Another reason I avoid online dating platforms

Rajni · Apr 30, 2018

"I’m what’s called a 'Closer' for the online-dating service ViDA (Virtual Dating Assistants). Men and women (though mostly men) from all over the world pay this company to outsource the labor and tedium of online dating. The matches I speak to on behalf of the Texan man and other clients have no idea they’re chatting with a professional."

"... I’m not an astronaut or an insurance salesman. I’m a woman sitting in my living room in Montréal, running proxies on my smartphone and laptop. I’m logged into my client’s Tinder and match.com accounts, appearing on these platforms (with the help of numerous fake GPS services) to be the man I’m pretending to be. I sit on my couch and wait for messages to arrive in their inbox."

Full article: DIGITAL DECEPTION: You could be flirting on dating apps with paid impersonators

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thecolorsblend · Apr 30, 2018

I've wondered how widespread that really is. Couples would surely recount the messages they traded together and realize things don't add up. Wouldn't they?

One big reason I gave up on online dating was (A) disgust with dating in general at that time and (B) this uber-atheist chick who wouldn't leave me alone. "We can work around the religion thing, I promise I'm open-minded!" She wouldn't take no for an answer and it just got weird after a while.

Servant68 · Apr 30, 2018

Ironic this thread popped up...

Just last night I gave in to temptation and checked Match.com for singles in my area. The usual dozen or less 35-50 Christian women within 25 miles...

Then I saw one woman on there who I had met at a Bible study a couple of years ago. I remember her because I could tell she was a smoker like me because she excused herself half-way through the study and came back in a few minutes later. She sat by me and I could smell the smoke along with a lot of perfume, LOL.

Anyway, she reminded me of Cheri Oteri from SNL in the 90's and was a very cute little lady. But, she was married, though her husband never showed up at the three or four Bible studies I went to (was through a different church I was trying out).

Her current profile listed her as being a Christian, a smoker but trying to quit (I quit on Valentine's Day), and currently separated.

I checked out her Facebook page and it is full of inspirational messages and she does a bunch of volunteer work.

Sent her a friend request and she ignored it, so I guess I know where I stand, LOL.

That's the hardest part about dating around here; if you find a rare Christian woman over 40 who you are attracted to, then getting rejected by them is particularly difficult and discouraging.

ThisIsMe123 · May 1, 2018

Servant68 said:
That's the hardest part about dating around here; if you find a rare Christian woman over 40 who you are attracted to, then getting rejected by them is particularly difficult and discouraging.

Agreed, that's why I get kind of flexible on the whole Christian belief as there are probably better people out there than the shallow Christians you speak of that are willing to over look looks or whatever reason they dont' find out suitable...outside of just "being Christian".j To be honest, I'm more about the character of the person than how Christian they are.

I had a woman that went to my church, came by herself, no man. Looked to be in her 40s at the time. I was trying to find a way to approach her in church, without it being creepy...but I couldn't think of a strategy that would make it not seem creepy. lol

So I didn't bother.

THEN, I saw her on Match.com...and it was a great opening to talkto her on there. I said, "Hey, don't you go to so-and-so church...I see you there all the time" she did respond saying that she does remember seeing me, but she thought the age diff was too great.

Yeah right, she was like a few years older than me, not by much.

So there goes that. She should realize that she lives in a small town and we were probably the ONLY 2 single, available people in the congregation. lol Basically she cant afford to be too picky.

dayhiker · May 1, 2018

Years ago I joined some dating site. It was very controlling in that it didn't allow me to give an outside email address to a lady and changed message to them about certain things. I did get a date thru the site but I wasn't interested in her.
When I canceled my membership they wanted to talk to me on the phone to see why I cancelled. I told them about changing my emails that I sent and they said it was to protect me. I said I was a grown man and knew how to protect myself and didn't like being treated like a 12 y/o.
I've not been back to a paying sight since then.

redblue22 · May 1, 2018

Creepy? I have all negative strikes against me. Why not go for it?

ThisIsMe123 · May 2, 2018

That's the hardest part about dating around here; if you find a rare Christian woman over 40 who you are attracted to, then getting rejected by them is particularly difficult and discouraging.

Chances are, she's dating non-Christian men. Or men who haven't been to church since they were a teenager.

To be honest, "being Christian" is really just a minor requirement in a bullet list of requirements among other personality requirements. Even physical attraction is a reality when finding someone.

I've had women tell me that the men in their church,a although single, they can't see themselves dating ANY of them.

That's why you see them on dating sites. They think it's nice that he would be Christian, but not THAT important in the grand scheme of things when you're going to be intimate with them.

NotUrAvgGuy · May 23, 2018

For me it's been helpful since in real life I would never meet anyone. I am just not social. On the other hand I am tired of women who post photos of themselves from 10 years ago. I meet them in person and they look nothing like their photos. Looks aren't everything or even the most important thing but you should be honest in your photos. We all want to look like we used to but it's not reality.

Now I've decided I am perfectly happy alone and have no reason to date.

JAM2b · May 26, 2018

I can see both sides of this. I don't necessarily think it is a bad idea to have someone screen your "matches" for you. As a woman, I can get creeped out pretty easily. When I used to go on dating sites, I usually wouldn't stay on them long because I would be turned off by all the inappropriate comments, offers, requests, and these would occur very early on, like in the first two to five messages. I've also had the disappointment of thinking that I could like someone and want to get to know them better, only to de ghosted because I was not open to having sex with someone who was practically a stranger or didn't look sexually appealing to them when they saw any picture besides what was in my profile.

The thing that concerns me about a proxy is the other person not knowing it is a proxy. If people knew this, then they could be aware that some things might not be entirely accurate, and the actual personality of the match interests could be different from what they are seeing.

Lybrah · Jul 31, 2018

Servant68 said:
Ironic this thread popped up...

Just last night I gave in to temptation and checked Match.com for singles in my area. The usual dozen or less 35-50 Christian women within 25 miles...

Then I saw one woman on there who I had met at a Bible study a couple of years ago. I remember her because I could tell she was a smoker like me because she excused herself half-way through the study and came back in a few minutes later. She sat by me and I could smell the smoke along with a lot of perfume, LOL.

Anyway, she reminded me of Cheri Oteri from SNL in the 90's and was a very cute little lady. But, she was married, though her husband never showed up at the three or four Bible studies I went to (was through a different church I was trying out).

Her current profile listed her as being a Christian, a smoker but trying to quit (I quit on Valentine's Day), and currently separated.

I checked out her Facebook page and it is full of inspirational messages and she does a bunch of volunteer work.

Sent her a friend request and she ignored it, so I guess I know where I stand, LOL.

That's the hardest part about dating around here; if you find a rare Christian woman over 40 who you are attracted to, then getting rejected by them is particularly difficult and discouraging.

That goes both ways...getting rejected by a Christian man is discouraging, and finding that most good ones are married is as well.

Lybrah · Jul 31, 2018

I meet some great guys and then it all goes south when they imply they want sex after only a week of knowing them. One guy was great, until (after one date, mind you), he suggested coming over late on Saturday, sleeping over at my place, and then both of us picking up his child to go for lunch. That basically ruined it for me.

Note · Aug 3, 2018

Dating sites are the only ways I am able to try meeting someone in the past, and most likely the future. I can not not up to a random girl and start a conversation, because I am not good like that. And even if we chatted a bit, in the end she will already be involved with a guy (at least she will say so). Girls I dated in the past were mainly from online, and the few choices there are. I only did free sites because I am not paying a site monthly when it can go months and months before I find a profile to even say hi to.
A lot of bad things can go with these sites too I agree, but they are the only way I might be able to meet someone for coffee again one day as I am an introverted antisocialst who is always assuming every pretty girl I met is already married.

littleangelone · Mar 10, 2019

I agree with you, I don't use Christian dateing sites because they are sooo silly all they want is money, half of the men are not saying who they really are on there & some men use women for one thing on there, & yes many of them are scam artists who will do anything to steal money whinch is sad

I don't like them

ThisIsMe123 · Mar 12, 2019

Note said:
Dating sites are the only ways I am able to try meeting someone in the past, and most likely the future. I can not not up to a random girl and start a conversation, because I am not good like that. And even if we chatted a bit, in the end she will already be involved with a guy (at least she will say so). Girls I dated in the past were mainly from online, and the few choices there are. I only did free sites because I am not paying a site monthly when it can go months and months before I find a profile to even say hi to.
A lot of bad things can go with these sites too I agree, but they are the only way I might be able to meet someone for coffee again one day as I am an introverted antisocialst who is always assuming every pretty girl I met is already married.

Yeah, the only main thing decent about online dating is:

1. You KNOW the people there are single
2. You don't have to wonder if they are single.

In person, every woman I came across either had a boyfriend or married. Usually if he wasnt' around, he'd pop up a few mins later.

If a woman IS single and you approach her outside of a dating site, she may not actually desiring a partner. I've noticed this with middle-aged women, they have the 'been there done that' (damaged) attitude, and any man trying to ask them out, they say "no thanks".

Rajni · Mar 12, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
If a woman IS single and you approach her outside of a dating site, she may not actually desiring a partner. I've noticed this with middle-aged women, they have the 'been there done that' (damaged) attitude, and any man trying to ask them out, they say "no thanks".

Just speaking for myself, I hesitate to consider my own been-there-done-that
mentality as necessarily damaged per se. I'm not damaged (at least, I don't
feel damaged), just... more informed… as to what it is I want out of life at this
stage of the Game.

Even if turns out that I am damaged in some way, I'd rather not label myself
that, because it sounds all victim-y, and one thing I refuse to accommodate is
a victim mentality because it's so dis-empowering. Also, it seems trendy at
the moment, and I prefer to avoid trendy things.

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ThisIsMe123 · Mar 13, 2019

RayJeena said:
Just speaking for myself, I hesitate to consider my own been-there-done-that
mentality as necessarily damaged per se. I'm not damaged (at least, I don't
feel damaged), just... more informed… as to what it is I want out of life at this
stage of the Game.

Even if turns out that I am damaged in some way, I'd rather not label myself
that, because it sounds all victim-y, and one thing I refuse to accommodate is
a victim mentality because it's so dis-empowering. Also, it seems trendy at
the moment, and I prefer to avoid trendy things.

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I may have a been hyperbolic on the "damaged" part, but I stand by the "been there done that" attitude. I recall though a professional matchmaker claiming that someone who has lost complete desire over wanting a romantic partner in their life as "damaged". Even I thought that was a bit much...but...

It's usually the women that tend to lose the desire, not men. I have noticed women over 40, say after a divorce, wind up content and get their emotional needs met through the kids they are raising and platonic friends and family members...nothing more.

I know a woman over 40 that says she's "closed up shop" since her divorce and loves spending time with her teen-aged daughter and 3 gal pals. She said as soon as men get whiff of this, they know to leave her alone.

Actually, she let's them know out-right she has no romantic desires.

Seems women can live without men as opposed to vice-versa since men are the pursuers.

Rajni · Mar 13, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
I may have a been hyperbolic on the "damaged" part, but I stand by the "been there done that" attitude. I recall though a professional matchmaker claiming that someone who has lost complete desire over wanting a romantic partner in their life as "damaged". Even I thought that was a bit much...but...

It's usually the women that tend to lose the desire, not men. I have noticed women over 40, say after a divorce, wind up content and get their emotional needs met through the kids they are raising and platonic friends and family members...nothing more.

I know a woman over 40 that says she's "closed up shop" since her divorce and loves spending time with her teen-aged daughter and 3 gal pals. She said as soon as men get whiff of this, they know to leave her alone.

Actually, she let's them know out-right she has no romantic desires.

Seems women can live without men as opposed to vice-versa since men are the pursuers.

I totally get that.
In fact, I even wear rings on my left hand, for good measure, to
head off at the pass any potential interest. It's not just for my
own sake, but for the would-be partners' protection as well.

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exitstageright · Mar 13, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
I may have a been hyperbolic on the "damaged" part, but I stand by the "been there done that" attitude. I recall though a professional matchmaker claiming that someone who has lost complete desire over wanting a romantic partner in their life as "damaged". Even I thought that was a bit much...but...

It's usually the women that tend to lose the desire, not men. I have noticed women over 40, say after a divorce, wind up content and get their emotional needs met through the kids they are raising and platonic friends and family members...nothing more.

I know a woman over 40 that says she's "closed up shop" since her divorce and loves spending time with her teen-aged daughter and 3 gal pals. She said as soon as men get whiff of this, they know to leave her alone.

Actually, she let's them know out-right she has no romantic desires.

Seems women can live without men as opposed to vice-versa since men are the pursuers.

I could have not said this better myself.I have empirically derived that women,in general, do not really need men. But,men surely do need women.

ThisIsMe123 · Mar 14, 2019

exitstageright said:
I could have not said this better myself.I have empirically derived that women,in general, do not really need men. But,men surely do need women.

Right, I mean, that's how it all started...with Adam asking God to make him someone. lol.

Speaking of which, I think I stand corrected on the "closed up shop" girl. I saw she just now joined a singles Meetup group. Going to have to ask her about that. I'm guessing she recently became an empty nester, because her daughter should be 18 by now. Just guessing.

Run to Jesus · Mar 20, 2019

I get scared just by trying to join or receiving a message from someone I don't find particularly interesting. I was so tempted to join one site last year and I made friends with a guy who wanted to do bible study but kept on worrying that I would scam him. I on the other hand was scared by his request to study "God's will for us." I did a good Bible study but second guessed myself and thought that he was proposing. Needless to say I had to quit the site just to keep my head straight. I still don't mind just browsing pictures and profiles

Another reason I avoid online dating platforms

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