- Jun 9, 2017
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Recently i wrote a list of those whom i have most been hurt by. I placed it in my bible and each day i simply prayed to Jesus Christ to give me the ability to forgive them.
It is working. Powerfully. Causing me a lot of anguish though.
I felt moved to contact two estranged family members to ask if we could talk. They rejected me. I immediately got the feeling to back off and remain silent fir now. But i feel ready to forgive them and though they are not ready yet, they must know from my message at least that much. I no longer feel hatred for them so the process has begun. The rest is in God's hands. It may not seem much but it has been years before i have got to this point.
Today i felt moved to call the nursing home where i know my 84 year old father is. He has dementia. I have not spoken to or seen him for 25 years. I hated him. He was a monster all my life, a violent appalling man who beat all of us including our mum. Yet today i had a feeling to find out how he is. The nurse was lovely. She listened. Then told me he is a very quiet docile old man who gives no trouble. Very confused, frail.
I asked if she could test his reaction to my name, would he even remember me? She went to check. Her answer was he burst into tears and said i was his only daughter and he wanted to see me. I began crying too. At all the lost years. So much bitter hatred and for what? Of course i forgive him. No matter if he repents or not - his mind is mostly gone.
I will go see him soon if i am given the courage.
This is the power of God at work.
It is working. Powerfully. Causing me a lot of anguish though.
I felt moved to contact two estranged family members to ask if we could talk. They rejected me. I immediately got the feeling to back off and remain silent fir now. But i feel ready to forgive them and though they are not ready yet, they must know from my message at least that much. I no longer feel hatred for them so the process has begun. The rest is in God's hands. It may not seem much but it has been years before i have got to this point.
Today i felt moved to call the nursing home where i know my 84 year old father is. He has dementia. I have not spoken to or seen him for 25 years. I hated him. He was a monster all my life, a violent appalling man who beat all of us including our mum. Yet today i had a feeling to find out how he is. The nurse was lovely. She listened. Then told me he is a very quiet docile old man who gives no trouble. Very confused, frail.
I asked if she could test his reaction to my name, would he even remember me? She went to check. Her answer was he burst into tears and said i was his only daughter and he wanted to see me. I began crying too. At all the lost years. So much bitter hatred and for what? Of course i forgive him. No matter if he repents or not - his mind is mostly gone.
I will go see him soon if i am given the courage.
This is the power of God at work.
