Can't change churches. Help?

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Edit: this thread contains a solved issue so please keep that in mind before posting about this OP.

Hi all. I am married and both of us are born again Christians. My wife has been going to the same church with her mom since she was a very little girl and I never went to a real church consistently until I started dating her. After I was born again I started taking it more seriously and became built up and fired up. Eventually I ran into another man of God who was on fire for Christ and he invited me to his church which was Pentecostal. So I went and man my spirit was lifted and I praised God with a shout and the pastor prayed for me and said that I could use the gift of prophecy without anything holding me back. So I took it to heart and I believe that the spiritual gifts were present in my life and becoming stronger. However my wife inclined that we stop going there because she felt her home was at her other church and this one was making her feel uncomfortable. I reluctantly agreed but I haven't been the same since. I feel like the spiritual gifts in the bible aren't at her church in the way it was at this other one. And now I am about as bad as I was before I even went to this other one. We have been in several arguments over it until I've finally just given up and accepted that she will never want to move away from her parents or away from her church and now I'm not being as lifted as I would like to be as a result of my church environment being nothing but old people in a small church that is losing numbers and the missions are few and far between. My pastor there got mad at me because when I tried to talk to him about it he felt like I was calling his church inadequate and I really didn't mean it like that just that I'm not receiving the right building up that I feel like I need in my church life. As a result I stopped going to church for 2 years and only recently when I joined this forum did I begin to reignite this passion. I started attending church regularly again but once again I find myself seeing this church without the baptism of the Holy spirit or the signs of the believers only that it's a small time traditional local church that offers deliverance ministry on the down low.

I don't know what to do I'm married to this woman who is obstinate in her ways and if I try to change this she will become very unhappy and it will cause spiritual division between us. She doesn't ever want to pray or read the bible so why does she care what church we go to? Oh that's right those people there are like her family and she loves them to much. Fine but I wanted more of the Lord I wanted to leave this hometown behind and serve God and not stay here and just slave away to provide for a home for my wife and just me be miserable. I wanted the spiritual gifts but I have nobody to fellowship with my same beliefs about the bible or to even challenge me for that matter. It's very upsetting.

I guess if you had the gall to read this I would like some encouragement and suggestions and thoughts because the spiritual gifts are accepted as truth there but not practiced or used and deliverance is but rarely and it's kept quiet that it's even a ministry in our church.

“Paisios” · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
Hi all. I am married and both of us are born again Christians. My wife has been going to the same church with her mom since she was a very little girl and I never went to a real church consistently until I started dating her. After I was born again I started taking it more seriously and became built up and fired up. Eventually I ran into another man of God who was on fire for Christ and he invited me to his church which was Pentecostal. So I went and man my spirit was lifted and I praised God with a shout and the pastor prayed for me and said that I could use the gift of prophecy without anything holding me back. So I took it to heart and I believe that the spiritual gifts were present in my life and becoming stronger. However my wife inclined that we stop going there because she felt her home was at her other church and this one was making her feel uncomfortable. I reluctantly agreed but I haven't been the same since. I feel like the spiritual gifts in the bible aren't at her church in the way it was at this other one. And now I am about as bad as I was before I even went to this other one. We have been in several arguments over it until I've finally just given up and accepted that she will never want to move away from her parents or away from her church and now I'm not being as lifted as I would like to be as a result of my church environment being nothing but old people in a small church that is losing numbers and the missions are few and far between. My pastor there got mad at me because when I tried to talk to him about it he felt like I was calling his church inadequate and I really didn't mean it like that just that I'm not receiving the right building up that I feel like I need in my church life. As a result I stopped going to church for 2 years and only recently when I joined this forum did I begin to reignite this passion. I started attending church regularly again but once again I find myself seeing this church without the baptism of the Holy spirit or the signs of the believers only that it's a small time traditional local church that offers deliverance ministry on the down low.

I don't know what to do I'm married to this woman who is obstinate in her ways and if I try to change this she will become very unhappy and it will cause spiritual division between us. She doesn't ever want to pray or read the bible so why does she care what church we go to? Oh that's right those people there are like her family and she loves them to much. Fine but I wanted more of the Lord I wanted to leave this hometown behind and serve God and not stay here and just slave away to provide for a home for my wife and just me be miserable. I wanted the spiritual gifts but I have nobody to fellowship with my same beliefs about the bible or to even challenge me for that matter. It's very upsetting.

I guess if you had the gall to read this I would like some encouragement and suggestions and thoughts because the spiritual gifts are accepted as truth there but not practiced or used and deliverance is but rarely and it's kept quiet that it's even a ministry in our church.

Does your wife have theological issues with the church you prefer or is it just that she wants to stay with “family”? Perhaps there is room for compromise? Maybe you could alternate between the two churches, or even sometimes attend church separately? My wife and I belonged to two separate communions for the first 15 years of our marriage. Sometimes we went to church together alternating between her church and my church, and sometimes we went separately without any animosity between us. It was not always the ideal situation, but we made it work. I don’t know if that would be a possibility for you and your wife (wouldn’t work for everybody) but it is something to consider?

Call me Nic · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
Hi all. I am married and both of us are born again Christians. My wife has been going to the same church with her mom since she was a very little girl and I never went to a real church consistently until I started dating her. After I was born again I started taking it more seriously and became built up and fired up. Eventually I ran into another man of God who was on fire for Christ and he invited me to his church which was Pentecostal. So I went and man my spirit was lifted and I praised God with a shout and the pastor prayed for me and said that I could use the gift of prophecy without anything holding me back. So I took it to heart and I believe that the spiritual gifts were present in my life and becoming stronger. However my wife inclined that we stop going there because she felt her home was at her other church and this one was making her feel uncomfortable. I reluctantly agreed but I haven't been the same since. I feel like the spiritual gifts in the bible aren't at her church in the way it was at this other one. And now I am about as bad as I was before I even went to this other one. We have been in several arguments over it until I've finally just given up and accepted that she will never want to move away from her parents or away from her church and now I'm not being as lifted as I would like to be as a result of my church environment being nothing but old people in a small church that is losing numbers and the missions are few and far between. My pastor there got mad at me because when I tried to talk to him about it he felt like I was calling his church inadequate and I really didn't mean it like that just that I'm not receiving the right building up that I feel like I need in my church life. As a result I stopped going to church for 2 years and only recently when I joined this forum did I begin to reignite this passion. I started attending church regularly again but once again I find myself seeing this church without the baptism of the Holy spirit or the signs of the believers only that it's a small time traditional local church that offers deliverance ministry on the down low.

I don't know what to do I'm married to this woman who is obstinate in her ways and if I try to change this she will become very unhappy and it will cause spiritual division between us. She doesn't ever want to pray or read the bible so why does she care what church we go to? Oh that's right those people there are like her family and she loves them to much. Fine but I wanted more of the Lord I wanted to leave this hometown behind and serve God and not stay here and just slave away to provide for a home for my wife and just me be miserable. I wanted the spiritual gifts but I have nobody to fellowship with my same beliefs about the bible or to even challenge me for that matter. It's very upsetting.

I guess if you had the gall to read this I would like some encouragement and suggestions and thoughts because the spiritual gifts are accepted as truth there but not practiced or used and deliverance is but rarely and it's kept quiet that it's even a ministry in our church.

Heh, you and I must be the same person. I have been through almost this exact same thing.

What I suggest for you, and what I did, was to of course pray, pray, pray for the situation. However, you are her husband and you are given authority by God to lead her, and so you must, with compassion and understanding. She may not be willing to give up her church for a while, but you must endure and be long suffering because there will come a point of change. Also, you should find a way that you can remain spiritual while outside of church, because even if you are going to the other church, its very probably that you will fall back into the ditch of lukewarmness anyway no matter what church you go to. Find a way of disciplining yourself and dying of yourself daily, no matter what church you go to.

Also, I think you can do better than a Pentecostal church

But that last statement is strictly my opinion.

Kevin Snow · Jul 6, 2018

Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father’s house,
and the king will desire your beauty.
~Psalms 45:10-11a

It's fundamental that the woman is submissive to the man and that this also means she leaves her ways and goes to live and learn the ways of her man. You are the man of your household, so lead your house in the way that God leads you!

Be a man and do this, as it says here in the scriptures:

He sent letters to all the royal provinces, to every province in its own script and to every people in its own language, that every man be master in his own household and speak according to the language of his people. ~Esther 1:22

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Nicolaus Mourer said:
Also, I think you can do better than a Pentecostal church

The fact is it got me fired up and I was baptised in the Holy spirit there. Idc about denominations, only where the word of God is real.

keyman · Jul 6, 2018

Show your wife the love of Christ.
That church may be dying, but you don't have to let it die. You say this church has a spiritual gift ministry. Ask if you can help with it to get it going.
Show the people in that church how much God loves them and what He did for them.
That church could possibly be your mission field.

Call me Nic · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
The fact is it got me fired up and I was baptised in the Holy spirit there. Idc about denominations, only where the word of God is real.

This is not the place for a debate I don't think, so all I will say is, Okay, I understand where you're coming from.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

I might have to talk to my pastor again but it might backfire like it did before. I feel like I've tried all I could with my wife. She wants me there and she wants to stay there because they are her "family" and she loves them. Nothing wrong with that but if I'm going to go to church they better be trying to have a real church experience like when Jesus was here and after He ascended and the first church (the way) was serving. I want to see the signs of the believers and fire and passion in the church.

Kevin Snow · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
I might have to talk to my pastor again but it might backfire like it did before. I feel like I've tried all I could with my wife. She wants me there and she wants to stay there because they are her "family" and she loves them. Nothing wrong with that but if I'm going to go to church they better be trying to have a real church experience like when Jesus was here and after He ascended and the first church (the way) was serving. I want to see the signs of the believers and fire and passion in the church.

Please read my post above. It might put things in perspective for you.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

keyman said:
Show your wife the love of Christ.
That church may be dying, but you don't have to let it die. You say this church has a spiritual gift ministry. Ask if you can help with it to get it going.
Show the people in that church how much God loves them and what He did for them.
That church could possibly be your mission field.

I mean I can see that working out and if there is a ministry I am passionate about it is deliverance. I've even been contemplating attending some AA meetings or NA meetings as a means of trying to link up and reveal the Christ. Literally can't think of anything else to do to serve in my own city. And that's what I wanna do is serve and grow God's kingdom and it's numbers on earth and make this a better place to live!

JCFantasy23 · Jul 6, 2018

Why not just go to separate churches? It's not ideal but God cares most about each of your spiritual walks with Him more than anything and He is supposed to be first and foremost. You can still grow spiritually with your wife in other areas and at home. You could also go to some events at each other churches for social bonding and to keep in touch, but attend services separately. There is not a rule that you must attend the same church, and it sounds like attending the same church is causing issues for both of you, first with your walk with God and now in your relationship.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Kevin Snow said:
Please read my post above. It might put things in perspective for you.

I did but she won't listen and talking about it only stresses her out and causes tension. How can I do it if she is obstinate and who do you think her church pastor and family is going to agree with me or her?

Strong in Him · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
Hi all. I am married and both of us are born again Christians. My wife has been going to the same church with her mom since she was a very little girl and I never went to a real church consistently until I started dating her. After I was born again I started taking it more seriously and became built up and fired up. Eventually I ran into another man of God who was on fire for Christ and he invited me to his church which was Pentecostal. So I went and man my spirit was lifted and I praised God with a shout and the pastor prayed for me and said that I could use the gift of prophecy without anything holding me back. So I took it to heart and I believe that the spiritual gifts were present in my life and becoming stronger. However my wife inclined that we stop going there because she felt her home was at her other church and this one was making her feel uncomfortable. I reluctantly agreed but I haven't been the same since. I feel like the spiritual gifts in the bible aren't at her church in the way it was at this other one. And now I am about as bad as I was before I even went to this other one. We have been in several arguments over it until I've finally just given up and accepted that she will never want to move away from her parents or away from her church and now I'm not being as lifted as I would like to be as a result of my church environment being nothing but old people in a small church that is losing numbers and the missions are few and far between. My pastor there got mad at me because when I tried to talk to him about it he felt like I was calling his church inadequate and I really didn't mean it like that just that I'm not receiving the right building up that I feel like I need in my church life. As a result I stopped going to church for 2 years and only recently when I joined this forum did I begin to reignite this passion. I started attending church regularly again but once again I find myself seeing this church without the baptism of the Holy spirit or the signs of the believers only that it's a small time traditional local church that offers deliverance ministry on the down low.

I don't know what to do I'm married to this woman who is obstinate in her ways and if I try to change this she will become very unhappy and it will cause spiritual division between us.

My husband and I are both lay preachers - in different denominations. And to be honest if he tried to join mine, I'd find another one.
I feel mean saying it, but seriously, he never talks to me - except if we're both preaching on the same Sunday, then sometimes he'll ask what I'm speaking on and we'll talk about that. Usually too, he asks about the service at my church, and tell me about about his.

To others it may seem strange, or even wrong, but it works for us - and is far better than sitting side by side, outwardly fine and in harmony, but with one of us (me) not concentrating or wanting to be there.
How does your wife feel about you worshipping at different churches which meet your needs?

Kevin Snow · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
I did but she won't listen and talking about it only stresses her out and causes tension. How can I do it if she is obstinate and who do you think her church pastor and family is going to agree with me or her?

Do you not understand that you have the power to withhold from her the words of her own mouth? If she says something, then you can annul it simply because you are her head. Read Numbers 30.

Now stand up like the man you are and TELL her how things are going to be. You are obliged to follow God first and foremost and she is obliged to follow YOU. That is how God subjects all things to himself. You are the spiritual leader in your family and I think this is happening as a test to see whether you will follow God first and lead your family in the way that you should go, the ancient way.

Call me Nic · Jul 6, 2018

Kevin Snow said:
Do you not understand that you have the power to withhold from her the words of her own mouth? If she says something, then you can annul it simply because you are her head. Read Numbers 30.

Now stand up like the man you are and TELL her how things are going to be. You are obliged to follow God first and foremost and she is obliged to follow YOU. That is how God subjects all things to himself. You are the spiritual leader in your family and I think this is happening as a test to see whether you will follow God first and lead your family in the way that you should go, the ancient way.

Great point, brother.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Strong in Him said:
How does your wife feel about you worshipping at different churches which meet your needs?

She gets deeply grieved to the point of depression.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Kevin Snow said:
Do you not understand that you have the power to withhold from her the words of her own mouth? If she says something, then you can annul it simply because you are her head. Read Numbers 30.

Now stand up like the man you are and TELL her how things are going to be. You are obliged to follow God first and foremost and she is obliged to follow YOU. That is how God subjects all things to himself. You are the spiritual leader in your family and I think this is happening as a test to see whether you will follow God first and lead your family in the way that you should go, the ancient way.

All this is already making me burned out considering all I will have to do. I have to start looking for another church. I have to go there consistently. I have to get her to go. If she refuses or causes too many issues that morning and doesn't go that's s Sunday lost. If she finally does go she won't really hear the message or care. She will continue to be upset as she will miss her old church family. We will have to talk to the new pastor about it and go from there.

That's what I'd have to do probably in that order.

Call me Nic · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
All this is already making me burned out considering all I will have to do. I have to start looking for another church. I have to go there consistently. I have to get her to go. If she refuses or causes too many issues that morning and doesn't go that's s Sunday lost. If she finally does go she won't really hear the message or care. She will continue to be upset as she will miss her old church family. We will have to talk to the new pastor about it and go from there.

That's what I'd have to do probably in that order.

Why doesn't she care about your spiritual well-being at all? It's not a one way street, you know.

Kevin Snow · Jul 6, 2018

Valetic said:
All this is already making me burned out considering all I will have to do. I have to start looking for another church. I have to go there consistently. I have to get her to go. If she refuses or causes too many issues that morning and doesn't go that's s Sunday lost. If she finally does go she won't really hear the message or care. She will continue to be upset as she will miss her old church family. We will have to talk to the new pastor about it and go from there.

That's what I'd have to do probably in that order.

Sounds to me like you need practice in exercising the authority God has given you to lead your family in the way it should go.

Practice makes perfect! There's nothing to it but to get in there, rustle up some feathers and be the man in your household.

Valetic · Jul 6, 2018

Nicolaus Mourer said:
Why doesn't she care about your spiritual well-being at all? It's not a one way street, you know.

She does but then acts like she doesn't know what to do about it when I explain my situation to her and then she gets overly stressed and depressed and doesn't have an answer for anything and all she says is I don't know and becomes stressed and anxious and incapable of thinking any more because she knows she has to sacrifice what she wants in order to help me. But then she uses that against me and says stuff like well what about my spiritual walk and that she feels like God wants her to stay there

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