Is there a story to how this happened? That is not a usual occurrence in most families. Do you have a history of compelling people to go to church?
Unfortunately yes I know I bare much of the responsibility in this situation. Back in my younger days my zeal for my faith was a Leelee but miss guided. I incorrectly believed that in order to be a good Christian it was of paramount importance to win souls for Christ, be seen at church, and be seen doing the Lord's work and such. I realized later that much of it was my own sinful pride but I was much younger back then and have since matured.
Back when I first met my husband him and I were in college. He was in one of my classes, he wasn't Christian but he was a really good guy, he was (and still is) very kind, very intelligent, and very attractive.
I developed a crush on him and it was obvious he liked me too so we started going out. He did make it very clear that he was a non believer but he had no prejudice towards Christians and that it was just not something he grew up with.
At that point all my friends, who were Christian, advised me to not pursue a relationship with him as not to be unevenly yoked. I was advised to just be his friend and such. However, due to my own pride and what I realize now was my own selfish desire for the worldly pleasure of that relationship, I got it into my head that if I could get him to accept Christ and be Christian, not only do I get to keep my fairytale relationship I also get to say I won his soul for Jesus.
So I talked to him about accepting Jesus and since he didn't come from a religious background and had no prejudice one way or another he pretty much said "yeah sure why not". I basically took that and ran with it. So I started dragging him along to church, youth group, Friday night life, etc with me. I keep telling him and myself that he needed to have fellowship with other Christians to grow his faith but really I was showing him and my "triumph" off, which now I realize how wrong I was. Whenever he protested I would pretty much guilt him with "you know this is the right thing to do" to quiet his complaints and get compliance.
This is not to say we weren't happy together. We still had a lot of fun as a young couple, we did stuff like go camping, skeet shooting, game nights and such. Our relationship wasn't particularly church or Christ centric (which was another problem I know) To him church and fellowship just became this twice a week chore that he did to be "right" we God and me. Anyways things went that way through or dating relationship and we got married. I knew he resented giving up half his Sunday and Friday night for fellowship but by that time he was resigned to consider it the same way he views work, he doesn't particularly like it but it is a responsibility so he'll go. For me that was good enough and I was rather insensitive to his feelings about it. I just kept telling my self that I was doing the right thing for him and our new family.
A little while after we got married he still really liked going to this little canal to go crabbing and fishing. I would go with him some times to make him happy but it really wasn't my thing since I was deathly afraid of the alligators. Anyways one weekend we had a trip planned out for Saturday morning, but at the last minute my parents needed us to come over and prevent a tree limb from hitting their house. We were all packed up ready to go when the call came in, and being the amazing guy he is, my husband dropped everything to go over there and help them. He spent all day carefully cutting the tree and bundling the branches for them.
At the end of the day when we were driving back to our apartment I made an off hand comment about seeing a friend of mine at Sunday service, and then he edged in that since he spent the day cutting a tree for my parents he thought that the crabbing trip was being moved to Sunday, in lieu of church. I was so wrong, but I told him no. I told him that church is a priority and that we were going. That ignite a huge fight. He was very angry and started cussing and yelling that he gave up his fun day to do something for my parents and that this wasn't fair. I countered with how we need to put God first in our relationship and that this wasn't God's fault that he didn't get to go crabbing so it isn't right to "punish" God by skipping church. We fought through the night and I wore him down until he agreed to go and in exchange I promised him we can go to the canal the next two Saturdays in a row.
We went to church that Sunday and he was a compete pill. He refused to stand for worship, he just sat with his arms crossed during the prayer, he refused to make an offering, and he refused to turn and greet the person next to him. It was extremely embarrassing and I felt there were eyes on both of us. After that extremely uncomfortable service we fought again about his attitude and we pretty much resolved it when he stated that he would treat church the same way he treats his job.
As for my promise that we could go to the canal the next 2 consecutive Saturdays, hurricane Ike hit later that week. Not only did we not go that Saturday but the storm surge ruined the gravel road along side that canal and it never reopened. My husband was extremely upset. Instead of showing him the empathy I should have it was in my mind that he shouldn't have been as upset as he was since we knew people who lost homes. So like always I dragged him with me to church forced him to participate in the church out reach and recovery activists and I just tried to ignore his increasingly sullen resentful behavior. His attitude was didn't go unnoticed by other church members either. When asked why he was so bitter, seeing as how our home and families were unscathed he told everyone who asked that he missed out on the last chance he could have gone to his beloved canal because of "stupid church". One of the more zealous youth pastors took offense to that and confronted him by telling him that maybe he was treating crabbing as an idol and that this was an opportunity for him to reassess his spiritual priorities (insinuating that God may have took away the canal to punish his lack of commitment to Christ). I guess my husband snapped and he cold cocked that man leading to him being arrested and charged with simple assult.
After he got out of jail we had another huge fight which resulted in him grabbing his stuff and moving out. He told me that he couldn't live this way anymore. I was sure he would come back but hours turned into days and days turned into weeks and he neither called nor did he come home. He was gone for about a month before I started stalking him on face book. At first I was very angry but then I was just sad, we were married about 3 months at this time and it felt like it all fell apart. I cried myself to sleep most nights and finally after about a month I started stalking him on face book. Most of those nights I just told myself that he was just as sad and that he would be home any minute. I was shocked when I saw on face book that he seemed happier without me. There were so many pictures of him on the beach with friends I never seen before, he was just having a blast while I was crying every night. Part of me wanted to end things but I knew divorce was a sin and I felt that I had to do everything I could to save my marriage.
I went to the senior pastor of my church and bared my soul to him over this matter. I honestly wish I spoke to him much much earlier about my husband's resentment towards church. That man in his patience and wisdom showed me how I was the sister with the plank in her eye when I was trying to remove the spec from my husband's . He helped me understand how wrong I was trying to be a traffic cop to wrangle a grown man to go to church. I felt that in that session my eyes were opened to how damaging my own behavior was.
That night I wrote a long letter to my husband promising that if he were to come home he will be the one who is in charge of his own spiritual growth. I wrote to him that under no circumstance will he be compelled to go to church or any other form if fellowship until he is ready to make the decision for him self. I said that he is always welcome and wanted but ultimately it is his own decision to make.
He came home about a week after that. That is exactly how we lived for the last 10 years and we were both happy. He didn't stop me from going to church and while I went to church he went four wheeling, fishing, mudding and stuff like that. Then when we had our child he was an amazing dad. The only thing more I could ask for was that he contribute to the spiritual growth of our son. He never stood in the way of me taking our son to church he just considered church/God/Christianity to be my "thing".
This has worked out until now when or son wants to be like his dad and forgo church too. I respect that my husband is a grown man and he is mature enough to make his own decisions, but like another poster said a child of 8 is a bit to young to be deciding where he does or doesn't want to be especially when it comes to matters if faith. That's why I was wondering if any order patents attend church without their SO and how they handle the whole "if daddy doesn't go why should i?" Or " dad says I don't have to go".
