Brenda,
I've been thinking about you a lot today and it occurred to me that you may need to examine more closely the reasons why you are thinking about suicide. I know that on another thread you outlined some of the problems you were having and I was wondering whether you would be prepared to let all of us help you work your way through them. Sometimes when there are a lot of problem areas in a persons life, it seems that it's all tangled up and you just can't see a way through it all. If you share with us what's hurting you so much, perhaps we can guide you, make suggestions, give advice etc.
I'm not saying that any of us can offer you financial or physical assistance, but we can help to ease your load maybe, in your time of trouble by offering you our support. Sometimes when we feel confused, it's all we can do to get ourselves through just one more day. Most of us have been where you are at one time or another and I'm sure i'm not alone in wanting to help you through this time.
Now Brenda, I'm going to ask you something that you might not like - Are you really listening to the Lord ?. I only ask this because I know that in my times of desparation all I could hear was my own tormented voice. I expected a sign, something revolutionary, Ididn't appreciate that the Lord was quietly and patiently waiting for me to listen to him and heed his guidance. Allow yourself to listen, allow yourself to feel the love that he want's to give you right now.
I know it's hard Brenda, God knows how hard you are trying to get through this difficult time in your life. But the worst thing you could do right now is to turn your back on God, and end your life. Do you really want that to be the last thing you ever do ? Can you imagine how much He loves you?,Can you imagine the pain it would cause Him to see you bring an end to your short life in such a terrible and lonely way.
Brenda, I have some more scriptures I want you to read, but before that I want you to think about something for me.
Would you kill someone you love ? A family member or friend ?Would you kill the kid across the street or the owner of the local store ? No, I didn't think so. Think about this then Brenda, why are you thinking about killing yourself when it wouldn't even enter your head to kill someone else ? Suicide is murder against yourself just as surely as murder is the killing of someone other than yourself. Do you want to be a murderer ? Really ?
It seem's to me that the real reason that you want to end your life is because you don't think that you are worth much to either God or man. It seem's to me that you are feeling unloved, alone and misunderstood. I may be wrong, but it seem's to me that some of us at CF and also in the wider world, have stood in your shoes before you, and we survived to tell the tale so there IS hope.
Brenda, there is a way through this but will you give yourself the chance to work things out ? Aren't you worth it ? You may not think that you deserve to give yourself another chance, but your wrong. Jesus doesn't give up on us when the going get's tough and we shouldn't give up without giving Him the opportunity to help us out of our turmoil.
Now the scriptures:
Firstly I want to tell you that there are three specific references to suicide in the Bible : Saul - 1Sam 31:4, Ahithopel - 2Sam 17:23 and Judas - Matt 27:5. All of those who did commit suicide were sinful or evil or both. That isn't to say that everyone who commits suicide is evil though. They are distanced from God. Many are the reasons why but it's usually got something to do with an inability to endure the intense distress that they are suffering and a failure to see themselves enjoying a better life. They may genuinely believe that death is the only way out of their torment and pain, but this is not God's will.
The way you view suicide is dependant upon whether you think yourself saved or not, at least to some extent. Do you believe that your salvation is eternally secure ? ie:
John 13:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life".
Also, 1John 5:13 " I write this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may have everlasting life".
And Romans 8 :38-39 "For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord".
Do these scriptures allow you to take your own life - No, they do not. For while God is a God of love and will perhaps not allow a suicide to ruin the chances of salvation, you would still be committing a grave sin against God. Brenda, one day you and I will stand before the Lord and we will be held accountable for our actions, thoughts, feelings and deeds. Do you really want suicide to be amongst the other sin's on your sin list ? I know I don't.
Take care
ukok
bad stuff doesn't come from God, every good & perfect gift comes from Him, cause He's good and perfect 
