've been there. And still am there sometimes. Not too long ago, I sinned so blatantly that I actually felt sick to the stomach afterwards and questioned my salvation again, just like you are doing. Yet, I truly believe I am saved and do have assurance of my salvation. Personally, I see these things as Satan's way to get us to give up hope and stop pursuing God. When I sin so greatly, I figure that God is about to do something great through me perhaps, and Satan is desperate to make me stumble and prevent it from happening. So hold on.

The passage I often return to for comfort after feeling like there's no way God could ever forgive me is Isaiah 57:14-21.

14 And it will be said,
“Build up, build up, prepare the way,
Remove every obstacle out of the way of My people.”
15 For thus says the high and exalted One
Who lives forever, whose name is Holy,
“I dwell on a high and holy place,
And also with the contrite and lowly of spirit
In order to revive the spirit of the lowly
And to revive the heart of the contrite.
16 “For I will not contend forever,
Nor will I always be angry;
For the spirit would grow faint before Me,
And the breath of those whom I have made.
17 “Because of the iniquity of his unjust gain I was angry and struck him;
I hid My face and was angry,
And he went on turning away, in the way of his heart.
18 “I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will lead him and restore comfort to him and to his mourners,
19 Creating the praise of the lips.
Peace, peace to him who is far and to him who is near,”
Says the Lord, “and I will heal him.”
20 But the wicked are like the tossing sea,
For it cannot be quiet,
And its waters toss up refuse and mud.
21 “There is no peace,” says my God, “for the wicked.”

Keep in mind the story of Hosea. It's an analogy of God's relationship with wayward Israel, but can be applied to us, too. Gomer doesn't simply leave her husband, she literally sells herself as a slave to sin. But, against all logic, Hosea buys her back. That's the love of God. Even when we've sold ourselves to sin, He still has a claim on us and won't rest until we're with Him again.

And then there's the prodigal son, and lost coin and lost sheep parables that you probably know. People assume these are all about unbelievers, but in reality the prodigal son was already a son before he wandered. The sheep was already in the fold before it wandered. and the silver coin was already part of a headdress before it came off and rolled away... something to keep in mind.

Blaspheming the Holy Spirit does not mean you can sin to the point that you can never return to God. Blaspheming the Holy Spirit has to do with attributing His works to Satan, which no one would likely do unless he wasn't saved to begin with.

Also, when it feels like the Holy Spirit has left you, go to Psalm 56. It struck me one day how strange and powerful the title of this psalm is. I'm sure there's an explanation, but regarding the fact that the Holy Spirit is often likened to a dove, the title "A Silent Dove Far Away" is captivating. The psalm goes on to ask God for protection from enemies and expressing trust that the Lord is on our side and will do exactly that. David expresses the truths that God sees us wherever we are and knows all our griefs and that He's on our side. But in the moment of despair, God (the Holy Spirit) can seem like just a silent dove far away... Like He's not even there.

Finally, not to promote myself at all, but I have written plenty of songs based on experiences very much like your own. Perhaps you'd find this particular one comforting: My Ally

I would renounce and repent of all unholy vows and confess them as sin. I pray whatever is ailing you is healed. Fasts can be helpful.

MARINAAMZ29 said:

I had an encounter at home one day, where I had fallen in fear, kind of like "dying in fear" but I had shivered and cried hysterically as I had fallen to the ground. It was so intense I had to be hospitalized where they figured I was schizophrenic or bi-polar, since then they gave me meds....but nothing helps. So ever since I have not felt God or His presence. I have no guidance, happiness, peace. I found EVERYTHING in the Lord! I know I have sinned greatly, habitually, and turned back to what Jesus had brought me out of BUT WORSE! Things I am too ashamed to talk about :-( so I'm afraid that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit....I prayed something stupid on my way to work one day about the "Illuminati" half heartedly, never really thinking that I would leave the Lord or that I was selling my soul. I never imagined myself without Him since I've been saved in 2015. I've always been a person to test the limits and now I know God is not to be tested :-( I have no energy, I feel paranoid all of the time, and I feel that I am condemned to Hell. I can't imagine that I am still saved due to my blasphemous thoughts that are out of my control and dreams every night that are perverse. Please pray for mind, soul, spirit, for healing...

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God can not and will not be tested nor will he test us. Why because he cant be tested.

If you believe you have walked away from Christ than so you believe and know that you have walked away from salvation. But do not let the devil win read this with all your heart and know it has power.

SATAN I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

Btw Jesus is still waiting for you to return to the cross and accept his gift of eternal life, we at times get so caught up with this world that we tend to almost get caught up in being a luke warm Christian. Sister he still waits for you but its only you who can decide if you want to come back to Christ.

God bless you,

Aaron

MARINAAMZ29 said:

I had an encounter at home one day, where I had fallen in fear, kind of like "dying in fear" but I had shivered and cried hysterically as I had fallen to the ground. It was so intense I had to be hospitalized where they figured I was schizophrenic or bi-polar, since then they gave me meds....but nothing helps. So ever since I have not felt God or His presence. I have no guidance, happiness, peace. I found EVERYTHING in the Lord! I know I have sinned greatly, habitually, and turned back to what Jesus had brought me out of BUT WORSE! Things I am too ashamed to talk about :-( so I'm afraid that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit....I prayed something stupid on my way to work one day about the "Illuminati" half heartedly, never really thinking that I would leave the Lord or that I was selling my soul. I never imagined myself without Him since I've been saved in 2015. I've always been a person to test the limits and now I know God is not to be tested :-( I have no energy, I feel paranoid all of the time, and I feel that I am condemned to Hell. I can't imagine that I am still saved due to my blasphemous thoughts that are out of my control and dreams every night that are perverse. Please pray for mind, soul, spirit, for healing...

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Studying the Illuminati TOO hard(meaning studying the dark arts and how they do them) can cause blasphemous thoughts even about the Holy Spirit.
Still, with GOD you can overcome them. They call it religious OCD/Scrupulosity.
With MASSIVE amounts of prayer, fasting, and getting hands laid on you by Holy Spirit filled people they do go away.


Many people go through this. You can win but, only learning about the Holy Spirit. How to get emersed in His power.

I pray for the peace of the Lord's Jesus Christ to drape over you and that he cover you under the pinions of his wings. Also that he heal all that is broken in you and for you to be filled with the Spirit of truth.