I want to be saved, but I feel like my sins are too great.

SnowTiger

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Hope I have not loaded you up too much. :)

Take a look at David's prayer to a psalm here:

Bible Gateway passage: Psalm 51 - New King James Version

Background. David was King of Israel. His armies were out on campaign (fighting Moab). He decided to stay behind in Jerusalem instead and committed adultery with one of his soldiers wife. Long story short the woman Bathsheba gets pregnant and it's David's kid. David has his head general send Bathsheba's husband Uriah go into battle and ensure his death.

So that psalm of David was when the prophet Nathan confronts him with the sins of adultery and conspiracy to murder Uriah.

What is the story of David and Bathsheba?

Thank you for all of the reading!

I'll try to read it all.
 
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davp

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.


It is the truth that sets you free! For a start when the demon says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."
Satan and his angels are thrown in the lake of fire at judgement, there is no salvation for them. If their was any hope for them they would be being kind to Gods image! So you beat yourself up and feel unsaved. It is actually harder to save the self righteous than sinners- Luke 18:
9And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: 10Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.13And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. 14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. -Also-
Matt 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
When all start out as evil dogs that do detestable unspeakable things, it is a good sign to be ashamed! Worry when you don't. Keep battling those voices with Gods word, they will loose their foothold over you as you fill yourself with the truth of Gods word, which is the spirit of Christ! Stay away from lunatic Christians quick to lay hands on you, They will make you as crazy as what they are, with their maddening wine! Luke 8:35 Then they went out to see what was done; and came to Jesus, and found the man, out of whom the devils were departed, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.- see when you are healed by the truth you will sit down in your right mind! This is a good test for yourself and others also! Remember, get as make truth as possible, that will conquer all the lies and distortions and the enemy will eventually not be able to get a foot hold! If like me you will eventually be voice free, but not only that you will be able to discern the evil spirits in others. So patience, perseverance and read, read, read and pray, pray, and pray! Let God teach you, don't rely on others you have but one teacher- Matt 23: 8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. Will pray for you buddy.
 
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SnowTiger

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It is the truth that sets you free! For a start when the demon says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."
Satan and his angels are thrown in the lake of fire at judgement, there is no salvation for them. If their was any hope for them they would be being kind to Gods image! So you beat yourself up and feel unsaved. It is actually harder to save the self righteous than sinners- Luke 18:
9And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: 10Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.13And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. 14I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. -Also-
Matt 5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
When all start out as evil dogs that do detestable unspeakable things, it is a good sign to be ashamed! Worry when you don't. Keep battling those voices with Gods word, they will loose their foothold over you as you fill yourself with the truth of Gods word, which is the spirit of Christ! Stay away from lunatic Christians quick to lay hands on you, They will make you as crazy as what they are, with their maddening wine! Luke 8:35 Then they went out to see what was done; and came to Jesus, and found the man, out of whom the devils were departed, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.- see when you are healed by the truth you will sit down in your right mind! This is a good test for yourself and others also! Remember, get as make truth as possible, that will conquer all the lies and distortions and the enemy will eventually not be able to get a foot hold! If like me you will eventually be voice free, but not only that you will be able to discern the evil spirits in others. So patience, perseverance and read, read, read and pray, pray, and pray! Let God teach you, don't rely on others you have but one teacher- Matt 23: 8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. Will pray for you buddy.

Thank you! God bless you.

So you heard voices too? I'm trying not to believe my voices.
 
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GoldenKingGaze

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
Scriptures says God is looking throughout the Earth for someone in whom He can show Himself mighty. As long as there is breath there is hope. And in the Gospel Jesus is near a man with a shameful issue, a withered arm/hand, and he is rightly bold in the address of Jesus to put forward not his best but his worst, and he was made well!

God looks for our weakness and likes to so strengthen it, that it becomes our strength and the former strength, still well, becomes the weakness.

On the cross Jesus' sacred, precious and powerful blood was prepared by Jesus being so cursed that all mankind's sin from Adam to the last man on Earth, when the sun becomes a giant... was in Him 2 Corinthians 5:21, and He overcame it and said, "It is finished". Jesus' blood has the power to efface and clean away your sin, so you should have no fear, be justified and experience a clear conscience. No guilt, like you are just born.

You want to confess to Him, stop your sins and bad habits, which can take days, and kneel and stand and pray and seek His presence, open your heart and receive the blood. If possible at home alone, just with prayer support. Or at church with the laying on of hands with time for ministry into Jesus' sacred blood, not doubting but trusting. Until you know you are clean and justified...
 
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SnowTiger

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Scriptures says God is looking throughout the Earth for someone in whom He can show Himself mighty. As long as there is breath there is hope. And in the Gospel Jesus is near a man with a shameful issue, a withered arm/hand, and he is rightly bold in the address of Jesus to put forward not his best but his worst, and he was made well!

God looks for our weakness and likes to so strengthen it, that it becomes our strength and the former strength, still well, becomes the weakness.

On the cross Jesus' sacred, precious and powerful blood was prepared by Jesus being so cursed that all mankind's sin from Adam to the last man on Earth, when the sun becomes a giant... was in Him 2 Corinthians 5:21, and He overcame it and said, "It is finished". Jesus' blood has the power to efface and clean away your sin, so you should have no fear, be justified and experience a clear conscience. No guilt, like you are just born.

You want to confess to Him, stop your sins and bad habits, which can take days, and kneel and stand and pray and seek His presence, open your heart and receive the blood. If possible at home alone, just with prayer support. Or at church with the laying on of hands with time for ministry into Jesus' sacred blood, not doubting but trusting. Until you know you are clean and justified...

I've been feeling better tonight due to all these responses. I still hear voices, but I'm trying not to let them get me down. Thank you! Amen!
 
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davp

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Thank you! God bless you.

So you heard voices too? I'm trying not to believe my voices.


They were more in the guise of my own thoughts, sometimes even blasphemous, thinking like you I must of blown my salvation because of the sins and thoughts I had as a young christian. In fact I think I did more evil as a young christian than I did as a non-believer. But now after all these years of being a christian God has used me wonderfully, where I would see the enemies schemes, when no others were able to see it! Suffered many tribulations too, but that has helped change me to more of a person Gods wants me to be. Rejoice my friend God has a place for you.
 
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GoldenKingGaze

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I've been feeling better tonight due to all these responses. I still hear voices, but I'm trying not to let them get me down. Thank you! Amen!
Feeling better is good. Better still to know from deep in your heart that Jesus' sacred blood is there. Paul the apostle described a thorn in his side that God would not remove. "A messenger of Satan." It can spurn you on to your true assurance of salvation. I think King David said, "It is good I have been afflicted, or I would not have turned and committed to you." Some Hebrews would have been calling for Jesus death before Pilate unless they had known healing from Jesus. And if healing takes years, you become on track with Jesus, or a quick healing and you feel better and live your own life for yourself again.

Go for your full true assurance of salvation so you know where you will go, if you die tonight.

You begin in faith and grace, unmerited favour, and His presence, you must not end in the law, or think there is anything that needs come before Jesus, admiring Him. Jesus, the perfect cousin, compatible and excellent.
 
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mmutsakama

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
There is hope for you
 
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Jonathan Leo

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
The voices are demonic, not schizophrenia.
Rebuke them in Jesus name. Agree with them when they say your not good enough to go to heaven. Walk in faith to how God wants us to live, and cling to Jesus
 
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JacksBratt

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
Once we have been forgiven by our Lord and Savior... it is finished.....

The only reason we are hounded by our past, forgiven, repented from sins is one and only one thing..


THE ENEMY.... He brings them up, puts them in our mind and tells us that we were TOO BAD to be forgiven.

He also does this with things that other people have done against us and we have forgiven them for..
He brings them up, puts them in our mind and tells us that it was too big of a dept, we should not let them away with it, and the people need to PAY, for what they did to us.

Satan likes to keep these feelings of guilt and vengeance brewing in our mind. They sour our mood, corrupt our mind, depress us and take us from the freedom of forgiveness and salvation.
 
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dqhall

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
I did substance abuse when I was 18-22. When I was 22, I hallucinated and had "voices" in my brain. I went to AA. I decided I had to read the Bible over and over. A voice from heaven kept telling me I must never smoke another cigarette as long as I live. I obeyed the voice and stopped smoking. I stopped drinking alcohol. I concluded drugs were illegal, a waste of money and a waste of time. I was confused by Old Testament laws that were too judgemental and called for bloody sacrifice of animals. I became destitute and malnourished. A voice tempted me that I would never be forgiven. I figured I should try to prove the voice wrong. Eventually I got my strength back and worked 60 hours a week. When I was in my late 20's I took night courses in HVAC. I did apartment maintenance and was fixing heat pumps, gas furnaces and AC units along with plumbing, appliances, carpentry etc. Eventually I became more familiar with the Bible, mainly the New Testament. In my 30's I took computer courses. I studied Biblical archaeology in university libraries before the Internet was widely known. I have toured Israel. Had time to study the stock market and profited during good years. I am free from hallucinations. I like the Gospel of John and continued to reread the Bible lest I forget. It is good to help the homeless.
 
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DW1980

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you - and I will be praying for you.

I hope this helps (and please, don't think I intend to simplify what must be an awful experience for you).

The voice claims God is pleased he is doing this to you. This is destroying you, right? What did Jesus say? "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

To the religious leaders (not his followers, and that means NOT to you!) he said, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44)

So, what does the Bible say about you if you trust Jesus for forgiveness?

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1)

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.” (Ephesians 1:13-14)

“When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19 NLT)

:)
 
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Mountainmanbob

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It's not about me being good that caused me to be saved, it's all a work of Christ.

Paul of the Bible claimed to be the chief among sinners. Actually, I think that exact same thing regarding myself. Maybe all Christians should think like that?

M-Bob
 
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Neostarwcc

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.


There isn't a single sin that you can commit (Aside from the sin of unbelief) that you cannot be forgiven for. Before I came to Christ, I was not a good person. While I won't share every single sin that I've ever committed I've had some pretty serious sins. I never killed a person but I've come close. One time, I got so angry with my sister that I shot at her with a bow and arrow. She blocked the arrow with her bedroom door and if she didn't block it, she could have died. I used to chase my sister with baseball bats because she wouldn't play with me and didn't want anything to do with me. I was jealous. I was horrible. I was cruel. God has forgiven me for that and would have forgiven me even if I killed her. I've threatened to kill people. I got so angry at my teacher that I threatened and wanted to kill her. I was suspended from school on the spot but God has forgiven me for that.

I've never been in prison or jail but I've come close so many times. I only haven't been locked up because my parents prevented that from happening and when I reached an age that they couldn't help me anymore I started to straighten out a little bit. God has forgiven me for that. I've stolen before many times. I stole money from my mother, I've stolen money from a friend, I've stolen from a store (I was only a child at the time so the store never pressed charges). God has forgiven me.

Trust me when I say that there isn't a single sin that you can possibly commit that God will not forgive you for. He will forgive you if you raped a child or adult, he forgives murderers, people who steal, drunkards, adulterers...etc. There's no such thing as sinning "too much".


While this hateful world might not forgive you as it has not forgiven me, God will. God loves you and loves all of his creations. If you come to Christ you will be forgiven. Don't believe the lie that you cannot be forgiven. It is not too late while you are still alive. Come to Christ now before it is too late.
 
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marineimaging

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Is there any advice people can give about letting go of the past? I had a really terrible year a long time ago, but I still feel really bad about it. I feel unforgivable. I feel like I'm a nice person, but I really screwed up. If it wasn't for this one year I think I would be okay.

After that year is when I started hearing voices in my head. That is when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. One of the voices I hear in my head constantly reminds me of my sins and says I'm going to hell. He says "you're just bad enough." He implies that I'm not as bad as some people, but I'm bad enough for hell.

I can never shake this voice. I've tried several medications and I found one that helps but I still hear this voice all day long. It's just not as bad and I can sleep. If I don't take the medication I can't sleep at all. The voice is unrelenting and insists that I'm going to hell. So all day long I feel like I'm going to hell. I try to do good deeds. I give money to the poor every time I have the chance. I also volunteer at a Christian homeless shelter. The voice in my head just laughs at me. He says I'm "bribing God" whenever I give to the poor.

The voice in my head is constantly making deals and bets. It says "if you do this you'll get some kind of disease." I don't want to go into the details but he is constantly attacking me with illnesses and other things that I'm afraid of.

I wish I could toss this demon out, but he just laughs at my attempts. He says "God is paying me for doing what I do to you." He says "God is giving me my wings back for what I do to you."

So, I really don't know what to do. I want to be on God's good side. I want to be a good person. I want to follow Jesus and go to heaven. It just feels kind of impossible.
 
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Call me Nic

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Just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved (Acts 16:31). The grace of God is his free gift to us as the Gospel of Jesus Christ; it has nothing to do with our merits in any regard. Your sins do not compare to the power of the mighty God and his love shown us through Jesus Christ; believe in your heart to attain the righteousness of Christ, and confess it by mouth unto salvation (Romans 10:9), and you're saved no matter what. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust in the Lord and his promises.
 
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