My heart is wearing weary of being strong and trusting God.
One's heart does not grow weary when it depends upon God for strength. And why would it weary of trusting God? Who else in all of the universe better deserves your trust? Sometimes God must bring us to the very end of all our resources so that we might finally rest from our Self-effort and truly, fully depend upon Him.
2 Corinthians 1:8-9
8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:
9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead:
I have fallen so far from grace multiple times and try to kid myself into thinking my relationship with God can ever go back to how it once was. I pray and pray but nothing budges, and if it does it never lasts.
One only falls from grace when one tries to be acceptable in God's sight by one's own righteousness.
Galatians 5:4
4 You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.
The Galatians were trying to keep the OT law of God regarding circumcision so that they would be more acceptable in God's sight. But doing so meant they had to forsake the grace of God given to them in Christ. You see, the Galatians were righteous in God's eyes and acceptable to Him
because of their trust in Christ, not because of their ability to keep the law. By trusting in Christ as their Saviour, the perfect righteousness of Jesus was imputed to them. As a consequence of their faith in Christ, the Galatian believers were clothed in Christ's righteousness and thus made acceptable to God. And this is the
only way any of us are ever made acceptable to God. It takes
perfect righteousness to be acceptable to God. Perfect. But none of us can be perfect. So, God, acting in love toward us, extended to us His grace - His undeserved favor - and did for us through Christ what we could not do for ourselves.
So, have you really fallen from grace? Have you been trying to be acceptable to God by dint of your own effort, by your own righteousness? Please consider Paul's words, if you have:
Galatians 3:3
3 Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?
Romans 5:20-21
20...But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more,
21 so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 3:20-22
20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.
21 But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;
22 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe...
I am dealing with health issues and having trouble getting help and lost my job and have no money and my family is angry and do not understand. Apparently my worth as a person went down the moment I couldn't work anymore. My dad is upset, everyone is upset. Doctors don't care. The world doesn't care. I will most likely end up without health insurance next year (I turn 26 next year so its off my dad's plan I go) and without a stable lot in life. My sister and her family cannot let me stay with them as they have no room. My dad and his wife do not want me to live with them. I am screwed.
No, you aren't. God sees you and He has promised not to leave His children begging bread. But He expects you to do things His way, to act in accord with His will. Are you? Are you loving Him with all of your being? Are you loving those around you? You can't do the latter, of course without first doing the former. Are you putting God at the center of your life? Are you living in moment-by-moment surrender to Him? Are you "casting all your care upon Him"? Being careful to do these things puts you in the flow of God's blessing and provision.
I keep trying to trust God and give my situation over to Him but it seems the more I do, the more things get worse. I don't even know when I will get groceries again. I am trying to sell things to earn money. I applied for food stamps and will be interviewed on the phone next week but I doubt I will get approved as I am childless and am not working at the moment. Everything feels so unstable and easily shaken. The ground has been taken out from under my feet.
I've been there. I was in a three-year search for a job when I was in my mid-twenties. I had student loan debt growing by the day and often couldn't afford rent or food. I prayed often for help, and God
did supply but only at the very moment of my need and only for what I required. He kept me very dependent upon Him. It was tough to go through and I hated how God would only supply at the last minute, but I developed an incredible history with God - a history that I now cherish. His very specific, last-minute supply always reminded me that my needs were not being met by mere coincidence.
I feel so alone and insecure and vulnerable. I just want my mom to be alive so she can hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Even if it wont be.
Why isn't God the source of your comfort? He supplies to you every moment of your existence. The thoughts you think, the breath you draw, the world around you - its all His doing. Why, then, can't you take comfort in His love and promises to you? Is God a liar? Does He not love you? Did He not send His only Son to die for you? Yes, He did. If dying a horrible death on a cross to save you from your own sin isn't enough to secure your trust and love, then obtaining your love and trust is hopeless.
I get that you miss your Mom. Losing her hurts - a lot. But God can be the God of all comfort if you'll let Him be. He can do in your heart what no amount of hugs from your Mom could ever do. Do you believe it? If you would know His comfort, you must first trust that He can and will comfort you.
Instead I am out here on the battle field desert all by myself with no shield from the heat and expected to find a way out alone.
But this is all wrong. You aren't alone. God is with you. Always. There is no place you can be that He is not. He promises to be your shield, your strength, and to be a tower of refuge though the whole world descends into chaos. This is the truth. If you don't begin to stand on it, the lies you're telling yourself that deny these truths will soon overwhelm you.
Psalms 46:1-2
1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Hebrews 13:5-6
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
6 So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
P.S - Perhaps the greatest remedy for despair is thankfulness. Count your blessings, name them one by one, and thank God for what you do have. You won't stay despairing long when your heart is busy being thankful. 
