How to tell the love of my life that I’m not a virgin?

Joshua Barber said:

Coming to you as a 22 year old male. My girlfriend of 14 months and I have seriously talked about marriage. I love her very much. She’s a virgin. I’ve never told her that I was a virgin but I’ve never told her that I’m not either. So I think she assumed that I am a virgin. The truth is I had sex with a girl about 3 years ago. I greatly regret it and wish that I’d never had done it. But how can I tell this girl that I’m not a virgin? Will she leave me?

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I don't know why she would be surprised. It is so common these days for people to lose their virginity in high school or college. I would just tell her you made a mistake. These days you can't expect many people to be virgins when you marry them.

The topic has never once come up in conversation in 14 months?

Joshua Barber said:

Coming to you as a 22 year old male. My girlfriend of 14 months and I have seriously talked about marriage. I love her very much. She’s a virgin. I’ve never told her that I was a virgin but I’ve never told her that I’m not either. So I think she assumed that I am a virgin. The truth is I had sex with a girl about 3 years ago. I greatly regret it and wish that I’d never had done it. But how can I tell this girl that I’m not a virgin? Will she leave me?

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First of all, thank you fr being a man who cares about this sort of thing. There are plenty of "Christian" men that I've met who believe that it doesn't matter if the man in a relationship is a virgin or not because "it's just what men do". To know that you do care about this sort of thing and do regret having sex with someone else in the past speaks to your repentance and your character.

Secondly, I concur with everyone else here. Sit down with her privately and tell her. If she does leave you then, yes, it will hurt but it will be for the better in the long run.

SoldierOfTheKing said:

The topic has never once come up in conversation in 14 months?

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I wouldn't judge the OP over that. Some people's relationships go at a slower pace and some people are more shy when talking about things of this nature. The purpose of this part of the forum is to give advice. Not judge.

derpytia said:

I wouldn't judge the OP over that. Some people's relationships go at a slower pace and some people are more shy when talking about things of this nature. The purpose of this part of the forum is to give advice. Not judge.

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It was a question. He said the thinks his girlfriend assumed he was a virgin. That begs the question as to why she would assume that a 22 year old man was a virgin. What would have come up in conversation to give that impression?

Lybrah said:

I don't know why she would be surprised. It is so common these days for people to lose their virginity in high school or college. I would just tell her you made a mistake. These days you can't expect many people to be virgins when you marry them.

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Not nowadays ,but always for men .Pure hypocrisy it always was, as women were supposed to stay virgins ,while men sowed their oats ,which made the maths rather dodgy ,as there is more or less one man for every woman .
Rather nice that you feel 'bad ',but what about the woman you were with ,does that make her bad ?
I don't recall Jesus saying you had to be virgin ,but that you were not to commit adultery once you were married .He was against hypocrisy, and lack of love ,which is not guaranteed because one is a Virgin, as we can see from the marriages which break up.

fat wee robin said:

I don't recall Jesus saying you had to be virgin ,but that you were not to commit adultery once you were married .

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Fornication is an extension of adultery. Do you remember what Jesus said to the woman at the well [John 4:16-18]?

Joshua Barber said:

Coming to you as a 22 year old male. My girlfriend of 14 months and I have seriously talked about marriage. I love her very much. She’s a virgin. I’ve never told her that I was a virgin but I’ve never told her that I’m not either. So I think she assumed that I am a virgin. The truth is I had sex with a girl about 3 years ago. I greatly regret it and wish that I’d never had done it. But how can I tell this girl that I’m not a virgin? Will she leave me?

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For goodness sakes, tell her! If she loves you, she will wish you had waited for her, then get over it. Tell her you greatly regret it and wish you had waited for her.

This is all you can do. What starts in dishonor ends in dishonor. Be honorable and tell her the truth now.

Joshua Barber said:

Coming to you as a 22 year old male. My girlfriend of 14 months and I have seriously talked about marriage. I love her very much. She’s a virgin. I’ve never told her that I was a virgin but I’ve never told her that I’m not either. So I think she assumed that I am a virgin. The truth is I had sex with a girl about 3 years ago. I greatly regret it and wish that I’d never had done it. But how can I tell this girl that I’m not a virgin? Will she leave me?

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Well now... to me it don't sound like either of you be ready for marriage if after
14 months of dating and you all don't know more about one another more than you do.
I would highly encourage you both to sit down with a life coach/counselor and
work on learning how to appropriately communicate with one another BEFORE
you go any further in your relationship.

I would also add, don't get hung up on virginity... because if she told you that
she's a virgin, she may not be one... a girl's hymen can become torn doing non
sexual activities such as: using a tampon, riding a bicycle, doing gymnastics etc.
Also, there are females who are born without them... just so you know... and
because a female is a virgin don't mean she hasn't engaged in sexual activities.
It just means she's been "rodeoing".

Kit Sigmon said:

It just means she's been "rodeoing".

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I could find no slang reference to rodeoing that fit your supposition.

I doubt she'll break up with you over that, really.