I've decided to turn to God to figure out what's wrong with me. Where do I start?
What's wrong with you is the same fundamental thing that is wrong with everyone else. The apostle John explains:
John 3:19-20
19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.
The prophet Jeremiah puts an even finer point on things:
Jeremiah 17:9
9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
Jesus also has something to say on this head:
Matthew 15:19-20
19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
20 These are the things which defile a man...
The apostle Paul writes in this vein, too:
Romans 1:21-26
21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man--and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves,
25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions...
You are simply acting like the sinner that you are. And if you aren't transformed by God, you will die in your sins and find yourself utterly alone, cut-off from God and tormented by your own wickedness for all of eternity in Hell.
Romans 2:5-9
5 But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God,
6 who "will render to each one according to his deeds":
7 eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality;
8 but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness--indignation and wrath,
9 tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil...
2 Thessalonians 1:7-9
7 ...when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with His mighty angels,
8 in flaming fire taking vengeance on those who do not know God, and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power,
There is a way of escape from this end: Jesus Christ. He died to atone for your sin, cleanse you from its stain, and free you from its power. He didn't, of course,
have to die in atonement for your sin; he was under no obligation to provide a way of escape for you from Hell; he was well within his rights to leave you mired in the stain and grip of your sin. But, because He is incredibly loving, God sent His only Son to die an excruciating death in your place and in so doing secure for you the means of your reconciliation with Himself. The Bible explains it this way:
2 Corinthians 5:19-21
19 ...God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
20 Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God.
21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
John 1:11-12
11 He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.
12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:
1 John 4:9-10
9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
So, you've got a choice: Continue on in the darkness or come to the light. God loves you and has made a way out of the darkness - if you'll take it. How do you come out of the darkness and into the light of a relationship with God?
Confess: Agree with God that you are the terrible sinner He says you are and admit that the life you've been living apart from God has been evil.
James 4:8-10
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
1 John 1:8-9
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Believe: By faith, trust in Christ as your Saviour from your sins.
John 1:12
12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:
Romans 10:9-13
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11 For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame."
12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him.
13 For "whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved."
Repent: Turn away from a life lived in rebellion toward God and turn to a life lived centered entirely upon Him.
Acts 3:19
19 Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out...
Luke 13:3
3 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish.
How do you live a life centered upon God? Simply obey the First and Great Commandment:
Matthew 22:37-38
37 Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and great commandment.
So, why am I telling you all this? Because the only way to walk with God and be transformed by Him into a godly, Christlike person, is by taking the steps I've outlined. By doing so you will come out of the darkness in which you've been living and into the light of the kingdom of God as one of His adopted children.
2 Corinthians 6:2
2 ..."In an acceptable time I have heard you, And in the day of salvation I have helped you." Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.
