I'm a sick person with mental syndromes and i have always wished to convert to orthodoxy since 2014. i suffer rage disorder with bipolar mood syndromes with severe social phobia. there is only one small mission parish in my country. i used to look for advice online for something but was unsuccessful back then.
two years back i somehow with the grace of god managed to go to the parish and be baptized one winter and even managed to be on speaking terms and friends with the priests there and even some of the little girls from the orphanage. now ours is a very relaxed parish and as very few people and priests are there there is almost no rule for confession in any orderly manner as our confesser priest is quite old. i used to get upset about whether i should receive communion or not sometimes and the bishop when he once visited gave me his blessing to forgo confession altogether. now today i was unable to fast out of severe hunger from medication (i have not as of yet asked for dispensation from fast) and also had burden of sin on my head, but i told myself that i needed communion which i had not received 5 months being out of town, and imagined how ashamed those who sinned must have felt being in presence of Jesus when he was alive and as he even let sinful doubting thomas touch him and implored believe do not disbelieve, that my audacity would also be forgiven keeping account for my hunger for christs healing sacrament. So for things like these i have found talking to my priest less helpful given my anxiety and social phobia and often cant bring myself around to do it, but be that as it may i was hoping i could find a staretz or geronda online or or priest that i could maybe talk to over email just for simple guidance or even to gain some droplets of wisdom to help with my life and i would be glad if anyone points me to someone. I have no real friends and i would like to be able to be in a meaningful relationship with a holy elder. Because of my disease i often cant go out, i have never worked a single day in my life am only schooled up to junior high and at 27 years of age am still passing away time searching on the internet for ways to spend free time.. I cannot explain how bad that makes me feel. I know this is a rotten thing to ask being im talking as someone no one is familiar with but i beg if anyone can help.
two years back i somehow with the grace of god managed to go to the parish and be baptized one winter and even managed to be on speaking terms and friends with the priests there and even some of the little girls from the orphanage. now ours is a very relaxed parish and as very few people and priests are there there is almost no rule for confession in any orderly manner as our confesser priest is quite old. i used to get upset about whether i should receive communion or not sometimes and the bishop when he once visited gave me his blessing to forgo confession altogether. now today i was unable to fast out of severe hunger from medication (i have not as of yet asked for dispensation from fast) and also had burden of sin on my head, but i told myself that i needed communion which i had not received 5 months being out of town, and imagined how ashamed those who sinned must have felt being in presence of Jesus when he was alive and as he even let sinful doubting thomas touch him and implored believe do not disbelieve, that my audacity would also be forgiven keeping account for my hunger for christs healing sacrament. So for things like these i have found talking to my priest less helpful given my anxiety and social phobia and often cant bring myself around to do it, but be that as it may i was hoping i could find a staretz or geronda online or or priest that i could maybe talk to over email just for simple guidance or even to gain some droplets of wisdom to help with my life and i would be glad if anyone points me to someone. I have no real friends and i would like to be able to be in a meaningful relationship with a holy elder. Because of my disease i often cant go out, i have never worked a single day in my life am only schooled up to junior high and at 27 years of age am still passing away time searching on the internet for ways to spend free time.. I cannot explain how bad that makes me feel. I know this is a rotten thing to ask being im talking as someone no one is familiar with but i beg if anyone can help.
