Does sacrifice indicate love?

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

(speaking in the context of relationships)

My friend told me of a good sermon or video and it was on this topic about

Basically if the sacrifices are one sided...

Maybe the other person doesn't love you as much.

Love, from what the video and my friend stated can be indicated by how much you're sacrificing... Whether it's time ,money ..energy ect ....

If you're the only one doing it...
What does that mean for and about the other person?

Is it possible for someone to love you if they don't match the same effort and sacrifes you're putting into the relationship ( whether it be friendship or otherwise?)

Is it possible to say that you love someone when you haven't given as much as they have or gone the same length as them?

Wdy think?

Jenniferdiana · Jun 20, 2018

i dont know....i choose to love freely...but of course you should give your all in everything...haha i would fight for the one i love...

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

Jenniferdiana said:
i dont know....i choose to love freely...but of course you should give your all in everything...haha i would fight for the one i love...

But what if you give your all and get nothing in return..like my friend for example, he spent 2k on his gf and took on a cruise..he helped her move ( she's 5 hours away) and she didn't get him an anniversary gift nor does she visit him.

The amount of effort doesn't match up.

Would you be okay with doing something like that?

Is that a good indication she doesn't love him?

aiki · Jun 20, 2018

Love isn't a competition. When you start keeping score, gauging if the one you claim to love is sacrificing as much as you are, you aren't really loving any more. Does God keep score? We'd all of us be in big trouble if He were. Scripture says God loved us when we hated Him and were enemies in our minds toward Him by our wicked works. He wasn't - and isn't - keeping score. We shouldn't, either. God calls us to love even when the other person doesn't love us at all.

1 John 4:10-11
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

mukk_in · Jun 20, 2018

Love is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Love doesn't expect anything in return. That love could be parental, brotherly, spousal or agape. God bless

.

Jenniferdiana · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
But what if you give your all and get nothing in return..like my friend for example, he spent 2k on his gf and took on a cruise..he helped her move ( she's 5 hours away) and she didn't get him an anniversary gift nor does she visit him.

The amount of effort doesn't match up.

Would you be okay with doing something like that?

Is that a good indication she doesn't love him?

what do you mean she doesnt visit him? why doesnt she visit him?

Inkfingers · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
If you're the only one doing it...
What does that mean for and about the other person?

If you are the only one making sacrifices, you are being used not loved.

Is it possible for someone to love you if they don't match the same effort and sacrifes you're putting into the relationship ( whether it be friendship or otherwise?)

If there is a noticeable difference in how much each is sacrificing then, either one side is trying to be a victim or the other side is, once more, using you not loving you. This has to be measured carefully though as one may be sacrificing more than the other out of neurosis rather than love...or perhaps one side sacrifices more if the other partner is disabled.

As a rule though it's not a good sign.

Is it possible to say that you love someone when you haven't given as much as they have or gone the same length as them?

If the difference is glaring it should be sounding alarms. People tend to stick in abusive relationships far too long because of denial, or hoping it will get better.

People will probably quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 at you, but that should never be taken as a license for taking advantage of someone or a demand to stick your head in the sand.

brinny · Jun 20, 2018

Inkfingers said:
If you are the only one making sacrifices, you are being used not loved.

If there is a noticeable difference in how much each is sacrificing then, then either one side is trying to be a victim or the other side is, once more, using you not loving you. This has to be measured carefully though as one may be sacrificing more than the other out of neurosis rather than love...or perhaps one side sacrifices more if the other partner is disabled.

As a rule though it's not a good sign.

If the difference is glaring it should be sounding alarms. People tend to stick in abusive relationships far too long because of denial, or hoping it will get better.

People will probably quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 at you, but that should never be taken as a license for taking advantage of someone or a demand to stick your head in the sand.

People will probably quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 at you, but that should never be taken as a license for taking advantage of someone or a demand to stick your head in the sand.

I agree. Those that urge the used one to "keep giving", contributing to their own demise, do not have the best interests of the one who is being used, at heart.

Randy777 · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
(speaking in the context of relationships)

My friend told me of a good sermon or video and it was on this topic about

Basically if the sacrifices are one sided...

Maybe the other person doesn't love you as much.

Love, from what the video and my friend stated can be indicated by how much you're sacrificing... Whether it's time ,money ..energy ect ....

If you're the only one doing it...
What does that mean for and about the other person?

Is it possible for someone to love you if they don't match the same effort and sacrifes you're putting into the relationship ( whether it be friendship or otherwise?)

Is it possible to say that you love someone when you haven't given as much as they have or gone the same length as them?

Wdy think?

Love=>"Father forgive them for they know not what they do" And that was stated while suffering the agony and intense pain of the cross.

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

Randy777 said:
Love=>"Father forgive them for they know not what they do" And that was stated while suffering the agony and intense pain of the cross.

N

aiki said:
Love isn't a competition. When you start keeping score, gauging if the one you claim to love is sacrificing as much as you are, you aren't really loving any more. Does God keep score? We'd all of us be in big trouble if He were. Scripture says God loved us when we hated Him and were enemies in our minds toward Him by our wicked works. He wasn't - and isn't - keeping score. We shouldn't, either. God calls us to love even when the other person doesn't love us at all.

1 John 4:10-11
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No but in a relationship I feel it keeps you from being used. If you're doing more than the other and going out of your way and giving up everything while they aren't... I think it's clear the love is one sided.

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

Jenniferdiana said:
what do you mean she doesnt visit him? why doesnt she visit him?

She just doesn't. She has the ability to see him but she doesn't...not even talk to him on the phone ...yet he loves her dearly.

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

brinny said:
I agree. Those that urge the used one to "keep giving", contributing to their own demise, do not have the best interests of the one who is being used, at heart.

I agree.

aiki · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
No but in a relationship I feel it keeps you from being used. If you're doing more than the other and going out of your way and giving up everything while they aren't... I think it's clear the love is one sided.

Love costs. Simply look at the cross to see that this is true. If you want to love God's way, you will have to let go of your fear of being used. We use God all the time. He gives us life and breath and then we turn around and sin against Him! Does God stomp us down when we do? Does He cut us off from Himself so as not to be used? Absolutely not. If He did, we'd be in very serious trouble! No, God does not make His love contingent upon our deserving His love; He gives us His love freely, He loves us extravagantly, and He loves us when what we deserve is a good swift kick in the pants! Will you love God's way? Or will you watch at every turn for those who will take advantage of you and deny them your love? If God did this with you, imagine where you'd be!

RDKirk · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
(speaking in the context of relationships)

My friend told me of a good sermon or video and it was on this topic about

Basically if the sacrifices are one sided...

Maybe the other person doesn't love you as much.

Love, from what the video and my friend stated can be indicated by how much you're sacrificing... Whether it's time ,money ..energy ect ....

If you're the only one doing it...
What does that mean for and about the other person?

Is it possible for someone to love you if they don't match the same effort and sacrifes you're putting into the relationship ( whether it be friendship or otherwise?)

Is it possible to say that you love someone when you haven't given as much as they have or gone the same length as them?

Wdy think?

As others have mentioned, love is not a matter of matching effort, it's not a competition, it's not a balance scale.

One writer has said, "Love is when your own complete happiness requires another person to be happy as well."

That may or may not require "equal" effort--and it's hard to determine what equal effort means.

Let's say one person loves to cook and gets personal satisfaction seeing other people enjoy her meals. She takes food to work, she feeds the rabbits and squirrels in her yard. She happily spends hours in the kitchen preparing food.

Is the extent of all she does "greater" than her husband who is personally intensely introverted but makes a point of helping her cook a few minutes a day just to be with her?

Her time in the kitchen is a lot more than his, although she's happy doing it and he's making a great psychological effort.

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

aiki said:
Love costs. Simply look at the cross to see that this is true. If you want to love God's way, you will have to let go of your fear of being used. We use God all the time. He gives us life and breath and then we turn around and sin against Him! Does God stomp us down when we do? Does He cut us off from Himself so as not to be used? Absolutely not. If He did, we'd be in very serious trouble! No, God does not make His love contingent upon our deserving His love; He gives us His love freely, He loves us extravagantly, and He loves us when what we deserve is a good swift kick in the pants! Will you love God's way? Or will you watch at every turn for those who will take advantage of you and deny them your love? If God did this with you, imagine where you'd be!

In the context of a relationship...if you had a daughter or son and they were being used or giving more into the relationship than the other person... Wouldn't you tell them to wake up ? So they wouldn't waste their life on someone that doesn't care about them?

** I'm speaking in the context of a relationship...friendship/ significant other ...fyi

Thanks for the response

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

RDKirk said:
As others have mentioned, love is not a matter of matching effort, it's not a competition, it's not a balance scale.

One writer has said, "Love is when your own complete happiness requires another person to be happy as well."

That may or may not require "equal" effort--and it's hard to determine what equal effort means.

Let's say one person loves to cook and gets personal satisfaction seeing other people enjoy her meals. She takes food to work, she feeds the rabbits and squirrels in her yard. She happily spends hours in the kitchen preparing food.

Is the extent of all she does "greater" than her husband who is personally intensely introverted but makes a point of helping her cook a few minutes a day just to be with her?

Her time in the kitchen is a lot more than his, although she's happy doing it and he's making a great psychological effort.

I'm saying what if the person does nothing at all? It's not a competition but it does let you know on some level if the other person cares about you. We show people we love them through actions

If the person isn't willing to do close to nothing and you're doing everything... You have nothing to base their love off of.

Because they aren't showing you they love you really.

Far Side Of the Moon · Jun 20, 2018

RDKirk said:
As others have mentioned, love is not a matter of matching effort, it's not a competition, it's not a balance scale.

One writer has said, "Love is when your own complete happiness requires another person to be happy as well."

That may or may not require "equal" effort--and it's hard to determine what equal effort means.

Let's say one person loves to cook and gets personal satisfaction seeing other people enjoy her meals. She takes food to work, she feeds the rabbits and squirrels in her yard. She happily spends hours in the kitchen preparing food.

Is the extent of all she does "greater" than her husband who is personally intensely introverted but makes a point of helping her cook a few minutes a day just to be with her?

Her time in the kitchen is a lot more than his, although she's happy doing it and he's making a great psychological effort.

Also love is about compromise...
Even though you are an introvert and your other is extroverted...if they want you to spend time with them doing extroverted themed things...then out of love the introverted one should comply and vice versa...if the introvert wants to spend one on one time alone with their significant other ...the extroverted one should take their feelings into account.

RDKirk · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
I'm saying what if the person does nothing at all? It's not a competition but it does let you know on some level if the other person cares about you. We show people we love them through actions

If the person isn't willing to do close to nothing and you're doing everything... You have nothing to base their love off of.

Because they aren't showing you they love you really.

First, I would disagree that "sacrifice" is the correct word.

But "does nothing at all" isn't what was said in the OP.

As I meant in the quotation I provided, a person in love will do things to make his beloved happy because his own happiness is not complete unless his beloved also has happiness.

RDKirk · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
Also love is about compromise...
Even though you are an introvert and your other is extroverted...if they want you to spend time with them doing extroverted themed things...then out of love the introverted one should comply and vice versa...if the introvert wants to spend one on one time alone with their significant other ...the extroverted one should take their feelings into account.

Again, the complete happiness of the lover depends on the beloved having happiness as well. So the extroverted lover will give his introverted beloved her "self" time.

The fact that he's done something to make her happy increases his own happiness...so it's not exactly a sacrifice.

timewerx · Jun 20, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
Is it possible to say that you love someone when you haven't given as much as they have or gone the same length as them?

1. Might be a sign of not enough maturity. Not exactly bad. Some people takes a little more time to mature. If you are certain their love is genuine, you just need to have a little more patience and understanding with them and help them grow emotionally, and in Spirit.

2. A verse in the Bible did say this:
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Does sacrifice indicate love?

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