There is a girl who makes me really nervous...

Evan Wright · Oct 15, 2018

There is this girl that I like who I go to church with, and I've told her how I have felt, and I want to try and make a move, but I am very nervous and shy. She knows this about me, because she too is a little shy as well, and that is one of the things that she likes about me. I've talked to her mom, and she is cool with us dating. She wants me to ask her out. Today, as we were leaving her mom asked me when will I ask her daughter out on a date, or if I will at all. I told her I don't know because truthfully I am very nervous, and I get SUPER nervous around her which is part of the reason I don't want to ask, but I know that I should because it's a risk I want to take if I want to date her which I do. I think she is charming, and the thing is, I see many pretty girls in my school, I dont see them as I see her. I've prayed to God about this, and I don't know what to do now. I feel like he wants me to ask her out, just anywhere, at least, but I'm a nervous wreck when I try and I often doubt myself. This is a lot for me to think about, what should I do?

Hazelelponi · Oct 15, 2018

Your just going to have to swallow all your nervousness and just do it.

The first few dates while you get to know her are going to be nerve racking, but if you and her have lots in common it will be like having a new best friend after that - just one that's prettier than normal... it gets easier than it seems right now.

JackRT · Oct 15, 2018

I married one of "those girls" 45 years ago.

vinsight4u · Oct 15, 2018

Unofficial Reverand Alex · Oct 15, 2018

It's all good experience, kid. The nervousness is part of the fun. Asking out a girl to prom, using a note that gradually revealed the message as you unfolded it, I got so nervous as the tension mounted that I wanted to puke.

Asking out via a well-designed note is a good way to alleviate some of the nervousness; it spreads it out more, I guess. But however you do it, overcoming the nervousness is a great way to show her that you're willing to put her above yourself.

God be with you, and remember to enjoy the ride! :oldthumbsup:

maintenance man · Oct 15, 2018

Evan Wright said:
I've prayed to God about this, and I don't know what to do now. I feel like he wants me to ask her out, just anywhere, at least, but I'm a nervous wreck when I try and I often doubt myself. This is a lot for me to think about, what should I do?

Why don't you tell her you'd like to get to know her better but your shyness makes that hard and ask her if she has any ideas about how you might spend some time together?

I bet she already has some ideas waiting.

sfs · Oct 15, 2018

The only way to get past the gut-wrenching paralysis is to bite the bullet and ask her out. I sympathize -- I remember agonizing for weeks over asking a girl out. I finally got up the nerve to call her, and she told me she was busy, because she was, you know, busy. I think it took me another year before I finally asked her again, at which point we started dating. I could have saved a lot of time and fretting by just getting down to it sooner. (Sure, she later broke up with me, but that's the way things sometimes go -- you can't win if you don't try and sometimes you lose. Plus, she later changed her mind and we've been married for 27 years, so there's that.)

Jeshu · Oct 15, 2018

Be shy but still go and ask her out to have some fun and then go and have some fun. See what happens from there. All you need to do is break the ice.

All the best.

2PhiloVoid · Oct 15, 2018

Evan Wright said:
There is this girl that I like who I go to church with, and I've told her how I have felt, and I want to try and make a move, but I am very nervous and shy. She knows this about me, because she too is a little shy as well, and that is one of the things that she likes about me. I've talked to her mom, and she is cool with us dating. She wants me to ask her out. Today, as we were leaving her mom asked me when will I ask her daughter out on a date, or if I will at all. I told her I don't know because truthfully I am very nervous, and I get SUPER nervous around her which is part of the reason I don't want to ask, but I know that I should because it's a risk I want to take if I want to date her which I do. I think she is charming, and the thing is, I see many pretty girls in my school, I dont see them as I see her. I've prayed to God about this, and I don't know what to do now. I feel like he wants me to ask her out, just anywhere, at least, but I'm a nervous wreck when I try and I often doubt myself. This is a lot for me to think about, what should I do?

Do you like her, a lot? If so, and she's already indicated to you that she's interested, and her mom is 'ok' with you going out with her, then just do both of yourselves a favor and take her out a time or two and be sociable. Just remember, going out on a couple of dates isn't getting married----it's just an opportunity to respectfully get to know her and see if the two of you might want to date further.

If you need help with your nervousness, then just talk to some other Christian guys about your feelings. You can learn to deal with the shyness; it can be cut in half really.

Mark Quayle · Oct 15, 2018

Evan Wright said:
There is this girl that I like who I go to church with, and I've told her how I have felt, and I want to try and make a move, but I am very nervous and shy. She knows this about me, because she too is a little shy as well, and that is one of the things that she likes about me. I've talked to her mom, and she is cool with us dating. She wants me to ask her out. Today, as we were leaving her mom asked me when will I ask her daughter out on a date, or if I will at all. I told her I don't know because truthfully I am very nervous, and I get SUPER nervous around her which is part of the reason I don't want to ask, but I know that I should because it's a risk I want to take if I want to date her which I do. I think she is charming, and the thing is, I see many pretty girls in my school, I dont see them as I see her. I've prayed to God about this, and I don't know what to do now. I feel like he wants me to ask her out, just anywhere, at least, but I'm a nervous wreck when I try and I often doubt myself. This is a lot for me to think about, what should I do?

Hahaha I know the feeling. Remind yourself that whoever you have married, eventually you will not be nervous around her unless she turns out to be a control freak or something.

Last but not least, the American way of dating isn't necessarily conducive to a good relationship to date. Dates are nothing like marriage. And like the saying goes, "She marries him hoping he will change; He marries her hoping she won't change. He doesn't; She does.

paul1149 · Oct 15, 2018

Do you have any common interests that you talk about? You could base the date on that. Like you could go to a certain kind of movie, or an art museum, or bowling, or a political rally. There, the focus would be off the two of you, and it would be easier to relate together tangential to what's going on. After you get more comfortable being with each other, you can talk more and develop it further.

Sketcher · Oct 16, 2018

Her mom already knows, so just ask her out. There is literally nothing to gain by waiting at this point. I can sympathize with the nerves, but they won't go away until you do ask her, so get it over with.

Jon Osterman · Oct 16, 2018

There is so much bad advice in this thread. You are nervous because you know she is wrong for you. God is telling you this. Stay away from her. The girl you should be with would not create such destructive feelings in you.

Kit Sigmon · Oct 18, 2018

I remember being like that in high school... the usual thing to do was write
a note asking that person to go with you to a movie or something...seek them
out and give them the note...we usually did this before school started or
even at lunch time if we had the same lunch break.
Many of us be shy and quiet as teens but we found ways to communicate
and get to know the person we interested in.

Greg J. · Oct 18, 2018

Evan Wright said:
There is this girl that I like who I go to church with, and I've told her how I have felt, and I want to try and make a move, but I am very nervous and shy. She knows this about me, because she too is a little shy as well, and that is one of the things that she likes about me. I've talked to her mom, and she is cool with us dating. She wants me to ask her out. Today, as we were leaving her mom asked me when will I ask her daughter out on a date, or if I will at all. I told her I don't know because truthfully I am very nervous, and I get SUPER nervous around her which is part of the reason I don't want to ask, but I know that I should because it's a risk I want to take if I want to date her which I do. I think she is charming, and the thing is, I see many pretty girls in my school, I dont see them as I see her. I've prayed to God about this, and I don't know what to do now. I feel like he wants me to ask her out, just anywhere, at least, but I'm a nervous wreck when I try and I often doubt myself. This is a lot for me to think about, what should I do?

Whatever your idea of a date is could probably use some adjustment. Would it be easier if you just wanted to chat with her for a while to know her better? You could chat after church service some time, or you could do it over lunch somewhere. Decide which you prefer, tell her you'd like to know her better, and ask her if she'd like to get together to talk.

Unofficial Reverand Alex · Oct 19, 2018

Jon Osterman said:
There is so much bad advice in this thread. You are nervous because you know she is wrong for you. God is telling you this. Stay away from her. The girl you should be with would not create such destructive feelings in you.

Interesting idea, but if that's the case, then God doesn't want almost anyone to be married. Not sure how well the human race would fare then...

RDKirk · Oct 19, 2018

Jon Osterman said:
There is so much bad advice in this thread. You are nervous because you know she is wrong for you. God is telling you this. Stay away from her. The girl you should be with would not create such destructive feelings in you.

Wait, you're the person who has declared in another thread that all sexual activity is sinful anyway, even in marriage.

RDKirk · Oct 19, 2018

Greg J. said:
Whatever your idea of a date is could probably use some adjustment. Would it be easier if you just wanted to chat with her for a while to know her better? You could chat after church service some time, or you could do it over lunch somewhere. Decide which you prefer, tell her you'd like to know her better, and ask her if she'd like to get together to talk.

I agree, and this has been alluded to in some other posts.

Remove the "high stakes" from the moment. Make it a more casual meeting with a clear "end point" like lunch.

There is a girl who makes me really nervous...

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