I fell into a long season of willful sins and when I realized what I was doing I tried to repent of it. I was able to physically repent of my sins in the manner of simply not doing them anymore. I was able to quit my addictions and etc. but my soul still has a void in the inside. I think I even remember a time when I sensed the Holy Spirit left me. I keep praying and praying and interceding but God does not answer. I search for him diligently but he will not be found by me.
When I quit all of my sins it just left a void in my heart. Since I have nothing to replace my sin since God left me, I can't enjoy my victory over sin. I think I have done Hebrews 6 where I cannot ever repent truly from the inside out again. There is a sin unto death and you should listen to the Bible warning about it. It's been 1 year now and I still have no resolution. Almost everyone else I see in the same predicament as me(truly born again and fell away) are in the same state as me feeling spiritually dead.
If you want to give me a story about a backslider who was restored, don't bother because most of those stories are only superficial believers who fell away. I think I am a true born again believer as described in Hebrews 6 and I truly fell away. I don't even feel fear anymore. Just consuming apathy. The second death is here and now.
****
E
very Christian in the world wrestles with sin every single day of his or her life. Even the apostle Paul complained, "The good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice" (Romans 7:20). None of us is conformed to the image of Christ overnight. Sanctification is a moment-by-moment challenge. It's a
process that will not be complete until we leave this world and see the Lord face to face. In the meantime, our assignment is to trust God and keep on "walking in the Spirit" (Galatians 5:16).
Because of the sin nature that dwells within us, there's a very real sense in which we often sin
against our own wills(Romans 7). But this idea shouldn't b taken too far. It's equally true that
every sin is a "willful sin." If it weren't, we wouldn't be responsible. And if we're not responsible for our own actions, a sin can't be a sin at all. As James says, "Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" (James 1:14, 15).
This is an important point. Why? Because if
every sin is a willful sin, it doesn't make any sense to say that "willful sin" causes us to lose our salvation. The apostle John says something quite different: "If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:7-9). It is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment process.
What about Hebrews? Will God "reject" those who go on sinning willfully? There is the "unpardonable sin" that Jesus mentions in Matthew 12:31. To be specific, it's the sin of
rejecting Christ altogether (otherwise known as "the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit").
We could also call this the sin of persistent self-hardening. It's the process by which an individual sears his conscience and stiffens his neck against God. If it goes on long enough, the person eventually reaches the point where genuine repentance is an impossibility.
This is not what is going on with you ... is it?
The fact that you're wrestling with doubts and fears about your standing with God gives evidence that you
cannot be guilty of this sin. If you were, you wouldn't be concerned about it.
It is possible to argue that Hebrews 10:26-31 doesn't refer to struggling Christians like yourself at all. This passage
may be aimed at hardened, bitter people who only
seem to be Christians.
Look at it this way. If an individual insists on living an unchristian life even after "receiving the knowledge of the truth," we might be led to suspect that he never
really accepted Christ in the first place. If he willfully persists in committing the same sin over and over again
without remorse and
without showing any evidence of a genuine desire to change, we would have every reason to doubt the sincerity of his faith. Such a person is like the demons mentioned in James 2:19: they "believe" the truth but refuse to grant it their personal allegiance. In a case like this, it is absolutely true to say that "there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins," since Jesus Himself
is that sacrifice. "But we are confident of better things concerning you" (Hebrews 6:9).
There are a lot of "I's" in your account. Give glory to God ... He delivered you from your sins .... it was nothing you did .... He did it ... with that .... you don't "feel" the presence of the Lord within you? My friend, behold what the Lord delivered you from. Talk about a presence! Praise God!
The unpardonable sin is blasphemy and that is a continual rejection of Christ ... this is not the case here.
Once forgiveness has been given, often we are too slow to accept it or to recognize it.
Remain in His word, walk with Him. No doubt He is there.
God Bless
