A Difficult Scenario

1.

Beck Paisley said:

Casey and Bobby Doe love each other for who they are.

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2.

Beck Paisley said:

Casey is lustful of Bobby's friends.

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3.

Beck Paisley said:

What should Casey pray for?

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Ouch! ouch! ouch!

I'm having difficulty putting 1 and 2 together.
Was Bobby deformed before they married?
Do these "friends" of Bobby show any inclination to reciprocate Casey's lust?

Whatever, Casy should take her lust to Jesus the Christ (presumably her Lord) and hand it over to him. Along with her lust, she should take her entire relationship with Bobby to Him, even bringing in Bobby's friends.
Then start loving Bobby - in the sense that "love is a verb," not a feeling.

Beck Paisley said:

What should Casey pray for?
For the Lord to take away sexual drive thus making lust a non-issue?

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Since God designed the sex drive, it is very rare for him to take it away.

Casey's prayer should be asking the Lord to strengthen Casey's love for Bobby. Love isn't a feeling, it's an action. Hopefully Casey begins to see Bobby for who Bobby is in the Lord. Attraction fades for all of us as time rages against our flesh. My wife has breast cancer, they have done a fine job scaring her body. It isn't her body, it's her soul...her spirit that I love. What is pleasing to the eyes fades, yet love endures. It's a change of attitude, a change of the heart.

In Christ
Daniel

Is this a case where the person was in an accident? Or was this due to a progressive disease that led to deformation over time? Or is this a situation where the person engages in self-harm? (cutting, transabled, etc.) Or was there some elective procedure, or circumstance that is being perceived as deformation (gender re-assignment surgery, major body piercing, tattoos, major weight gain, etc. This sounds unlikely since you said literally, but just being sure).

Sometimes the way this happened may play a role in the perception of it. If it has been an ongoing progressive disease there may be some feelings of hopelessness because of the prolonged care-taking, and the idea of them slipping away).

Sometimes if it is an accident there is other trauma related that plays into the perceptions as well. The person may feel that the other is injured, and that turns them off from sex because they may hurt them, etc. (or just think they might, even if it is not logical etc.).

If it is due to elective decisions then they may consciously or unconsciously blame the other person, etc.

In any case, there is more to attraction than just the physical as some have already indicated.

Monna said:

1.

2.

3.

Ouch! ouch! ouch!

I'm having difficulty putting 1 and 2 together.
Was Bobby deformed before they married?
Do these "friends" of Bobby show any inclination to reciprocate Casey's lust?

Whatever, Casy should take her lust to Jesus the Christ (presumably her Lord) and hand it over to him. Along with her lust, she should take her entire relationship with Bobby to Him, even bringing in Bobby's friends.
Then start loving Bobby - in the sense that "love is a verb," not a feeling.

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This is one of the best posts I've ever read on here. Really beautiful.

Deidre32 said:

This is one of the best posts I've ever read on here. Really beautiful.

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Thank you Deirdre.
I think it is important to remember that our Lord Jesus loves US as we are, even with our "warts" and "scars." He loves us even with our sins, though he doesn't like the sins themselves. He is committed to healing us and "cleansing us from all unrighteousness." But that requires us to come and confess. Confession with God does not lead to punishment as it does in our justice systems; it is the first essential step to forgiveness and healing.

Is Bobby still capable of having sex?

How does Bobby know that Casey is lustful of Bobby's friends?

Like, let's say for instance that Bobby was a woman and had a mastectomy due to something like breast cancer. I can imagine that would be a really traumatic thing for Bobby. And I can see how it would possibly be an issue for Casey at least at the start.

But I'd wonder how much would be Bobby being self conscious - and assuming things about Casey and where Casey's mind is at. Like, say I was Casey, I can imagine there would be an adjustment period (not just due to the scarring/etc) - but also the whole dynamic of having gone through that.

But that doesn't mean that I'd be a horndog and looking at Bobby's friends.

If your partner lusts after your friends for any reason, dump them. I don’t care...Casey isn’t superior to Bobby.

I’m kind of sad and tired of reading about how people should just tolerate all kinds of abuse in marriages. It’s a marriage, not a prison.

Beck Paisley said:

Scenario
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Casey Doe is married to Bobby Doe. (using non-gender names for a reason)

Casey and Bobby Doe love each other for who they are.

Casey is having a lust problem.

Bobby is deformed (literally) making it very difficult for Casey to find interest in Bobby sexually if at all.

Bobby has many friends who are very attractive.

Casey is lustful of Bobby's friends.

Casey has kept all this to their-self thus far, even though Bobby realizes Casey is not interested in them for obvious reasons.

What should Casey pray for?
For the Lord to take away sexual drive thus making lust a non-issue?
Any suggestions?

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Casey and Bobby should be having a talk about expectations here. As others have stated, it's not just the look of your spouse that you love - but their soul. If I wasn't who God made me to be/or if I was a jerk of a person, I have no doubt that my wife would not find me attractive. I already think my wife is the most beautiful woman, but what makes it even more so is her personality, her humour, and who God has made her to be.

Casey also shouldn't be praying for a cease of sex drive, they should be praying for forgiveness (especially if they're allowing their lust to cause them to stumble), strength, and wisdom. They should also do whatever it is they need to do (this is where the wisdom comes in) to not see Bobby's friends - be that limiting contact, limiting social media interaction, or whatever.

Ultimately, Casey needs to draw close to the Lord here, so the lust they are feeling can be killed.

Beck Paisley said:

Bobby can see that Casey is not interested in sex with Bobby.

Bobby knows that Bobbys friends are Caseys type... even 10x more than Bobby was in their prime.

2+2=4

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So because Casey’s not interested in sex with Bobby, it just stands to reason that his lust must be going elsewhere. And - since the friends are his type, it just stands to reason that they must be the target of that lust ?

Beck Paisley said:

For these two... it is a prison. Both are believers. Casey struggles with the lust. Bobby struggles with the physical needs not being fulfilled.

Matthew 19:1-12

"Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

......

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

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But, if God wasn't part of the equation to begin with, then the marriage was built on their own desires. The marriage was likely a prison from the beginning, because they never consulted God to begin with....if all it takes for a spouse to turn their heads to others, is their spouse to have undergone a tragedy that left them physically changed, then Casey in this case, never loved Bobby to begin with. So the marriage is a sham, and God likely never blessed it. Just because two Christians get married, doesn't mean that was God's will.

Deidre32 said:

If your partner lusts after your friends for any reason, dump them. I don’t care...Casey isn’t superior to Bobby.

I’m kind of sad and tired of reading about how people should just tolerate all kinds of abuse in marriages. It’s a marriage, not a prison.

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I'm pretty sure we're talking to Casey here.

Ana the Ist said:

I'm pretty sure we're talking to Casey here.

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Oh lol