As I finish up only one more years worth of some pretty technical coursework, I am not particularly interested in romance right now, but would love to pursue it after getting out of school and finding a job. But of course my anxiety and lowly self-esteem have got in the way, in particular because of several embarrassments I’ve had with the other sex. These involved taking pictures of my female friends without permission, sharing too much information (nothing serious really, I’ve just opened up about personal stressors in my recent life struggles/transitions and their ego couldn’t handle it), and asking out girls that were already dating when I didn’t know or were totally uninterested. I want romance because I love the companionship of females, and many of these situations happened long ago so I’ve already taken them to God to ask for forgiveness. Yet because of some of these rotten moments I’ve had I am feeling totally guilty of what I’ve done and completely undeserving, even looking a lady in the eye is terrifying because I’m afraid of doing something wrong. Even though I have never done anything extreme like force sex, assault, or play sexual predator with someone, and never even come close to doing anything of that nature, I feel just as bad as someone who has done so and feel like a dirty rotten inconsiderate narcissistic demon.
Is there a way to overcome this guilt so I can move past these embarrassments? Or am I just a worthless and lost cause in terms of deserving love because of what I’ve done?
Is there a way to overcome this guilt so I can move past these embarrassments? Or am I just a worthless and lost cause in terms of deserving love because of what I’ve done?