Does God provide for our emotional needs?

pinkjess · May 11, 2018

I have really been struggling with intense, painful feelings of isolation and loneliness in my heart a lot this year. I am 24 years old and feel like I cannot have or develop good relationships with the people in my life and so I end up feeling really alone. I do sometimes get into sweet places with God where He makes me feel whole inside and I can forget about the lonely feelings but, I have been getting triggered more than usual now that He has been opening up some things inside of me that need to be addressed.

I have my small immediate family with my dad, brother, sister and her family, but I still feel like I can't connect with them or feel "heard" by them the way I'd like--but then again I think maybe I put too much expectation on them? My brother and I are very close, and he probably knows me more than anyone ever will--and I'm thankful. But he is moving soon and I will not be around him as much. And I see my sister and her family almost everyday and I go to their house to babysit her kids and eat dinner but that's pretty much all I do over there, I just play with her toddler and eat and go home it seems. I feel like I never get to really talk to my sister or have any heart-to-heart conversations about what is bothering me. I refrain from trying because my sister has her hands full and has health issues and I don't want to bother her. So I am left with not many people around.

I really wish I had a boyfriend. I have tried to overcome the desire by telling myself God is all I need and pray asking Him to take the desire away but something always happens that makes it come back. I get into mental ruts where it is all I can think about, and I start looking at my life and wondering if I will ever get to experience a relationship with a man or if God wants me to be single. I think the latter is true, and there are periods in my life where I can say I am content with it, but seeing almost everyone around me have somebody in their life, I can't help but be jealous and wish I had my own. I know that is sinful and pathetic, but I can't snap out of it. I think when I get older it will slowly fade once the fascination dies down and everyone starts getting older and more unattractive.

I just want to feel validated and wanted. I want to feel heard and understood. I want to feel secure and comforted. I want someone to talk to me and let me get all of my feelings out and just hold me and tell me it is okay. I want that more than anything. I feel a deep, aching need to be heard. I suppose I can get this through the Lord but I have been struggling to believe He really wants to be around me after all the sin I have done in recent weeks. I still feel guilty, and it makes me want to hide away from Him. I just want Him to wrap me up and let me cry on Him.

Gosh, I don't know what is going on inside of me. But it is making me feel depressed and it is scaring me.

These things I feel I am dying for, can God provide them for me?

rockytopva · May 11, 2018

If E = mc2 then we can divide and conclude that...

Mass (m) = Energy (E/c2)

And there are three varieties...

Natural E/c2 - All mass is basically cooled plasma
Mental E/c2 - Mentally, A mathematical formula, but this has chemical and spiritual properties as well.
Spiritual E/c2 - E (motivation, warmth, love) / c2 (faith, hope, charity, joy)

Comparing the light and the darkness, the opposite of E/c2 would be z (absolute zero)/ c (darkness)...

Natural z/d - Nothing, empty space.
Mental z/d - Again nothing but empty space.
Spiritual z/d - z (laziness, coldness, hatred / d (fear, despair, greed, sorrow)

So... Three levels

Spiritual E/c2 - E (motivation, warmth, love) / c2 (faith, hope, charity, joy)
The Flesh - The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (ego)
Spiritual z/d - z (laziness, coldness, hatred / d (fear, despair, greed, sorrow)

To find the correct Spiritual light and energies one must seek it in the Holy Spirit...

Southernscotty · May 11, 2018

Hi Pinkjess, yes He can provide this if it is His will. His time table is different than ours and sometimes it is just plain hard to understand.
I have felt like you times, like I needed someone as well, But when we are weak, Then we are actually strong. I find comfort in reading God's Word and helping others and I hope you have a hobby or something that will take your mind off of the depression? I am praying for you Sister.

tdidymas · May 11, 2018

pinkjess said:
I have really been struggling with intense, painful feelings of isolation and loneliness in my heart a lot this year. I am 24 years old and feel like I cannot have or develop good relationships with the people in my life and so I end up feeling really alone. I do sometimes get into sweet places with God where He makes me feel whole inside and I can forget about the lonely feelings but, I have been getting triggered more than usual now that He has been opening up some things inside of me that need to be addressed.

I have my small immediate family with my dad, brother, sister and her family, but I still feel like I can't connect with them or feel "heard" by them the way I'd like--but then again I think maybe I put too much expectation on them? My brother and I are very close, and he probably knows me more than anyone ever will--and I'm thankful. But he is moving soon and I will not be around him as much. And I see my sister and her family almost everyday and I go to their house to babysit her kids and eat dinner but that's pretty much all I do over there, I just play with her toddler and eat and go home it seems. I feel like I never get to really talk to my sister or have any heart-to-heart conversations about what is bothering me. I refrain from trying because my sister has her hands full and has health issues and I don't want to bother her. So I am left with not many people around.

I really wish I had a boyfriend. I have tried to overcome the desire by telling myself God is all I need and pray asking Him to take the desire away but something always happens that makes it come back. I get into mental ruts where it is all I can think about, and I start looking at my life and wondering if I will ever get to experience a relationship with a man or if God wants me to be single. I think the latter is true, and there are periods in my life where I can say I am content with it, but seeing almost everyone around me have somebody in their life, I can't help but be jealous and wish I had my own. I know that is sinful and pathetic, but I can't snap out of it. I think when I get older it will slowly fade once the fascination dies down and everyone starts getting older and more unattractive.

I just want to feel validated and wanted. I want to feel heard and understood. I want to feel secure and comforted. I want someone to talk to me and let me get all of my feelings out and just hold me and tell me it is okay. I want that more than anything. I feel a deep, aching need to be heard. I suppose I can get this through the Lord but I have been struggling to believe He really wants to be around me after all the sin I have done in recent weeks. I still feel guilty, and it makes me want to hide away from Him. I just want Him to wrap me up and let me cry on Him.

Gosh, I don't know what is going on inside of me. But it is making me feel depressed and it is scaring me.

These things I feel I am dying for, can God provide them for me?

May God bless your aching heart. He is a healer.

I'm reminded of what is written in 1 Peter: "As newborn babes (in Christ), long for the pure milk of the Word, that you may grow thereby." The more you grow in your faith and in your knowledge of God, the less your desires will bear on you.

I just want to feel validated and wanted. I want to feel heard and understood. I want to feel secure and comforted. I want someone to talk to me and let me get all of my feelings out and just hold me and tell me it is okay.

We all want this. We all need fellowship with other people (Christians). I spent most of my life isolated and alone, and had to seek relationship with God to satisfy that need. God met me where I was and I had many breakthroughs, so that now I get satisfaction from Him, and am able to be with others for their benefit.

What I would not like to see is if you jump into a bad relationship just to get your wants met. People don't get into bad relationships because they want to be in bad relationships. They get into them because they are focused on their own needs, and if those needs are being met to some extent, they cannot discern the bad influences of the other person.

The point is, wait on the Lord. Read the Bible. Ask the Spirit to guide you. Look into the possibility of developing relationships through a small home group. Possibly seek to have some of those needs met in a learning and confession group like Celebrate Recovery (Celebrate Recovery Homepage). It doesn't hurt to try. Get an education about yourself and why you feel like you do, and how faith can help you overcome those powerful feelings that could lead you down the wrong path.
TD

Greg J. · May 12, 2018

@pinkjess, I experience what you describe, and have for decades. My family is about the same size as yours, and I also don't feel very connected to anyone. You may have more success with the Lord by seeking him for what he wants to give you. The solution to loneliness is love in your heart, although perceiving the love others have for you helps.

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, (Matthew 24:12, 1984 NIV)

This prophecy of Jesus was fulfilled, is still being fulfilled, and will continue to be fulfilled until the end of all things. In other words, we are all affected by it. The Lord has given us people and mechanisms to connect to them to avoid loneliness and aloneness. We need to take advantage of those ourselves in addition to asking the Lord to grant them to us without us doing much.

One path is to have more of God in your experiences of life. In an oversimplified sense, it means loving others. More specifically, it mean sacrificing what we want to give other people what they need. The Lord is always present in these kinds of acts.

I can understand the seeming impossibility of finding friends, since I have the effects of Social Anxiety Disorder in my personality as well as a hearing loss that prevents me from casually speaking to anyone except in dead quiet places (which don't exist in social environments in America).

In order to connect to other people, it is normally necessary to start by just being friendly and distant to others, since rushed closeness scares people. Then you can get into chatting about the weather and how their week was, etc. Then, most importantly, you need to start talking about how your week was. Include the joys and mild problems you had to deal with—not the serious ones at first. That is what it takes to both share yourself on a more intimate level as well make it easier for them to share themselves in the same way. This state of acquaintanceship can normally last a long time (years) before going deeper (if ever). However, if you work toward this point with as many people as possible, you will find people that like you, and eventually you can meet outside of the context you normally see them in (i.e., get together for lunch). It is in this state that a friendship can be nurtured and deepened and will be satisfying.

It normally requires that you deal with people without commenting on what or how they should do things, or even trying to help, but just accepting them as they are and being a good listener. Respect them for their capability to deal with their problems on their own:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3, 1984 NIV) (Also take the surrounding verses to heart.)

I think most (but not all) women have elements of all this built in, and many (but not all) men need to consciously go through this process step-by-step, because individual life victories have such strength (cf. mens' egos). Men would do well to raise the priority in their lives of simply enjoying being with their friends without competing. Paul wrote of being too self-focused:

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12, 1984 NIV)

Having a boyfriend as a solution is the result of both our natural instincts combined with our culture's programming. While containing true elements, at its core it is a lie. What we really need is God and the love of God in our hearts. An indicator that we are ready for spouses is when we no longer see a spouse a solution to any of our problems, including loneliness (which a form of objectification).

------

@rockytopva, I've seen this post so many times that I don't see it any more. I never understood it, but I do understand that aspects of physics, and presumably I understand the concept you are trying to convey. It starts with math instead of addressing the person, and has become an uncaring and impersonal "form letter" response to me at this point. I'm not trying to be mean, but wanted to give you feedback in case you haven't been getting any on this response. (Perhaps it is helping people and I haven't noticed.)

pinkjess · May 12, 2018

Greg J. said:
@pinkjess, I experience what you describe, and have for decades. My family is about the same size as yours, and I also don't feel very connected to anyone. You may have more success with the Lord by seeking him for what he wants to give you. The solution to loneliness is love in your heart, although perceiving the love others have for you helps.

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, (Matthew 24:12, 1984 NIV)

This prophecy of Jesus was fulfilled, is still being fulfilled, and will continue to be fulfilled until the end of all things. In other words, we are all affected by it. The Lord has given us people and mechanisms to connect to them to avoid loneliness and aloneness. We need to take advantage of those ourselves in addition to asking the Lord to grant them to us without us doing much.

One path is to have more of God in your experiences of life. In an oversimplified sense, it means loving others. More specifically, it mean sacrificing what we want to give other people what they need. The Lord is always present in these kinds of acts.

I can understand the seeming impossibility of finding friends, since I have the effects of Social Anxiety Disorder in my personality as well as a hearing loss that prevents me from casually speaking to anyone except in dead quiet places (which don't exist in social environments in America).

In order to connect to other people, it is normally necessary to start by just being friendly and distant to others, since rushed closeness scares people. Then you can get into chatting about the weather and how their week was, etc. Then, most importantly, you need to start talking about how your week was. Include the joys and mild problems you had to deal with—not the serious ones at first. That is what it takes to both share yourself on a more intimate level as well make it easier for them to share themselves in the same way. This state of acquaintanceship can normally last a long time (years) before going deeper (if ever). However, if you work toward this point with as many people as possible, you will find people that like you, and eventually you can meet outside of the context you normally see them in (i.e., get together for lunch). It is in this state that a friendship can be nurtured and deepened and will be satisfying.

It normally requires that you deal with people without commenting on what or how they should do things, or even trying to help, but just accepting them as they are and being a good listener. Respect them for their capability to deal with their problems on their own:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3, 1984 NIV) (Also take the surrounding verses to heart.)

I think most (but not all) women have elements of all this built in, and many (but not all) men need to consciously go through this process step-by-step, because individual life victories have such strength (cf. mens' egos). Men would do well to raise the priority in their lives of simply enjoying being with their friends without competing. Paul wrote of being too self-focused:

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12, 1984 NIV)

Having a boyfriend as a solution is the result of both our natural instincts combined with our culture's programming. While containing true elements, at its core it is a lie. What we really need is God and the love of God in our hearts. An indicator that we are ready for spouses is when we no longer see a spouse a solution to any of our problems, including loneliness (which a form of objectification).

------

@rockytopva, I've seen this post so many times that I don't see it any more. I never understood it, but I do understand that aspects of physics, and presumably I understand the concept you are trying to convey. It starts with math instead of addressing the person, and has become an uncaring and impersonal "form letter" response to me at this point. I'm not trying to be mean, but wanted to give you feedback in case you haven't been getting any on this response. (Perhaps it is helping people and I haven't noticed.)

this is very helpful..thank you so much

Far Side Of the Moon · May 12, 2018

Hello pink Jess...I think what you don't want to do is rely on a man or anyone to make you happy...reason being is that when that source of happiness is being threaten to be taken away from you...it can make you go a little crazy or make you do things you never thought you'd do just to not be lonely. And you'll be wondering...." Whi is this person? "

I've been there. And you don't want to be that person.

With that said your desires are more than normal ...nothing wrong ... But I would say just enjoy being single...work on your self and work on being whole and more importantly let God bring you that guy ...and even more important than that... Ask God to give you discernment and strength...

Because any guy can sweet talk you... You want to make sure you're with the right guy...

Same goes for friends... I kinda found out one I thought I had was a bit of a user. Had to let that go.

I think being alone for a while is better than being tied up in drama ...going through those ups and downs will leave you more broken than anything and you'll be back at square one... You and God..but God will be good enough to patch you back up.

However this is only if you rush it.

Just wait on God's timing and just enjoy yourself and know yourself...people think you can't have a good time alone...that's not true.. as I do. I go to the movies and out to eat by myself and it doesn't bother me the way it used to.

But again I'm not saying don't meet anyone or anything..just saying..when you rush it..you can run into the wrong people... Just have your eyes open and discernment turned up to 100 is all.

pinkjess · May 12, 2018

Far Side Of the Moon said:
Hello pink Jess...I think what you don't want to do is rely on a man or anyone to make you happy...reason being is that when that source of happiness is being threaten to be taken away from you...it can make you go a little crazy or make you do things you never thought you'd do just to not be lonely. And you'll be wondering...." Whi is this person? "

I've been there. And you don't want to be that person.

With that said your desires are more than normal ...nothing wrong ... But I would say just enjoy being single...work on your self and work on being whole and more importantly let God bring you that guy ...and even more important than that... Ask God to give you discernment and strength...

Because any guy can sweet talk you... You want to make sure you're with the right guy...

Same goes for friends... I kinda found out one I thought I had was a bit of a user. Had to let that go.

I think being alone for a while is better than being tied up in drama ...going through those ups and downs will leave you more broken than anything and you'll be back at square one... You and God..but God will be good enough to patch you back up.

However this is only if you rush it.

Just wait on God's timing and just enjoy yourself and know yourself...people think you can't have a good time alone...that's not true.. as I do. I go to the movies and out to eat by myself and it doesn't bother me the way it used to.

But again I'm not saying don't meet anyone or anything..just saying..when you rush it..you can run into the wrong people... Just have your eyes open and discernment turned up to 100 is all.

Thank you! Yes, this makes total sense and I agree. I want God to be #1 in my life.

Search

Search

Does God provide for our emotional needs?

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound

More options

rockytopva

Love to pray! :)

More options

Southernscotty

Well-Known Member

More options

tdidymas

Newbie

More options

Greg J.

Well-Known Member

More options

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound

More options

Far Side Of the Moon

" The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

More options

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound

More options

Similar threads