I'm a false convert. What do I do now?

cerulean said:

I want to be saved from Hell, but I don't enjoy praying. I guess what I'm saying is that deep down, I want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship with God, but I don't love God enough to desire the relationship itself.

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Maybe you need to stop 'framing' faith in Christ as one that is purely relational ........

I don't REALLY think that the kind of relating we're to do with God was meant to feel similar to that which we can share with, say, a close friend or a spouse. No, there's something deeper, more sublime, less tangible, and more existential than that with God, and it's this last bit that in today's world is part of what is keeping people apart from Christ.

cerulean said:

Yeah, I'm still unsure. I've been a "Christian" for about a year now (yes, I know that's not a very long time), and I've seen very few changes in my spiritual life. When I first became a "Christian", there were definitely some changes. I started praying, reading the Bible, going to church, and I turned from my homosexuality and other sexual sins. But after that, I kind of hit a plateau. I stopped growing and I noticed that I didn't have a strong desire to share the Gospel. And it was all downhill from there. That's why I think I'm not saved.

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It took about 3 years for fruit to start showing up in my life. I've been a Christian for five years. It takes a while for the Holy Spirit to change you. But if you aren't sure you can always pray a sinners prasyerr again. There's nothing stopping you from doing that. I've said the sinners prayer dozens of times.

Nvm..

cerulean said:

I only do good works to ease my guilty conscience.

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What kind of "good works" are you doing?

In my experience, helping others is the best way to connect with God.

I tend to believe you are saved and the devil is attacking you to push you in the opposite direction.

Push him out of the way and serve God by serving others.

You say you dislike Scripture reading. Do what I did. I knew, from the spine of a King James Bible on a bookshelf, that that copy of the KJV was a "Red Letter Bible." A Red Letter Bible is one in which the WORDS OF CHRIST are printed in red letters/stand out. I told myself, I would read the Four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John) READING ONLY THE RED LETTERS. That way, I would only be reading the actual words of Christ. You have to admit, the words of Christ are not boring! That's how I broke myself into Bible reading. You might like to try it, too. God bless you, Northbrook

Northbrook said:

You say you dislike Scripture reading. Do what I did. I knew, from the spine of a King James Bible on a bookshelf, that that copy of the KJV was a "Red Letter Bible." A Red Letter Bible is one in which the WORDS OF CHRIST are printed in red letters/stand out. I told myself, I would read the Four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John) READING ONLY THE RED LETTERS. That way, I would only be reading the actual words of Christ. You have to admit, the words of Christ are not boring! That's how I broke myself into Bible reading. You might like to try it, too. God bless you, Northbrook

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I did that too ... a great way to get to know Jesus ...

it sounds like your saved; but you may have grown luke warm. If that is the case; good news is God still loves you; and the other good news is He doesn't want you to stay there.

I used to be like you; God to me was like eating something healthy; i knew I needed it - but I didn't quite have the taste for it. I was much fonder of the junk food (basically the lusts of the flesh).

How that all changed for me; was when I started reading the old testament and saw the depths of my sin. I saw what a sinner I was; I saw the seriousness of my sin and what Mercy God had on me for doing things that where worthy of death.

I deserve hell more than the average person; but having a God who would snatch me out of the fire without any "good work" to my name; and a God who sent His son on the Cross to take my place; when I didn't love Him, didn't respect Him, and did horrible things in His sight and against His commands, made me eternally grateful and I will never put Him second or deliberately turn my back on Him. I love Him!!!

Luke 7:47 says: I tell you, her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.

This is true; when you see the seriousness of your sin and what punishment you rightly deserve; combined with the depth of His mercy and Love; you can Help but love Him with your whole heart!

I find it difficult to believe you have no fruits of the Holy Spirt , love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We have these traits in us ,some more than others. I believe you struggle with power. Thinking you can do it on your own. We can not. That is why we need the Holy Spirt . To build us into the model of Christ. Your honesty is exactly what He is looking for. Simply trust He is doing a good work in you with the first step realizing your unworthiness. Humility leads to a stronger more real relationship. Before you know it, you will taste the richness of His power in your life.
Blessings

cerulean said:

Ive come to the conclusion that I'm not truly saved because I haven't displayed any fruits of the spirit. I don't see Christ as supremely valuable, and I only do good works to ease my guilty conscience. I don't thirst for the Word of God, and I have no desire to commune with the Lord. In fact, I really dislike prayer and Scripture reading, and I avoid it like the plague. I intellectually believe thr Gospel, but it hasn't penetrated my heart.

My question is, what do I do now? How do I get saved for real?

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Christ always preached repentance as a part of the Gospel, the Way of Salvation. Repentance is first and foremost a change of mind. It is reworking what you think and believe in conformity to the truth of the Gospel. As repentance happens, confession of sin (1 John 1:9) and a change in behaviour results. You don't sound like a person who has really repented. You've embraced some new truths but there doesn't appear to be a forsaking of old ones. You don't seem to have understood the necessity of fellowship with your Maker or to have been convinced of the need of a changed life. A person who is truly saved has repented from an old way of life to a new way centered upon Christ.

Repentance comes from God. He "gives repentance to the acknowledging of the truth." (2 Timothy 2:25) If you want the Gospel to penetrate deeper than your mind, it will require the work of God within you. Pray, then, for God to do in you what you cannot do on your own. The Bible is clear that it is God who saves us, who convicts us of our sin, and illuminates our mind and heart to the saving truth of the Gospel. You cannot be saved apart from Him.

cerulean said:

Ive come to the conclusion that I'm not truly saved because I haven't displayed any fruits of the spirit. I don't see Christ as supremely valuable, and I only do good works to ease my guilty conscience. I don't thirst for the Word of God, and I have no desire to commune with the Lord. In fact, I really dislike prayer and Scripture reading, and I avoid it like the plague. I intellectually believe thr Gospel, but it hasn't penetrated my heart.

My question is, what do I do now? How do I get saved for real?

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Read the New Testament friend. The gospel really does have sanctifying power. Then I would suggest going back and reading the Old Testament. I suggest the New Testament first because the OT is really long and you will most likely get burned out before you start reading the more important part of the Bible. Not to say that the OT isn’t important but there is actually a lot of information that really doesn’t pertain to us today. I found out the hard way when my friends were urging me to start in the NT first I was determined to read the Bible from front to back beginning to end. I finally did get burned out around Deuteronomy and ended up skipping to Matthew and reading all the NT before going back to the OT. I suggest getting a Bible app for your smartphone or tablet. Youversion is a great bible app. It’s completely free and has many different bible versions on it. I prefer the NLT version for a first read thru because it’s very easy to understand. I will say that in some places it is not as accurate of a translation but as a whole you will get the full message. One great feature about the Youversion app is it will read the Bible to you and you can just listen. It also works great with Bluetooth. So you can listen while your driving or maybe working or relaxing around the house. Once you begin to get the full story and start linking all the pieces of the story together it becomes much more interesting. Five years ago if someone had told me that I would read the Bible and love going to church and bible study I would’ve laughed and said you’ve got the wrong guy. Today I’m a completely new person. It wasn’t an easy change. I backslid a few times in the past but I will say that I have absolutely no doubt that God has been working in my life and blessing me more than I ever imagined. It takes time, effort, and devotion. You have to not want to be the person you were before. You have to want to be a new person. At least that was my case. Today I can’t get enough of the Bible. All I want to do is study and talk to others about it learning more and more as much as I can. I never thought I’d be addicted to the Bible. I was never the reading type of person. Don’t be afraid of what people may think or say my friend. Anyone who says being a Christian is a bad thing is not a good friend. Hopefully after you read the NT you will want to learn more and start attending a bible study group. It’s really good to get more people’s perspectives on the scriptures because there’s so many ways to look at them. My understanding now is nothing like what it was after the first time I read it. Pray and ask God to help you understand His Word the way He intended it and keep on studying and you will learn the truth and I guarantee the Holy
Spirit will begin to work in you. God bless you

cerulean said:

What if that doesn't work? Believe me, I've repeatedly prayed for God to produce genuine repentance in me and to make the Gospel go deeper than my mind. Nothing has happened and I can't understand why. Maybe God just doesn't want me.

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How long have you been seeking God?

cerulean said:

Ive come to the conclusion that I'm not truly saved because I haven't displayed any fruits of the spirit. I don't see Christ as supremely valuable, and I only do good works to ease my guilty conscience. I don't thirst for the Word of God, and I have no desire to commune with the Lord. In fact, I really dislike prayer and Scripture reading, and I avoid it like the plague. I intellectually believe thr Gospel, but it hasn't penetrated my heart.

My question is, what do I do now? How do I get saved for real?

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Beg God to please have mercy on me a sinner.

An excellent prayer for the non saved and the saved.

M-Bob

cerulean said:

A little over a year now

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Ahh yes it takes time friend. I remember after about a year in my Christianity I was driving to bible study and I was running a little late. So I was in a hurry to get there. I was on the freeway and I put my turn signal on to get in front of a car so I could pass the car in front of me and the guy tried to speed up to keep me from getting in front of him. My car was faster than his so I still got in front of him. I don’t know why the guy was so determined that I didn’t get in front of him. He was doing about 60 and I was doing 70 so it’s not like I was going to slow him down. But he got right behind me just a few feet off my rear bumper and was honking his horn and flashing his lights giving me the finger. I just ignored him and kept driving. Then he got beside me and started yelling and cussing at me even swerving his car at me acting like he was going to hit me. I rolled down my window and asked what’s your problem I’m driving faster than you were. He continued to curse at me and threatening me and finally I lost it and yelled PULL OVER!! He laughed and asked oh you want to me to pull over? Ok. So I sped up and jerked the wheel crossing about 6 lanes of traffic and stopped on the side of the road and jumped out of my car. The guy slowed down as he drove by telling me to follow him to a particular exit. I wasn’t that stupid because I figured he probably had some friends there so I said no let’s do it right here $@&%!! He just continued to drive by giving me the finger and I suddenly thought to myself. What am I doing? I’m on my way to bible study and now I’m standing on the side of the freeway wanting to beat the crap out of some guy. I sighed in disappointment of myself as I got back into my car and continued driving to bible study. I felt like such a failure. I had let myself slip back into my old ways. But it was a learning experience for me in controlling my temper and not allowing satan to take over. It has helped me to be more humble and just allow people to disrespect me without feeling the need to retaliate. Today I’m not so concerned with words. I let people say what they will and don’t let it phase me. I’m more concerned with pleasing God than I am about silly things like pride. I remember what Jesus said about blessed are those who are persecuted for following Me. He said be very happy about it.

““God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:11-12‬

Now if someone attacks me that’s a different story. Sorry I’m not going to take a beating and not defend myself. I will try to leave but if it’s just not possible then I will protect myself. Christian doesn’t mean weak. I sometimes worry that people will mistake my trying to avoid a fight with fear. I worry that it will actually provoke an attack because when bullies see fear it often fuels their desire to attack. So it’s a fine line of trying to walk away without showing fear. Anyway now I’m just rambling on but my point was just to say that it takes time to become a new creation. Having the desire is a huge step and remember everyone who seeks will find and to everyone who knocks the door will be opened and He is faithful to complete that which He has begun in us. Just keep walking my friend, keep praying and study His Word and I guarantee you will continue to change little by little. God bless

cerulean said:

What if that doesn't work? Believe me, I've repeatedly prayed for God to produce genuine repentance in me and to make the Gospel go deeper than my mind. Nothing has happened and I can't understand why. Maybe God just doesn't want me.

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Maybe you just don't want God. I think that's more likely. God didn't take on human flesh in the Person of Christ and die a horrible death on a cross for you in demonstration of His ambivalence toward you. No, God loved the whole World - including you - and died as a consequence. Why? Why does God love us so much? Not because we deserve His love; we rebellious, wicked sinners deserve only His wrath and judgment. No, He took on flesh and dwelt among us and then suffered, and bled, and died for us because He is a loving God. It is His nature to love. You can be sure, then, that God does want you. He wants to bring you into the life for which He made you, a life lived in joyful fellowship with Him, not for His sake, but for yours.

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

1 John 4:9-10
9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:16
16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

Do you really see yourself as the wicked, rebellious sinner God says you are? Do you understand just how low God had to stoop to save you from yourself? Acknowledging that what God says about our wretched, sinful character is entirely true is often the single biggest barrier to truly walking with Him and experiencing full, genuine repentance. It is from life as such a person that you are repenting. Of course, if you don't see yourself as the vile creature God says you are, then it is going to be rather difficult to repent of it. This is the problem for many who desire to know and walk with God. They simply can't see themselves as God sees them and so they cannot walk with God in the humility, and dependence, and love that is necessary to such a walk. Read Luke 7:36-50. Repentance, though, begins at this place. It begins with humbling ourselves before the divine truth that we are desperately evil (Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:18-19) and deserve God's wrath and judgment.

aiki said:

Maybe you just don't want God. I think that's more likely. God didn't take on human flesh in the Person of Christ and die a horrible death on a cross for you in demonstration of His ambivalence toward you. No, God loved the whole World - including you - and died as a consequence. Why? Why does God love us so much? Not because we deserve His love; we rebellious, wicked sinners deserve only His wrath and judgment. No, He took on flesh and dwelt among us and then suffered, and bled, and died for us because He is a loving God. It is His nature to love. You can be sure, then, that God does want you. He wants to bring you into the life for which He made you, a life lived in joyful fellowship with Him, not for His sake, but for yours.

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

1 John 4:9-10
9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:16
16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

Do you really see yourself as the wicked, rebellious sinner God says you are? Do you understand just how low God had to stoop to save you from yourself? Acknowledging that what God says about our wretched, sinful character is entirely true is often the single biggest barrier to truly walking with Him and experiencing full, genuine repentance. It is from life as such a person that you are repenting. Of course, if you don't see yourself as the vile creature God says you are, then it is going to be rather difficult to repent of it. This is the problem for many who desire to know and walk with God. They simply can't see themselves as God sees them and so they cannot walk with God in the humility, and dependence, and love that is necessary to such a walk. Read Luke 7:36-50. Repentance, though, begins at this place. It begins with humbling ourselves before the divine truth that we are desperately evil (Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:18-19) and deserve God's wrath and judgment.

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I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t want God. I think he is simply in the early stages of development. Depending on how much of a sinful life we lived before it can take time to transition from the old life to the new life. It took me over a year to stop cursing because for most of my life I had done it without even thinking about it. It had just become part of my nature. I believe just the fact that he is seeking and knocking is evidence that he does want to change and does want to serve God. As they say it’s simple but it isn’t easy.

Remember this my friend EVERY Christian will fail repeatedly. Just don’t let failure be an excuse not to get better and learn from your mistakes. Peter walked on water then later denied Jesus 3 times. But then he went on serving God and later died for refusing to deny Jesus again. He learned from his mistakes.

BNR32FAN said:

I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t want God. I think he is simply in the early stages of development.

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I appreciate that you don't think as I do. I don't know, really, what the problem is between cerulean and God, exactly. And neither do you. So, we'll each post comments along the line we think is probable and let God do with what we write as He will. Okay?

BNR32FAN said:

I think he is simply in the early stages of development.

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Uh huh. I don't agree. I think it may be something more fundamental to cerulean's approach to God. Again, I can't say for sure. And neither can you. We're both just offering possible options.

BNR32FAN said:

Depending on how much of a sinful life we lived before it can take time to transition from the old life to the new life.

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Oh? On what basis do you make this claim?

BNR32FAN said:

It took me over a year to stop cursing because for most of my life I had done it without even thinking about it.

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I see. Does your experience necessarily represent that of every other person?

BNR32FAN said:

I believe just the fact that he is seeking and knocking is evidence that he does want to change and does want to serve God.

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Maybe. Maybe not. I've counselled and discipled a fair number of people over the years and have observed that an intellectual assent to the Gospel does not necessarily indicate a heart-desire to know and walk with God.