Thinking of Divorcing my Wife

What DO you mean by fornication? If it's she slept with someone else before she married you, it's a bit late now to put her away. But if you mean she is engaged in sexual relations outside marriage which are against nature, but aren't adultery because the co-respondent isn't another man, then you have grounds for divorce and marriage to someone else.

LucyFlora said:

“God did not send his Son into the world to judge the world guilty, but to save the world through him. People who believe in God’s Son are not judged guilty. Those who do not believe have already been judged guilty, because they have not believed in God’s one and only Son.” (John 3:17, 18, NCV)



If they didn't accept Jesus then they are in hell.

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Do you guys read the Old Testament at all? Do you know who David is? It is good to memorize scriptures, but you also have to read the Bible like a book. David was the 2nd king after Saul; the one God chose. David wrote many of the Psalms. David was the one God said was a man after his own heart. God chose the line of of David for the Messiah. Jesus was called the son of David. David also made his share of mistakes.

Abraham was the one God made a promise to. Abraham is the one God called a friend. Jacob is Israel. When they say the nation of Israel, they are referring to his offspring. God mad a nation out of the children of Israel.

My point is not to undermine what Jesus said. It is remind people that greater people than us that God used were not flawless. As a follower of Christ, we should not be making decisions based on a fear of going to Hell, but rather, based on striving to become more like Jesus in our ways.

We have to be careful not to become so automatic in our responses that we cannot hear people. This generation needs more than canned responses. We can do that, but it won't reach people.

Me thinks everyone answering to this thread just got put on "ignore"

Meaning?

akaDaScribe said:

Meaning?

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Haven't heard from the OP in a while and he tends to put people on ignore that he doesn't agree with.

ahhh XD

akaDaScribe said:

Do you guys read the Old Testament at all? Do you know who David is? It is good to memorize scriptures, but you also have to read the Bible like a book. David was the 2nd king after Saul; the one God chose. David wrote many of the Psalms. David was the one God said was a man after his own heart. God chose the line of of David for the Messiah. Jesus was called the son of David. David also made his share of mistakes.

Abraham was the one God made a promise to. Abraham is the one God called a friend. Jacob is Israel. When they say the nation of Israel, they are referring to his offspring. God mad a nation out of the children of Israel.

My point is not to undermine what Jesus said. It is remind people that greater people than us that God used were not flawless. As a follower of Christ, we should not be making decisions based on a fear of going to Hell, but rather, based on striving to become more like Jesus in our ways.

We have to be careful not to become so automatic in our responses that we cannot hear people. This generation needs more than canned responses. We can do that, but it won't reach people.

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He's only thinking of divorcing her, not sending her to hell!

PeterDona said:

Praise God ! I love to meet other people who have digested what scripture says. But there is even one further step to take, which is the understanding of what it means that a marriage is a covenant and a one-flesh relation. But you ask me to go further on what I believe, and you ask me to be practical. So I will do. My answers hang on the understanding of covenant and on the understanding of one flesh. Those 2 understandings underlie the whole teaching of the Bible.

Sex does not create a one-flesh union. The spoken solemn vow will make God act and make you one flesh till death. She was never "one flesh" with another man even though she committed sin by having sex before marriage. Only if she has a previous marriage which was a covenant marriage, then she is actually still bound by that marriage and should not even be with OP.

If OP leaves his wife and she goes and marries another man, then that 2nd marriage is invalid in the eyes of God, and it is not a case of dissolving another marriage but a case of getting out of adultery. Children do not make a marriage. Time does not sanction a marriage. And very importantly, difference in religion is not able to break a marriage. The marriage law instituted in Genesis 1 and 2 is for all humans regardless of faith.


An adulterer is someone who forgets the companion of her youth and the covenant made before God (proverbs 2:16-17). So, even though she forgets her covenant it is still there.

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Glad to meet you too! I appreciate your views on the topic.

Lets see if we can agree on one more thing: these are actually pretty tricky questions to get exactly right!
I see you have it all figured out in your head, but try to find biblical proof that sex does not create one-flesh union. You can't! In fact, I would argue the opposite though there aren't many verses about it either (try Exodus 22:16).
Genesis, where marriage is first introduced, never mentions vows, red carpets or church bells, and yet they seemed to be able to become one flesh just fine. Even in the new testament the focus is on God being the witness: "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9). Clearly this is not putting much weight on vows or other rituals that men perform. In particular, it does not say "what man has joined", or "keep your promise".

This same idea is also in Malachi 2:14: "the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth". Again, implying that even if no human being even knows about it, GOD is witness. It could also have said that she and her family are witness / crying out about this injustice. Instead, it says Jahve is witness!

David Pawson has studied the topic of marriage and divorce and he laments the lack of instruction in John 4:18:
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
Jesus unfortunately never says which of her five husbands she is to return to, but does imply that she has had five. Of course, under Moses' law you are allowed to get divorced and remarried, but you are absolutely forbidden to come back to your previous husband after becoming someone else's wife:

Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord (Deuteronomy 24:3-4)

So here the plot thickens: you claim she should automatically return to the first husband (the other marriages being invalid), but on the other hand the law of Moses forbids returning to the first, in the strictest terms, even if the new husband is dead! Remember that there are two kinds of abominations in the law: abominations to you and abominations to God. The latter is more serious.

This is the point where I would personally just throw my hands in the air, put on the righteousness of Jesus, and say I can't fix this mess.
To summarize, I can't agree with your claim that "causes her to commit adultery" results in a continuous neverending sin and can't be forgiven. Forsaking your wife is sin, but Jesus died for that sin as well. Similarly a murdered can be forgiven by God, even though the victim is still dead. I rest my case, and continue to urge OP to stay with this woman and die to your flesh. Its sweeet in the end.

nanookadenord said:

Here in Florida it only takes one party to sign papers. She didn't need me to sign anything, however, I did so because if I didn't there would have repercussions in regards to my visitation with my kids.

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And this is why a state marriage is not the same as a biblical marriage: a biblical marriage allows both parties to come to an agreement on divorce and marriage, and it does not interfere with the rights of parents to their children. While I don't know the exact wording on marriages for state laws: I do understand that you don't have the sane problems inn s biblical marriage that you would a state marriage.
I do understand how you feel on the visitation rights for your children. And even though a state law says something fits not mean you have no influence over your wife to change her mind but, that's history now. I pray that your current marriage is well and your kids are well too brother.

dreadnought said:

My understanding is that if your wife is guilty of unchastity, you are free to divorce her (Matt 19:9).

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Very much so but it’s also a chance to show forgiveness.
If she was a none believer I would be out of there but if a Christian who for whatever reason made her do it, I would try work it out.

Woman tend to cheat due to a wanting to feel loved.
They are created with more of a loving heart than men. Men are created with more of a respecting heart. Men tend to cheat because of dis respect
Ask any man would he prefer to be love or respected in life and you will find most men prefer to be respected. We would rather live alone than be disrespected.

A woman would substitute respect for love. If a woman loves her man, dis respecting her will not make her stop loving her man. Even if she leaves due to the dis respect, she will always love him in heart.

Woman can’t help but love
Men can’t help show respect

Cheating has seriously hurt this mans respect for his woman. His dis respect towards her now will not motivate her love for him. This is a vicious cycle and unless it’s talked about, forgiven, or separated, it will not be an easy time in his marriage.

I’m not condoning what she did @DreamerOfTheHeart
But maybe you haven’t been loving her the way you should. Your wife ( believer or not ) desires to be loved and respected. There is a reason why she cheated unless of course she is a wild card to which I say get rid of her and good ridden.
You married this girl and she married you. Marriage takes work and will break down if not tended to or cared for daily.
My prayers are with you @DreamerOfTheHeart

I pray.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE people watch what you say.

Go talk to someone.. BOTH of you.. this is NOT the place for this. For you have NO CLUE just who is giving you answer. That will have to answer to a GOD if they give the wrong one.. pray for them .. help them..

DreamerOfTheHeart said:

Fornication was involved, and she does not appear to be a believer.

I have stayed with her all these years, effectively with a positive mindset, but now, I have to realize: she is not saved and is very worldly. Whereas for me, I am hardly worldly at all, with one foot in the world, and one foot in Heaven.

This said, I plan to find somebody first, as a friend, to see if they are heavenly. As I do not want to repeat the same mistakes.

I have a lot of heavenly work to do, and so, I need to be with someone who accepts and believes in the Heavenly over the world.

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Dreamer, be not surprised if your wife enters heaven before you. That being said, Yes, true the ONLY Ground for divorce is adultery. However, it seems that you have forgiven your wife of the fortification / adultery, because you have, through your own words stated: "I have stayed with her all these years". And marrying a non believer is not grounds for divorce.

It seems by your own words above, that you are already trying to find another while yet married and this of itself is wrong, because again you are still married. You are not as perfect as you think, then again, no one is.

CosmicOsmo said:

Glad to meet you too! I appreciate your views on the topic.

Lets see if we can agree on one more thing: these are actually pretty tricky questions to get exactly right!
I see you have it all figured out in your head, but try to find biblical proof that sex does not create one-flesh union. You can't! In fact, I would argue the opposite though there aren't many verses about it either (try Exodus 22:16).

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God bless you brother. You have even taken the time to read David Pawsons book. I usually recommend that book and then this website: www.marriagedivorce.com and www.cadz.net .
The passage in Exodus 22:16-17 does not say that he IS married to her, but that he SURELY SHALL marry her, but still leaves her father the option to reject him. I have had this passage very close to me since I fell into fornication with a virgin who however rejected to marry me. Now she is betrothed to another man, so I guess it is game over there.

CosmicOsmo said:

Genesis, where marriage is first introduced, never mentions vows, red carpets or church bells, and yet they seemed to be able to become one flesh just fine. Even in the new testament the focus is on God being the witness: "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:9). Clearly this is not putting much weight on vows or other rituals that men perform. In particular, it does not say "what man has joined", or "keep your promise".

This same idea is also in Malachi 2:14: "the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth". Again, implying that even if no human being even knows about it, GOD is witness. It could also have said that she and her family are witness / crying out about this injustice. Instead, it says Jahve is witness!

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Well - if you look at the central passage in Matthew 19:3-12, Jesus in the discussion goes straight back to the "main rule", which is Genesis 2:23-24 (and Genesis 1:26-27). Here the first marriage in the world is instituted when Adam SPEAKS and not when they HAVE SEX. And so there we have the foundation that it is when vows are SPOKEN and not when the marriage is "comsummated" (an invention of Luther I believe). So the idea that Jesus gives of Genesis 2:23-24 is that after Adam spoke, God spoke the "therefore ..." and made them one flesh.

CosmicOsmo said:

David Pawson has studied the topic of marriage and divorce and he laments the lack of instruction in John 4:18:
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
Jesus unfortunately never says which of her five husbands she is to return to, but does imply that she has had five.

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The passage of John 4 is, as David Pawson notes, a very unclear passage because it does not give an answer what Jesus told her to do. So clearly that was not the point of the passage. However we can infer that Jesus pointed her to her sin which was (1) have not stuck to one husband (2) the present (husband) is not your (covenant) husband. Now the words in parenthesis are my additions, because I believe that there is a pattern in the words of NT, where when the words "his wife" ("the wife of him") is used, they refer to the covenant wife. But that is my opinion, not official doctrine. The concept of covenant wife is seen clearly in Malachi 2, where it is clear that the covenant wife is the wife of youth, and that there is only one covenant.

CosmicOsmo said:

Of course, under Moses' law you are allowed to get divorced and remarried, but you are absolutely forbidden to come back to your previous husband after becoming someone else's wife:

Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord (Deuteronomy 24:3-4)

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Most people have a wrong take of this passage. Firsrt off the passage does not address the general principle of divorce, but only divorce in a spedific setting, namely where the husband has found "a command of uncleanness" (erwat dabar) in her. That probably refers to the commandments of uncleanness in Leviticus 18. Example if he has found out that she is a blood relative. And the point is that she is "defiled" when the first husband divorces her for the reason of "defilement" (the hebrew word can also mean "declare defiled" - "after that she is declared defiled"), rather than when the 2nd husband marries her. So the point of the passage is, that the first husband has the option to declare the marriage illegitimate, but if he does so then he can not take her back. So he can not abuse scripture to send her away and then take her back when she has become more wealthy.