- Mar 28, 2018
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- Divorced
I stopped trusting Jesus. Why? because it was a bad choice, the worst choice I ever made.
33 now, I made the choice to follow Jesus when I was 15, and I have done so with passion. But my passion is dead, I cannot wait any longer for God to do what he said...break the power of sin in my life. I did everything I was supposed to do, but god did not. I cannot even say god with a capital G anymore, I refuse to.
I doubt Gods love, and since the age of 15 I have tried my best to seek him in every decision I made, and here I am, don't even know what the holy spirit leading is, and I swear to god, I fast often for that main purpose - to be more sensitive to the leading and guiding of the holy spirit...all to no avail.
My life has no true purpose. They say you find your purpose in Jesus, well, that a lie, because this jesus has not given me any purpose. All the things I wanted to do for him, I no longer want to do, because I am still bound by sin in every way imaginable. I do not know what else to do, and I have tried everything inside the bible, and some things outside of the bible. That's how I know that trusting the bible to be real and following jesus were the worse things I ever did. Because jesus of the bible was a deliverer, but to this day, I have found no deliverance from that man.
I openly confessed him and trusted him, and now I am rejecting the thought of him. They say the closer you get to him, the more like him you will become, well, I do not want to be close to god anymore. When I tried to get close, and I did try, but I only hated life more and found less joy a meaningfulness in life. It's sad too because I have a wife and children who I preach Christ to adamantly (not like a preacher), and try to lead in a goldy example. But it's just not working. So I'm done trying.
I just needed to vent.
In this life we all die and that is why we know its void, if you are looking for happiness on this earth then you need to reevaluate life in general.
Everything on this earth dies or stops at some point, even family, children, wife's and money, power or position and even the idea of happiness.
So why hold on to things that end or die? its pointless
The only thing true in this life is God and Jesus as they are eternal and forever and do not die or rust or break.
Also if you give up in Jesus now you give up in your right to eternity in heaven.
Why do that? Why would you choose to give up heaven for ever for this life that breaks and is corrupt and ends? that makes no sense at all.
Jesus does love you, but he also knows breaking you down to your lowest point will some day bring him closer to you.
And this is the idea, to bring us close to him so we will be loved by him.
Giving up in Jesus is like saying I love this dead end life so much I'm giving up on eternity in heaven.
Think about it
in heaven
No Pain
eternal love
great purposes
always being needed
always felling wanted
never being hungry
never being poor
never being homeless
always having a real family who wants the best for you
I can go on for hours here
But you need to understand one thing
If you give up now, you give up eternity in heaven.
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