Seeking Orthodox Prayers at this point

Glaucus

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I have select people here praying for me, and I posted on the Prayer Wall not too long ago. I suffer from PTSD and OCD, which causes me anxiety and depression. The worst of my struggles is OCD, and particularly the intrusive thoughts that come with it. They are very distressing. Some days and moments are better than others. I was doing well for a long time, but the past 2 months have been hell. I'm isolating, depressed, stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I'm getting professional and spiritual help, but I am really seeking prayers. I don't know why I must bare this cross. It negatively impacts my relationship with my wife and children and with God. The most important aspects of my life, even according to God himself. I just don't get it.
 

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"Consider it pure joy, my brothers & sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." --James 1:2-3

It's hard, and you need a lot of the Holy Spirit to do it, but if you can be thankful for what's happening, a whole new world of grace will come.

God be with you.
 
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~Anastasia~

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Continued prayers for you.

I am glad you are getting help. If it's not helping enough ... I wonder if it's time to ask for something different or something more? In either direction. I wish I had some insight for you but I don't. Sometimes there are those who do.

I really wish I could do more. You do have my prayers.
 
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Glaucus

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I just want you all to know that I was weeping and praying, asking within myself, "Why?", and, I felt that this is necessary for the salvation of my soul, to suffer this way, at least for now; that I must trample this through prayer and with God, that in this darkness I cannot give up. I have to trample this evil, crush it, and in the midst of it, love. Love everyone. Love my family, friends, neighbors, enemies, and strangers. While my mind is in turmoil, I must let light and love shine through it, for it is necessary.
 
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Prayers for you, brother Glaucus! Hang in there, man. The world is a MUCH better place with you in it. There is darkness everywhere in life. It's hard to find a day where everything goes our way, and there are days and weeks, heck, months and years, where it seems like NOTHING is going right! And even in the midst of God's love and the constant graces we receive in the Holy Mysteries, there is so much cynicism in the world, hatred, violence, mischief, politics, and drama that it can drown out the grace. We just can't let that happen. My job has beaten me DOOOOOWN this year. I truly don't even see myself as mattering at all anymore to my students or their parents. I feel like the lone soldier fighting a war and no one wants to be rescued, while all the soldiers stayed home. There's so much apathy in the world. People talk out their hind ends so much. It's easy to ask why you're here and what is the point? But in the end, you are here because you're important to God and He loves you even when every other shmuck out there doesn't love you. And the folks here at TAW love ya as well. Hang in there and my the Lord of Hosts have mercy and be a constant comfort lighting up the black cavern you feel around you.
 
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archer75

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I have select people here praying for me, and I posted on the Prayer Wall not too long ago. I suffer from PTSD and OCD, which causes me anxiety and depression. The worst of my struggles is OCD, and particularly the intrusive thoughts that come with it. They are very distressing. Some days and moments are better than others. I was doing well for a long time, but the past 2 months have been hell. I'm isolating, depressed, stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I'm getting professional and spiritual help, but I am really seeking prayers. I don't know why I must bare this cross. It negatively impacts my relationship with my wife and children and with God. The most important aspects of my life, even according to God himself. I just don't get it.
I don't know if this will be helpful at all. Not only do you have my prayers, you have my sympathy. Not because this is pitiful (to me it sounds normal), but just because I have some idea how it is.

One thought that brings me some comfort is this: "it seems to me that this condition negatively impacts these relationships, but I have no idea what these relationships would look like without this condition."
 
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Glaucus

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Prayers for you, brother Glaucus! Hang in there, man. The world is a MUCH better place with you in it. There is darkness everywhere in life. It's hard to find a day where everything goes our way, and there are days and weeks, heck, months and years, where it seems like NOTHING is going right! And even in the midst of God's love and the constant graces we receive in the Holy Mysteries, there is so much cynicism in the world, hatred, violence, mischief, politics, and drama that it can drown out the grace. We just can't let that happen. My job has beaten me DOOOOOWN this year. I truly don't even see myself as mattering at all anymore to my students or their parents. I feel like the lone soldier fighting a war and no one wants to be rescued, while all the soldiers stayed home. There's so much apathy in the world. People talk out their hind ends so much. It's easy to ask why you're here and what is the point? But in the end, you are here because you're important to God and He loves you even when every other shmuck out there doesn't love you. And the folks here at TAW love ya as well. Hang in there and my the Lord of Hosts have mercy and be a constant comfort lighting up the black cavern you feel around you.
What do you do when you know for a fact that a man who has no mental illness can support your family and is holy in God's eyes? Because it is a fact that I'm not necessary and a good man can be there for them and support them. And he won't be cursed like me.
 
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Phronema

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What do you do when you know for a fact that a man who has no mental illness can support your family and is holy in God's eyes? Because it is a fact that I'm not necessary and a good man can be there for them and support them. And he won't be cursed like me.

You are 100% necessary. I know for a fact your children don't want anyone else but you to be their father. You are a good man, only good men do the things you've done for your children. You're not cursed, you're blessed with the beautiful family you have.
 
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What do you mean, Michael? I'm thoroughly confused here?

What do you do when you know for a fact that a man who has no mental illness can support your family and is holy in God's eyes? Because it is a fact that I'm not necessary and a good man can be there for them and support them. And he won't be cursed like me.
 
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~Anastasia~

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What do you do when you know for a fact that a man who has no mental illness can support your family and is holy in God's eyes? Because it is a fact that I'm not necessary and a good man can be there for them and support them. And he won't be cursed like me.

You aren't cursed. I'm not sure what the source(s) of the problems are but you aren't cursed. You are beloved of God, but struggling.

And no one can replace you in your family. You are your children's father. No one can love them as you do. You are your wife's husband, and the father of her children. No one but you can be exactly that, in any best-case scenario. And situations are rarely "best-case".

The fact that we struggle doesn't make us bad in any way. In fact I think God has more mercy and compassion for our struggles, and often it is how He forms us into what He would have us be, which is the finest person we can be.

Prayers for you.
 
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