Bizarre Experience.. Should I complain?

Your instructor was a jerk ... and should have to answer for it.

The facilitator may be a first line of complaint ... as he/she witnessed it all ...

Persis said:

I went to a course for a couple days this week to update some skills. There was 1 instructor and 1 facilitator in the room, along with 3 students, including myself. In the very beginning we were asked to write our name on a sheet of paper, and place it in front of us. My name is not a common name (what name is today!) but it is pronounced as it is spelled out. My name written on the piece of paper was in big capital letters facing the instructor.

From the very beginning, I noticed that the instructor pronounced my name wrong. The other students he called upon, he pronounced them correctly. He continued to pronounce my name wrong every time he called me to answer. At every given time I had the opportunity to correct him, but I didn’t. I guess I was feeling it was not important, and early on I didn’t think he would be calling on my name so many times.

It must be actually hilarious sounding from an outsider view, but throughout the day whenever he called on me, he would use different names. Yes, In a total 4 totally different names, none of them my name!! As you can imagine it was turning out quite bizarre. Even so I still did not correct him.

In hindsight now, I can only blame myself for my choice to not say anything, It does cause me curiosity as to why the facilitator did not say anything, either. She knew me from a different course and she knew my name. It took her until the 2nd day to correct him, and tell him what my name was. Even so, the instructor kept mispronouncing my name and continuing to choose between a bevy of 3 – 4 other names. Again, after some while the facilitator again called me by name while he was present, and still he did not get it.


I know that some of you may be rolling your eyes at why I never spoke up. Again, I don’t know why. I guess its a lesson. But I guess my thinking was that it didnt matter.. I'm just there a few times and that's it. But yeah, as time went on and especially since the facilitator mentioned my name 2x, I started to lose my peace about it, and I started to wonder if he had an agenda. But what was it ? Clearly he could read, He did not have eyesight problems. I think it came to a point where it was getting super strange, and along with what I share below, I started seeing him in a very, very negative light. There is more to this story than this, and it kind of puts the cherry on top of the cake ,so to speak. I felt like he was harassing me.

So, basically while he was instructing he would from time to time, which was often, also include maybe a personal experience to go along with it. That was great from my perspective as it helped me understand and better get the content of what he was teaching, and sometimes it was just humorous and it was a nice little break from all the seriousness. In any case, what I didn’t know, is that he was the only one allowed to talk about personal experiences. You see when he asked questions, he wanted a straight answer. He did not want anyone to delve into their personal experience, even if it was to ask a question on how they could better handle the situation (I mean why else are we students there but to learn), or to just get more information on their experience.This is actually a large part of why I was attended. This was the place to go!

Anyways, so that is what I did from the beginning. I BELIEVE in the beginning he even said we could talk more and share different experiences (I'm not 100% sure if he did or not ,but I think he did. I did in my last course, and it was fine). So anyways, whenever I was called upon to answer a question, sometimes I would remember a related experience where I had difficulty ,or it was just different , and had a question on it , and was looking for feedback. I noticed the first time I did that, the instructor seemed like he just zoned out and I was aware of his body language that he was not interested, and just wanted me to answer the question. That’s it. It was subtle at first and passive, but as time went on I could see that he got impatient and upset with me. He didn’t verbally say anything to me that 1st day but it was obvious from his reactions. I seemed be in favor with the facilitator though as she also would sometimes jump in with something that was an experience, or she would say to me ‘yes, I remember what you told me before, and then she would turn to him and explain to him what the difficulty I was having. . So it wasn’t just me, although from the group I was the most vocal, probably because I had the most experience in, and also possibly that my experiences were unusual and non standard.

The 2nd day the instructor was clearly in a bad mood. On the 2nd day I went in there thinking I was not going to say anything anymore, based on the 1st day. I told myself if I had any questions maybe I could talk to someone else. So that 2nd day I planned to be quite quiet and did not share anything, EXCEPT for 1 time. I was asked a question and I did end up saying a little (note ‘little) part of my experience. The instructor looked at me and stopped me and reprimanded me, and said that he only asked me a question, and nothing else. This time he was aggressive. I then totally committed to not saying anything anymore! What transpired next was where it got to be feeling like harassment.

Throughout the next couple hours the instructor kept saying to the group that we cannot be babbling and be off subject and talk so much or else we will lose the other person's attention, and thus fail regarding this circumstance we are all learning to be successful at. He gave me an evil eye at one point making it VERY clear he was talking about me. He continued to repeat this comment MANY times, I would say, about 6-7 times in a pretty fairly small amount of time. It was feeling very angry and confused.. Ill tell you why. He was judging me the way he saw me in the class as being like that everywhere and in every circumstance, like the one he is teaching about. That became very clear. It really hurt me because I am actually the opposite of what he is judging me to be, especially in the circumstance we are learning about. I am there for the purpose of asking questions and get ting help for the problems I have had for a long time, and they are the experts. Finally I get to get help and I am treated like this!!!??

So that is basically it. As far as any others in the room, they did not say anything. The facilitator did not say anything either The room was quite sullen towards his bully behavior, and it is too bad because I am sure the others were seeing it too. But nobody spoke up.

It is also too bad because I decided to not continue with the course for the next 2 days. I may be just fine, as I have all the material and the exercises are quite good that I probably don’t need anyone. I did not want to put myself in a harrassment situation again.

I'm thinking now whether I should go back and complain.

Any thoughts, feedback and advice???? is greatly appreciated.

Blessings!!

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First, I would talk to at least one other student and see how they feel about the guy. I would also consider reporting him to higher ups in an email detailing how you found his course to be an unpleasant experience, giving data as in your post. Maybe send it out after the course is over! They probably want people to like their courses, and thus give them money. Also, by complaining you may be doing some others a favor in the future, if his bad behavior is curtailed.

Each time he mispronounces your name I think you should smile and simply say your name the right way for him. After a few times of being corrected this way he will probably start saying it right.

Persis said:

I went to a course for a couple days this week to update some skills. There was 1 instructor and 1 facilitator in the room, along with 3 students, including myself. In the very beginning we were asked to write our name on a sheet of paper, and place it in front of us. My name is not a common name (what name is today!) but it is pronounced as it is spelled out. My name written on the piece of paper was in big capital letters facing the instructor.

From the very beginning, I noticed that the instructor pronounced my name wrong. The other students he called upon, he pronounced them correctly. He continued to pronounce my name wrong every time he called me to answer. At every given time I had the opportunity to correct him, but I didn’t. I guess I was feeling it was not important, and early on I didn’t think he would be calling on my name so many times.

It must be actually hilarious sounding from an outsider view, but throughout the day whenever he called on me, he would use different names. Yes, In a total 4 totally different names, none of them my name!! As you can imagine it was turning out quite bizarre. Even so I still did not correct him.

In hindsight now, I can only blame myself for my choice to not say anything, It does cause me curiosity as to why the facilitator did not say anything, either. She knew me from a different course and she knew my name. It took her until the 2nd day to correct him, and tell him what my name was. Even so, the instructor kept mispronouncing my name and continuing to choose between a bevy of 3 – 4 other names. Again, after some while the facilitator again called me by name while he was present, and still he did not get it.


I know that some of you may be rolling your eyes at why I never spoke up. Again, I don’t know why. I guess its a lesson. But I guess my thinking was that it didnt matter.. I'm just there a few times and that's it. But yeah, as time went on and especially since the facilitator mentioned my name 2x, I started to lose my peace about it, and I started to wonder if he had an agenda. But what was it ? Clearly he could read, He did not have eyesight problems. I think it came to a point where it was getting super strange, and along with what I share below, I started seeing him in a very, very negative light. There is more to this story than this, and it kind of puts the cherry on top of the cake ,so to speak. I felt like he was harassing me.

So, basically while he was instructing he would from time to time, which was often, also include maybe a personal experience to go along with it. That was great from my perspective as it helped me understand and better get the content of what he was teaching, and sometimes it was just humorous and it was a nice little break from all the seriousness. In any case, what I didn’t know, is that he was the only one allowed to talk about personal experiences. You see when he asked questions, he wanted a straight answer. He did not want anyone to delve into their personal experience, even if it was to ask a question on how they could better handle the situation (I mean why else are we students there but to learn), or to just get more information on their experience.This is actually a large part of why I was attended. This was the place to go!

Anyways, so that is what I did from the beginning. I BELIEVE in the beginning he even said we could talk more and share different experiences (I'm not 100% sure if he did or not ,but I think he did. I did in my last course, and it was fine). So anyways, whenever I was called upon to answer a question, sometimes I would remember a related experience where I had difficulty ,or it was just different , and had a question on it , and was looking for feedback. I noticed the first time I did that, the instructor seemed like he just zoned out and I was aware of his body language that he was not interested, and just wanted me to answer the question. That’s it. It was subtle at first and passive, but as time went on I could see that he got impatient and upset with me. He didn’t verbally say anything to me that 1st day but it was obvious from his reactions. I seemed be in favor with the facilitator though as she also would sometimes jump in with something that was an experience, or she would say to me ‘yes, I remember what you told me before, and then she would turn to him and explain to him what the difficulty I was having. . So it wasn’t just me, although from the group I was the most vocal, probably because I had the most experience in, and also possibly that my experiences were unusual and non standard.

The 2nd day the instructor was clearly in a bad mood. On the 2nd day I went in there thinking I was not going to say anything anymore, based on the 1st day. I told myself if I had any questions maybe I could talk to someone else. So that 2nd day I planned to be quite quiet and did not share anything, EXCEPT for 1 time. I was asked a question and I did end up saying a little (note ‘little) part of my experience. The instructor looked at me and stopped me and reprimanded me, and said that he only asked me a question, and nothing else. This time he was aggressive. I then totally committed to not saying anything anymore! What transpired next was where it got to be feeling like harassment.

Throughout the next couple hours the instructor kept saying to the group that we cannot be babbling and be off subject and talk so much or else we will lose the other person's attention, and thus fail regarding this circumstance we are all learning to be successful at. He gave me an evil eye at one point making it VERY clear he was talking about me. He continued to repeat this comment MANY times, I would say, about 6-7 times in a pretty fairly small amount of time. It was feeling very angry and confused.. Ill tell you why. He was judging me the way he saw me in the class as being like that everywhere and in every circumstance, like the one he is teaching about. That became very clear. It really hurt me because I am actually the opposite of what he is judging me to be, especially in the circumstance we are learning about. I am there for the purpose of asking questions and get ting help for the problems I have had for a long time, and they are the experts. Finally I get to get help and I am treated like this!!!??

So that is basically it. As far as any others in the room, they did not say anything. The facilitator did not say anything either The room was quite sullen towards his bully behavior, and it is too bad because I am sure the others were seeing it too. But nobody spoke up.

It is also too bad because I decided to not continue with the course for the next 2 days. I may be just fine, as I have all the material and the exercises are quite good that I probably don’t need anyone. I did not want to put myself in a harrassment situation again.

I'm thinking now whether I should go back and complain.

Any thoughts, feedback and advice???? is greatly appreciated.

Blessings!!

Click to expand...

Well unless you know what is in his heart and head you never know, people mostly are just trying to get thru the work day and go home and sometimes things don't work out as expected, maybe they had other things on their mind or other distractions of life.

Persis said:

Good point taken. But he pronounced everyone else's name correctly, and even was able to understand those that had English as a second language.

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Is your name unusual enough that he might actually have trouble saying it ? does he have a speech impediment, or other physical problem with his tongue, mouth, nose, ears, throat that make it difficult for him to talk, until you know, you don't know, if it is that important to you talk to him privately about it so as to not embarrass or humiliate

Persis said:

the answer is a resounding 'no' . I know my note was long, but there was so much more than this. In fact if it was just this, I would probably would never have written here, and most likely had attended the next classes.

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Well yeah, email, phone, txt or talk to him in person and privately. thats my 2 cents.

Persis said:

the answer is a resounding 'no' . I know my note was long, but there was so much more than this. In fact if it was just this, I would probably would never have written here, and most likely had attended the next classes.

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Your instructor was so unpleasant to you ... that you couldn't attend the last (2) sessions. That should be reported. I'm sure the organization he works for is not paying him to chase away students who are trying to learn.

And once again, ... you have the class facilitator who should be able to affirm that you are telling the truth in this matter ...

I have a quite unusual first name as well. There are a multitude of ways of spelling it and a smaller number of ways of pronouncing it. After years of teasing when I was young, I now have no problem in politely but firmly insisting on correct spelling and pronunciation. Your name is your first and most precious possession.

Persis said:

I went to a course for a couple days this week to update some skills. There was 1 instructor and 1 facilitator in the room, along with 3 students, including myself. In the very beginning we were asked to write our name on a sheet of paper, and place it in front of us. My name is not a common name (what name is today!) but it is pronounced as it is spelled out. My name written on the piece of paper was in big capital letters facing the instructor.

From the very beginning, I noticed that the instructor pronounced my name wrong. The other students he called upon, he pronounced them correctly. He continued to pronounce my name wrong every time he called me to answer. At every given time I had the opportunity to correct him, but I didn’t. I guess I was feeling it was not important, and early on I didn’t think he would be calling on my name so many times.

It must be actually hilarious sounding from an outsider view, but throughout the day whenever he called on me, he would use different names. Yes, In a total 4 totally different names, none of them my name!! As you can imagine it was turning out quite bizarre. Even so I still did not correct him.

In hindsight now, I can only blame myself for my choice to not say anything, It does cause me curiosity as to why the facilitator did not say anything, either. She knew me from a different course and she knew my name. It took her until the 2nd day to correct him, and tell him what my name was. Even so, the instructor kept mispronouncing my name and continuing to choose between a bevy of 3 – 4 other names. Again, after some while the facilitator again called me by name while he was present, and still he did not get it.


I know that some of you may be rolling your eyes at why I never spoke up. Again, I don’t know why. I guess its a lesson. But I guess my thinking was that it didnt matter.. I'm just there a few times and that's it. But yeah, as time went on and especially since the facilitator mentioned my name 2x, I started to lose my peace about it, and I started to wonder if he had an agenda. But what was it ? Clearly he could read, He did not have eyesight problems. I think it came to a point where it was getting super strange, and along with what I share below, I started seeing him in a very, very negative light. There is more to this story than this, and it kind of puts the cherry on top of the cake ,so to speak. I felt like he was harassing me.

So, basically while he was instructing he would from time to time, which was often, also include maybe a personal experience to go along with it. That was great from my perspective as it helped me understand and better get the content of what he was teaching, and sometimes it was just humorous and it was a nice little break from all the seriousness. In any case, what I didn’t know, is that he was the only one allowed to talk about personal experiences. You see when he asked questions, he wanted a straight answer. He did not want anyone to delve into their personal experience, even if it was to ask a question on how they could better handle the situation (I mean why else are we students there but to learn), or to just get more information on their experience.This is actually a large part of why I was attended. This was the place to go!

Anyways, so that is what I did from the beginning. I BELIEVE in the beginning he even said we could talk more and share different experiences (I'm not 100% sure if he did or not ,but I think he did. I did in my last course, and it was fine). So anyways, whenever I was called upon to answer a question, sometimes I would remember a related experience where I had difficulty ,or it was just different , and had a question on it , and was looking for feedback. I noticed the first time I did that, the instructor seemed like he just zoned out and I was aware of his body language that he was not interested, and just wanted me to answer the question. That’s it. It was subtle at first and passive, but as time went on I could see that he got impatient and upset with me. He didn’t verbally say anything to me that 1st day but it was obvious from his reactions. I seemed be in favor with the facilitator though as she also would sometimes jump in with something that was an experience, or she would say to me ‘yes, I remember what you told me before, and then she would turn to him and explain to him what the difficulty I was having. . So it wasn’t just me, although from the group I was the most vocal, probably because I had the most experience in, and also possibly that my experiences were unusual and non standard.

The 2nd day the instructor was clearly in a bad mood. On the 2nd day I went in there thinking I was not going to say anything anymore, based on the 1st day. I told myself if I had any questions maybe I could talk to someone else. So that 2nd day I planned to be quite quiet and did not share anything, EXCEPT for 1 time. I was asked a question and I did end up saying a little (note ‘little) part of my experience. The instructor looked at me and stopped me and reprimanded me, and said that he only asked me a question, and nothing else. This time he was aggressive. I then totally committed to not saying anything anymore! What transpired next was where it got to be feeling like harassment.

Throughout the next couple hours the instructor kept saying to the group that we cannot be babbling and be off subject and talk so much or else we will lose the other person's attention, and thus fail regarding this circumstance we are all learning to be successful at. He gave me an evil eye at one point making it VERY clear he was talking about me. He continued to repeat this comment MANY times, I would say, about 6-7 times in a pretty fairly small amount of time. It was feeling very angry and confused.. Ill tell you why. He was judging me the way he saw me in the class as being like that everywhere and in every circumstance, like the one he is teaching about. That became very clear. It really hurt me because I am actually the opposite of what he is judging me to be, especially in the circumstance we are learning about. I am there for the purpose of asking questions and get ting help for the problems I have had for a long time, and they are the experts. Finally I get to get help and I am treated like this!!!??

So that is basically it. As far as any others in the room, they did not say anything. The facilitator did not say anything either The room was quite sullen towards his bully behavior, and it is too bad because I am sure the others were seeing it too. But nobody spoke up.

It is also too bad because I decided to not continue with the course for the next 2 days. I may be just fine, as I have all the material and the exercises are quite good that I probably don’t need anyone. I did not want to put myself in a harrassment situation again.

I'm thinking now whether I should go back and complain.

Any thoughts, feedback and advice???? is greatly appreciated.

Blessings!!

Click to expand...

I personally would not unless there is more of a clear violation to pass on.

I'm a firm believer in "Vengeance is mine says the Lord. I will repay".

I have always found that letting him take care of it, does best.

Persis said:

Good point taken. But he pronounced everyone else's name correctly, and even was able to understand those that had English as a second language. Additionally he behaved like a bully.

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This is what a demon does. We need to be pressing back on them, that is our job. Can you imagine what would happen if Jesus allowed the demons to speak down to Him? (Mark 1:34, Titus 2:15) .. and of course, we are the body of Christ, we have the spirit of Jesus Christ living in us. When they get to bully us, they are bullying Him! (1 Corinthians 12:26).

I am pretty close to bringing an investigation that will uncover the deepest knowledge of those matters, only that I also want to bring with me the ones who don't call themselves Christian but who in fact love the truth. I'm still trying to find the right place for that (See this thread).

It's a really exploding problem the world over right now - the gates of hell have been loosened because they have found that Christians are pushovers in this way. We need to be fighting back against them, else who is going to be able to do it?

(Edited): Proverbs 17:9.

Sorry that you were harassed. For some reason the guy singled you out. Could be your gender? Could be that you reminded him of someone in the past that made him uncomfortable. Could be something spiritual that gave him some kind of alarm. I can't say what you should do now. I would probably just give it to the Lord. One thing I would do for sure is to ask God for instructors and business relationships that would give you favor, that God would go before you in dealings with future contacts and give you the fruit of the spirit necessary to deal with any obstacle.

Richard T said:

For some reason the guy singled you out.

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They as humans don't know what they are doing though.. he would shrug it off with a light apology if you took it to him. If you report it, unless the person taking the report understands these things, it could be seen as paranoia.

It's a difficult thing to counteract without really using the authority that we have in Christ. The best thing to do is as OP said, don't let it get that far out of hand.