I Don't Like Being Black

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

In early adulthood, I strongly identified with Western feminism because I had been subjected to the moral double standard and it was a thorn in my side. That parlayed into Ancient Hedonism, the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. I continued to explore different paths, especially stoicism. Maybe there's social pressure to become Buddhist or Muslim just because it's not white, but those didn't appeal to me.

The main thing I like about the West is the sanction and protection of its introverts and loners, particularly those suffering from mental illness. I believe our brains are wired differently. Meanwhile, in much of the world, especially the third world, there is zero understanding of mental illness. The black community often places a huge emphasis on solidarity, socializing for the sake of socializing, and having a "hive mind." I have even been called a house n word, by a white person no less (who thinks he's anti-racist), a white person who was a close friend for many years. I was deeply hurt.

Had I stayed in Liberia, by now, I believe I would have just done what everyone else does: get a career, get married, get philandered, get divorced, raise the kids alone, and struggle emotionally, mentally, and financially. And that would make me one of the lucky ones. In black America, often, there is not even marriage. 70% (and growing!) of black households are headed by single moms.

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

Find your own place in the world and stick with it. Choose the good of any culture(s) and reject the bad.

It's perfectly okay to be your own person.

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

In early adulthood, I strongly identified with Western feminism because I had been subjected to the moral double standard and it was a thorn in my side. That parlayed into Ancient Hedonism, the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. I continued to explore different paths, especially stoicism. Maybe there's social pressure to become Buddhist or Muslim just because it's not white, but those didn't appeal to me.

The main thing I like about the West is the sanction and protection of its introverts and loners, particularly those suffering from mental illness. I believe our brains are wired differently. Meanwhile, in much of the world, especially the third world, there is zero understanding of mental illness. The black community often places a huge emphasis on solidarity, socializing for the sake of socializing, and having a "hive mind." I have even been called a house n word, by a white person no less (who thinks he's anti-racist), a white person who was a close friend for many years. I was deeply hurt.

Had I stayed in Liberia, by now, I believe I would have just done what everyone else does: get a career, get married, get philandered, get divorced, raise the kids alone, and struggle emotionally, mentally, and financially. And that would make me one of the lucky ones. In black America, often, there is not even marriage. 70% (and growing!) of black households are headed by single moms.

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

I don't like being short and bald.

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

In early adulthood, I strongly identified with Western feminism because I had been subjected to the moral double standard and it was a thorn in my side. That parlayed into Ancient Hedonism, the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. I continued to explore different paths, especially stoicism. Maybe there's social pressure to become Buddhist or Muslim just because it's not white, but those didn't appeal to me.

The main thing I like about the West is the sanction and protection of its introverts and loners, particularly those suffering from mental illness. I believe our brains are wired differently. Meanwhile, in much of the world, especially the third world, there is zero understanding of mental illness. The black community often places a huge emphasis on solidarity, socializing for the sake of socializing, and having a "hive mind." I have even been called a house n word, by a white person no less (who thinks he's anti-racist), a white person who was a close friend for many years. I was deeply hurt.

Had I stayed in Liberia, by now, I believe I would have just done what everyone else does: get a career, get married, get philandered, get divorced, raise the kids alone, and struggle emotionally, mentally, and financially. And that would make me one of the lucky ones. In black America, often, there is not even marriage. 70% (and growing!) of black households are headed by single moms.

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." ~ 1 Peter 2:9-10

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:4-7

AnglicanPeace said:

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Click to expand...

No argument from me about the white liberals.

What does your current work life, church life, and social life look like? What aspects of it aggravate this whole thing, and what aspects relieve it?

AnglicanPeace said:

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

I really don't see this on the horizon. No fringe group is strong enough to make that happen.

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

In early adulthood, I strongly identified with Western feminism because I had been subjected to the moral double standard and it was a thorn in my side. That parlayed into Ancient Hedonism, the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. I continued to explore different paths, especially stoicism. Maybe there's social pressure to become Buddhist or Muslim just because it's not white, but those didn't appeal to me.

The main thing I like about the West is the sanction and protection of its introverts and loners, particularly those suffering from mental illness. I believe our brains are wired differently. Meanwhile, in much of the world, especially the third world, there is zero understanding of mental illness. The black community often places a huge emphasis on solidarity, socializing for the sake of socializing, and having a "hive mind." I have even been called a house n word, by a white person no less (who thinks he's anti-racist), a white person who was a close friend for many years. I was deeply hurt.

Had I stayed in Liberia, by now, I believe I would have just done what everyone else does: get a career, get married, get philandered, get divorced, raise the kids alone, and struggle emotionally, mentally, and financially. And that would make me one of the lucky ones. In black America, often, there is not even marriage. 70% (and growing!) of black households are headed by single moms.

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

Stop being hung up on race culture.

I know alot of news and info is flying around, and alot of angry people complaining every day, but don't get caught up.

Race is abstract. Race only means something who values only lies in the things of this world, who believe at this point that skin color is a curse or blessing. What's not abstract is your soul. Focus on the things that actually matter, the things of the spirit, and walk through this life keeping your eyes on God. Don't fear the one that can only take your body, fear only the one that can take your soul.

being African is difficult living in a viscerally racist country like the united states. the solution, however, is not to run away from being African but to seek to empower yourself and your community as an African.

many africans living in this country who make something of themselves decide to leave their community to be around Europeans or some other race of people. a community can't improve if those with the ability to make change just up and leave. the other races are doing absolutely nothing in favor of black people in this country. we have to do things ourselves. as the old saying goes.."we all we got".

I hope you would seek to be the solution to the problems in our community instead of running away from them.

I'm sorry that you are struggling in this way, AnglicanPeace. Thank you for bringing up how you see things.

I'm not black, so I cannot directly relate, but I'm thinking here of the comedian Keith Robinson (who is black), who has a bit about how he's not the kind of black that other black people (youth, I imagine) readily identify with, so he tends to throw them off. I can't remember what he compares it with (hip hop, but probably a particular artist who is escaping me), but he says "I'm more 'Earth Wind and Fire' black."

So I imagine there's more than one way to be black, of course, just like not every Mexican wears a sombrero and rides a donkey or whatever image outsiders have of them. And even identifying things as black or white...that's realistic, but also at the end of the day you're still you. You're an individual person, so you have your own likes and dislikes, and they're yours no matter what color you are or where you're from. When I was much younger, 20 years or so ago, I was in a punk band that toured with another local band whose bassist was a black guy named Muhammad (he was raised in the Nation of Islam), and not only did this guy love punk rock and 1980s heavy metal, but he was also a huge fan of WWF wrestling and other stereotypically 'white' stuff. And as far as I could tell he was one of the happiest people I knew, and a genuinely nice guy. He didn't seem to care if what he liked put him out of step with whatever pressure is out there to act more according to stereotypes of his race. I think people sensed the genuine happiness and it made people gravitate towards him.

Not to sound like too much of an obvious simpleton, but I think people are happiest when they're being true to themselves. We all probably have a ways to go, but since we can't change our skin color or our cultures, we all find some way of negotiating between ourselves and the wider world. Maybe trying to find people who have similar backgrounds and struggles as yours could help? I do not know what it is like for Liberians (truthfully I've never met anyone from that country), but I do have friends from other parts of Africa like Ethiopia and Sudan who say similar things about the struggle to fit into American culture and seem "African American", when truthfully they don't like a lot of what they see in that community (so the Ethiopians generally stay with other Ethiopians, and so on). It must be quite a struggle, but there also must be some role models to look up to, if that would help. Do you have any friends or family who you can say "made" it, in the sense of being comfortable with where they are and who they are? I know that among my Egyptian friends from church (who are not usually black, but sometimes are), they say they love America but if you ask them about certain aspects of it, they will say things that you have said. So it seems they take the good and leave the bad, and are pretty happy knowing that they are perfectly free to do this. It's easier said than done, but the fact that they have done it shows me that it is possible.

AnglicanPeace said:

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

None of that will happen, so rest easy and plan for your future.

If you haven't discovered her yet, you may want to check out Candice Owens. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL0u5uz7KZ9q-pe-VC8TY-w

I would suggest, instead of thinking of becoming more white, Think of becoming more like Jesus. When He fills you, you are also filled with a peace that passes all understanding....When you are supposed to feel the way you feel now....you will feel nothing instead.

"For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit"

Everything will be ok....but not before you are ok with everything.

I used to hate being white, but it's not like I chose to be white, or who my parents would be, so I came to just accept it, it is what it is, and God has His reasons for it to be so. I look forward to Heaven, where there will be no more racism, no racial divide, where we will live as one chosen race in Christ to the glory of God. Until then, I'll continue to listen to Christian hip-hop, and enjoy the good side of different cultures.

One of my favorite political commentators is this highly intelligent and humorous man with a youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/kevinellerbe/videos

Highly recommended and insightful!

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

Click to expand...

There is no homogeneous Black culture. I am (American) Black and have played/enjoyed classical music and I sang in our city's Symphonic Choir for 12 years. I've sung Beethoven, Brahms, Verdi, Berlioz, etc. I am also well-read. There are Black people who are involved in these aspects of life.

Of course, I've also played Joplin, enjoy R&B, and sing in my Baptist church's gospel choir. What made the difference for me was that I was made a part of an international family some 50 years ago, ... and so can benefit from any number of associations within that family.

I am free from such distinctions as race, gender, and class, ...

Galatians 3

26 You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed and heirs according to the promise.

THE W said:

being African is difficult living in a viscerally racist country like the united states. the solution, however, is not to run away from being African but to seek to empower yourself and your community as an African.

many africans living in this country who make something of themselves decide to leave their community to be around Europeans or some other race of people. a community can't improve if those with the ability to make change just up and leave. the other races are doing absolutely nothing in favor of black people in this country. we have to do things ourselves. as the old saying goes.."we all we got".

I hope you would seek to be the solution to the problems in our community instead of running away from them.

Click to expand...

Why are you suggesting the OP should embrace any particular community based on skin color? Why shouldn't she just embrace how she feels? After all, as an individual, her feelings matter most importantly.

Landon Caeli said:

Why are you suggesting the OP should embrace any particular community based on skin color? Why shouldn't she just embrace how she feels? After all, as an individual, her feelings matter most importantly.

Click to expand...

you mean like making a thread saying I don't like being black?

is it ok to reject a community based on skin color?

AnglicanPeace said:

Some people might jump to conclusions that it's an issue of beauty. It's not. I like my looks in the aesthetic sense.

What I don't like is the culture.

I have always been connected to more white things. I was raised Episcopalian and played classical music for almost 20 years. I sang in an elite chamber choir in high school. I was an English major and read all of Shakespeare's plays (well, except Titus Andronicus).

In early adulthood, I strongly identified with Western feminism because I had been subjected to the moral double standard and it was a thorn in my side. That parlayed into Ancient Hedonism, the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. I continued to explore different paths, especially stoicism. Maybe there's social pressure to become Buddhist or Muslim just because it's not white, but those didn't appeal to me.

The main thing I like about the West is the sanction and protection of its introverts and loners, particularly those suffering from mental illness. I believe our brains are wired differently. Meanwhile, in much of the world, especially the third world, there is zero understanding of mental illness. The black community often places a huge emphasis on solidarity, socializing for the sake of socializing, and having a "hive mind." I have even been called a house n word, by a white person no less (who thinks he's anti-racist), a white person who was a close friend for many years. I was deeply hurt.

Had I stayed in Liberia, by now, I believe I would have just done what everyone else does: get a career, get married, get philandered, get divorced, raise the kids alone, and struggle emotionally, mentally, and financially. And that would make me one of the lucky ones. In black America, often, there is not even marriage. 70% (and growing!) of black households are headed by single moms.

There are a few things about white American culture I don't like, like the fact that some white liberals enable the rage and anger that ruins the lives of whole families because they're virtue signalers, or the fact that the radical left has lost its mind and is saying women can have male organs or increasingly that pedophiles are born like that. But that's not the real world, that's not the majority.

Finally, I feel like the races may very well separate. There may be a civil war. Blacks may be sent to concentration camps or bribed to go back to Africa. I don't feel comfortable being black.

Any words of wisdom?

Click to expand...

I think whatever things you appreciate in life are there for you. Enjoy them.

THE W said:

you mean like making a thread saying I don't like being black?

is it ok to reject a community based on skin color?

Click to expand...

I think the OP is pouring out her heart, in honesty, looking for reassurance in her feelings.

dzheremi said:

So I imagine there's more than one way to be black, ...

Click to expand...

Of course, there's more than one way to be black.

There's Lebron James black
and ... George Washington Carver black
and ... Booker T. Washington black
and ... Aretha Franklin black
and ... Thurgood Marshall black
and ... Spike Lee black
and ... Carl Lewis black
and ... Arthur Ashe black
and ... Omarosa black
and ... Sidney Portier black
and ... Leontynne Price black
and ... Kathleen Battle black
and ... Diana Ross black
and ... Maxine Waters black
and ... President Obama black
and ... Whitney Houston black
and ... Thomas Sowell black
and ... T. Garrett Morgan black
and ... Elijah McCoy black
and ... Martin Luther King black
and ... Malcolm X black
and ... Neil deGrasse Tyson black
and ... Don Lemon black
and ... Ice Cube black
and ... Ice Tea black
and ... Yolanda Adams black
and ... Colin Powell black
and ... Condoleeza Rice black
and ... Valerie Jarrett black
etc.

There's no shortage of ways to be black ...

Yep! I just felt like I should probably phrase it in a conditional way since I can't speak from personal experience.

Landon Caeli said:

I think the OP is pouring out her heart, in honesty, looking for reassurance in her feelings.

Click to expand...

then you'll have to excuse me for not wanting to support someone who hates what they see in the mirror everyday. we have enough of that in our community and it should NOT be encouraged.

I also have a feeling many of her Caucasian friends are doing nothing to discourage her way of thinking and even support it.