Sex in Marriage

Lily_pad_96 said:

Perhaps, i think this is even bigger of a challenge for him and i. I am not one to force religion or spirituality on a other....however he may warmup to it in time.

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If he’s not religious, starting off with a misinterpretation of a passage that you believe means he has to want sex when you want it and “put out” may not be the greatest way to start.

The sad thing about it is the whole inappropriate content situation.... It's as if that takes priority...

I thank God for His help in overcoming this problem and that I never got to deep down the rabbit hole to be captured by this problem which plagues many marriages.

In my humble opinion I believe that two things need to take place.

1st a reexamination of your own personal salvation (to actually know if you've truly repented and come to saving faith in Jesus Christ - not recited some meaningless sinners prayer) A true act of repentance means turning completely away from one's old life... putting to death the old nature and taking on His new nature, no longer a slave to sin but a servant of the Most High

2nd you need to reexamine your relationship. Now though your married, he may profess to be in the faith but from what your sharing, he isn't found in the faith. Engaging in willful sins is being in rebellion against God.

Hi. Its a tough one. If your hubby was full on Christian we could encourage him to fulfill his marital role when ever you needed it. It is unusual for a man to have such lack of sexual desire .. for me 3-4 days and Im practically dragging my wife to bed! If he has no desire, its not anything on your part, you dont need to dress up etc to arouse him because he will knocking at your do for sexual relief. I wonder if he is masturbating? apart from that the lack of sexual desire is deeper rooted and maybe needs good councelling to help him know about how the past ie his childhood has effected his drive now. From a spiritual point of view, I encourage you to pray everyday and trust in God that somehow some way He will sort this problem out, faith in his goodness. Ideally if he is not religious ( i guess may be not truly saved ) then pray for real salvation for that will change his whole heart mind and attitude towards you and be a new man for you. I admit i have not practical experience of this problem so my advise will not be so effective as those who have been through it.

songz777 said:

for me 3-4 days and Im practically dragging my wife to bed!

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Really?? Not even when it was 3-4 months.... or over a year ...

Dave-W said:

Really?? Not even when it was 3-4 months.... or over a year ...

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The Lord has given me a high sex drive that fortunately matches my wife! I am very active .. lots of running and I am told it helps testosterone levels well it does for me anyway. We are all different though.

songz777 said:

he Lord has given me a high sex drive

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Me too.

songz777 said:

that fortunately matches my wife!

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I heard less that 2 months after we were wed: I love you but I wish sex would just go away.

She turned her drive off completely and expected me to do the same.

Lily_pad_96 said:

Correct

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He needs to stop playing with himself so when things get worked up -- there you are.

I'm thinking that masturbation is a sin although some will not agree.

M-Bob

God intended sex to be a spiritual relationship. Daniel 4:32 states that heaven rules over all the affairs of earth. So until we address the spiritual cause of a problem, we will never fix the physical effect of a problem. Many Christians immediately leave the Kingdom of God and go to the world (tree of knowledge of good and evil) that leaves God out intentionally. When you do that you immediately disconnect yourself from the power of the Cross of Christ. Now you are on your own.

1 Corinthians 7:5 says let married couples cease their sexual activity in order to fast and pray for the Lord's mercy and forgiveness. Whatever need or burden a married couple may be facing, it is appropriate for them abstain from sex by agreement for a time in prayer. So that you will see a miracle...Yes, God can and will work miracles.

Apply the Cross of Christ to the problem and receive GRACE.

iLove said:

1 Corinthians 7:5 says let married couples cease their sexual activity in order to fast and pray for the Lord's mercy and forgiveness.

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You are a bit out of context there.

5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.

The allowance for a brief time of abstinence is a concession. It also has to be by mutual consent - both husband and wife must be in agreement. And it is to be BRIEF. How brief? Paul was mentored by Gamaliel the Great, grandson of Rabbi Hillel. Hillel and his contemporary Shammai discussed that very issue and Hillel said it was for a maximum of 1 week while Shammai said 2 weeks. (tractate Ketubot 5.6)

BTW - there is nothing in the text about "mercy and forgiveness."

Dave-W said:

Me too.

I heard less that 2 months after we were wed: I love you but I wish sex would just go away.

She turned her drive off completely and expected me to do the same.

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That must have been so extremely harsh! I do feel for you. My great uncle married a woman and they never had sex at all because she was afraid to get pregnant as her mother died in labour. My wife & I talked about our sexual desires and needs in marriage and how regular etc so we both knew if we were suited to each other.

Lily_pad_96 said:

The sex is great when it happens i would like it to be more then 3 times a month.

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That sounds like quite a lot to me!

Sex has no right or wrong amount per month. It just depends on each person and how the couple can figure out a way to meet in the middle. I've always had a high drive and sex every day would be great to me. But after about 2 years into marriage it slowed down to a like once a week if that. Which is fine with me now. Life keeps us busy enough that sex is not the end all anymore. Now if it were like sex once a month, I'd probably get frustrated.

As for depriving someone of sex. If one cannot have sex often or at all due to medical reasons, thats one thing. But if its being held back for any other reason then that shouldn't happen. And often couples forget sex just doesn't always mean body part A in body part B. There are many ways to have sex if one person is maybe bored with normal sex.

And as for MB, I don't think its a sin UNLESS someone is preferring MB over having sex. Unless a spouse agrees to let you MB, you shouldn't. Like during a monthly visitor my wife doesn't mind if I release (not that she can't help of course).

I'll be praying for your marriage - and particularly this facet of it. I'll be straight up though - he needs to cut out the inappropriate content and walk away from it. I say that not in judgement of you, but as someone who has struggled with inappropriate content for years. As others have pointed out, he's showing some of the side effects.

I pray that your husband will be won to Christ, and that your sex life will be fun, pleasurable, and pleasing to the Lord

Lily_pad_96 said:

I dont know what to do anymore about the lack of sex in my marriage. I have voiced my concearn and need but when I ask or try to seduce him its always no or maybe tonorrow...when my husband asks me when i was not in the mood i would still put out, and always was happy to. I feel hurt that i am not treated the same. What should i do? I am religious and trying to tell him this is not right. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent..."

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I have not read any or all updates, and I hope that things have improved for you both. There is definitely a right way for a wife to gently bring her concerns and needs up to her husband, and I would advise talking with him, including pointing out that the godly thing to do is share physical intimacy with you, as the Bible instructs. But it needs to be gentle. You can let him know you are unhappy about the situation, and that it hurts you, just don't continually guilt him.

A breach of intimacy like this could be from a variety of things, including stress or unfaithfulness. Either way, I tend to believe that many things start to fall into place when we are living fully in Christ, so I must also strongly recommend prayer, and regular home liturgy and doing Christian service for others. If possible, do SOME of those things together. Start communing with God together (and perhaps you already do) and living out your faith fully together. Often, various barriers crumble without our even trying once we are doing those things.

I hope that helps at all. God bless you.

Tom Sawyer said:

I have not read any or all updates, and I hope that things have improved for you both.

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It is helpful when dealing with threads on specific scenarios with individuals to read the updates. Especially if the person is willing to share back and forth we clarify what is going on.

Unfortunately he is not at this time a Christian, nor does he have any religious interest. She was encouraged to foster that as much as possible.

He is also diverting his sexual drive to inappropriate content.