Longing to belong?

My heart goes out to you. I feel the same way. I fill that longing by reading scripture usually.

Paidiske said:

onstantly worrying that I'm going to do or say the "wrong" thing or just not really understand where others are coming from

Click to expand...

tHIS^

Paidiske said:

In my prayer time this morning I was struck by how much I struggle sometimes with the longing to belong. So often I feel like an outsider; as a migrant and cultural mis-fit; as a person of faith in a secular world; even in my church, I've ended up somewhere different than where the tradition feels like "home."

It seems to be that everywhere I go I end up being the square peg in the round hole, often due to the lack of convenient square holes. And that comes at a cost, as I then have to either kind of squeeze myself to fit, or try to push at my context to make it a better fit, and neither of those are easy things to sustain over the long haul.

I think part of me yearns to be part of a group of people of like mind, where I can be myself and feel at home without constantly worrying that I'm going to do or say the "wrong" thing or just not really understand where others are coming from.

I don't think it's personal insecurity or the desire for affirmation, exactly, driving it; I think it's more that life (and life as a Christian) can be hard; and that being part of such a community is a source of encouragement and resilience.

So I wondered what people do when they don't seem to have anywhere to belong, and how you deal with that longing? Or is it just me?

Click to expand...

Are you introverted or extroverted?

I turn to my immediate family, they love and accept me for who I am, whether we agree or not. The longing can also bring me closer to Christ, because I belong to Him and in Him there is forgiveness, fellowship, and there is this sense of belonging with all of the Saints of God, if that makes sense. Kind of difficult to describe or put into words. It's kind of the unity all Christians have in Christ, and just because we do not all agree in everything now, does not make any of us lesser in Christ. Think I need another cup of coffee, long day.

Paidiske said:

Definitely an introvert. Do you think that makes a difference to this?

Click to expand...

Yes, being an introvert is why you feel this way. We live in an extroverted world.

Paidiske said:

In my prayer time this morning I was struck by how much I struggle sometimes with the longing to belong. So often I feel like an outsider; as a migrant and cultural mis-fit; as a person of faith in a secular world; even in my church, I've ended up somewhere different than where the tradition feels like "home."

It seems to be that everywhere I go I end up being the square peg in the round hole, often due to the lack of convenient square holes. And that comes at a cost, as I then have to either kind of squeeze myself to fit, or try to push at my context to make it a better fit, and neither of those are easy things to sustain over the long haul.

I think part of me yearns to be part of a group of people of like mind, where I can be myself and feel at home without constantly worrying that I'm going to do or say the "wrong" thing or just not really understand where others are coming from.

I don't think it's personal insecurity or the desire for affirmation, exactly, driving it; I think it's more that life (and life as a Christian) can be hard; and that being part of such a community is a source of encouragement and resilience.

So I wondered what people do when they don't seem to have anywhere to belong, and how you deal with that longing? Or is it just me?

Click to expand...

It's definitely not just you....I haven't found a church where I felt I belonged there since leaving the church I grew up in at age 16....I moved....since then I have struggled myself....but in this I was forced to study the Bible on my own, get a personal relationship with my Father, and so often out of the blue God crosses my path with another "square peg" as myself.....IMHO....I think God has been separating His sheep for HIS CHURCH that He is restoring in these last days....Churches are moving further and further away from just preaching His Word...and when the service is over you leave feeling empty still....members are spiritually starving....The one verser's out there who read on verse and then spend the rest of the hour giving their analogies, personal experience, and mini drama plays just isn't "Holy" anymore.....does that make sense? Or the ones that have become entertainers and put on a big performance that entertains us but where is the reading of the scripture?

I have gone to church with a friend or neighbor who invited me to their church and some are just not the kind to reach out and say hello and make you feel welcome.....in fact I have been to one that had a special Wednesday night service of Eat and Greet...where members invited people to come and meet the "family", so I went with my neighbor and we sat alone at this table eating and not one member came over and greeted us....they all were gathered in their click's enjoying each others company...

I started getting a complex wondering if I had scowl on my face or what....but you do have to fight that negative thinking about yourself....I have enjoyed fellowship here but I still don't get the feeding I need...and I miss the singing and worshiping part of the service because I really sing my heart to Him in humble adoration for who He is and how insignificant I feel but He makes me feel like the most important person in the room! I just love being in His presence....it's just love...pure love...

Well, you did notice I said "I think"...so everyone is working out their salvation as they are led of the Spirit into new revelation knowledge of Him...this is what He really wants...a personal relationship....a deep within my heart kind of relationship and sometimes traditions of churches can interfere with that.
So if God has separated you unto Him then be joyful because you are getting some personal 1 on 1 attention from the Master!

God Bless!

Paidiske said:

In my prayer time this morning I was struck by how much I struggle sometimes with the longing to belong. So often I feel like an outsider; as a migrant and cultural mis-fit; as a person of faith in a secular world; even in my church, I've ended up somewhere different than where the tradition feels like "home."

It seems to be that everywhere I go I end up being the square peg in the round hole, often due to the lack of convenient square holes. And that comes at a cost, as I then have to either kind of squeeze myself to fit, or try to push at my context to make it a better fit, and neither of those are easy things to sustain over the long haul.

I think part of me yearns to be part of a group of people of like mind, where I can be myself and feel at home without constantly worrying that I'm going to do or say the "wrong" thing or just not really understand where others are coming from.

I don't think it's personal insecurity or the desire for affirmation, exactly, driving it; I think it's more that life (and life as a Christian) can be hard; and that being part of such a community is a source of encouragement and resilience.

So I wondered what people do when they don't seem to have anywhere to belong, and how you deal with that longing? Or is it just me?

Click to expand...

I think I came to grips with the fact that I don't belong in any place because different parts of me belong in different places. It might not be that you don't belong. It might just be that you overlap many places. And that can be a rich place to be if you can become ok with it.

I’m pretty much the same way. Go to work and church. Hang out at CF and FB too much and avoid social gatherings including family as much as possible. Luckily later in life I finally found a lady who gets me and loves me.

I have this same issue. At church I always feel like an outsider for some reason and need to start attending regularly again. I also enjoy all areas of this forum but don't have one specific spot I post the most or fill I fully fit in. I don't have a "section" like many posters seem to. I think some of us just feel like outcasts in certain areas of life.

I don't know if this is the totality of it, but it has always seemed to me that comes with being clergy. Your unique role makes you part of the body yet separate from it. You can't be true friends with your parishioners, sharing your most intimate thoughts. Someday you will move to another parish or they'll make you Bishop and you'll turn those parishioners over to someone else. It's a lonely position save for family and perhaps other priests.

I once was promoted to CEO of an agency at which I had come up through the ranks. The first day with my new title I walked into the staff lounge and conversation stopped and shifted to a different subject. I realized I would have been part of that conversation the day before. Some roles create loneliness.

One doesn't need a lot of friends but does need enough.

Paidiske said:

In my prayer time this morning I was struck by how much I struggle sometimes with the longing to belong. So often I feel like an outsider; as a migrant and cultural mis-fit; as a person of faith in a secular world; even in my church, I've ended up somewhere different than where the tradition feels like "home."

It seems to be that everywhere I go I end up being the square peg in the round hole, often due to the lack of convenient square holes. And that comes at a cost, as I then have to either kind of squeeze myself to fit, or try to push at my context to make it a better fit, and neither of those are easy things to sustain over the long haul.

I think part of me yearns to be part of a group of people of like mind, where I can be myself and feel at home without constantly worrying that I'm going to do or say the "wrong" thing or just not really understand where others are coming from.

I don't think it's personal insecurity or the desire for affirmation, exactly, driving it; I think it's more that life (and life as a Christian) can be hard; and that being part of such a community is a source of encouragement and resilience.

So I wondered what people do when they don't seem to have anywhere to belong, and how you deal with that longing? Or is it just me?

Click to expand...

I chant (in sing-song manner) the Psalms aloud in private, attentive to the words, and they become my own. I prefer the "Ancient Faith Psalter" for this because I'm most at home with this particular translation. It helps me to not feel alone.

I feel like I get it worse than anyone on this earth.. and it's a hard thing to live with, but The Lord is working with me on it. Just, I am the only one who He can teach sofaras it concerns me (because He is my Lord, and most people don't know Him as I do - though a few do, here and there, but none that remain in my life). Anyway, what I am finding, and I don't know how much applies in your situation OP, but there is of course the two natures: the spirit and the flesh, and they struggle as opposite forces within us - and yet we can only yield to one or the other at any one time. So the flesh is the one that suffers and it is needy, whereas the spirit is the one that loves and gives to others, and whenever we are dealing with others, it is their flesh that craves for us to satisfy their needs - whether it be to praise them or to comfort them or even just to remember their name. But it just seems that wherever I go, I see people who are suffering and needy, and sometimes it even gets passively aggressive. Now I know this is the life of a Christian, by His wounds we are healed, and ye I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and it does feel good to be with God's people when we are of the spirit to praise .. but then it only takes one carnal person to carry in some leaven, and we know that the ones in leadership are the most vulnerable to temptation, yet also most supported by the ignorant ones.. so it really is a struggle, especially where there are false teachings within congregations, and that is unavoidable to various extents in my experience. But every now and then I spot someone of the contrite and truth-loving spirit out there who is also struggling with the same complaints.. and they roam the wilderness, never finding a place to call home, and I just wish we'd all get together and be of one mind, and we don't know when exactly God is going to do that, but He has said that He will open the highways to Jerusalem for His people to come home. But in the meantime it is about endurance. So I thought I'd share this with you, as maybe you can spot something in there that is useful. Loved that brick meme in post #8! .. thanks for that, it simply couldn't have made my day if it weren't for you

That longing you have will never find with other people even other Christians .It's because its God you are longing to be with and that's also why so many people are so unhappy unfulfilled even if they don't know it .So they think they will find it with another person or something in this world. Lo over here or over there , the kingdom of God is within you .You might catch moments in your prayers where you feel that oneness with Jesus and nothing compares with that nothing in this world! .With being the bride of Christ .