Are 'White Lies' ever okay?

Allie Short · Jul 12, 2018

I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Kaon · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

A white lie is still a lie. It would hurt my feelings if you told me you didn't use something I gifted to you, but it would hurt me more that you felt you couldn't tell me the truth - it makes me think you think I can't handle the truth.

Kevin Snow · Jul 12, 2018

You know? Telling people the truth is an option too. It's only because of culture that we don't have a culture of telling the truth.

You could easily say, "Oh yeah it was a great gift. I had actually bought one myself just a few weeks earlier and have been using it regularly."

What's wrong with telling them right there you had bought it previously? Nothing at all. If you're afraid of what they will think, I'm telling you they won't think bad of it if you don't. It's what happened. Oh no. What is it? We can't handle reality? Sometimes everything happens. I think that's actually what makes life interesting and worth living.

Keep trying though. Give me another situation where you think you just must lie. Maybe there is a situation where it matters.

Dave L · Jul 12, 2018

If asked about hiding Jews in your attic in Nazi Germany, would you answer yes or no? Love would answer No. But legalism would answer Yes.

SkyWriting · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

You can usually tell a truth that is good. Nobody is entitled to your
life story.

For this situation: "the gift was perfect and exactly what I wanted!"
"I played that game for hours!"
"That shirt matched my slacks perfectly!"
"I've never drank so much Whiskey in one sitting before! They wouldn't even let me into rehab!"

Stuff like that.

HTacianas · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

Lying is not a

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Allie Short said:
I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Lying is never a good habit to get into, but if it helps. The "biblical" prohibition against lying is what we today would call fraud. Rev 21:8 states, "...and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." It does not define what a liar is, but in the Didache we read, "My child, be not a liar, since a lie leads the way to theft". The Shepherd of Hermes is similar, "...and many of them, too, from which the servant of God must restrain himself--theft, lying, robbery...". Those lies spoken of are intended to deprive a person of something much the same way stealing does.

So I suppose, in the end, let your conscience be your guide.

mukk_in · Jul 12, 2018

Lies are always bad, no matter what form or shape they may be in. Colossians 3:9 should guide us. Christ despises lies as He's the Absolute Truth. Peace in Christ

.

Kaon · Jul 12, 2018

Kevin Snow said:
You know? Telling people the truth is an option too. It's only because of culture that we don't have a culture of telling the truth.

Keep trying though. Give me another situation where you think you just must lie. Maybe there is a situation where it matters.

I agree. The hypothetical is sort of philosophically "easy;" do you have a harder scenario for us?

In other words, I wouldn't mind getting into the philosophy of the if, when and degree of lying that is acceptable.

AvilaSurfer · Jul 12, 2018

Doctor.Sphinx · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

Jesus never lied. He's our example.

Lots of others did, and at least one I can think of for a noble purpose (Rahab), but my guess is that it comes from weakness and a lack of faith.

Kevin Snow · Jul 12, 2018

Doctor.Sphinx said:
Jesus never lied. He's our example.

Lots of others did, and at least one I can think of for a noble purpose (Rahab), but my guess is that it comes from weakness and a lack of faith.

But you have not known him. I know him. If I were to say that I do not know him, I would be a liar like you, but I do know him and I keep his word. ~John 8:55

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” ~Revelation 21:8

Adding onto what Doctor.Sphinx has said, we know that if anyone has a practice of lying they will not be saved. White lies are just not fearing God enough, thinking that you will be forgiven since it wasn't a big deal to you. But Yahshua said this

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
~Matthew 12:36-37

So we will certainly give account for every careless thing we say that is not true. God cares about it all.

The point of me asking for more examples is simply to point out the truth in every situation: that we never need to white lie. Just say the truth and let things fall where they may and life will open up and breathe with a sigh of relief!

Allie Short · Jul 12, 2018

Thanks for all your answers! I appreciate all the feedback.

Again as white lies are usually in simple situations, here's another situation which is similar but not harder.

Say you meet someone who wants to spend time with you, but you don't want to spend time with them, simply because your personalities don't work well together. When they ask why you can't hang out, you can either lie and say you're busy when you're not, or tell them that you don't like parts of their personality, which comes off as judgmental and hurtful, especially when you don't know them well.

What do you tell them then? I would never want to hurt someone but if lying is not acceptable, what good truth can you tell them?

dqhall · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
I've been reading through former threads on lying, but those situations always seem life or death, like 'if I'm hiding fugitives is it okay to lie to the bad guys' kind of scenarios.

I've read some scripture that says to either tell the truth or be silent- but I had a situation recently where it was difficult to do either.

So say in a hypothetical situation, someone gets you a Christmas present that you already bought for yourself a few weeks ago. After Christmas, you haven't touched it and they ask you if you've used it yet- but you've used yours.

According to the scripture, you can either stay silent, which would be awkward and confusing, or you can tell the truth- no, and you won't use it because you bought it yourself.

The third option is a half-lie half-truth; you've used the item, but not the one they got for you.

Both biblical options have the potential to hurt the other person's feelings, which is why I'm struggling to come up with an answer for this.

Any opinions on this? I know the situation is small and somewhat silly, but that's when a lot of 'white lies' come around. I know white lies are still lying, but what would the correct option be when the truth can come off as hurtful?

I bought Walmart gift certificates for my brother and his children. He bought a cheap document safe for me. I already had one. I was honest about it. We decided it is better not to exchange gifts. I continued to send gifts to his children as I am their uncle.

I remember a White House press secretary had to resign after she admitted to telling "white lies."

Allie Short · Jul 12, 2018

dqhall said:
I bought Walmart gift certificates for my brother and his children. He bought a cheap document safe for me. I already had one. I was honest about it. We decided it is better not to exchange gifts. I continued to send gifts to his children as I am their uncle.

I remember a White House press secretary had to resign after she admitted to telling "white lies."

Makes sense.

I would never support telling 'white lies' to the public or in your job/career. I'm asking mostly about personal white lies to people to avoid hurting their feelings, not malicious deception.

Ken Rank · Jul 12, 2018

Kaon said:
A white lie is still a lie. It would hurt my feelings if you told me you didn't us something I gifted to you, but it would hurt me more that you felt you couldn't tell me the truth - it makes me think you think I can't handle the truth.

Can you show me where the bible says don't lie? Please don't grab "bearing false witness" because that is not the same and I can explain why if you need me to. Remember, Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife.

Now, I am not advocating lying folks... but if you are going to say "we can never lie" then I would suggest, especially if you are a parent, that you are already a liar. A lie is telling a untruth, and so if you lied to your child because the content of something they were about to see was beyond their years and you wanted to protect them from it... you still lied. If you told them Santa Claus was real, you lied. If you told them the zit on their face didn't look bad when you knew it did, you lied.

What if a Nazi came to your door almost 80 years ago and asked if you had Jews hiding in your basement? If you said no, when you did have them, you lied EVEN THOUGH the lie protected life because you knew the real question was, "are you hiding Jews we can kill?"

dqhall · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
Makes sense.

I would never support telling 'white lies' to the public or in your job/career. I'm asking mostly about personal white lies to people to avoid hurting their feelings, not malicious deception.

I have problems with occasional memory errors. Sometimes I cannot recall the exact facts. It is about two miles to a river from where I live. I do not remember the exact amount. It is a certain distance to the Gulf of Mexico by boat, another distance by road and another distance as the crow flies (by air). I know I can not remember the exact distance. I would rather not give an answer if I am not certain. When I write, I may fact check my statements using the Internet.

I am reminded Peter denied that he ever knew Jesus the night of Jesus' arrest and interrogation. Peter had to repent and risk his own life preaching the good news.

Kevin Snow · Jul 12, 2018

Allie Short said:
Thanks for all your answers! I appreciate all the feedback.

Again as white lies are usually in simple situations, here's another situation which is similar but not harder.

Say you meet someone who wants to spend time with you, but you don't want to spend time with them, simply because your personalities don't work well together. When they ask why you can't hang out, you can either lie and say you're busy when you're not, or tell them that you don't like parts of their personality, which comes off as judgmental and hurtful, especially when you don't know them well.

What do you tell them then? I would never want to hurt someone but if lying is not acceptable, what good truth can you tell them?

Most people aren't confrontational and they don't want to hang out if you give them the vibes that you don't want to hang out with them. That's what vibes are for.

If the person really wants to hang out with you then you aren't being honest in your presentation of yourself and your giving out the wrong vibes.

Now I know some people some times can't take a hint. It just takes a little more discouragement with others. That's all.

But I challenge you to try the honest direct approach sometime. Especially for someone who really needs an eye opener. It could change their life to hear for the first time something about themselves that's pushy or irregular in some way.

dqhall · Jul 12, 2018

Ken Rank said:
Can you show me where the bible says don't lie? Please don't grab "bearing false witness" because that is not the same and I can explain why if you need me to. Remember, Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife.

Now, I am not advocating lying folks... but if you are going to say "we can never lie" then I would suggest, especially if you are a parent, that you are already a liar. A lie is telling a untruth, and so if you lied to your child because the content of something they were about to see was beyond their years and you wanted to protect them from it... you still lied. If you told them Santa Claus was real, you lied. If you told them the zit on their face didn't look bad when you knew it did, you lied.

What if a Nazi came to your door almost 80 years ago and asked if you had Jews hiding in your basement? If you said no, when you did have them, you lied EVEN THOUGH the lie protected life because you knew the real question was, "are you hiding Jews we can kill?"

You might check this website:
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/lying-bible-verses/

Rubiks · Jul 12, 2018

Sometimes I lie to avoid upsetting people (does-this-make-me-look-fat-kind-of-question), but that's about it.

Allie Short · Jul 12, 2018

Ken brings up a fantastic point- excluding white lies to preserve feelings, we still lie all the time to kids. Is that okay?

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy are all blatant lies, yet we seem to accept these. Most people tell their kids that these things exist, but if we should never lie, then we would be sinning by telling children that they're real.

Are 'White Lies' ever okay?

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