Who said anything about people willing themselves to believe?
Jesus said to his disciples "come to me ......", Matthew 11:28 - he invites us.
Romans says that "the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus." Gifts are given and need to be received.
We can come to Jesus, choose to go to a church and hear the Gospel, or whatever. It is the Spirit who witnesses to us that the word we hear is correct and quickens our spirits so that we may believe - we still have the choice whether to say "yes" to God. Some may not, immediately.
Some may be too scared of what their friends/family will say - like the man who said he would follow Jesus but wanted to say goodbye to his family first, Luke 9:61.
Some may believe and happily receive Jesus but not get good teaching afterwards, so that when things go wrong, they lose faith and believe God doesn't love them any more - Jesus warned people about starting to follow him then giving up because the cost was too high, and said that only a few would find the narrow way.
Some may want to say "yes" to Jesus, but find that other things are more appealing, or important - like the rich young ruler who was told to give up everything he had.
All of these people are described also in the parable of the sower. It's about how people hear and receive the word; not that God sits in heaven saying "you will believe, but I've chosen you to go to hell."
?? We believe because God COMMANDS us to believe?
There IS something good in man - we are made by, and in the image of, a loving, compassionate, merciful God, how can there be NO good in us? This is one of the problems non Christians may have. They see people who do an enormous amount of good, and may do a lot of good themselves; found/work for charities, give to the poor/homeless etc and believe that these good deeds ALONE are enough to atone for their sin, without coming to Christ. But they aren't - we can do all the good we like, but will never be able to save ourselves.
God has power, sovereignty and authority over everything - that doesn't mean he controls and micro manages us. He can choose, and gave us that gift and ability also.
That sounds like a judgement to me.
You keep quoting Romans 9 - you realise that this chapter, as well as 10 and 11, are about the Jews, whether or not they are still God's chosen, whether people need to stop being Jews or what point there was in being one at all? Paul is addressing a certain issue here; maybe answering a question he had been asked.
Sounds like another judgment - some Christians don't understand a certain Scripture so they "explain it away".
I gave you many Scriptures about the nature and character of God, and you simply ignored them - or is that somehow ok?
Another judgement.
You seem utterly convinced that your own interpretation of Scripture - or at least, one chapter of one book - is correct, and are condemning those who disagree with you as elevating themselves above God.
Make sure you're not doing the same.