Would you forgive unfaithfulness?

JAM2b · Jun 26, 2018

Boredom and loneliness is just a copout and not a very good one. A grown adult is capable of finding things to make them not feel bored or lonely without sleeping around. There are plenty of things to take interest in and many kinds of relationships to fill loneliness without betraying your spouse. You were working (assuming to provide for her and your son), and maybe you could have been home more or maybe not. While you were doing a responsible and productive thing her boredom was not your problem. You were busy providing for her. In return, she cheats on you? No one causes another person's sin. Each person is accountable for their own choices. Do not let her blame your busy-ness on her intentional, premeditated sin. She could have put all the effort into doing something else that would not have harmed your marriage and family. Don't let her use anything to excuse her behavior. There is no excuse for being unfaithful in a marriage.

If you are going to forgive her, then do it out of the kindness and love from your heart and because God commands that we do, not because she was bored or lonely while you were working.

YHWH_will_uplift · Jun 26, 2018

Hello dear brother, I'll tell you from my personal experience: forgive her and call her back. While it was tough for me to be cheated on I reminded myself of the parable of The Unforgiving Servant: don't hold onto her wrongs and my wrongs will not be held against me. And remember first and foremost as children of God we as individuals are accountable for what we say, think, feel, and do. When i was unsure of what to do I humbled myself and asked the Holy Spirit to guide me: by default we as men are finite and don't know it all so, the worst thing is to act in ignorance. You're doing right by thinking ahead and considering what long term affects this will have on your son.

Apologetic_Warrior · Jun 26, 2018

So sorry to read about your situation...a nightmare come true. I think my trust would be damaged beyond repair also. I do not know if or how the trust could ever be repaired. Seems it would have a permanent impact on the relationship and always leave lingering and unbearable thoughts. I'd rather not advise, but I think you already know where I am heading with this....trust is essential to any healthy relationship, and without it, what is left? Let me say this, if you initiate the divorce, you have nothing to feel guilty about, it is on her, she brought it on, caused the irreversible damage in the relationship. It's so crushing and heart wrenching, happens to so many people.

Basil the Great · Jun 26, 2018

I recall that a friend asked this question of a Lutheran minister in the early/mid 1980's. The pastor responded by saying that if his wife was ever unfaithful, it would probably mean the end of his marriage.

Obviously, this is a personal crisis that must be confronted by each individual in his or her own way. Hence, I will refrain from offering any advice as such, other than saying it is important to try and determine if the guilty party is truly sorry and how likely it is that he/she might become unfaithful in the future.

GBRK · Jun 27, 2018

G-d does provide and allows for divorce for just such an occasion but I believe G-d also wants us to be totally forgiving as well. While you may not have been unfaithful in your relationship with your wife, as she has you, all believers and Christians have been unfaithful to G-d who, through Christ, died on the cross for all of our sins, knowing that He was doing this for many who surely didn't deserve it. G-d was doing it out of mercy and total love and forgiveness for those who were unfaithful to him. Even many whose unfaithfulness did not lead to remorse about it.

As you have said she does regret it and if true then that is good but ultimately can you truly forgive her? If you cannot truly forgive her, in and from your heart, emotionally, and mentally, then you will continue to bring it up in the future and throw it up which is unfair to her and harmful to your relationship.

You have to decide at this point is this something you can forgive? Then you must ask yourself is this something worth divorcing over knowing what divorce does to a family. It's not the end of the world but it does profoundly affect children. If though you decide to stay then you need to forgive totally what occurred. You will never forget but you need to bury it deep and not continue to bring it up. If you truly forgive it then bury it and make it gone. G-d's Holy Spirit gives us this capacity and ability. If there is something going on between you that caused this then a Christian counselor might be in the cards but if it was done out of curiosity or lust then she needs to also be remorseful toward you and to G-d for it was a sin against both you and G-d. If she has confessed her sins to G-d and truly is remorseful then G-d forgives unconditionally and doesn't continue to bring it up but it's covered entirely by Christ Blood.

Likewise, if you truly forgive her then the act should be just as covered, in your relationship with and to her, as our sins are covered in the eyes of G-d. We, Christians are the bride of Christ and so often, by our own actions, we are unfaithful unto our Christ/groom. If we are going to expect forgiveness, total forgiveness where our failings are not remembered and brought against us then we should find the strength to set the example ourselves. Ultimately though it was you that was hurt and although it takes time to win back trust it can be done. As for forgiveness though I would caution, even in arguments, never resurrect it again to do so only reveals your inability to forgive, from your heart. That's just an opinion and it should be taken as only an opinion. I hope you can work it out but I do know working it out means extra on your part and that extra is finding a way never to bring it back up even as a weapon in a future argument or disagreement and that is difficult and hard but possible for a Christian who understands forgiveness and who has themselves experienced forgiveness from our Father/G-D.

Alithis · Jun 27, 2018

if she went out and did it again she would be more then a little foolish .
but yeah ,hard call .The emotions that rip through us during such times are intense.

but forgivness is always the best course of action.

YHWH_will_uplift · Jun 27, 2018

Unless you went through infidelity please don't post as you would not have the slightest idea what this man is feeling and experiencing. Being cheated on us tough: but that's not the end of the world. The easiest thing to do right now would be to quit, the hardest part is learning and growing from this experience together with your wife brother. Afterall you can never truly know everything about your wife: you can only deepen your connection with her. Still take the smart road by looking well into the matter and don't do anything hasty: unless you're forgiving her.

Tropical Wilds · Jun 27, 2018

I think it all depends on the context... The reasons for the betrayal, the conduct during the betrayal, the reasons for coming back, their ability to prove trust, your ability to accept it, and your ability to mutually forgive and move forward. No part of that is easy, no part of that is done by one and not the other. There’s no right or wrong answer, only what you can and will tolerate and what she can and will tolerate.

An affair where a partner stepped out and had protected sex with somebody who transitioned from “friend” to “emotional investment” without them realizing it or quite understanding how is, in my mind or situation or makeup or whatever, easier to work through than somebody who engaged in unprotected sex with prostitutes several times a week for years. The first isn’t as much a repeated and willful betrayal as the second, where the second show’s complete disregard for marriage, family finances, personal safety, pregnancy, etc.

If you take her back or if you don’t, there will be factions of people who disagree with you passionately regardless. Do what you can live with, not what is “approved.” You have to live with either consequence in a way nobody will understand. Take your time, go to counseling, and go from there.

JAM2b · Jun 27, 2018

This is completely right.

mamike, you are facing a very bad situation your wife created. You did not cause this, but unfortunately you have to make a choice about it.

No one outside of your family will have to live with the choice you make. No matter what you choose, there will be a lot of people who support your decision and a lot of people who will disapprove. No matter which way you go there will be pain and anger involved. But there is healing to follow, no matter which option you choose.

Scripture gives you the choice. There is no guarantee that she will not do this again and there is no guarantee that your marriage will become what it should be because the damage is real, forgiveness aside. Someone can shoot you in the foot and you can forgive them all you want, but the fact remains that you got a bullet hole in your foot, it will take some time to heal, and it's going to leave a scar. Can you live in peace with her while you are healing and when you have a scar? Only you can answer that.

If you divorce, then there will likely be a grieving and recovery period, and you will also have to deal with the pain caused to your son (which is already unavoidable because her deeds have been done). I'm ten years out from my divorce. My kids and I are much better but still recovering. We are not living in daily pain because of my ex's actions, I'm not at risk of his STD's anymore, my kids aren't at risk of losing their mom to any STD's, and I have more emotional stability to be a better mom now than I was when I was trying to hold the marriage together. I'm a better parent for my kids now. My kids have seen me stand up to something wrong and refuse to be a doormat and have the example for not letting people continue to hurt them. Divorce is a very bad thing because of the pain it causes, but it's not the end of world and it does get better.

Sure, she could totally give up this sin forever and never hurt you like this again. She totally could. However, we don't know that she will. If you choose to try to work it out with her, you have to brace yourself for the reality that it is going to be a long, hard road with a lot of pain and bad feelings and lack of trust for a while. She needs to take serious steps to repair the damage she has done.

In the end, you have to decide what is your limit? At what point do you feel you can no longer continue? One more chance? Two more chances? Number of chances depend on the progress she makes during each one or what she says after each one? What do those chances look like? What do you need from her to trust her and heal from this? Are you already at your limit?

These are things only you can answer.

Galilee63 · Jun 27, 2018

The only way for your marriage to work is through and in our Lord Jesus Christ, in Holy Spirit in God our Heavenly Father.

First your wife needs to attend Holy Confession where Jesus is Present standing behind His priests and or Ministers or Pastors and or repenting to Jesus one on ONE if not Catholic and or not belonging to our Lords Church.

In deep remorse to Jesus first and most importantly.

Marriage is in our Lord Jesus Christ first and foremost. For both Husband and Wife. Then you need to repent sins to Jesus for any blaming, for judgements, for all of your sins too in the past from your heart to Jesus and this includes for all men and people/women

+ Lustful thoughts looking at other women or girls
+ Judging others during our whole lives including as Children in school
+ Being unfaithful to Jesus during our lives as Children and as adults
+ All malice, all unkindnesses, all ego, all pride, all vanity, all selfishness, all self absorbedness, reading papers and magazines, playing play station games, participating in the worldly technology of which brings in sins in our hearts and minds unwittingly and leading us to commit sins unknowingly at times nevertheless we are accountable to our Lord Jesus Christ for all sins.

+ Now, if we all pray and ask Jesus and Holy Spirit in Holy Discernment to reveal our sins daily and are shown those dreadful horrendous sins during our life we have committed against Jesus Holy Divine Sacred heart and repent these sins to Jesus in deep remorse and sorrow, it doesn't leave much time to be focussing on our earthly spouses sins and wrongdoings with the exception of wanting them to strive and repent their sins to Jesus for soul salvation and for all to go well in our lives as families, for the Children and all others around us.

Feel for her Soul deeply not the sin itself, because we are all sinning whether people choose to acknowledge and do an examination of Conscience or not, whether people choose to ignore that we have ignored Jesus in our lives for a good many years at some stage, of which has Hurt Jesus Holy divine Sacred heart most deeply.

Consecrate your Hearts to Jesus Sacred Heart daily and to Holy Mother Marys Holy Immaculate Heart and ask Jesus for His healing of your Heart daily and ask Holy Mother Mary to intercede for you with Holy Spirit and for Holy Saint Joseph to pray for you your wife and your Son, for all of Holy Heaven, Gods Holy Angels, Gods Holy Saints, Gods Holy Martyrs and Gods Holy Souls in Heaven to pray for your whole family - Gods family - to be reunited in our Blessed Holy Trinity and to be guided by Jesus now and forever while hearts are being healed.

Jesus told His Saints

To conversions, to repentance/Holy Confession, to healing to Salvation

Galilee63 · Jun 27, 2018

Love Jesus trusting in Him

All else follows

fhansen · Jun 27, 2018

Pray real, real hard. You might surprise yourself, or God might surprise you, that is, with an answer. We can be bigger, more forgiving, than we can imagine-and this may well be the time. Either way forgiveness is at the very heart of our faith, as you know.

Drought of the Heart · Jun 27, 2018

satan would love for you to not forget . God does allow divorce for the reason you have .
Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Ask God what to do not us and ask Him to give you the answer in a way you know it is from Him.
I know that what happened is more than painful and you would have to even worry about disease at this point .

Dear Heavenly Father , this brother in Christ needs your help and no matter what happens heal his soul and Spirit and the chains of the enemy lose his power this very day in Jesus name amen

NothingIsImpossible · Jun 27, 2018

1st time is a mistake. Second time is a choice. However I am always forgiving because I don't believe in divorce. Some are quick to divorce just as the bible said people would be.

In your case I would forgive. Though I would have stipulations that there needs to be couple counseling.

Now lets first point out its agaist the rules here to tell anyone they should divorce. With that said remember if you choose to belief divorce is ok, you will be stuck unable to marry until she passes away. Because we can divorce according to a piece of paper, but to God we are still married in His eyes. You marry for life. Thus if you divorce you are stuck waiting for the persons death (as cold as that sounds). But at least you will be free from the person in the mean time to live a life, all be it single.

Blade · Jun 27, 2018

Should not be posted here.. you have no clue who is talking and will get all kind of answers of which NO ONE should be giving. There are TWO sides here.. only hearing from one.

I give you this.. Israel.. left God.. and God told it kind of like this.. she is selling her self and theres line of men waiting for her. So He God stands in line and buys her back. Jesus forgive me 24/7..for ME I would have to ask..what would please Him. For me.. my kids matter..matter most. I put them first..not what I wanted or needed. I always ask.. what if it was me.. for my wife was..if I was her.. I would want some one to never give up on me..to love me..

And just a few years ago.. the lord show'd me what is means to love your enemy. We say the words but we dont understand..not truly.. if she cheated on me always.. I will love her as if she never did. As if she loved me more then anything.. good bad.. I will LOVE HER! Christ right now.. as GOOD as you are or evil.. no matter the evil.. His love for you will not can not change. IN this life theres a price for sin.. but with Him.. He LOVES YOU!

So.. the choice is yours alone. KNOW THIS.. Christ will never ever judge you condemn you in ANY choice you make. He will be right there with you. And the word says.. in cases like this we have a right to leave. Myself is.. what does Christ want.. love... never dies.. it just gets.... we put so much of this life on it.. and it seems its dead and gone.. but we do not have the power to kill it. We just make the choice not to want it.. unwise

Myychael · Jun 27, 2018

Galilee63 · Jun 28, 2018

Our Lord Jesus Christs Holy Wound Chaplet delivered by Jesus Himself to Holy Saint Sister Marie Chambon in the early 1900s from God with our Blessed Holy Trinitys Holy messages and with Holy Mother Mary Present requesting all hearts and souls of mankind to immerse their hearts and souls in His Holy Sacred Wounds and in His Precious Holy Blood prior to praying and making The Sign of The Cross.

Jesus requested that we beseech Him and beseech Holy Mother Mary to Beseech God our Heavenly Father to look through Jesus Holy Sacred Wounds and through His Holy Precious Blood prior to pray, to beseech Jesus to beseech God to look upon His Holy Divine Sacred Love united with Holy Mother Marys Holy Divine Sacred Love for God and for Gods great Glory for all Holy causes prayed for our causes and for the conversions and salvation of all souls and for the holy Souls in Purgatory and for all souls on their way to eternal damnation and for the Holy Spirit in Holy Discernment to reignite Souls and Hearts to sins for a good repentance of sins made to Jesus in genuine remorse before souls pass over.

O Jesus Divine Redeemer be merciful to us and to the whole world amen.

Strong God, Holy God, Holy Immortal God have mercy on us and on the whole world amen.

Grace and Mercy o My Jesus during present dangers cover us with Your Precious Blood Amen.

O Eternal Father grant us mercy through The Blood of Jesus Christ Thy only Son grant us mercy we beseech Thee Amen Amen Amen.

O Eternal Father I offer Thee the Wounds of our Lord Jesus Christ to heal the wounds of our Souls Amen x 1 Preface

My Jesus pardon and mercy through the Merits of Thy Holy Wounds x 10 times

x 5 times the above in bold is the 5 holy Decades focussing on Jesus and The Cross His bitter passion and sorrows and sufferings - at least 9 Groups of Souls Jesus asks us to bring to Him immersing them daily at 3pm either over 9 days or together in the Chaplet or Novena - our Blessed Holy Trinitys Holy Divine Word every Holy Word in Gods Holy Word.

And every Holy Wound Chaplet heard and answered by Jesus and by Holy Mother Mary by God our Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit over the last few years I have learned from Jesus and from Most Holy Mother Mary with every one of our Blessed Holy Trinitys Holy Divine Mercy Chaplets and Novenas and The Most Holy Rosary of Holy Mother Marys gifted by God to Her heard answered daily. With all of the Glory Yours my Dear Lord Jesus God our Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit. I wish people would pray these regardless of denominations to receive healing of hearts and to receive so many of God our Heavenly Fathers our Lord Jesus Holy Spirits Holy Divine Blessings Holy Gifts and Holy Graces with changing of hearts and lives on earth.

And I would love others to receive Jesus into hearts putting Jesus first in all things and never worrying about the earthly things because Jesus takes over the more trust one has in Jesus

Jesus I trust in You
Jesus Mary I Love You save Souls

O Blood and Water which gushed forth from The Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us, I trust in You x 3 times

This is what Jesus delivered to His Saints for anyone to pray from hearts trusting in Him asking for help and praying for conversions and salvation.

Jesus asked people to make The Sign of The Cross from hearts over every person and one Our Father for them or in hearts and minds invisible to others over people over cars over highways over skies/planes, over family members, over Children, over buildings - for Jesus to Bless and protect through Catholics/Christians/Believers in Him

And you can do this when looking at your wife and your Son daily.

Dave-W · Jun 28, 2018

Absolutely.

NeedyFollower · Jun 28, 2018

Prior to Christ ..I was a womanizer, fornicator , adulterer ...just a wicked-wicked human . Got married ( in church ..us both being "believers " to the woman I was living with but that did not change my carnal nature . What changed me was Jesus Christ .. but ironically that cost me my marriage . I am now (by God's grace ) faithful though she remarried and moved on .
I believe you should do what love dictates ...you should make sure that she knows that she sinned against God but there is forgiveness and redemption in Christ ...the root of many failed marriages is that the marriages are about " each other's " happiness ...not about Jesus Christ .
I personally ( according to my understanding ) believe that we must be born again ..that we are born once through the will of man and the second time through the will of God ..the first time because of lust ...the second time because of love . We were born as rebels so that God could forgive us through Christ . With that said ...you were guilty of a crime more serious than adultery ..treason against God but He forgave you . I am thankful you are considering forgiving your wife as I believe you must do ..I do hope you two can be one in Christ ..you must care for her soul and what the demonstration of unfaithfulness will do to your son ....through this your wife will learn what forgiveness looks like and you will demonstrate faithfulness to your son to the glory of God .

S.O.J.I.A. · Jun 28, 2018

The clause in matthew 19 shouldn't be seen as a get out of jail free card but rather a safety valve for when you've done all you could and simply couldn't turn things around.

If you desire to attempt to save your marriage, go for it. If it doesn't work out you have the ability to leave.

Would you forgive unfaithfulness?

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