If you could saying anything in your online dating profile...

NotUrAvgGuy · Jul 31, 2018

I'm sure the profile writing coaches would strongly advise against this level of honesty but if I didn't care what anyone else thought, I might add these things to my profile:

If you have more than one picture with a pet in it move on.
If you say you are looking for someone who can "talk for hours about anything or nothing" move on.
Please don't write you want to watch the sunset together with a glass of wine in hand! If I read that one more time I will gag.
I eat to live, not live to eat. If you are a gourmet and or want a man to cook alongside you, I am not your guy. I like my food fairly plain and if you delight in cooking you maybe be disappointed when I don't delight in your cooking. I'm sure it's amazing but it will be lost on me.
I don't drink beer and not that fond of wine - especially red wine. I'm more of a mixed drink person.
Not into groups or entertaining. Once in a blue moon is ok but anything more than that will be too much. Not a big couples person either (as in us with another couple). One on one is more my style.
I'm glad you have a lot of friends and family. I only have a few friends and family has never been a big part of my life. I want you to have time with your family but I'd rather us not spend every holiday with family. Truthfully I don't care much for holidays. I have no traditions around them and they are just dates on a calendar to me.

Honestly I've seen women with profiles that have more dog pictures than pictures of them! I love dogs (and cats) but it's a dating site for humans not canines. I enjoy conversation but not for hours on end. I am more about doing things together than talking. I get the food thing. Most people enjoy food. I am the exception. I like some foods more than others but food is just not a draw for me. I like to spend the absolute minimum time on preparing, eating, and cleaning up. Beer seems to be the #1 social drink. Relatively cheap and plentiful. So many beer-themed events these days. I just can't stand the taste! Same with red wine.I hate drinking anything served at that temperature. Give me something COLD. Yes even in winter. Not into groups. I have mild social phobia so hanging out in groups is a trial for me. That carries over into the family sphere. I love my family but in my case my siblings are all out-of-state. I grew up in an alcoholic family where holidays were always stressful. So I have no good associations with holidays. I am not a celebratory person. I could win the lottery, cure cancer, win a noble prize, etc, and I'd see no reason to celebrate.

Now if I added all that to my profile pretty much NO ONE would contact me! Yeah I think that would scare them all off. However it might save us both time...

What would you write if you didn't worry about scaring people away?

Brightmoon · Jul 31, 2018

That Im scientifically literate and I like opera and ,ballet, I also hate hip hop .While church bores me I don’t hate it. I had a neighbor tease me about handing in my Black card

Lybrah · Jul 31, 2018

I'm not having sex with you until we're married.

That one would keep many away from me.

Citanul · Aug 1, 2018

If you're not interested in having a conversation (i.e. actually replying to me) then don't bother liking my profile/sending me a message in the first place.

Citanul · Aug 1, 2018

I guess that was a little in frustration about the way things have gone (especially with some recent conversations), so here's some more in line with the OP that describes me in potentially unfavourable terms.

I'm almost 40 and have never had a girlfriend
I'd much rather stay in that go out anywhere. And while I don't mind doing things with a partner, if it's an activity that involves a lot of people, especially when I don't know many of them, I may have to be dragged to it kicking and screaming.
I have absolutely no interest in dancing, and that's not going to change.
While I don't mind travelling, it's definitely something that's way down on my list of things I'm keen to do.
The only people I would able to classify as friends are more casual acquaintances at best, and there's nobody I'm all that close to.
I'm terrible at buying gifts and I don't do big romantic gestures.

Although it seems like I don't actually need to put any of those down to scare women away. Since online dating isn't really working for me, what I currently have in my profile appears to be doing a good enough job at keeping them away from me.

NotUrAvgGuy · Aug 1, 2018

Another thing I've always been tempted to write is to ask the question "Mentally list the 3 most important things to you in life." Then later in my profile say "If Jesus Christ or your faith or salvation, etc, was not #1 then keep looking." I read so many profiles where people say family, or family and friends, are the most important thing in their life.

dayhiker · Aug 1, 2018

Most of the things listed in the 1st list I'd have no problem with.

I guess the honest thing for me would me I'm not going to marry anyone again. I was married for 28 years and now am divorced for over 10. I've had way better relationships since then with out the government legal stuff hanging over my head. Not that I consider my marriage that bad and even the divorce wasn't that bad. But the hassle of all that legal stuff I sure don't want around again.

Lost_In_Nothingness · Aug 1, 2018

I always wrote what I felt on past dating profiles. I never hid what I was looking for. Which is why I’ve probably never had a girlfriend and I’m 31. After coming across everybody only willing to respond if you had an attractive photo or a specific income I realized it didn’t matter what I wrote because know one read it they would just glance at the other two things and move on, even though I was genuinely interested in everything they wrote.

Bass4Jesus · Aug 2, 2018

A "lite" version of this topic would be fun. (I don't want to jack things up by dragging this one into the weeds.)

ThisIsMe123 · Aug 8, 2018

NotUrAvgGuy said:
I'm sure the profile writing coaches would strongly advise against this level of honesty but if I didn't care what anyone else thought, I might add these things to my profile:

If you have more than one picture with a pet in it move on.

If you say you are looking for someone who can "talk for hours about anything or nothing" move on.

Please don't write you want to watch the sunset together with a glass of wine in hand! If I read that one more time I will gag.

I eat to live, not live to eat. If you are a gourmet and or want a man to cook alongside you, I am not your guy. I like my food fairly plain and if you delight in cooking you maybe be disappointed when I don't delight in your cooking. I'm sure it's amazing but it will be lost on me.

I don't drink beer and not that fond of wine - especially red wine. I'm more of a mixed drink person.

Not into groups or entertaining. Once in a blue moon is ok but anything more than that will be too much. Not a big couples person either (as in us with another couple). One on one is more my style.

I'm glad you have a lot of friends and family. I only have a few friends and family has never been a big part of my life. I want you to have time with your family but I'd rather us not spend every holiday with family. Truthfully I don't care much for holidays. I have no traditions around them and they are just dates on a calendar to me.

Honestly I've seen women with profiles that have more dog pictures than pictures of them! I love dogs (and cats) but it's a dating site for humans not canines. I enjoy conversation but not for hours on end. I am more about doing things together than talking. I get the food thing. Most people enjoy food. I am the exception. I like some foods more than others but food is just not a draw for me. I like to spend the absolute minimum time on preparing, eating, and cleaning up. Beer seems to be the #1 social drink. Relatively cheap and plentiful. So many beer-themed events these days. I just can't stand the taste! Same with red wine.I hate drinking anything served at that temperature. Give me something COLD. Yes even in winter. Not into groups. I have mild social phobia so hanging out in groups is a trial for me. That carries over into the family sphere. I love my family but in my case my siblings are all out-of-state. I grew up in an alcoholic family where holidays were always stressful. So I have no good associations with holidays. I am not a celebratory person. I could win the lottery, cure cancer, win a noble prize, etc, and I'd see no reason to celebrate.

Now if I added all that to my profile pretty much NO ONE would contact me! Yeah I think that would scare them all off. However it might save us both time...

What would you write if you didn't worry about scaring people away?

LOL....yeah, I stepped away from online dating last year. Majority of them are the same, cliche'd write-ups. "Life's too short to sweat the small stuff" or "looking for someone who can make me laugh" or "Nice guys only apply" (which means, they don't date nice guys, lol)

Some like to quote Marilyn Monroe for some reason:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

The "I'm out of control and at times hard to handle" is what throws me.

Anyways, it's funny how I would log in to see the same faces of the women who ignored my emails...still single. lol

ThisIsMe123 · Aug 8, 2018

dayhiker said:
Most of the things listed in the 1st list I'd have no problem with.

I guess the honest thing for me would me I'm not going to marry anyone again. I was married for 28 years and now am divorced for over 10. I've had way better relationships since then with out the government legal stuff hanging over my head. Not that I consider my marriage that bad and even the divorce wasn't that bad. But the hassle of all that legal stuff I sure don't want around again.

So you say you prefer living in sin (multiple girlfriends) as opposed to marrying again?

ThisIsMe123 · Aug 8, 2018

NotUrAvgGuy said:
Another thing I've always been tempted to write is to ask the question "Mentally list the 3 most important things to you in life." Then later in my profile say "If Jesus Christ or your faith or salvation, etc, was not #1 then keep looking." I read so many profiles where people say family, or family and friends, are the most important thing in their life.

This topic kind of reminded me of an active Christian woman, participates in the chior and her kid's function there. That when she put up her profile she deliberately left out all Jesus/God verbiage like you mentioned.

Outside of just choosing "Christian" as her religion in the drop down menu, that's all that she says regarding her faith...because that's something she believes that she can reveal organically in person.

Same goes with politics. You know how they say you shouldn't discuss religion and politics? Same wheel house.

She doesn't want to chase off prospects, thinking she's a zealot or something, because people online tend to think the worst if their entire profile is like 80% Bible quotes and scriptures.

She is one of those Christians that keeps that kind of thing on the down low, but will admit to it once she meets you in person.

I read so many profiles where people say family, or family and friends, are the most important thing in their life.

Not sure how this would be a deal breaker. Just because they don't SAY that Jesus is important to them IN their profile, doesn't mean He isn't.

dayhiker · Aug 8, 2018

ThisIsMe123 said:
So you say you prefer living in sin (multiple girlfriends) as opposed to marrying again?

I'm not aware of the Bible listing having multiple GFs as a sin.

ThisIsMe123 · Aug 8, 2018

dayhiker said:
I'm not aware of the Bible listing having multiple GFs as a sin.

Let me back it up a bit. I think I read somewhere, not necessarily the Bible, but it was just a Christian standard to "date with purpose" or "Date with marriage in mind" and that it would be un-Christian-like otherwise.

dayhiker · Aug 8, 2018

Well, at my age there isn't much of a purpose any more. Well, God has asked me to do one thing and that is to be a friend to people. So that would be my purpose. In the process of being a friend I've got to share the love of God with a lot of people beyond my 3 GFs. I think the only time in my life when I've got to share Jesus more was when I was in the service. So no purpose to get married, to work and build a career or to raise a family ... those things are all coming to an end. Time to enjoy all the sabbaths I cut corners on when I was young and ambitious!

Note · Sep 4, 2018

My profiles always turned people off because someone fails a criteria of mine. Way too many, but I rather be with someone I can enjoy being with, than end up in some sort of argument over a belief, or my self confidence affected daily, or something.
Even if someone does not meet my criteria they will sometimes message me.
No one wants this yummy prize, you know?

Miles · Jan 1, 2019

Citanul said:
I'd much rather stay in that go out anywhere. And while I don't mind doing things with a partner, if it's an activity that involves a lot of people, especially when I don't know many of them, I may have to be dragged to it kicking and screaming.

Same here. At the end of the day, I'm a homebody. Home is where my tools and my books are. I even enjoy doing yard work. Although I'm not a hermit, I'm hoping for a more relaxing and less socially-scheduled marriage than most women seem to want.

Citanul said:
While I don't mind traveling, it's definitely something that's way down on my list of things I'm keen to do.

I think "love to travel" is code for "looking for a man who has disposable income". While I can afford to travel, it's only an occasional thing for me. Very low on my list of priorities. Especially considering the fact that I'm not fond of airliners.

Citanul · Jan 2, 2019

Miles said:
I think "love to travel" is code for "looking for a man who has disposable income".

I've seen thing like "my goal is to visit a new country every year" or "40 countries and counting", so I would imagine they've got their own way of funding their travel habit. But I do have to wonder if all their income is going on travelling - I'm at the age now where if you don't already have a reasonable amount of money set aside you're going to struggle to have enough to retire on, so if too much money has gone on travel and not on ensuring their future then I'm not going to be interested.

Especially considering the fact that I'm not fond of airliners.

I like the idea of flying, but I am unable to sleep on planes. Which means that any long haul flight results in me being a zombie for the next day after arriving. And since anywhere from South Africa other than other African countries is long haul, that probably plays into my reduced enthusiasm around flying.

dayhiker · Jan 2, 2019

I love to travel and have been doing a lot of travel the last 7 years. If I take a GF with me I expect her to pay her way. I have no desire to fund anyone else's travel. So far I have found GFs who will pay their way. But sometimes I prefer to travel alone, like if I'm doing a lot of hiking. I also like to go on singles cruises so I can meet a lot of people and swap life stories. I find if I travel with a GF that they totally change my interaction with other people and I don't get to know their story from what I'm interested in them.

ThisIsMe123 · Jan 2, 2019

Citanul said:
I've seen thing like "my goal is to visit a new country every year" or "40 countries and counting", so I would imagine they've got their own way of funding their travel habit. But I do have to wonder if all their income is going on travelling - I'm at the age now where if you don't already have a reasonable amount of money set aside you're going to struggle to have enough to retire on, so if too much money has gone on travel and not on ensuring their future then I'm not going to be interested.

I like the idea of flying, but I am unable to sleep on planes. Which means that any long haul flight results in me being a zombie for the next day after arriving. And since anywhere from South Africa other than other African countries is long haul, that probably plays into my reduced enthusiasm around flying.

Yeah, I've seen women that say, "Must have passport" or "Passport in hand, will travel" and kid you not they probably go on 3 to 4 trips a year. I had to unfollow some people on FB because I got tired of looking at it.

Apparently, if you're not like them you "haven't lived". I like to travel too, but there's that then there's addiction. lol

If you could saying anything in your online dating profile...

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