I am a christian that literally cannot stand going to church any more

FireDragon76 · Jun 3, 2018

Inkfingers said:
The FIRST great commandment being....

Our fathers in the faith taught us that the Law only accuses, it exposes our sin. In no way is it a guide for our salvation.

As a sinful human being, I am incapable of truly loving God. God, in his mercy, knows this, and sent his son to die for me, to be the religion to deal with my sins. It is finished, done. I do not need religion to have salvation, salvation is a free gift.

Saucy · Jun 3, 2018

You keep saying I'm judging someone's salvation when I haven't done that at all. I'm trying to encourage someone to have a deeper understanding of what it means to be the church. That's all. I know nothing about this person to judge his salvation. I never once said he was going to hell.

Jesus did say He would spew the lukewarm church out of His mouth. You seem way too defensive over me just suggesting, in an advice forum, that someone find a greater meaning in things. I'm sorry if you were hurt over a church before, but you're taking everything I say and dramatically twisting it to fit your need to attack me.

We can each give our own opinion for our own perspective.

Inkfingers · Jun 3, 2018

FireDragon76 said:
Our fathers in the faith taught us that the Law only accuses, it exposes our sin. In no way is it a guide for our salvation.

As a sinful human being, I am incapable of truly loving God. God, in his mercy, knows this, and sent his son to die for me, to be the religion to deal with my sins. It is finished, done. I do not need religion to have salvation, salvation is a free gift.

And we know you by your fruits.

FireDragon76 · Jun 3, 2018

Inkfingers said:
And we know you by your fruits.

I am not intimidated by your insinuations. Jesus warned us to be wary of the leaven of the pharisees.

jsimms615 · Jun 3, 2018

FireDragon76 said:
Unless going to church shatters your spirit.

I have walked out of church services because of panic attacks and discomfort. I don't get the warm fuzzies at church other people seem to think are normal.

I don't either. Going to church is an anxious experience for me. I wish that wasn't the case, but it is.

unfinishedclay · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
do you have any war-stories?

I surely do! And it's been discouraging, of course. I've heard some of the most discouraging interpretations of the God's Word right from the pulpit. And I was discouraged because I'd scream within myself, "That's NOT what His Word says...That's NOT what His Word means...That passage is out of context! What about the other Scriptures that will interpret that for us without some human commentary distracting us?..." I've seen people who were heavily seeking the Lord feel they needed to leave a church in order to remain focused on Scripture. And, as a wife trying to stay because my husband wanted us there, I'd get sad for just that reason among many because somebody has to leave in order to not lose focus on God.

North90 said:
Are all churches like this?

No. I try not to look for absolute point-by-point perfection within a church, although there are the churches at Philadelphia and Smyrna to consider, to consider as examples of what types of fellowships are aligned with Christ. I look for a church that is repentant together from leadership to congregation while placing number 1 focus on God's Word with aggressive pursuit seeking correct interpretation of It. And I look for a church that heavily pursues outreach to distribute the gospel as a group as well as together help the poor/needy in every possible way. Today, we are at that church. Been there for quite a few years now. I've been disheartened by insensitive things said and done in both leadership and fellow congregants. But in smaller settings at the church, during several activities together, and in more Bible studies/sermons (when it has to do with leadership), I find people's hearts are still maturing as mine. I have offended ALOT of people - but unintentionally.

North90 said:
Theologically what is the correct position?

Keep seeking - whether you seek another church or a cell group within the church you attend. Keep reading and studying the Bible on your own. Spend time with Christ in a private place praying with your Bible open while reading and praying and reading and praying.

North90 said:
How important is it to find a Church?

Important for many reasons. In addition to my main reason because Jesus said, "Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my Name, I'm in the midst of you" as well as His manifested Presence demonstrated among the believers throughout Acts of the Apostles, I get involved also to care for the poor and underprivileged more effectively - taking in people to feed them together, pooling resources to give together, rotating with others to take care of the needy in different ways together. (Matthew 25 supports this.)

North90 said:
I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Church is a good place to find a wife - in addition to find a wife the way Boaz found Ruth - busy, and in the New Testament context, busy for the Kingdom of God. Food pantry. Mission centers helping the poor. Outreach. Someone who goes to Bible study and then goes out to put Bible study into action because she really does love Jesus Christ. Consider if that is a true desire for you. It's what I have told my sons.

I hope this helps. You're not alone.

aiki · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

It's quite impossible to live the self-sacrificing life to which you are called as a child of God (Matthew 16:24-26) when you are determined to protect yourself from the hurts that are always inevitably sustained when you love God's way. The more you occupy your attention, the less Christ does; the more your hurts, and scars, and offenses fill your view, the less the beauty, and grace, and love of Christ does; the more the failings and foibles of those around you are your preoccupation, the less you will be "looking unto Jesus." (Hebrews 12:2-3). God has not called you to protect and comfort your Self, however, but to put Self to death. (Romans 6:6-11) And as Self dies, it is then that the life of Christ is manifested in you. When this happens, you won't be fussing over rude, cold and fake people but delighting in your Saviour and loving those unpleasant people for whom he died.

FireDragon76 · Jun 3, 2018

aiki said:
It's quite impossible to live the self-sacrificing life to which you are called as a child of God (Matthew 16:24-26) when you are determined to protect yourself from the hurts that are always inevitably sustained when you love God's way. The more you occupy your attention, the less Christ does; the more your hurts, and scars, and offenses fill your view, the less the beauty, and grace, and love of Christ does; the more the failings and foibles of those around you are your preoccupation, the less you will be "looking unto Jesus." (Hebrews 12:2-3). God has not called you to protect and comfort your Self, however, but to put Self to death. (Romans 6:6-11) And as Self dies, it is then that the life of Christ is manifested in you. When this happens, you won't be fussing over rude, cold and fake people but delighting in your Saviour and loving those unpleasant people for whom he died.

Nice ideal, but it can easily become sadomasochistic and perverse, where people hurt each other and think nothing of it because they dismiss the pain of others with religious cliches. IMO, that's what's wrong with American Christianity. We've ceased to be decent human beings and become religious robots (of course, go read The Scarlett Letter... some of us were always religious robots). Even pagans can understand how to have compassion. If Christians consider compassion optional, then I think Christianity is part of the problem, not the solution.

Devin P · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Find a smaller church. One you feel more at home in.

dqhall · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Some churches archived their sermons. One might attend watch a service online before attending.

During his Sermon on the Mount, Christ asked his followers to greet people. This could make a person less shy.
Matthew 5:44 World English Bible, Public Domain
But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don't even the tax collectors do the same? 47 If you only greet your friends, what more do you do than others? Don't even the tax collectors do the same?

The writer of Hebrews advised people to seek good fellowship.
Hebrews 10:25 King James Version, Copyright Expired
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

PaulCyp1 · Jun 3, 2018

I know what you mean about churches whose worship services seem more like a party. I know where you can find what you are looking for. You probably don't want to hear it, but the one Church Jesus Christ founded still worships with reverence and quiet joy, just as it has done for 2,000 years. Attend a Catholic Mass and you will never look back.

salt-n-light · Jun 3, 2018

Saucy said:
I spent over a decade leading the young adult ministry at my old church and was part of the leadership there and we had a guy call in for details about the church and only asked one question: do we have a church softball league. When we said we didn't, he said it wouldn't be a great fit.

Really?!? Lol! ^_^

Saucy · Jun 3, 2018

PaulCyp1 said:
I know what you mean about churches whose worship services seem more like a party. I know where you can find what you are looking for. You probably don't want to hear it, but the one Church Jesus Christ founded still worships with reverence and quiet joy, just as it has done for 2,000 years. Attend a Catholic Mass and you will never look back.

Not necessarily true. I went to two different Catholic masses that had a concert worship service that would make a protestant church proud.

Kenny'sID · Jun 3, 2018

You're sensing insincerity, so don't waste your time unless you think time can make a difference, and get out of there, and try another.

Also know, going to a church building is not mandatory, but that's not to say you shouldn't try to find one if you want, or think you should.

We live in messed up times, and honestly, as far as some churches are concerned/what they teach, one is much much better off not attending at all, if those are their only choice, and there is fast coming fewer good choices. God is aware that some churches are a mere placebo to make people feel they are headed in the right direction, but all said and done there is little good about them, or the path they are leading people down.

Thedictator · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

You may want to go to a smaller church one about 100 to 150 people. Also go to one that is not charismatic and Pentecostal to see if you like that better.

Jesus' Girl · Jun 3, 2018

Churches suck..well people do..trauma has stayed with me..been to so many I’m done.

zb1995 · Jun 3, 2018

I've dealt with a lot of the same issues you have in trying to find a church that's right for me, amidst all the "church politics" that come with it. One thing I've come to terms with and often have to remind myself, is that everyone involved in any church, from the kid sitting next to his mom to the senior pastor, is just as broken and subject to a fallen world as everyone else is. While fellowship amongst other Christians in something like a church setting is definitely good and encouraged (1 Thessalonians 5:1), don't forget that what you're there to worship is a perfect God, not the attitudes, politics, and squabbles of the humans with you there.

gideon123 · Jun 3, 2018

OP ... I offer two helpful and positive suggestions.

1. Read the Bible each day. On days when you have stress or difficulties, try reading the Psalms. But most importantly, set aside a small time of quiet and tranquility, when you can simply read and pray.

2. Find a small group that meets each week, and you feel the people are sincere in their faith. You do not need to go to a church. Many prayer groups meet regularly in peoples' houses. It is tremendously important that you are part of a community of faith ... people who can pray with you, and pray for you.

If you do just these two things, your faith will begin growing.

I see so many people who "bounce" onto this Forum. And it is clearly obvious that they are living isolated lives, with isolated faith. They keep saying .. I am so alone, I am so worried, I think that God is not listening.to me But it is always ... "I,", "I", "I".

God never intended this. Your faith is about "We".

Blessings!!

GraceBro · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Many people have been hurt and disillusioned by the church. Without going into a long-winded answer, I will just offer this; start a Bible study. Find one or two other people and make time to go through the scriptures together. I would not make it any more than a 3-person group. Any larger then that and you run the risk of having two conversations going on at once. The Bible doesn't command Christians to go to church. It says, " And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25)." We can meet together anywhere including a church. If you have the desire to be around like-minded believers, then trust God can find you other believers that want to meet together with you. If not, just study on your own. Remember, the Lord is indwelling you and "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them (Matthew 18:20).” You and Him make two. Be encouraged and encourage others.

Jude1:3Contendforthefaith · Jun 3, 2018

North90 said:
I am wrestling with quite a few issues in my life.

To start with I was raised as a Christian (culturally) with out ever really going to Church at all in my life. Remarkably despite being raised like this and despite a rebelious phase in my teenage years I have always had a faith, and at times I have felt Gods presence as he has guided me out of bad choices and away from harm.

This faith has grown stronger over the years, I have been drawn to read the bible and study it on my own from start to finish. From my bible studies I realised how little I really know and I was scared that in God's eyes I would be seen as a lukewarm Christian.

I also started to feel very alone in the world as it is now not really being able to relate with non-christian work colleagues. They couldn't understand why I don't drink, why I am not womanising (not sure I could if I wanted to as I am terribly shy) and don't swear at all.

So I decided to go to Church; for someone so shy this was a big deal. Always I have thought that maybe the issue is me that I should try harder to talk to people and maybe I would find that people aren't so bad at all and that my fears are unfounded, generally I am ok with people when the ice is broken.

Unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I thought it would. The church I went to was a very large modern Pentecostal church with a lot of young people. At any service there can be nearly 1000 people. The services are very loud with a modern type of music worship band at the front and dimmed lights. You have people welcoming you at the door (although I wonder how sincere it is as once they asked 'How are you?' and I answered 'Not bad, what about you?' and they just stared as if they were just going through the motions and didn't actually expect to have to engage in conversation.) There was a welcoming service for newcomers that I went to and not one person talked to me I was just one anonymous person on the edge of cliquey groups.

You sit down and are encouraged by the Pastor to greet the person sat next to you (give them a high five or something). I can't argue against that. However it can be very painful experience as there have been a few times that the person next to me has flat out ignored me, so you are always anxiously thinking 'Is the person next to me OK or are they just rude?'.

Again as a shy person I am way out of my comfort zone but I have tried. At the end of the service I usually try and engage the person next to me in conversation. Unfortunately I seem to get either a) Complete rudeness and shut down - with no effort at all to be friendly and reciprocate they just give a few short answers and run off to their clique. b) They run off without saying anything at all (in a rush to leave services?) c) Success, some small conversation but then they leave to join their clique.

At the end of services, you seem to get 40% disapearing quickly with the rest lingering in cliquey groups with very little interaction between groups. It also seems very split with men not talking to girls and vice versa which I think is very odd.

You can go up to talk to someone you have seen before and the person they are with that you haven't met before will not introduce themselves, instead they rudely disapear.

Annoyingly there always seems to be loud background music that can make it difficult to actually hear the other person speak.

The loudness of the services also makes me feel absolutely drained afterwards.

Also theologically I have issues with some of the teachings. It seems too wordly, some of it crosses over ever so slightly into prosperity teaching. If I would describe it would be 'Christianity-Lite' with a little bit of motivational pop-psychology. It doesn't challenge, it doesn't tackle difficult subjects; no mention of sin (as to why we need a saviour), Revelations is never discussed. I have read the whole bible and realise how little I know and what to know more but they barely scratch the surface.

Having said that; I have perservered for 2 years and actually made about 3 decent friends out of the 1000 or so congregation. However it has been a very painful 2 years (it feels more lonely and cliquey than school ever was) and for the last 6 months I haven't been to church and the fact is apart from the 3 friends I have made, not one person has even noticed. In that time I have felt so emotionally drained but I have continued to pray and read the bible.

I want to go to Church but I feel so scarred from my first experience of Church that I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go back to that one or find a new one. Never before in my life have I met so many people with so much rudeness, coldness and fakeness.

The above is a rant but also a cry for help/advice, do you have any war-stories? Are all churches like this? Theologically what is the correct position? How important is it to find a Church? I want God to know that I am not a luke warm christian that I am on his side. I am getting old and so if I do indeed want to get married I should be involved in a Church as that gives me the best chance of meeting someone with the same values as me, but it is soo painful.

Welcome to the club OP.

Except in my case I can’t seem to find A Church that doesn’t have a deceiving Freemason pretending to be a Christian in the Leadership Roles or as “the pastor”.

I am a christian that literally cannot stand going to church any more

Well-Known Member

King of CF

Somebody's heretic

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Member

Regular Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

King of CF

Well-Known Member

Retired Coach, Now Missionary to the World

❤️❤️❤️

New Member

Humble Servant of God

Eternally Forgiven, Alive, and Secure.

Well-Known Member

Similar threads