Anxiety over girl, job,faith

Desclaimer: I've never been in a relationship and I tend to be quite harsh about these things, but I'll try my best to help you based on the things i've read and watched from people around.

Get things straight with her. Approach her and ask directly about the mixed signals. These are usually not a good sign. It seemed to me that she may be playing with you...but maybe she just did not realize you still likes her.

About fighting for her/letting her go, ask yourself whether she is the one person you would love and cherish for the rest of your life. Because this is what relationship leads to (if I understood well, you aren't dating just for fun, but for the marriage, right?). You know her, her flaws, the reason you broke up etc. Examine those things rationaly and decide whether or not she could be your future wife. Also, this is definitely a thing, you should discuss with God. Look for His will and put the girl and this relationship into His hands. If you'll feel helpless about it, surrender it to Him and leave the solving to Him. He will take care of it. If it's His will, he will help both of you to get back together. God will not bless the relationship He is not involved in and I guess you would not want the one without God supporting it.

On scrupulosity, I encourage you to speak freely to confessor about your doubts etc. He studied that and should be able to tell you something that would help. Idk how you prepare for confession but I (as fellow scrupulant) always write my sins down to not forget what I wanted to say.

About the doubt you mentioned, I experience this a lot too. The thing that helped me is sth I learned through the long and difficult process. I have my own way of prepating for the confession, so I would/could not doubt myself for forgeting sth. I tell every doubtful sin I have, for I found the confessor who is helpful in this area (thanks the Lord). Then if the irational doubt (ex. What if I forgot..., What if I didn't..., What if ...) comes after the confession, I tell myself sth like: "I confessed everything I could at that particular moment. God knows I'm not all-knowing and that I did my best. He knows it, loves me and is giving me His peace. I am His and this irational doubt will not get between us." Even thou, I usually give up to doubts and stop going to the Communion "just in case." Anyway, this way of thinking saved me through this Easter, so I could celebrate it fully and (relatively) peacefully. But these things, especialy in scrupulosity are sth you have to "mature to." I'm not saying this way of thinking will definitely help you...just sharing so you would know some way of coping with it. There are many anxieties and doubts that can come even with these thoughts above (I've been there, they are even worse). Sins are extremely individual and we need to get it clarified by the wise confessor. It is hard, we need to surrender ourself FULLY to God and above all, be completly honest to the confessor and tell him about the issue...because our own conscious is sometimes unable to differtiate between the sin and not sin.

Have a blessed day

PS: This question is out of context, really sorry if it bothers you. Have you heared about MBTI typology? If you did the test, what is your type? (I notice that some types are more prone to scrupulosity than others, so I'm interested.) Thank you

Ok, I'm assuming you're in your late teens/20s? Is it safe to say to? Sorry to assume.
But as far as the first problem, these are pretty normal reactions that many young people go through in reactions with the opposite sex. An uncertain relationship. Mixed feelings. Feeling like you could've done more, or feeling like you didn't give a fair enough chance to the other person.
But usually when there's travel involved in a relationship, I personally feel like it should be put on hold, and titles be removed for a certain time. But since you were getting mixed signals, and she didn't show that much interest towards the end, then perhaps you did the right thing in ending it. You're still young and you have plenty of time to find a girl who will feel more fitting and where there's less stress and anxiety involved. Trust me.
The second problem also sounds pretty typical in a work setting. Feeling like one's bosses are requesting too much from an employee or asking for things that might seem unfair. Like why is he asking this of me and not of other employees? There are many things why a boss might do that. Like thinking your time is more expandable than other employees. What I would suggest here is, in a nice but firm and not low tone, tell how uncomfortable you are at the requested task. Maybe make an idea of different people switching doing this task from time to time in the office. But always be polite, firm, not afraid to address it and look them in the eye. At first this could be hard, but you'll eventually learn how to deal with bosses. And each boss is different and you'll discover the sweet spot of one boss over the other. They are not all alike. But they appreciate these values I told you about.
As far as confession, I haven't gone to confession since I was a kid I think. So i'm going to leave this one to someone else.
Hope you'll be successful and also, run what I told you by an older, family member and seem if they are all good ideas.

Scrupulosity can be a long-term struggle. Some get rid of it after few weeks, some struggle for years. I guess (in a long-term run) it is about finding way to live with it, to have as rich spiritual life as possible and to not let it weaken our relationship with God. From what I see, the most important things are prayer, gratefullness, abandonment to God and trusting Him. Educate yourself about the issue. I found that the ways to handle OCD may be also helpful with scrupulosity (like mindfulness).

About the girl...(please keep in mind that I'm kinda harsh and too radional in this area) emotions are sometimes hard to handle (sigh). You asked her, she knows that you still like her, you've the best you could. If she would like you she would go out with you. Maybe she had some problem, idk... so if you want you can keep yourself at reach (idk how to say it in english)...like not too close, but close enough so if she would change her mind or need help etc. she could contact you and explain what's happening. But honestly, I'm more for the idea of stay-away-from-her.

And thank you for the mbti type .

I had similar issue with a book by Santa. Couldn't find it anywhere in my country (searching online), then found it in tiny library in my uni (it was like a miracle). Guess these books are hard to find. There are also some books scaned in Google Books (not full, usually a few pages or chapters, but better than nothing) about this topic.

Also have to mention reading about saints who experienced scrupulosity (like St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Alphonsus Liguori). Think they even whote sth about it. Btw Liguori is a founder of redemptorists and I guess they may care about scrupulous people and know how to help them (they publish a bulletin etc. so...) Also St. Therese of Lisieux had scrupulosity for some time and I heared that her "little way" is helpful with this issue. Idk whether you've heared about these stuff, so just in case

Moises said:

But as far as the first problem, these are pretty normal reactions that many young people go through in reactions with the opposite sex. An uncertain relationship. Mixed feelings. Feeling like you could've done more, or feeling like you didn't give a fair enough chance to the other person.
But usually when there's travel involved in a relationship, I personally feel like it should be put on hold, and titles be removed for a certain time. But since you were getting mixed signals, and she didn't show that much interest towards the end, then perhaps you did the right thing in ending it. You're still young and you have plenty of time to find a girl who will feel more fitting and where there's less stress and anxiety involved. Trust me.

Click to expand...

I'm not good in this after-break-up issues. My inner cyborg speaking: emotions suck. People miss each other after break-ups and it is a natural reaction. But like...mind should be the one in the charge, because emotions are temporary ... Agree with Moises's post. Hope someone more experienced (and less harsh) will join . It would probably help if you'd have someone supportive who you could talk to about it.

I'm an INFP (maybe ISTJ, not sure yet). Generaly any type can have scrupulosity, but in unhealthy state I think your type is prone to some kind of ocd (including scrupulosity).

The book you mention is her autobiography. I read that too once. There are also interesting articles and speeches (on youtube) about the little way.

The situation with the photo and the call...very interesting. I understand you are confused. (I am also, haha.) It seems like God may want you to be around and to not loose contact. From my point of view it seems possible that she doesn't want to lose you completely, but also doesn't feel like getting back into relationship. Maybe she is also hurt in some way by the break-up so (distant) friendship seems as a right option for now. The prayer you mentioned in your post sounds very well to me, like...keep praying this way. Leave enough space for God so He can work on this. Also try to keep your thoughts as objective as possible. Be careful and don't make yourself believe in things that are not real. Idk whether this would be your case or not, but I see this a lot in people and myself so... Like with the thing she asked...only she knows her real intention. But tbh other people (like your sister) could probably help you more because they know you both and can give you better insights.

My type is quite prone to it (and doubtfulness generaly). Unhealthy state? (I'll try to explain it as simply as possible) In mbti there are 8 so called cognitive functions, every type has 4 of them arranged in exact order and they are supposed to "work together". Unhealthy state is when some of them is excluded or is undeveloped etc. Then it manifests in damaging behaviour towards self or others. For example I have times when I doubt everything, dwell on negative past experiences, overanalyze them etc. (and this is one of manifestation of unhealthy infp). It is kinda deep complex thing of mbti. I don't know much about other types but you can do a research if you want.

For your relationship I have to admit that I don't feel competent to give you advises anymore, because I've never been in such a situation (or even in a relationship). I realized that everything I say is theoretical, but without an experience. Therefore anything I say may be unreliable. But do not be agressive towards her, agression solves nothing. Probably starting thread in section about relationships would be more helpful. I really hope you will find peace in this issue. Gonna pray about that.

I googled it, haha. Write things like: "isfj mbti", and "unhealthy" or "grip, loop" (which are names of specific unhealthy situations). There are articles about it. Also studying cognitive functions of your type, because when you understand them you can guess how they work and influence each other. Helpful blogs: Funky MBTI in Fiction
Type Theory